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What Is Awareness While Quitting Porn?

What Is Awareness While Quitting Porn?

Everything you do in the Porn Reboot system exists to bring you closer to awareness. Whether it’s morning reboot time, building an exercise routine, practicing meditation, or checking in with an accountability partner, all of it is aimed at helping you develop awareness.

Awareness is one of my favorite topics to discuss. It’s a crucial tool for every person but it’s especially necessary for men recovering from out-of-control behavior with porn addiction problems, sex, and masturbation. Men who struggle with these behaviors are not incapable of controlling them; they’re simply unaware of how much control they truly have.

You’re unaware of the things that motivate you, the pain you experience, the source of your stress, and the impact of your limiting beliefs. You have every faculty necessary to recognize them but you’re not aware of how to access them. Teaching you to develop that awareness is the main part of what the Porn Reboot system does.

What is Awareness?

Awareness is the knowledge or understanding that something is happening. Self-awareness includes the ability to think about your thoughts, emotions, or feelings; to determine whether your behaviors align with your standards; to recognize why you take some actions and avoid others.

There are two main types of awareness. Public self-awareness involves understanding and focusing on how you appear to others. Private self-awareness refers to reflecting on your internal states. Both of these forms of awareness are crucial for being successful in eliminating your Porn Addiction Problems.

Why is Awareness Important?

Developing self-awareness is important because it gives you insight into your beliefs and values so you can determine whether your choices and habits are aligned with them. This knowledge empowers you to see where changes need to be made and to make informed choices. It gives you a direction to go so you can make progress and be successful.

The Benefits of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness involves so many positive benefits that it’s hard to think of reasons why you shouldn’t pursue it. Developing self-awareness not only keeps you in the present moment but it bolsters your emotional intelligence. It deepens your sense of empathy. It improves your listening skills and removes you from your head.

Self-awareness not only improves your internal awareness, though; it brings you outside of yourself, too. Cultivating self-awareness brings to your attention just how much time you spend in your head. It helps you see how removed you’ve been from the world you live in. 

One of the greatest benefits of self-awareness is the sense of confidence you develop. You derive self-confidence from gaining a more thorough understanding of yourself. You move through the world with your head held high because you have more clarity and positive intent. Your communication skills improve, too, which only increases your self-confidence.

How Do You Develop Self-Awareness?

Journaling is one of the most effective and quickest ways to become more self-aware. Write down your thoughts, emotions, and plans. Work through your mental stumbling blocks on paper. Once you start writing things down, you can track your progress over time to see what works and what doesn’t.

Meditation is another practice that helps you develop self-awareness. It doesn’t have to be as difficult as you may think, either. Too many people have false ideas of what meditation means. Sure, sitting on a cushion and remaining silent for hours of reflection is meditation. But you can also meditate while lying in bed, while sitting on your couch, or even while on your daily commute.

Meditation means developing mindfulness of your surroundings. It means bringing yourself into the moment so you can fully experience what is happening around you and identify how you respond to these things.

Here is an easy introduction practice to meditation. Start by closing your eyes right now and think of three things happening around you or within you. For example, focus on how your feet feel on the ground or your back on the chair. Pay attention to the sensations in your hands or on your face. Identify thoughts that cross your mind. Listen to the sounds in your environment. 

Pull three of these things to the front of your mind and focus on them. Recognize the responses you have to them. Don’t attach yourself to them, simply observe. Once you can hold three things at a time, add three more. Begin opening your awareness a bit at a time. Then bring more things into your consciousness as you progress.

Another important way to develop self-awareness is to reach out for help and support. Surround yourself with brothers in the Porn Reboot program who understand what you’re going through. Ask for guidance when you find yourself stuck. Seek out the experiences of other men who have been where you are now.

One of the best places to find this is in the Free Porn Reboot Facebook group. It’s filled with men at various stages of their reboot who know what you’re going through and are working through the same struggles. You never have to deal with your out-of-control behavior alone again; we’re here to help.

