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The Simple Way to Increase Reboot Confidence

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
The Simple Way to Increase Reboot Confidence

Confidence is something most of the brothers in the Porn Addiction Counseling Program our own reboot system struggle with.

It’s easy to feel defeated, ashamed, and remorseful when you struggle with out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. You’ve spent years hiding away from the world and trying to keep people from finding out what you do behind closed doors. Of course your confidence levels will be next to nothing.

Today I want to cover a simple process you can use to start building confidence. There are many different ways to achieve a level of confidence as you work through the Porn Reboot system, but I want to give you something actionable that you can implement immediately.

Confidence comes down to a mindset shift. I want you to look at the target you have in mind: quitting your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Ending your out-of-control behavior is the end goal, and it likely has been for some time already. 

So if you made the decision many years ago that you’re going to permanently end your behavior, it doesn’t matter whether you’ve second-guessed yourself, whether you’ve failed in your attempts before, or how many times you’ve tried. What matters is that you chose to better your life in the first place.

I guarantee there are thousands of men hidden away behind their computers wishing they could have the strength to make that decision. They haven’t even attempted to end their behavior; they’ve resigned themselves to a miserable porn-filled life. But you, brother, are taking steps to leave that life behind for good.

Confidence can come from the knowledge of that simple fact. You chose to do something different with your life instead of continuing digging yourself deeper into that dark hole of misery, depression, and hopelessness. Even if you’re in the middle of a slip right now, you can always get back on the beam.

This is the easiest way to bridge the gap between you and the confidence you so badly need. You wouldn’t be here reading this if you weren’t at least somewhat set on deciding to end your behavior. I know it may sound silly or even too simple but sit there with that knowledge brother. Let it sink in and give yourself credit for choosing to take a different path. 

Your confidence will continue to grow and strengthen as you progress through the Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot program. Simply embodying the knowledge that you’re ready to forge a new road should give you the boost of confidence it takes to begin. You’re part of something bigger than yourself, brother, and on the way to something incredible. Stay the course and watch as your life changes before your eyes.

 

 

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“At This Moment In My Reboot”

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
“At This Moment In My Reboot”

Today I’ve got another great question from a brother in the Porn Reboot group. He asked:

“J.K., why do you say ‘At this moment in my reboot’ sometimes? You are 15 years free from pornography. Doesn’t it take two years to reboot, or at least for your brain to rewire? That sounds more like saying ‘At this point in my recovery’, which you regularly point out has no deadline. Don’t you often say you kick people out of the group once their reboot is ‘done’?”

A lot of men who first arrive at the Porn Reboot program assume that it’s just about quitting porn. Sure, quitting your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is the primary goal. However, quitting porn is only the beginning of the Porn Reboot process. 

Instead, Porn Reboot is a holistic process. Cutting porn out of your life doesn’t magically heal all the other areas that you harmed. It doesn’t build back reboot capital in the parts of your life that are suffering. Eliminating your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is only the beginning.

Too many men think that quitting porn is all it takes to overcome porn addiction. If it were that simple I wouldn’t be doing what I was doing. I wouldn’t work with hundreds of men every year who burn their lives down because of their porn addiction problems. You wouldn’t be here reading this either if you truly believed that quitting porn was the only thing you needed to do.

No, brother. Quitting porn is only the start.

This is exactly why I’m so against things like “no fap.” Yeah, it’s great you stopped jerking off. That’s wonderful. But that’s not going to fix your financial issues. It’s not going to fix your mental health issues. It won’t fix your attachment issues or your social anxiety. Truthfully, quitting porn does nothing but magnify your lack of effective coping skills.

Remember that something made you rely on porn in the first place. Maybe it was medicating stress, maybe it was rejection at school, or maybe it was simple curiosity and seeking pleasure. Whatever the reason, though, porn became your solution to problems instead of actual problem-solving skills.

Eliminating porn is the first step. But developing coping skills and building a life worth living is where the true work lies. The system will get you to the point where you are no longer dependent on pornography, but it doesn’t mean the unresolved issues in your life are suddenly resolved. And that may take much longer than the two years required to rewire your brain. 

