Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.
Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction symptoms I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:
Loss of concentration
Depression
Lack of romance
Lack of achievement
Low energy
Erectile dysfunction
Premature ejaculation
Unusual porn fetishes
No attraction to real-life partners
Loss of ability to orgasm during sex
Depression is another common porn addiction symptom. It is a pressing problem for men when they first arrive at the Porn Reboot program. Months, years, or decades of porn addiction have a detrimental effect on your mindset and self-image. However, you’re likely so used to these unexplained and lasting drops in mood that you don’t realize they aren’t normal.
Well-adjusted people don’t experience frequent bouts of depression. They don’t feel tired or lethargic all the time. They don’t hate themselves or think they’re worthless. These feelings are not normal; they are signs of depression, which may be a sign of a problem with porn addiction.
It’s easy to attribute your depression to other aspects of your life, such as lack of success with women, below-average performance at work or school, or something that happened during childhood. But if you struggle with your pornography use, porn might be the true culprit.
It isn’t until you end your behavior with porn, sex, or masturbation that you can determine whether your depression is porn-induced or a true mental illness. If you’re like me, my depression was fueled by my out-of-control behavior. Still, even if your depression is naturally-occurring, eliminating pornography will make it easier to treat.
Pornography is a difficult topic for people to discuss.
It’s an uncomfortable thing to talk about because it’s usually a private activity. Many people feel embarrassed about watching porn, even if it’s infrequent or they only watch “vanilla” videos. Some may even deny that they watch it to avoid judgment or misunderstanding.
But despite being a taboo topic, porn is an increasingly commonplace part of society. According to top website ranks, three separate porn sites are among the top 20 most-visited websites. Some even see more traffic than other popular sites like Amazon, Netflix, TikTok, and Reddit. About 2.4 million people access these top three sites every minute.1
High-speed internet porn has created an alarming problem in society. It’s difficult for researchers to collect exact data given the subject matter, but that doesn’t make it any less severe. Millions of people likely struggle with a secret porn addiction that seriously affects their lives. Just do a quick Google search and read the comments yourself.
How do you know when porn becomes a problem? Learning to recognize porn addiction symptoms is the first step. What are some of the symptoms of porn addiction that suggest your use may not be as casual as you think? And what can you do if you find that you’re experiencing some porn addiction signs?
Porn Addiction Problems
The term porn addiction is slightly misleading. It’s difficult to profile because use differs from person to person. Porn addiction problems aren’t as straightforward as someone who struggles with alcohol or drug addiction. It isn’t the same type of physical addiction as these substances. This leads to widespread misunderstanding and misconceptions about porn addiction.
Many people think it is something that can be easily controlled. After all, it seems pretty simple, right? Just don’t visit those sites and the problem is gone. But it’s not that easy for someone struggling with porn addiction. It’s just as challenging to overcome a compulsive porn addiction problem. Porn addiction symptoms make it clear that compulsive porn use isn’t as controllable as it seems.
Symptoms of Porn Addiction
It’s easy to find yourself trapped in the “I can quit when I want to” thought cycle. It’s a telling sign for anyone struggling with addiction of any kind. It may seem like you’re in control of your actions but in reality, you’re stuck in the vice grip of modern-day high-speed internet pornography.2 Some porn addiction symptoms include:
Porn becomes the central focus of your life; if you aren’t watching porn, you’re thinking about watching it
Avoiding or neglecting tasks and responsibilities at work, home, or school
Struggling to build healthy relationships with people (especially women)
Using porn to cope with negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, or depression
Engaging in risky behavior to watch porn (i.e. watching it at work)
Feeling shame, guilt, or frustration about watching porn but continuing to do it anyway
Watching increasingly extreme types of pornography to achieve stimulation
Trying to quit watching porn and finding yourself unable to
Understanding some of the porn addiction symptoms is only the first part of the solution. Knowledge without action does nothing. The problem will continue until you’re ready to move beyond knowing how to stop porn addiction and take the steps to change your life. And Porn Reboot can help.