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Future is Not a Destination: Embracing the Present

Future is Not a Destination: Embracing the Present

Everyone considers their future to some extent.

People have varying goals and aspirations, things they want to see, places they want to visit, and hopes they want to see come to fruition. Maybe you want to have a family, buy a house, or start a business. Perhaps you want to move to a different part of the country or another area in the world.

At the same time, if you struggle with out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation, you may feel hopeless about your future. You might believe that you’ve brought yourself to a point that you can’t come back from. Your future might look dark, dreary, and void of anything worth living for.

This is especially true for men early in their reboot. Most men don’t arrive at the Porn Reboot group until they’ve reached a low point. It takes a lot for a man to admit he has a problem and reach out for help. Some lose their jobs, some lose their homes, some lose their families, and some lose everything they have before they find us.

They come to the program simply hoping to end their compulsive behavior. They’ve likely tried at least a few different programs or approaches before. Nothing has worked, though, and their porn-free stints become fewer and further between. This builds a story in their minds that nothing will ever keep them from acting out or completely ending their behavior.

But then they find the Porn Reboot program and begin implementing the system in their lives. They find themselves able to live free from pornography, not because they’re forced to but because they want to. The future doesn’t seem as hopeless as it did before. They can see a light at the end of the tunnel, one with more worthwhile experiences than they imagined.

Here’s the problem with that mentality, though: the future never arrives. You’ll only ever find yourself in the present moment. I know this may sound a bit philosophical and woo-woo, but it’s true. You’re never going to find yourself in that far-reaching future; even when you get there it’ll still be now.

The only way to control your future is to control the present moment, brother. Whatever you hope to achieve in the future, take steps to achieve that today. Too many people view the future as a destination, an arrival point they’ll reach one day where all their hopes and dreams are fulfilled.

Sure, that may happen. You can take steps to set yourself up for the situation you want to live in. But at the same time, nothing is guaranteed. You could do everything necessary to build a successful life but there are always uncontrollable or unpredictable factors at play. And you never know when they’ll step in to disrupt your path.

You must release the false belief that your future is a destination. It only sets you up for failure. This is a more high-level approach for men who are new to the Porn  Addiction Counseling – Reboot system. It’s not easy to view the world this way and may even strengthen your sense of apathy if you haven’t yet gained a good hold on it. But it’s also one of the most freeing ways to move through life.

When you finally recognize that today is the only day you’ll ever have, you begin to approach each one with hope, enthusiasm, and love. Every moment becomes more precious to you. You embrace the fact that you never know when it will all be over and come to appreciate the true beauty of each day.

I challenge you to shift your perspective and take this approach today. I want to offer encouragement to my brothers who may feel down and out right now. There is hope and healing in the Porn Reboot program, something that seems so far off and impossible at times. But I promise you that we’re a group of men who have a solution that we used to think was impossible, too. I invite you to join us today.

 

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Developing Standards in Porn Addiction Recovery

Developing Standards in Porn Addiction Recovery

What are some of the standards you live by?

If you aren’t sure what standards are, you’re far from alone. The way I see it is if values and principles are the building blocks of your life, then standards are the final structure you’re working toward. Developing a strong set of standards is crucial if you want to be successful in your reboot. 

There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding the terms values, principles, and standards. People often think they’re the same thing. While all three are similar and related, there are unique differences that separate them, too.

Values are your long-lasting beliefs on certain issues that are important to you. They are essentially the foundation of your principles. Some examples of values are things like compassion, integrity, generosity, and patience.

Principles, on the other hand, are indisputable, unchanging rules that are based on your values. For instance, principles are things like treating others the way you want to be treated, or not getting involved with women in your workplace.

Standards are actions and behaviors that you expect yourself to live up to based on your values and principles. This includes working hard, being rigorously honest, committing to your physical well-being, supporting your family, and so on. 