I’m not some magical guru who has fixed every area of his life. I’m very aware of the areas where I’ve made a lot of progress but I’m also more than aware of the areas where I’m not where I want to be. I use the phrase “At this moment in my reboot” because I recognize that I still have work to do, too.

I view rebooting as a lifestyle, meaning I apply the principles I used to control my behavior to dealing with other unresolved issues. The system isn’t only useful for pornography, it’s useful for every area I want to work on in my life. I practice what I preach which means I’m still working on myself to this day.

Our brother was keen to recognize this point and I’m grateful that he brought it up. I don’t want you thinking that I believe I’ve got all the answers. I don’t. I simply have a system that works for me and the other men in the Porn Addiction Counseling group. And I don’t just sit here writing blog posts, making YouTube videos, and recording podcasts without continuing to do the work.

When you hear me say “At this point in my reboot,” I’m not referring to my sexual behavior or my behavior with pornography. I’m referring to the other unresolved issues that I’m dealing with in my life. I’m no better and no worse than you, brother. I’m on my own journey through life and dedicated to helping others escape the same hellish cycle I found myself in.

While I don’t believe we are porn addicts forever, I do believe we are forever works in progress. Very few people will ever truly achieve enlightenment. We’re always going to have things we need to work through in life. But when you remove your out-of-control sexual behavior from the equation, working on these issues becomes far more effective and manageable. And life becomes that much more beautiful, too.

 

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Porn Addiction Problem: Insecurity Around Other Men

Porn Addiction Problems / By
Porn Addiction Problem: Insecurity Around Other Men

A brother in our group noticed this recently and initiated a great conversation and by the way, he had major porn addiction problems. He said,

“I went to a bachelor party for my cousin not too long ago. When I arrived at the place and saw nothing but brand new BMWs, Benzes, Audis, and all these other luxury cars. There were like 50 of these different cars. Meanwhile, I pulled up in my Honda Civic with a different colored door.

“I saw a ton of guys with loads of money walking in and out of the building so I didn’t walk in. I didn’t even make it past the parking lot. I left because I was so filled with feelings of shame, anxiety, and inferiority. Have you guys ever experienced something like this?”

I appreciate these vulnerable posts because they often express something most of us deal with. You might think you’re alone in feeling a certain way but I can almost guarantee you that at least one other brother in the group relates to what you’re going through.

Feeling insecure around other men is a big problem for guys like us. As you may know, I grew up in poverty and my academic performance was terrible. When I was in my twenties and took my first job in door-to-door sales, I realized it would take many years for me to get those nice things our brother talked about in his post. 

Although I couldn’t immediately acquire these nice external resources, I realized that I could maximize my internal resources and my external physique in the meantime. I developed a dedicated gym routine. I started working on my social skills. I was determined to overcome my crippling anxiety. I knew that honing these skills would make a massive difference as I worked to get some of those nicer things I wanted. 

While these things didn’t get me a nice car or a nice apartment, they did keep me from worrying so much about the station wagon I drove around. I felt strong and confident, less concerned about what others thought of me. That confidence played into how I carried myself, how I integrated with others, and how I felt about myself as a whole.

Here’s the thing, brother: yes, it’s great to drive a nice car. It feels awesome to have a huge house, an expensive watch, designer clothing, and luxurious vacations. I won’t deny that those are all enjoyable things.

But here’s the other thing: if you don’t do any internal work and develop some confidence, none of your external circumstances matter. You could roll up in the most expensive Maserati on the planet but if you don’t know how to carry yourself then you’ll still feel insecure. You might be able to cling to your possessions for some time but they’ll eventually give way and you’ll find yourself feeling inferior again.

I truly believe that you should first focus on developing yourself. Work on your personality, your character, the energy you give out, the way you carry yourself, and your physique. When you focus on developing these things to the highest possible level, the result shines much brighter than even the nicest car you could buy.  Eliminating porn addiction problems along the way.

Of course, there’s also nothing wrong with upgrading your vehicle to one that has four doors that match. But developing yourself allows you to carry yourself with confidence regardless of your circumstances, and that is something that no one can take away from you.

