I have another question for you today, brother. One of the men in our porn addiction recovery program which is called Porn Reboot intensive group asked:
“J.K., how do I deal with family dynamics? Most of my family is not where they want to be, or as “successful” as they want to be. How do I deal with the thought that it’s just a matter of time for me now?”
Family & Friends
Family is a challenge for every person in the world. They bring up very strong emotions, both good and bad. Your family has a lot to do with your success or failure in various aspects of your life, including your porn addiction counseling. This can be difficult to hear because I know a lot of men are very attached to and intertwined with their families.
The beliefs that I picked up from my family held me back for years in so many areas. My personal life, career, financial well-being, physical fitness, social aptitude, and more all struggled under the weight of the beliefs my family instilled in me.
One of the things that held me back most was that I always wanted to remain relatable and likable to family members and some close friends. I worried that if I lost those two things, my family and friends would treat me like an outcast. I carried a lot of shame and guilt for my true feelings instead of rejecting these self-imposed constraints and barriers.
What You Wanted
I was afraid to verbalize what I wanted. I feared pursuing the type of body I wanted, the type of woman I wanted, the type of social life I wanted. I was scared to determine where I wanted to live, how I wanted to live, the amount of money I wanted to make, and more. I was afraid to step outside the boundaries my family created for themselves and demand more from my life.
If you’re surrounded by family members who have established the same way of thinking in you, you may want to take a step back. If those family members have not arrived where they want to be, you’re not obligated to follow that same mold. You have the power to determine the changes you want to make to get where you want to go.
There are so many thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and ideas that families pass down from generation to generation. More often than not people aren’t even aware of the things they transmit to their children. You may even be doing it with your own children. Once you develop that awareness, though, it’s your responsibility to take charge of your life and make the necessary changes.
Your family and friends may push back. People who are comfortable and set in their ways often feel threatened when someone close to them decides they’ve had enough. They don’t want to honestly assess and take responsibility for their lives. They’ll project their fear and insecurity onto you and try to drag you down instead.
You have to keep pushing forward, brother. Forget family dynamics. You can want more from your life and reject the family mold while still loving them for who they are. You are not obligated to fall into the same traps they chose to fall into. You are responsible for building the life you want to live. You are the only one who can save yourself.
And who knows; you may even inspire a family member or two to step up and make changes, too.