I notice that people tend to adopt values, principles, or standards because they sound cool. Maybe a cool influencer or someone you look up to in life said them. However, if that value, principle, or standard doesn’t actually align with your truth, it won’t hold up over time. These things are all very personal and aren’t something you simply pick up from someone else.

Everyone has a different way of thinking and believing. Each person’s value system is shaped by a variety of factors like the area they were born in, the society they were raised in, the family and friends they grew up around, and more.

At first, you inevitably adopt the values, principles, and standards of those around you. But over time, you may start to recognize where those things don’t truly align with your thoughts and beliefs. You develop your own set of values, principles, and standards as you grow up, a set that works for you.

How do values, principles, and standards play a role in ending your out-of-control behavior with pornography and masturbation? Some of these things will have to do with your path in the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot system. For example, going to the strip club with your buddies used to not be that big of a deal. But now you’ll likely need to adopt a new standard that eliminates things like this from your life.

Additionally, people who don’t struggle with compulsive sexual behaviors generally have a bit more leeway in their lives. They may be able to push the limits of their adherence to principles without much thought or consequence. But if you find yourself out of alignment with your values, principles, and standards, you’ll also find yourself at a greater risk of slipping or relapsing.

This is the result of living dishonestly. Going against your values, principles, and standards, or adopting them from someone else instead of determining them for yourself, is dishonest. You’re the only one who can decide what path is right for you. If you choose to live by someone else’s standards, you’ll forever live a substandard life.

I want you to keep a few things in mind as you begin to consider the framework within which you want to live your life after you reboot:

  • You must create personal standards that you adhere to at all times. You cannot live a directionless life if you want to reboot successfully. Your standards inform your entire life, from the job you take to the people you spend time with. If you don’t have standards, you’ll be left to the whims of wherever life blows you.
  • You must recognize that standards are not the same thing as goals. Many men mistake standards for goals, but they’re different things. Standards are not ideals to work toward achieving in the future; they are things that drive the course of your life in each moment of every day. You should run every decision through your list of standards before following through with it.
  • Your standards are yours and yours alone, and you cannot impose them on others. Again, values, principles, and standards are all very personal things. You cannot move through life expecting everyone to adhere to your approach. This only sets you up for failure and lasting resentment. Live by your standards and leave others to behave as they see fit.
  • Standards are for personal fulfillment, not for impressing other people. Do not outline standards you think will “look good” to others. This is only another form of dishonesty. Outline standards that leave you feeling personally fulfilled. They should be a framework for living that lets you put your head on the pillow at night knowing you’ve been true to yourself throughout the day.

Ultimately, the most important part of living a successful life is ensuring that your thoughts and actions align with your beliefs. Developing and living by a strong set of standards is the most efficient and effective way to do this. If you want to be successful in the Porn Reboot program, setting these standards now is a crucial part of the process.

 

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Does Your Reboot Need to Be a Priority?

Does Your Reboot Need to Be a Priority?

I recently had a one-on-one with a brother who brought up a very interesting point I want to cover here today. This brother is in the middle stage of his reboot. He’s doing well in most aspects of his reboot but still struggles to control his behavior with porn and masturbation. 

However, he’s so focused on his slips that he can’t see all the progress he’s making in other areas. No matter what positives I pointed out, he couldn’t recognize the improvements in his career, his relationship, and his finances. He firmly believed that unless he was completely and totally free from porn, no other improvements mattered.

As we talked, it came up that in the past he came across Gary Wilson, one of the early greats in the realm of porn addiction. If you aren’t already familiar, he’s the one who developed concepts like “Your Brain on Porn” and “NoFap.” While I have great respect for the work he did to bring awareness to the detriments of porn, he and I differ in a few areas of thought.

One of the primary differences between our views on porn addiction recovery is his abstinence-only approach. His programs focus so heavily on a man’s porn  addiction problem that they neglect to see the importance of simultaneously building up other areas of your life. They didn’t talk about things like relationships, social life, financial well-being, physical health, and mental health.