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Risky Emotions While Rebooting

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Risky Emotions While Rebooting

I’ve got another question from a brother in our group today. He says:

“Hey brothers, I have to stay accountable and report to you. I’ve had multiple slips over the past two days, twice yesterday and once today. It started when I was tired from the gym and came home to no one else in the house. I now recognize that isolation and tiredness were two major vulnerabilities.

“I looked at some images first but it quickly progressed into watching pornography. Then this morning I laid around in bed for a while and ended up looking at images on my phone again. It didn’t take long for me to open up a few tabs of porn again.

“This has happened so many times, easily hundreds. It has left me feeling off and scared, scared that I’m not going to be successful and that I’ll spend the rest of my life a complete mess. I know it’s down to me to change it but what if I don’t have it in me?”

I always appreciate it when a brother comes to us and shares where he is at. Growth only comes when we’re willing to ask for help. I know that at face value this might sound like a great share. It seems like it’s full of authenticity and accountability. However, there are some things in here to be wary of.

First, he ends his post by saying he feels off and scared because it’s something that’s happened “hundreds” of times. He feels his life is a “complete mess.” These statements are full of heavily charged emotions.

He also explains he had multiple slips within 24 hours. Here’s the thing, though. If you slip up repeatedly in a day then you’re now in a relapse, not just a slip. He should just say that he relapsed and leave it at that. A relapse isn’t much worse than a slip; you still get the same result.

Second, he did a great job of identifying his mistakes but he did nothing to change the situation. It’s great to recognize where you’re going wrong but recognition does nothing if you don’t take action to change it. Recognition is the first step but action is where the true change occurs. He needs to take this awareness going forward and apply action next time temptation arises.

Third, there are quite a few issues he could have addressed to keep himself less vulnerable. He mentions feeling tired which arises from a problem with self-care. He also says he was looking at his phone which could have been avoided if he kept his phone out of his room. And he also said he came home to an empty house so he could have reached out to someone because he knew he was in a risky place.

All of these things are valid porn addiction problems during your early reboot. If you don’t have much experience applying the reboot system to your life, they’re likely to arise at some point. The system outlines clear actions to take which can help you avoid these things but many of them are inevitable in the beginning.

Learning from other brothers in the group is a great way to recognize areas where you may eventually fall short or need some help. Take his view of his life as a complete mess, for example. How many times have you thought the same thing? How often have you felt like you’re never going to control your behavior?

Most of these experiences are common for all of us. They’re things we struggle with at various points during our reboot. But they don’t have to be things that take us down for the long run. Every man who arrives with porn addiction problems at the Porn Reboot program has a chance to change his life. None of us are hopeless or beyond recall. We all have the opportunity to become better men.

These emotionally-charged statements will hold you back from recognizing your ability to change, though. If you cannot take control of your emotions you’ll find they will drive your decisions over and over again. The sooner you learn to control your emotions the better. And implementing the Pornography Addiction Counseling which is the Porn Reboot into your life is the best place to start.

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Conservative Reboot Dating: Balancing Values and Experiences

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Conservative Reboot Dating: Balancing Values and Experiences

I’ve got another question from a brother today that addresses his concerns about his conservative views on casual dating. He asks: 

“I’ve had a dialogue in my head for quite some time about the approach I should take to dating. I grew up in a very conservative family in a very conservative area. I have carried the value of only needing one woman for the rest of my life. 

“However, recently I’ve considered the idea of dating casually without any intent for a long-term commitment. I feel a lot of resistance to this, though, and oftentimes sabotage opportunities with women I’m interested in. Am I wrong for only having gone out on a couple of dates with one person in his life? Is it wrong to have this sort of value?”

If you’ve been around the our Porn Addiction Counseling program for a while, you know that I recommend dating casually when you’re early in your reboot. I support you talking with and dating multiple women at a time because the primary goal is learning to enjoy interacting with women without expectations. 

Dating multiple women at a time makes you less likely to be overly engaged, needy, and dependent while casually dating. You don’t see the woman you’re with as your only option which keeps you from feeling and behaving desperately. 