Porn Addiction Effects
But clinicians and researchers are making moves to expand public understanding of porn addiction. Categorized as a behavioral addiction, porn addiction can be just as destructive as these other forms of physical dependence. It can lead to similar experiences, such as the destruction of relationships, loss of employment, financial ruin, and more.
One of the primary effects of compulsive porn use is porn addiction withdrawal. This includes things like porn-induced erectile dysfunction. It takes time to work through and overcome porn addiction effects, but the sooner you learn how to stop porn addiction, the sooner you’ll begin returning to normal.
How to Stop Porn Addiction
Thankfully, the statistics listed above are proof that porn addiction problems are more common than you may think. If you or a loved one struggle with porn addiction, you’re not alone. The condition leads to fear, shame, guilt, and isolation. Asking for help for porn addiction is not easy. But the first step in how to stop porn addiction is asking for help.
Thankfully, communities like Porn Reboot exist. Porn Reboot is a proven system to help you overcome your porn addiction problems and find freedom from out-of-control sexual behavior. Our system outlines a step-by-step solution to compulsive porn, sex, and masturbation. But we don’t stop there.
Our porn addiction recovery program which is the Porn Reboot system believes you are more than your porn addiction. Ending your behavior with porn is only the beginning. The Porn Reboot system helps you rebuild and re-engage with life in a way you never dreamed possible. If you’ve tried to quit porn before and haven’t been successful, stick around. We have plenty of resources available to help you get started.
Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.
Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction symptoms I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:
Loss of concentration
Depression
Lack of romance
Lack of achievement
Low energy
Erectile dysfunction
Premature ejaculation
Unusual porn fetishes
No attraction to real-life partners
Loss of ability to orgasm during sex
Loss of concentration is one of the most common porn addiction symptoms. It’s also one of the most debilitating because it affects almost every area of your life. Your mind cannot focus on people, places, and experiences in front of you when it’s preoccupied thinking about porn, sex, or masturbation.
You may notice that loss of concentration affects your performance at school or work. It often holds you back from fully engaging with your spouse or children. Loss of concentration from porn addiction impacts your friendships and relationships with colleagues, coworkers, or business partners, too.
If you notice you struggle to focus on tasks for long periods, have ADHD-like symptoms, or find yourself zoning out constantly, this may be a loss of concentration caused by your porn use. The longer you go without working through your porn problem, the worse your concentration problem will become.
Thankfully, you can rebuild your concentration skills over time. It won’t happen overnight but there are different ways to strengthen your attention once you end your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Learning to concentrate fully on the people in front of you and the tasks at hand makes for a more enjoyable, fulfilling life.
Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.
Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction symptoms I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:
Loss of concentration
Depression
Lack of romance
Lack of achievement
Low energy
Erectile dysfunction
Premature ejaculation
Unusual porn fetishes
No attraction to real-life partners
Loss of ability to orgasm during sex
It’s no secret that dating women or finding a girlfriend in this day and age is a challenge. The rise of dating apps and the decline of interest in commitment make for a brutal playing field. It is a disheartening game to play and men often feel like they’re at a disadvantage from the start.
This especially difficult dating world is to blame for the lack of romance in many different circumstances. But if you also have a problem with your pornography use, your lack of romance might be better attributed to porn addiction.
Exposure to pornography has serious effects on how attractive you find potential partners. Men who view lots of pornography frequently compare women they see in real life to women they watch on the screen.
Some studies suggest that pornography can help relationships but my experience as a porn addiction recovery coach reveals the opposite. I’ve found that excessive exposure to pornography torpedos existing relationships or limits the possibility of developing intimacy in a new one.
Porn is completely void of romance. There is nothing intimate or romantic about pornography. And comparing women in real life to the women you see on the screen will only destroy your likelihood of finding and developing a romantic relationship. If you notice a lack of romance in your life, it might be time to reconsider your porn use.
Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.
Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction symptoms I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:
Be honest with yourself – how much did you accomplish in the last year before finding the Porn Reboot system? I’m guessing you didn’t do much with your life outside of the bare minimum needed to meet your responsibilities. Most of the men who arrive here have very little going for themselves other than what they have to do in a day.
I know that I honestly didn’t achieve anything when I was hooked on porn. Sure, I worked my butt off for years. Anyone who regularly reads the blog or listens to the podcast knows about my extensive experience in door-to-door sales. I showed up almost every day and worked as hard as I could while I was there, but I didn’t have much to show for it.
All of my free time was spent watching porn and that carried over into every other area of my life. I didn’t excel in anything; I merely achieved average results at best. My mind was preoccupied with my out-of-control behavior so I couldn’t give my all to anything outside of that.
On the other hand, once I quit pornography and stayed off it, I achieved more than I had in several years. My productivity was amazing, my business expanded rapidly, my interpersonal skills soared, and my spiritual growth deepened. I could focus fully on what was in front of me and concentrate for longer periods which helped me accomplish more than I realized I was capable of.
If you notice a lack of achievement in your life, it might have to do with your porn use. Limited or no achievement comes as a result of poor mental strength and a limited capacity for success. You’ll continue struggling until you learn to control your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.
Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.
Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction problems I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:
Do you feel tired no matter how much sleep you get? Whether it’s an hour because you stayed up all night watching porn or it’s one of those miraculous full nights of sleep, you may feel exhausted regardless of the amount of rest you got.
Low energy is another common porn addiction symptom. Compulsive porn use zaps you of your energy whether you realize it or not. I struggled to stay awake during the day when I watched a lot of porn. Some nights it was because I was up far too late, other times it was the residual mental exhaustion that comes from constant preoccupation with porn addiction effects.
The difference between energy levels when you are on and off pornography is like night and day. Off pornography, I’m able to put in 18-hour workdays, including two to three hours at the gym, every day. I still get a solid amount of sleep each night and then in the mornings I’m up, excited, and ready to do it again.
I understand that other things may cause your low energy levels. Disrupted sleep cycles, underlying illness, or adrenal fatigue are some factors that can seriously impact your energy levels. But if you’re dealing with an out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation, that compulsive sexual behavior is most likely the cause of your struggles.
You shouldn’t need obscene amounts of caffeine to make it through the day. If you’re chugging energy drinks, pounding espresso, or relying on other stimulants to raise your energy levels, you might want to consider your porn use as another primary culprit.
Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.
Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction problems I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:
The tenth and final symptom in our series on porn addiction symptoms is losing the ability to orgasm during sex. This might be one of the worst symptoms of all. Finding no real pleasure from sex is an emasculating and alarming experience. And it likely means you’re close to developing erectile dysfunction if you haven’t already.
It’s time for you to eliminate pornography from your life if this is something you’re dealing with.
Several things occur during the onset of losing your ability to orgasm. Signs that you’re on the way include decreased sensitivity in your penis, a sharp decline in arousal with your regular sexual partners, and developing strange or unexpected fetishes. The most common indicator that you’re losing the ability to orgasm during sex, though, is needing to think or fantasize about porn while you’re actively with a woman in bed.
Once you’re at this point, brother, there’s no reason to continue watching porn. You likely have a full-blown pornography addiction at this point, whether you want to acknowledge and accept it or not. No healthy sexual being requires a virtual stimulus to perform and neither should you. Compulsive pornography use is a detriment to your life and only holds you back from everything that awaits you.
Wondering how to end your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation? The Porn Reboot system can help. We provide a clear-cut path to ending your compulsive sexual behavior, rewiring your brain, and building a life that is worth living.
The Porn Reboot system is unlike anything you’ve tried before. We don’t rely on counting days, on white-knuckling, or on forced abstinence. Instead, we have a method that works with your brain and biology, not against them. If you’re ready to end your out-of-control behavior and change your life, we’d love for you to join us today.
Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.
Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction problems I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:
If you’re like the rest of us in the Porn Reboot program, I know you’ve asked yourself at least a few times why you’re watching certain types of porn. Over time you’ve likely stumbled into some odd genres that you never imagined finding arousing. You might feel ashamed or embarrassed about the things you watch, yet you come back to them night after night.
Unusual porn fetishes are a huge part of porn addiction symptoms. Any guy who watches porn for a long time knows it’s fairly normal to progress from one genre to another. Similar to drugs or alcohol, your brain develops a “tolerance” for your usual porn genre. Once your go-to videos don’t do it for you anymore, you have to move on to another type of scene.
Most of the time we start with straight porn but that becomes boring after a while. Then we move into varying genres, from lesbians to interracial to gay men to transgender people and so on. Eventually, you may progress into watching more intense, aggressive, and hardcore scenes. Some men reach the point of watching illegal material, too.
The shock and excitement of taboo sex tend to be the thing that causes you to orgasm. Unfortunately, you send a signal to your brain that says, “Hey, this feels good and I’m totally cool with getting off on this,” each time you orgasm to one of these fetishes. Oftentimes they aren’t things you would ever participate in in real life, but you continue watching them play out on the screen day after day.
The most important thing I want to stress is that the kind of porn you masturbate to isn’t an indicator of your sexual orientation. I know it’s something that lots of men worry about when they find themselves watching gay porn. Watching these genres of porn doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay or even bisexual.
I’ve talked with many gay men who, through repeated exposure to porn, developed a sexual attraction to females. They were never interested in women before in their lives yet the porn they watched altered their arousal template. The same applies to straight men who watch gay porn.
Still, this doesn’t keep men from fearing that porn changed their sexual orientation. Again, this isn’t true. If you’re concerned about this, you may be dealing with something called a homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder, or HOCD. It’s the persistent fear that you may have a different sexual orientation than you imagined. Men who watch porn genres opposite to their sexuality often struggle with it but they do so in silence.
Ultimately, any unusual porn fetishes you consume may alter your arousal template for the time you’re watching porn. However, once you eliminate porn, sex, and masturbation from your life, those compulsive fetishes dissipate. You’ll learn what really arouses you and what was porn-induced. And it’s not something you have to handle alone because nearly every man in the Porn Reboot program understands this symptom from personal experience.
Is that hard for you to believe? If so, you aren’t alone. A brother in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group heard it on another YouTube channel and brought it to our group. He was having trouble wrapping his head around the idea that sex isn’t necessarily the thing to strive for. The way he sees it, men strive to work and generate wealth so they can attract women into their lives.
I notice this a lot with men who are still early on in their reboot. If you’re thinking this way you’re not the only one, but it also indicates where you’re at in your reboot. When men first start their reboot, they believe they need to experience a lot of novelty relationships with different women in order to feel satisfied.
Now don’t get me wrong – you’re biologically wired to think this way. At the same time, your pornography addiction destroyed your natural biological functioning over the years and left you thinking that sex is the end goal. It creates the false idea that your whole purpose as a man is to have sex with women. This seems to be especially true if you are a man who isn’t particularly successful with women to begin with.
I want to make it clear that I don’t believe having sex with a variety of beautiful women is a bad thing. In fact, I think it’s a wonderful thing and it’s something that I experienced and enjoyed before my committed relationship. If you don’t have any cultural or religious beliefs holding you back from that, go ahead and explore that aspect of life as a man if you would like to.
At the same time, don’t think that simply generating wealth and becoming a high-value man will automatically give you opportunities to have sex. There are plenty of men with little to no capital who can still pull women because they’re high-value in their own way. You don’t have to be a wealthy man to sleep with women.
As you progress in your reboot, you’ll start realizing that sex for the sake of sex isn’t necessarily success. Porn wants you to think that sex is the greatest thing you can get but there are far more important things to work for. But once you’re free from your porn addiction symptoms you can create your own definition of what success is.