This led our brother, and thousands of others like him, to view his slips as meaning his entire reboot was a failure. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t blowing his paychecks the day they arrived, that he wasn’t neglecting his girlfriend, or that he was finally showing up to work on time. No, the few slips here and there meant the whole reboot was unsuccessful.

I don’t adhere to that thought. I’m not saying that you should continue watching porn, jerking off, and having compulsive sex during your reboot. The whole point of the Porn Reboot program is to rewire your brain so you can separate from these out-of-control behaviors. I am saying that putting all the emphasis on porn and ignoring progress in other areas is a recipe for disaster.

Yes, your reboot needs to be a priority. But when I say your reboot, I mean the whole reboot process. I mean building physical, social, emotional, mental, and spiritual reboot capital. I mean your morning routine, meditation, journaling, and getting to the gym. I mean spending time with your partner, being a good employee, and checking in with your accountability partner.

All of these things are just as important as whether you view porn or not. Do you know why? Because if you only based your success on whether you slipped or relapsed, you would destroy your self-esteem.

You’re here because of your problem with porn, sex, and masturbation, brother. You won’t end those things all at once right away. You spend years developing those habits and it will take at least a few months to end them. As I often talk about, even though I don’t support “counting days”, it takes at least 90 days to reboot and up to two years to fully rewire your brain.

Men with high self-esteem are less likely to act out sexually than men with low self-esteem. If you don’t measure success in these other areas alongside your compulsive behavior, you will feel like you’re a failure. We want to build your self-esteem, not tear it down. And incorporating your reboot capital as a benchmark of success is a crucial way to do that.

There was no Porn Reboot system when I worked to end my out-of-control behavior. My experiences were the original case study for the program. While I couldn’t quit watching porn and jerking off, I knew there had to be other things I could do in the meantime. Trying to measure my success by my time away from porn made me feel worse and worse.

Instead, I first focused on building my physique. I was 21, tall, and lanky. I felt weak. I didn’t feel attractive. But I recognized that there were more resources on building a strong physique than quitting porn, so I started there. I stuck to a meal plan, lifted weights progressively, and within 90 days my body began to change. Within a year I put on some significant size. And the reactions from people boosted my confidence. I still struggled with my out-of-control behavior, but I finally had something to feel proud of.

Then I shifted my focus to my social anxiety. I was so uncomfortable around people in public, both men and women, and knew it was something I needed to overcome. So I began the process by interacting with people at the bar to learn to hold conversations. As I learned to converse, I started asking some of the women I talked with on dates. It was a slow process but my progress was as evident as it was when working on my physique.

I didn’t stop working on controlling my behavior with porn during this time. I still dealt with slips and relapses, but they became less frequent as I gained confidence. I realized that by focusing on things other than porn, porn naturally became less of a problem. This led to my concept for the Porn Reboot system that thousands of men use today.

So again, brother, yes, your reboot needs to be a priority. Your compulsive behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation brought you here. Obviously, things are not going well and you want to control your behavior. But I encourage you to make your entire reboot a priority, not just the aspects that have to do with your porn problem.

I watched the process work for myself and the many men I’ve worked with during the years. You’re far from alone in dealing with this struggle, brother. You’ve landed among a community of men who know exactly what you’re going through. If you haven’t already, I invite you to join our FREE Porn Reboot Facebook group. Start there and read through some experiences. You’ll find others rebuilding their lives, from work to relationships to their physique and more.

Come join us on our Porn Addiction Counseling as we make our reboots a priority in all aspects of our lives.

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The Power of Forgiveness in Recovery

The Power of Forgiveness in Recovery

What comes to mind when you hear the word “forgiveness”?

Perhaps you recall the religion of your childhood. Maybe you think of a resentment you’re trying to let go of. You might even think of someone you’re hoping will forgive you for something you’ve done.