However, if you hold a conservative view of dating you may struggle with seeing more than one woman at once. Some conservative segments of society frown upon the practice. Even if you aren’t ready to settle down, the idea that you would see multiple women isn’t an acceptable approach to the dating process.

I believe this is an antiquated concept. Dating in the Western world has changed a ton over the last few decades. Most people see nothing wrong with casually dating multiple people. It’s almost assumed that you’re seeing more than one person at once until exclusivity or commitment is explicitly mentioned.

Casual dating allows you to interact with and enjoy the company of other women. You’ve spent so many years isolating yourself from the world and lost touch with the skills necessary to build a relationship. If you only date one woman at a time, you hold yourself back from engaging with as many of them as possible. Why put yourself at a disadvantage there?

You should also consider that the way society views sex is much different than it used to be. Things are far more sexualized today than they ever were before. I was watching a show on HBO Max the other day and saw more penises at once than I ever had in my life. Everything is sexual nowadays. 

Casual sex is also much more common. Both men and women are more likely to have more sexual partners before settling down than our predecessors did. Most of the women you date have likely sex with at least one or two people before. The majority of people are no longer “waiting ‘til marriage” like we were told to do when we were young.

Unfortunately, I see many of our conservative brothers rushing into marriage for the sole purpose of having sex. If your only focus is sex, brother, you’re going to have a miserable marriage. It won’t take long for men who hurry into these lifelong commitments based on the expectation regular sex to realize they made an incredible mistake.

Dating shouldn’t automatically equate to marriage just like dating shouldn’t automatically equate to sex. I support casual dating without the expectation of either prospect. You’ve spent the entirety of your porn addiction learning to objectify women, whether you realize it or not. Porn addiction problems strips all intimacy from the equation and destroys your ability to have healthy interactions with women. Casual dating is the first step to learning how to engage with women without objectifying them. 

I’m not recommending you abandon your values, brother. You’ll find no one more supportive than me when it comes to adhering to your values. But I want to challenge you to reframe your beliefs about dating. Dating multiple women casually doesn’t have to mean rejecting your values. It’s simply a way to relearn how to interact with them without unrealistic expectations.

I do want to point out, though, that not everyone adheres to the same values as you. There’s nothing wrong with holding to your conservative values, but expecting the women you date to hold them as well is likely to set you up for frustration and disappointment. I’m not saying that every woman lacks these values but far fewer are sticking to them than they were before.

I also want to mention that if you’re dating for the sole purpose of getting married, I think you should pump the brakes a bit. Your brain is still rewiring and you don’t want to make a lifelong commitment without fully thinking it through. 

If you aren’t already married then you have no reason to rush into things. It’s better to take your time and get to know some different women at a deeper level than what they have to offer physically. There is plenty of time in your life for marriage, brother, but right now is likely not the time. You don’t want to find yourself regretting your decision in the future.

Instead, focus on asking yourself whether casual dating truly goes against your conservative values. Do they need to be mutually exclusive or can you find a balance between the two? I firmly believe that you can have both, but it’s up to you to decide what is best for you.

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How to Stop Porn Addiction: Overcoming Compulsive Use

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By
How to Stop Porn Addiction: Overcoming Compulsive Use

Pornography is a touchy topic to talk about.

It’s something that you engage with during private times. Millions of people view porn to varying degrees, with tens of thousands accessing porn sites every second. Not everyone believes watching porn is problematic, but problems do arise for some people who view it.

Porn addiction is a serious problem for an estimated 3 to 6% of the population in the United States.1 Exact numbers are difficult to come by because high-speed internet pornography took off faster than researchers could keep up. People are also hesitant to talk about porn addiction problems because of the stigma surrounding them.

But you’ll never learn how to stop porn addiction if you aren’t able to ask for help. Still, the guilt and shame that people feel about their porn use make it almost impossible to reach out. Is there hope for people with pornography addiction? It may feel like compulsive porn use and masturbation will never go away, but there are tools you can use to overcome porn addiction.

What is Pornography Addiction?