Instead of building wealth to pull women, why don’t you build wealth to pursue freedom? Wealth provides you with freedom to live where you want, freedom of time, freedom from depending on others, freedom to pursue things you’re truly interested in, and more.
Success doesn’t necessarily mean wealth, either. Plenty of men define success by the quality of the family they have, by keeping their relationship strong, and by raising confident, independent children. Others view success through the lens of their spiritual or religious pursuits and draw a great sense of joy and purpose from them.
Another great definition of success is giving back and being of service. I’m one of those people who finds deep fulfillment in helping others. Now that I’ve overcome my compulsive sexual behavior, there are plenty of times I’m interested in being of service than I am in having sex.
Sure, sex will come as a byproduct of your success and there’s nothing wrong with that. But pursuing sex as the end goal or the definition of success will leave you feeling empty and hollow. Sex for the sake of sex is a biological need but it’s far from fulfilling when it’s the only pursuit in your life. Pursue things that interest you instead and you’ll find much more contentment in life. After that, sex will simply be an added bonus.
The majority of my writing deals with men who are addicted to pornography or have out-of-control sexual behavior. At the same time, I know some women read these posts because they’re concerned about their husbands or long-term partners.
If you’re a woman in this situation, today I want to write to you. If you’re one of the brothers in the Porn Reboot system, though, this post will be helpful for you, too. You may learn a thing or two you never considered before.
I know women read this blog, watch our YouTube channel, and listen to our podcasts because these women reach out to me. They feel devastated, defeated, and betrayed when they discover their boyfriend or husband is addicted to porn. Their sense of certainty in the relationship feels shaken and shattered.
At the same time, these women also insist their partner is a good man and most other things about the relationship are fantastic.
Does this sound like you?
Signs of a Porn Problem
When you care for someone it’s natural to justify their behavior, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it. But it’s that justification that keeps you in a dysfunctional cycle and gets you hurt over and over again. Porn addiction symptoms, just like any other addiction, affects not only the porn addict but everyone else in his life.
Here’s the thing – no matter how great of a man your partner is, he’s still struggling with an addiction. And that addiction is destroying you, it’s destroying him, and it’s destroying your relationship together.
How can you determine whether pornography has become a problem for your husband?
Lack of Sex
How often do you and your partner have sex? If sex in your relationship has lost its quality or disappeared completely, there’s a problem. You may feel a lack of connection with him during sex or maybe he doesn’t feel present at all.
Your first instinct might be to look at yourself. Women often blame themselves for their partner’s lack of attention. They think they’re not attractive enough, they’re not adventurous enough, or they’re enthusiastic enough. The list goes on and on. In reality, he may have a problem with porn which has nothing to do with you at all.
Spends a Lot of Time Online
Do you notice that your partner spends a lot of time online? Men who struggle with pornography addiction often isolate themselves and spend a lot of time at the computer. When you go to bed he stays in his office or another room of the house browsing online.
Again, you might think it’s something you’ve done. You worry he’s upset or mad at you. He won’t come to bed when you do and it even becomes habitual over time. Eventually, it probably feels like he’s choosing the internet over you. But it’s difficult to pull away from the computer when you’ve got a problem with pornography.
Increasingly Judgmental
Watching a lot of pornography skews a man’s view of women. It portrays women in negative circumstances and removes all empathy from the sexual experience. Guys who are addicted to pornography tend to objectify their partners and become very critical about various aspects of their partner’s life.
For example, he might say negative things about your physique, your lifestyle, or other things he never gave any attention to before. His criticism leaves you feeling hurt, overlooked, and uncared for. No matter what you do, though, you’ll never be able to overcome these criticisms; they’re the result of a much bigger problem that has nothing to do with you.
Develops New Sexual Interests
As a man’s pornography addiction progresses, he starts watching different types of pornography. This tends to translate into the way he wants to have intercourse with you. Maybe he’s suddenly become rougher in bed or introduced the idea of new sexual acts he’s never seemed interested in before.
These interests could be things you aren’t comfortable with or even have no interest in participating in. Some men pressure their partners to participate while others withdraw to their online world where they can fulfill their newfound fantasies.