I believe that forgiveness is a forgotten skill. It empowers you to overcome some of the things that hold you back most in your porn addiction recovery. Holding onto anger keeps you a prisoner of your emotions. But learning to forgive provides the freedom you’ve looked for in many different avenues up to this point.

Are you harboring any grudges over things said or done to you in the past? It’s difficult to reach the later stages of your reboot if you don’t let go of those past harms. However, I understand that it’s challenging to release these things which is why I believe that forgiveness is a skill.

Take a moment to recall some of the worst times of your life. Think of some of the worst things you said and did during your porn addiction. If you’re anything like me, I said and did many things that caused a lot of harm to other people. My words and actions resulted in much emotional, physical, psychological, and financial damage.

I also found that I was holding onto a lot of grudges. I was so angry at others for the way they treated me despite the awful things I did. I was angry at women who rejected me and friends who said things behind my back. It didn’t matter that I’d hurt them, too; I was still furious.

It’s safe to say I had a lot of baggage when I finally decided to end my out-of-control behavior. I had to release some of the weight I was carrying if I wanted to reboot because I was at a point where it was too painful to carry on. While forgiveness was the last thing on my mind, it wasn’t until later that I realized letting go of these things meant I was beginning that process.

Forgiveness begins with you, brother. It starts with forgiving yourself for the harmful behavior you’ve engaged in for so many years. Learning to do this frees you from the heavy load of guilt and shame you’ve carried for so long. As you truly embrace forgiveness for yourself, you’ll find a lightness in the world that you never imagined possible.

Once you forgive yourself, it’s time to start extending that forgiveness to others. Think about all the people you’re carrying grudges against or felt resentment toward. Call each grudge and resentment to mind one at a time. Consider whether it’s worth it to continue carrying it or if it’s time to forgive, let go, and move forward.

Oftentimes people believe that forgiveness is for the other person’s sake. I’m here to tell you, brother, that forgiveness is for you. It’s a process that frees you from the mental strain of carrying all this frustration, rage, and resentment. These things take much more energy to sustain than you may think.

At the same time, this doesn’t absolve you of responsibility for the harm you’ve caused. You must still acknowledge your wrongdoings and make restitution to those you hurt. A simple “sorry” is often not enough; it’s time to make genuine amends.

But this won’t come until you learn to forgive others, which starts with forgiving yourself. It takes time to develop this skill but it’s necessary if you want to be successful in your Porn Addiction Counseling or Porn Reboot Program. You will never overcome your out-of-control behavior if you don’t learn the art of forgiveness. But as you continue working on yourself, your ability to forgive will develop and grow.

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Growing Your Reboot Garden for Lasting Change

Growing Your Reboot Garden for Lasting Change

I recently wrote about the importance (and difficulty) of developing patience during your reboot.

Patience is a necessary part of rebooting because these changes don’t happen all at once. You don’t decide that you’re done with your compulsive behavior and then find yourself suddenly free from your struggles.

I like to look at the reboot process like a garden. You’re like a gardener trying to grow a beautiful garden with fruits, vegetables, and flowers. Just like a gardener plants his seeds and patiently waits for his crops to grow, you must also plant the seeds of your reboot and wait for the results to follow.

You plant your seeds during the early porn addiction recovery stage. You must trust that while you won’t see the results for some time, they will pay off eventually. When planting the seeds of your reboot, you can expect to receive the same positive results as the hundreds of other men who changed their lives with the Porn Reboot system.

The middle and late reboot stages are when your saplings begin to show. You start to see the results of the work you did during your early reboot. The fruits, vegetables, and flowers of the reboot process include things like confidence, self-esteem, self-awareness, focus, diligence, and encouragement.

Your reboot garden also faces the threat of pests and weeds, much like the gardener deals with in his own garden. These threats to your reboot are things like procrastination, doubt, frustration, and impatience. If you don’t take steps to remove these things, eventually they will infest your garden and limit what can grow there.