Plenty of people view porn occasionally and the wide range of internet browsing data available backs that up. Use has skyrocketed over the last few decades, spurred by a few factors. Public opinion regarding porn has relaxed significantly. Additionally, the evolution of the internet has placed high-speed internet porn into the hands of anyone with a smartphone.

While not everyone who uses porn develops a problem, some become dependent on the images and videos they consume. Pornography addiction is the compulsive and uncontrolled use of pornography. Porn addiction has become a serious problem alongside the skyrocketing rates of pornography use among the population.

Some clinicians suggest that porn addiction problems are not a “real diagnosis.” They misunderstand the impact that porn has on men, especially as it has evolved over the last few years. Porn addiction causes difficulties in relationships, careers, families, and society as a whole.

How Porn Addiction Starts

Porn addiction problems are serious and often progressive. It typically begins during adolescence, often as an accidental exposure. With the incredible amount of pornography available on even the most common of sites, it’s difficult for children to avoid it entirely.

Young boys often seek out porn to learn more about sex or to explore themselves sexually.2 The sudden rush of dopamine from porn and masturbation becomes appealing to some of these young men and they continue engaging with it.

Most don’t realize they have a porn addiction problem until it’s too late. Oftentimes it starts during adolescence and progresses during their teenage years. When most or all sexual experiences occur on a screen, though, it severely affects sexual development. This lack of experience carries into adulthood and becomes a serious and ever-increasing problem.

Porn Addiction Symptoms

How do you know when porn addiction becomes a problem? There are some porn addiction symptoms you can look for to determine whether your use has crossed the line. Symptoms of pornography addiction include things like:

  • Losing interest in sex
  • Using porn to manage or cope with difficult emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues
  • Experiencing relationship problems with your spouse or partner because of your pornography use
  • Watching porn in risky situations, such as at work, in your car, or another public place
  • Ignoring responsibilities to watch porn
  • Having trouble focusing on tasks and activities because of preoccupation with thinking about porn
  • Viewing progressively more intense or extreme genres of porn to feel the same sense of arousal
  • Feeling ashamed, guilty, or frustrated for watching porn but continuing to watch it
  • Spending lots of time either watching porn, thinking about porn, or feeling tired from watching it for long periods
  • Spending lots of money on pornography, chat sites, or cam sites, even at the expense of necessities
  • Watching illegal genres of pornography after “vanilla” porn is no longer engaging
  • Progressing to real-life enactments of taboo or illegal acts seen in preferred genres of porn
  • Wanting to stop using porn but finding yourself unable to

If you notice any of the signs above, you may want to reconsider your relationship with pornography. It’s easy to convince yourself that you don’t have a problem. If you aren’t able to control your use, though, and it continues to get worse, it’s time to reach out for help.

How to Stop Porn Addiction

Learning how to stop porn addiction starts with asking for help. The Porn Reboot system offers a simple, straightforward solution to your problem with porn addiction. We understand that porn is not a moral problem and it doesn’t mean you’re worthless. There is a biological explanation for your preference for porn but it’s long surpassed its usefulness.

Instead, the Porn Reboot program equips you with the tools and skills necessary to overcome porn addiction. It starts right here with you. Make the decision to reach out today and begin your journey to freedom from the grips of porn addiction.

References

  1. Journal of Clinical Medicine. (2019). Online Porn Addiction: What We Know and What We Don’t.
  2. Enough is Enough. (2021). Pornography.

 

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Future is Not a Destination: Embracing the Present

Porn Addiction Recovery / By
Future is Not a Destination: Embracing the Present

Everyone considers their future to some extent.

People have varying goals and aspirations, things they want to see, places they want to visit, and hopes they want to see come to fruition. Maybe you want to have a family, buy a house, or start a business. Perhaps you want to move to a different part of the country or another area in the world.

At the same time, if you struggle with out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation, you may feel hopeless about your future. You might believe that you’ve brought yourself to a point that you can’t come back from. Your future might look dark, dreary, and void of anything worth living for.

This is especially true for men early in their reboot. Most men don’t arrive at the Porn Reboot group until they’ve reached a low point. It takes a lot for a man to admit he has a problem and reach out for help. Some lose their jobs, some lose their homes, some lose their families, and some lose everything they have before they find us.