Becomes More Private or Secretive
Once men realize their problem has progressed they start making attempts to cover their tracks. He doesn’t want you to see his browser history, his text messages, or other things on his phone. Your partner puts a password on his device or refuses to leave it around you. You notice inconsistencies in the stories he tells you.
If you point out these shifts in his behavior, though, he becomes irritated and refuses to talk. He’s overly defensive when you express your concerns and might insist that you’re overreacting or making a big deal out of nothing.
Increasingly Detached and Cold
Over time you probably noticed that your partner is a lot more distant than he used to be. The connection feels like it isn’t there anymore. It’s difficult to recognize, though, because he won’t acknowledge it or he’ll blame something else for his being emotionally unavailable.
When you reach out to him and ask what’s going on, he’ll flip it on you and accuse you of being needy, overly emotional, or something along these lines. Don’t allow him to make you question yourself, though; you know who your partner is and you know when something’s wrong.
The Endless Cycle
Porn addiction tends to follow a familiar cycle for most men and their partners. First, you find out that he’s keeping secrets from you about his porn use. When you confront him, though, he reacts by blaming either you or something else. He’s defensive, angry, and sees something else as the cause of the problem rather than taking responsibility.
What happens next is usually one of two things. He’ll either apologize for his behavior and tell you he wants to quit, or he shuts down and refuses to communicate. You can work with the first reaction but there’s nothing you can do about the second. Men who shut down typically try to manipulate you afterward, too, either by keeping you around or pushing you away.
After the confrontation, he may try to reel it back in for some time. Your relationship seems to return to normal again. He’s in what we refer to as the “dormant stage” of his addiction style. He might even quit for some time which gets him reengaged with you and the relationship. It feels like things are turning around and you’re on the way back to a good place.
But then he relapses. He watches porn or acts out on his behavior again. Then everything goes back to square one and the cycle starts over.
Does This Sound Like Your Partner?
I’m going to assume that women still reading right now answered yes to at least a few of the behaviors above. If you notice these behaviors in your partner, he likely has a problem with pornography or another compulsive sexual behavior. So what do you do next?
There’s good news and bad news.
The bad news is you cannot make anyone “just stop” or “overcome” their addiction. You also run the risk of trying to help him and failing over and over again. I see women doing this regularly and all that happens is your relationship becomes an unhealthy, codependent mess. You are not your man’s mother. Controlling his behavior is not your responsibility.
The good news is that nothing is wrong with you. The problem lies with your partner, not you. His pornography addiction is not a result of the way you look, of something you did, or of any other excuse your mind comes up with. It is his problem that he needs to work out for himself.
What Can You Do?
I’ve watched couples go through this cycle dozens of times. It leaves women like you feeling emotionally exhausted, traumatized, and devastated by the repeated betrayals. If this sounds familiar to you, there may still be hope for your partner. Sit down with your partner and try to identify the cycle with him. Bring his behaviors to light and discuss how this cycle is destroying your relationship.
More importantly, though, it’s time to focus on yourself. You might have spent the last few months or even years invested in his porn addiction cycle. It’s worn you down over time and you’re still left with nothing to show. So you need to shift your focus to yourself and begin building your self-esteem and confidence back up.
Again, it’s ultimately up to your partner to change his behavior. No amount of pressure from you will force him to change. You don’t need to be his accountability partner, you don’t need to treat him like a child, and you don’t need to police him.
Instead, spend more time with your friends, join some classes, and read uplifting material that you enjoy. Try to remove stress from your life and strengthen yourself along the way. If you reach a point where the pain is too much, reach out to a professional. You can even reach out to us. While we don’t work with partners yet, we can connect you with a great therapist or group.
Once you shift your focus to yourself, your partner’s behavior becomes secondary. As you strengthen your mind, you put yourself in a position to better determine how to move forward. It’s not your responsibility to save your partner and if he refuses to make a change, it might be time for you to move forward without him.