Patience is one of the crucial elements of any good garden. A gardener doesn’t dig up his seeds when he doesn’t see saplings within the first few days of planting. He trusts the process and allows his plants time to grow. He knows how a garden works and recognizes that he must be patient if he wants to have a beautiful garden.

In the same way, you must trust the Porn Addiction Counseling. You can’t expect sudden, drastic changes and give up when they don’t happen as quickly as you’d like. You may feel tempted to throw in the towel and seek out another system instead. But you have to trust the reboot process and know that the positive results will come as long as you commit to it.

You also cannot force the process to happen any faster. A gardener cannot speed up the growth of his tomato plants any more than you can speed up your ability to quit porn, sex, and masturbation. All he can do is plant the seeds and water; all you can do is follow the Porn Reboot system. You can’t make your brain rewire any quicker than is natural.

Finally, the most important part of your reboot garden is continuing to do what resulted in the growth of a beautiful garden. Every gardener knows he cannot rely on last year’s work to grow his garden the following year. This means you must continue doing the things that helped you build a life free from out-of-control sexual behavior. 

Over time, the practice of growing a garden becomes routine and comfortable. The same applies to your reboot. While these new practices may feel strange and difficult to implement, they become second nature to you the more you practice them. If you follow the Porn Addiction Counseling Program or Porn Reboot system as it’s outlined, you will grow a beautiful life filled with the fruits of your labor for years to come!

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Developing Patience in Your Porn Reboot Journey

Developing Patience in Your Porn Reboot Journey

When a brother joins the Porn Reboot Intensive program, we always start with a welcome call.

I want to get to know this brother and begin documenting his experience. One of the first things we do is establish expectations that men have when they arrive at our program. What do they want to accomplish? What does their life look like without porn? How do they anticipate getting to that point?

I do this because I want to ensure that we can support you in your journey. While I know that the Porn Reboot system works for the men who apply it, I want to make sure that your plans align with how the system is laid out. I want to see whether your expectations will be met or whether another approach to controlling your behavior is better suited for you.

Developing patience is one of the most common expectations I hear from our potential brothers. Their behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation has finely tuned their need for instant gratification. This leads to significant problems with impatience and a short temper. They want to know whether Porn Reboot can help them develop their patience.

Something most brothers don’t realize, though, is that their compulsive sexual behavior also warps their experience of time. Consider how often you’ve said, “I’m only going to watch porn for a half-hour,” but then find yourself still opening tabs three hours later. You have no idea where that time went, you only know that it’s gone.

This same time warp occurs when you start separating from porn, sex, and masturbation. I see men with around a month and a half in the program convinced they’re in the maintenance stage of their reboot. In reality, they’re still in the early stage of the process. It feels like it’s been months when it’s only been a few weeks.

It’s frustrating to realize how much work it takes to fully rewire your brain. Since you’ve geared yourself for instant gratification, the idea that it takes time to reboot is a foreign concept. You don’t get the benefits of a porn-free life without some hard work and patience.

I like to use the example of a gardener planting a garden. He understands that, while his plants begin to grow as soon as he plants the seed, he won’t see the results for quite some time. He will not see a sprout, a branch, a leaf, or a fruit for many days after placing those seeds. But he trusts that by putting in the work, from planting to watering to waiting, his plants will grow with time.

The same goes for your porn addiction recovery. It may not seem like you’re making progress, but the change begins from the moment you implement some reboot principles. Even when you continue struggling with slips and relapses, the reboot process is in place.

The path to patience in your reboot is paved with bricks that say “progress not perfection.” Your success in the Pornography Addiction Treatment program likely does not mean complete abstinence. But it does mean showing up to work on time, spending evenings with your family, and taking time to better yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Developing patience in your reboot is a slow process, too, but even recognizing the need for it is a step in the right direction. It’s difficult and easy to get agitated. Think of the gardener when bugs and pests begin to infiltrate his newly-sprouted seedlings. He must get frustrated, too. But he still trusts the process and recognizes that every garden comes with its troubles.