They come to the program simply hoping to end their compulsive behavior. They’ve likely tried at least a few different programs or approaches before. Nothing has worked, though, and their porn-free stints become fewer and further between. This builds a story in their minds that nothing will ever keep them from acting out or completely ending their behavior.

But then they find the Porn Reboot program and begin implementing the system in their lives. They find themselves able to live free from pornography, not because they’re forced to but because they want to. The future doesn’t seem as hopeless as it did before. They can see a light at the end of the tunnel, one with more worthwhile experiences than they imagined.

Here’s the problem with that mentality, though: the future never arrives. You’ll only ever find yourself in the present moment. I know this may sound a bit philosophical and woo-woo, but it’s true. You’re never going to find yourself in that far-reaching future; even when you get there it’ll still be now.

The only way to control your future is to control the present moment, brother. Whatever you hope to achieve in the future, take steps to achieve that today. Too many people view the future as a destination, an arrival point they’ll reach one day where all their hopes and dreams are fulfilled.

Sure, that may happen. You can take steps to set yourself up for the situation you want to live in. But at the same time, nothing is guaranteed. You could do everything necessary to build a successful life but there are always uncontrollable or unpredictable factors at play. And you never know when they’ll step in to disrupt your path.

You must release the false belief that your future is a destination. It only sets you up for failure. This is a more high-level approach for men who are new to the Porn  Addiction Counseling – Reboot system. It’s not easy to view the world this way and may even strengthen your sense of apathy if you haven’t yet gained a good hold on it. But it’s also one of the most freeing ways to move through life.

When you finally recognize that today is the only day you’ll ever have, you begin to approach each one with hope, enthusiasm, and love. Every moment becomes more precious to you. You embrace the fact that you never know when it will all be over and come to appreciate the true beauty of each day.

I challenge you to shift your perspective and take this approach today. I want to offer encouragement to my brothers who may feel down and out right now. There is hope and healing in the Porn Reboot program, something that seems so far off and impossible at times. But I promise you that we’re a group of men who have a solution that we used to think was impossible, too. I invite you to join us today.

 

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Developing Standards in Porn Addiction Recovery

Porn Addiction Recovery / By
Developing Standards in Porn Addiction Recovery

What are some of the standards you live by?

If you aren’t sure what standards are, you’re far from alone. The way I see it is if values and principles are the building blocks of your life, then standards are the final structure you’re working toward. Developing a strong set of standards is crucial if you want to be successful in your reboot. 

There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding the terms values, principles, and standards. People often think they’re the same thing. While all three are similar and related, there are unique differences that separate them, too.

Values are your long-lasting beliefs on certain issues that are important to you. They are essentially the foundation of your principles. Some examples of values are things like compassion, integrity, generosity, and patience.

Principles, on the other hand, are indisputable, unchanging rules that are based on your values. For instance, principles are things like treating others the way you want to be treated, or not getting involved with women in your workplace.

Standards are actions and behaviors that you expect yourself to live up to based on your values and principles. This includes working hard, being rigorously honest, committing to your physical well-being, supporting your family, and so on. 

I notice that people tend to adopt values, principles, or standards because they sound cool. Maybe a cool influencer or someone you look up to in life said them. However, if that value, principle, or standard doesn’t actually align with your truth, it won’t hold up over time. These things are all very personal and aren’t something you simply pick up from someone else.

Everyone has a different way of thinking and believing. Each person’s value system is shaped by a variety of factors like the area they were born in, the society they were raised in, the family and friends they grew up around, and more.

At first, you inevitably adopt the values, principles, and standards of those around you. But over time, you may start to recognize where those things don’t truly align with your thoughts and beliefs. You develop your own set of values, principles, and standards as you grow up, a set that works for you.

How do values, principles, and standards play a role in ending your out-of-control behavior with pornography and masturbation? Some of these things will have to do with your path in the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot system. For example, going to the strip club with your buddies used to not be that big of a deal. But now you’ll likely need to adopt a new standard that eliminates things like this from your life.