As you accept the inevitable presence of pests and move toward their removal, you’ll find yourself closer to patience. Your newfound outlook will flower into the fruits of confidence, diligence, self-esteem, self-awareness, self-compassion, and more. These fruits are available even during the early reboot stage, brother. All it takes is some work and dedication.

Developing patience is an important aspect of your reboot and the Porn Addiction Counseling system will help you get there. Just like the gardener, though, you must recognize that while it won’t happen all at once, you’re already well on your way there.

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How to Measure Your Reboot Goals in 2022

Can you believe we’re already in the final week of 2021?

Winter holidays have come and gone and we’re only a few days away from New Year’s. If you haven’t already, now is the time to sit down and outline some goals for yourself during the upcoming year. Take a moment to reflect on 2021 and look forward to what you want to accomplish in 2022.

One critical aspect of setting effective goals is ensuring you can measure your progress. If your goal isn’t measurable, how will you know whether you’re on track to reach it or not? 

Some goals are easy to measure and track. Things like financial numbers or business milestones are straightforward and measurable. You can see precisely how close you are to accomplishing what you’re working toward.

When it comes to your porn addiction recovery, though, setting measurable goals is a bit more difficult. Many brothers are tempted to measure their success by their porn-free time. Sure, counting days is the easiest way to measure but it’s the least effective way to track progress. I’ve always been very vocal about encouraging men in the Porn Reboot program to not count days. I believe that porn-free streaks don’t matter, nor do I believe they are a true measure of your progress.

Counting days means nothing. What is the point of not masturbating if you aren’t going to make any other changes? Why would you not bust a nut for months and months but remain the same cranky, irritable, emotional person you’ve always been? If you remain undisciplined, isolated, and lack determination, then who cares how long your streak is?

There are better ways to measure your reboot goals in 2022.

Measure your improvement by recognizing whether you’re still acting out in ways that lead to slips. Measure your improvement based on your emotions and behavior. Measure your improvement by tracking the coping skills you implement or reboot capital you gain. Measure your improvement using the strength of your relationships.

These are all far more useful indicators of success than the number of days since you last jerked off or watched porn.

The Porn Reboot program is not for men who only want to overcome their pornography addiction. It isn’t for men who are concerned with their porn use or masturbation but not the other areas of their lives that are falling apart. It’s not for men who aren’t willing to make drastic changes in their lives to leave their old ways behind.

Instead, the Porn Reboot program is for men ready to dedicate their time, attention, and energy to becoming the best version of themselves possible. It’s for men who are tired of living directionless, pathetic lives that center around watching porn and masturbating. The program is a pathway to help you not only overcome your compulsive sexual behavior but to enhance your entire life.

If you want an easy way to measure your porn addiction recovery goals in 2022, I encourage you to sign up for our free “Best Year Ever” training program. It’s my gift to you for being part of the Porn Reboot community. Whether you’re new to the blog or you’ve been reading for a while, I want to offer this free blueprint that will help you start the year strong as a way to thank you for joining us here.

Once you sign up, I invite you to join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group if you haven’t already. We’re a group of hardworking, high-performing men dedicated to helping every man who wants to overcome his behavior with porn and reframe his life. If that sounds like you, sign up for the free program, join the group, and let us know that you’re starting 2022 strong with us. 

Looking forward to seeing you, brother.

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How to Be Compassionate with Yourself

If you’re anything like me, brother, you’re probably pretty hard on yourself.

I’ve noticed that a lot of us are pretty hard on ourselves even after we start gaining a hold on our out-of-control behavior. We spent so many months and years consumed by pornography and compulsive sexual behavior that it’s difficult to look at how our lives panned out.

I remember I hated myself when I was still struggling with my behavior. I was very hard on myself because I’d become the type of guy who said I’d do something but never followed through. I was also the type of guy who could see that I was doing something that was hurting me but I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

I can’t tell you how many times I promised myself that this would be the last time, that it wasn’t going to happen again. Then I would relapse and end up back where I started, or in an even worse place, over and over again. Eventually, I lost trust in myself because I continued doing this week after week, month after month, year after year.