Additionally, people who don’t struggle with compulsive sexual behaviors generally have a bit more leeway in their lives. They may be able to push the limits of their adherence to principles without much thought or consequence. But if you find yourself out of alignment with your values, principles, and standards, you’ll also find yourself at a greater risk of slipping or relapsing.

This is the result of living dishonestly. Going against your values, principles, and standards, or adopting them from someone else instead of determining them for yourself, is dishonest. You’re the only one who can decide what path is right for you. If you choose to live by someone else’s standards, you’ll forever live a substandard life.

I want you to keep a few things in mind as you begin to consider the framework within which you want to live your life after you reboot:

  • You must create personal standards that you adhere to at all times. You cannot live a directionless life if you want to reboot successfully. Your standards inform your entire life, from the job you take to the people you spend time with. If you don’t have standards, you’ll be left to the whims of wherever life blows you.
  • You must recognize that standards are not the same thing as goals. Many men mistake standards for goals, but they’re different things. Standards are not ideals to work toward achieving in the future; they are things that drive the course of your life in each moment of every day. You should run every decision through your list of standards before following through with it.
  • Your standards are yours and yours alone, and you cannot impose them on others. Again, values, principles, and standards are all very personal things. You cannot move through life expecting everyone to adhere to your approach. This only sets you up for failure and lasting resentment. Live by your standards and leave others to behave as they see fit.
  • Standards are for personal fulfillment, not for impressing other people. Do not outline standards you think will “look good” to others. This is only another form of dishonesty. Outline standards that leave you feeling personally fulfilled. They should be a framework for living that lets you put your head on the pillow at night knowing you’ve been true to yourself throughout the day.

Ultimately, the most important part of living a successful life is ensuring that your thoughts and actions align with your beliefs. Developing and living by a strong set of standards is the most efficient and effective way to do this. If you want to be successful in the Porn Reboot program, setting these standards now is a crucial part of the process.

 

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3 Things More Important Than Quitting Porn

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
3 Things More Important Than Quitting Porn

This might come as a surprise to you but quitting porn isn’t the most important thing you can do.

I know that it might sound strange coming from a man who built his life around helping other men end their out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. But there are some other things you must consider when quitting porn, too.

I don’t emphasize those things immediately because most brothers arrive at the Porn Reboot program with skewed priorities. They believe that their porn use and compulsive sexual behavior are what causes all of their problems. Sure, these things are likely the primary problems in a man’s life when he finds Porn Reboot. But overcoming these problems requires more than just focusing on his behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

The three things more important than quitting porn are finances, fitness, and your relationships with women. You can eliminate porn addiction problems from your life but if you don’t address these three things then you’ll still find yourself struggling. Quitting porn doesn’t rewire your brain. Working on these three aspects of life is what kicks off and continues the reboot process.

How does each of these aspects play into your reboot?

Finances

I’m sure you know the timeless phrase, “Money can’t buy happiness.” While there’s some truth to that statement, there’s also a lot of nonsense about it. Money can’t buy happiness but you do need it to have a life that’s worth living. You can’t shuck off money completely and pretend like it has no use.

You need enough money to cover your basic needs and also enough surplus to get some of the things you want. Money is the thing that allows you freedom. It gets you out of situations and circumstances you may have grown up in, or those you found yourself in after years of porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior.

Regardless of the reasons, getting your finances in order must be a priority. You need money to build a life worth living after ending your out-of-control behavior. From bills to food to hobbies to dates, money is a necessity for a well-rounded and fulfilling life.

Fitness

Your health and fitness are another crucial part of a fulfilling reboot. You can take control of your fitness long before gaining control over your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Getting in shape is an automatic way to boost your confidence and begin building self-esteem.

Fitness was the first thing  I prioritized when I decided to take the steps to end my out-of-control behavior once and for all. I was six feet tall but weighed maybe 130 pounds at most. I looked pathetic and that was reflected in the way I carried myself. Lifting weights was the first thing I did to begin my reboot process.

I put on some significant size within that first year and have continued prioritizing the gym ever since. The impact on my confidence was immediate and only grew with time. I highly recommend prioritizing your health and fitness as you begin the reboot process. The effects are noticeable even if you continue struggling with your compulsive sexual behavior.

Relationships with Women

Your relationships with women are the third thing that is just as important, if not more important, than quitting porn. Porn addiction problem destroys your ability to connect with a woman, build a fulfilling relationship, and develop intimacy. It makes you view women as objects instead of actual people.

While struggling with your porn use will hold you back from building these relationships, you can still begin the process. Learning to develop these relationships starts with learning to be social again. You’ve likely withdrawn from friends and social events in general over the years. You need to spend time with your buddies and get back out into the world.

Start striking up conversations with women when you’re out with your friends. Try to detach from the inevitable end goal of getting with her and just try to hold a conversation. Ask her questions, ask more questions about her answers, and see how long you can talk with her. All it takes to build relationships is learning to listen and have a conversation instead of talking at people without waiting for their input.

Quitting Porn Over Time

Ultimately, quitting porn is the goal you want to remember. Finances, fitness, and building relationships with women are all important parts of the process. However, if you don’t end your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation, not much of it will be useful in the long run.

However, the less you focus only on quitting porn, and the more you focus on these other aspects, the more successful you will be. You’ll find yourself building a life worth living, one that doesn’t require you to retreat into a world of compulsive masturbation and porn use.

The Porn Reboot system is crucial for helping you develop the necessary tools and skills. Over time, you’ll build a foundation for lasting porn addiction recovery from your out-of-control behavior. If you commit to the Porn Reboot process today, I guarantee your life will be unrecognizable in two years. You have everything it takes to end your behavior, brother; all you need to do is take that first step.

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Defeating Apathy While Quitting Porn

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Defeating Apathy While Quitting Porn

I’ve had countless brothers in the group who insist on counting days.

Anyone who has been around the Porn Reboot program for a while knows how I feel about counting days. Still, some men hold onto their streaks as though they’re a helpful or meaningful approach to overcoming out-of-control behavior.

After nearly 15 years of working with men trying to end their behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation, though, I know this tactic doesn’t work. Counting days only builds expectations and apathy. Expectations for what your life “should” look like after a certain point and apathy when that time arrives and it doesn’t look that way at all. Counting days is an arbitrary marker that offers no meaningful insight into progress. 

Consider a couple that has been married for 40 years. Sure, from the outside looking in it may seem like they have all the answers. After all, they’ve stayed together this long, right? But what if their marriage isn’t a happy one? They may have amassed a few decades alongside one another but that doesn’t mean their marriage is successful. 

Or take a man with a 20-year career making six figures per year. You would assume that after all this time he has an incredible savings account, a hefty investment portfolio, and can retire comfortably. However, if he’s done nothing to be intentional with his money, he’ll be far worse off than you might think. Many men with decades of six-figure incomes have nothing to show for them.

The same applies to counting porn-free days. You can collect days, weeks, months, or years, but they’re worthless if you do nothing to better yourself. There’s a reason the Porn Reboot system is more intensive than other approaches; we provide you with a path to a fulfilling life. 

You’ll gain nothing from quitting porn without taking any steps to better yourself in other areas. Quitting porn does not automatically bolster your social life, broaden your career opportunities, or strengthen your relationships. All it does is provide you with more free time that was once occupied by countless tabs and endless videos.

What will you do with all of that time?

Defeating apathy while quitting porn requires intention. You can’t stop porn addiction problems and expect your life to get better without putting in any work. Counting days does nothing to bring about change. You have to put in the work to shift your perspective and build the life you want to live. 

This intentional approach is one of the first steps to overcoming the sense of apathy that settles in after you quit porn. And it doesn’t happen immediately. You can’t expect to join the Porn Reboot program and notice a difference by next Wednesday. You have to commit to the process and trust that you’ll find freedom, much like other men who have come before you.

It may seem impossible to escape your sense of apathy but I promise there’s a solution. It might take time to relinquish your old thought patterns and embrace this new way of thinking, but the time it takes will be worth it. You’ll be shocked at what you can accomplish in only a few short months of intentional practice. And if you’re going to quit porn anyways, why not do it in a way that offers the most promising outcome?

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