Imagine depending on someone who tells you they’re going to do something, but whenever the time comes they have an excuse. Every single time you need them they let you down. This person you depend on has some reason or another to let you down each time you look to them to follow through.

It’s pretty hard to love this sort of person especially when the things they mess up are important to you. But that’s exactly the type of person that many of us believe ourselves to be. We’ve let ourselves down time and time again so we’ve lost faith in ourselves over the years.

You have to build that faith and trust back up if you want to be successful in your reboot. It’s not easy at the beginning when you have little reason to believe that this time will be different, though. One tool you can use to get yourself through these lulls in belief is self-compassion.

The idea of being compassionate with yourself might sound silly or even impossible. You might think it’s cheesy or woo-woo science. But today I ask that you leave behind whatever preconceived notions you have about self-compassion.

I started using a very specific technique to practice self-compassion in my life. Think about the way your grandmother views you. If you don’t have a grandmother around, consider the typical ways grandparents treat their grandchildren. 

More often than not, grandparents don’t carry the burden of raising their grandchildren so there’s some space between them and that responsibility. This is why you see the stereotype of grandparents who spoil their grandchildren; they love endlessly and often lack the weight that comes with raising you themselves.

Think of the compassion your grandmother or grandfather holds in their heart for you. They have so much love, compassion, and forgiveness. They want what’s best for you and want to see you do well. No matter the mistakes you make, your grandparents will continue loving you through it.

I still struggle with the self-compassion aspect of my reboot to this day. It’s not easy to cut myself some slack or give myself a break. I expect myself to be a high performer at all times. So I adopted this practice of viewing myself as my grandparents would in the last few weeks. I’ve been working on it as a way to allow myself to be more compassionate toward myself.

When I look at myself as a grandparent would, I feel endlessly loving and forgiving. I feel like I wouldn’t give up on myself. I would be patient with myself. No matter what happens, I would always find love for myself despite the circumstances.

I’d love for you to try this out and let me know what you think. If self-compassion is difficult for you to achieve like it is for me, this practice may be useful for you, too. After trying it for a few days, hop over into our Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot Facebook group and let us know about your experience!

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Monogamy for Recovered Sex Addicts

You’ll often hear that a long-term, monogamous relationship can’t compete with the novelty and dopamine-inducing effects of having sex with a new person.

This is a widespread opinion. 

And as a result, many people decide not to even try to be monogamous – they think they’ll never make it. This applies to pornography addicts as well.

Now, I’m not going to lie and say that there isn’t a small element of truth to this opinion. But it doesn’t take into account one factor:

There are many men who had a lot of casual sex. But that was before they got married and stayed committed for the rest of their lives. 

These individuals have an advantage over others because they’ve had their fill of sexual experiences on purpose.

But what about men who recover from sex addiction and get married?

Well, that doesn’t mean they’re actually ready for marriage. Most of the time, that goal’s been set for them and conditioned by society.

These men then feel like monogamy is the only way to go. So, they end up in relationships and just play along because they feel like that’s what they’re supposed to do.

But in doing so, they most likely won’t become a happy, fulfilled person. It’s because whatever issues they had with women and sex won’t just go away because they’ve become monogamous.

Now, you might wonder why don’t more coaches and therapists talk about this. 

Well, apart from myself, I have yet to meet a non-religious counselor, coach, or mentor who wasn’t a sex addict and had an active and healthy sexual life involving multiple women.

While some therapists have recovered from their addictions, none of them put themselves through a structured method regarding women.

But that’s what I did. Porn Addiction Recovery is our hope

I had a structured plan of meeting women, developing authentic relationships, and having healthy sex with them. 

The point of this method is that when you repeat the process dozens of times, it becomes a part of your nature. 

And then you can leave it behind and move on to a monogamous relationship. 

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