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What Is Awareness While Quitting Porn?

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What Is Awareness While Quitting Porn?

Everything you do in the Porn Reboot system exists to bring you closer to awareness. Whether it’s morning reboot time, building an exercise routine, practicing meditation, or checking in with an accountability partner, all of it is aimed at helping you develop awareness.

Awareness is one of my favorite topics to discuss. It’s a crucial tool for every person but it’s especially necessary for men recovering from out-of-control behavior with porn addiction problems, sex, and masturbation. Men who struggle with these behaviors are not incapable of controlling them; they’re simply unaware of how much control they truly have.

You’re unaware of the things that motivate you, the pain you experience, the source of your stress, and the impact of your limiting beliefs. You have every faculty necessary to recognize them but you’re not aware of how to access them. Teaching you to develop that awareness is the main part of what the Porn Reboot system does.

What is Awareness?

Awareness is the knowledge or understanding that something is happening. Self-awareness includes the ability to think about your thoughts, emotions, or feelings; to determine whether your behaviors align with your standards; to recognize why you take some actions and avoid others.

There are two main types of awareness. Public self-awareness involves understanding and focusing on how you appear to others. Private self-awareness refers to reflecting on your internal states. Both of these forms of awareness are crucial for being successful in eliminating your Porn Addiction Problems.

Why is Awareness Important?

Developing self-awareness is important because it gives you insight into your beliefs and values so you can determine whether your choices and habits are aligned with them. This knowledge empowers you to see where changes need to be made and to make informed choices. It gives you a direction to go so you can make progress and be successful.

The Benefits of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness involves so many positive benefits that it’s hard to think of reasons why you shouldn’t pursue it. Developing self-awareness not only keeps you in the present moment but it bolsters your emotional intelligence. It deepens your sense of empathy. It improves your listening skills and removes you from your head.

Self-awareness not only improves your internal awareness, though; it brings you outside of yourself, too. Cultivating self-awareness brings to your attention just how much time you spend in your head. It helps you see how removed you’ve been from the world you live in.

One of the greatest benefits of self-awareness is the sense of confidence you develop. You derive self-confidence from gaining a more thorough understanding of yourself. You move through the world with your head held high because you have more clarity and positive intent. Your communication skills improve, too, which only increases your self-confidence.

How Do You Develop Self-Awareness?

Journaling is one of the most effective and quickest ways to become more self-aware. Write down your thoughts, emotions, and plans. Work through your mental stumbling blocks on paper. Once you start writing things down, you can track your progress over time to see what works and what doesn’t.

Meditation is another practice that helps you develop self-awareness. It doesn’t have to be as difficult as you may think, either. Too many people have false ideas of what meditation means. Sure, sitting on a cushion and remaining silent for hours of reflection is meditation. But you can also meditate while lying in bed, while sitting on your couch, or even while on your daily commute.

Meditation means developing mindfulness of your surroundings. It means bringing yourself into the moment so you can fully experience what is happening around you and identify how you respond to these things.

Here is an easy introduction practice to meditation. Start by closing your eyes right now and think of three things happening around you or within you. For example, focus on how your feet feel on the ground or your back on the chair. Pay attention to the sensations in your hands or on your face. Identify thoughts that cross your mind. Listen to the sounds in your environment.

Pull three of these things to the front of your mind and focus on them. Recognize the responses you have to them. Don’t attach yourself to them, simply observe. Once you can hold three things at a time, add three more. Begin opening your awareness a bit at a time. Then bring more things into your consciousness as you progress.

Another important way to develop self-awareness is to reach out for help and support. Surround yourself with brothers in the Porn Reboot program who understand what you’re going through. Ask for guidance when you find yourself stuck. Seek out the experiences of other men who have been where you are now.

One of the best places to find this is in the Free Porn Reboot Facebook group. It’s filled with men at various stages of their reboot who know what you’re going through and are working through the same struggles. You never have to deal with your out-of-control behavior alone again; we’re here to help.

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Save Your Insights and Save Your Life

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Save Your Insights and Save Your Life

I find that a lot of traditional approaches to porn addiction recovery hand deliver foundational concepts for you.

Take the 12-step recovery community, for example. They have these phrases like “one day at a time” and “once an addict, always an addict.” This religion of recovery is a detrimental approach to controlling your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

I see too many people latch onto these concepts like they’re the one and only approach to a fulfilling life. It makes sense because you don’t show up to recovery groups until you’ve reached at least some level of desperation. You wouldn’t ask for help if you weren’t seriously struggling. So I understand why people latch onto these concepts like they’re the sole way to a better life.

But I don’t agree with that. I don’t think adopting someone else’s foundational concepts leads to a lasting and fulfilling life. Adopting someone else’s ideas as your own and parroting them as if you wholeheartedly believe in them only sets you up for failure. You’re likely to end up in a deeper, darker place than before and I don’t want to see that happen.

I think that the “gospel of recovery” as I like to call it preys on the innocent. It scoops you up during your worst moments and promises to save you from yourself if you only think the way that you’re told to. In my opinion, anything that strips you of personal responsibility and individuality isn’t the way to go.

I believe that the person who knows you best is yourself. You sit with yourself every day, you listen to yourself think, you watch yourself move through the world. While you may have some skewed thinking when you first arrive at the Porn Reboot program, you’re still the best expert there is on you.

The Porn Addiction Counseling or Porn Reboot system is outlined to help you uncover the things that get in your way and built reboot capital so you no longer have to rely on porn, sex, and masturbation. It’s not a dogmatic set of beliefs you must adopt, it’s simply a path of simple actions that empower you to reconnect with yourself.

You’ll find nothing in the Porn Reboot program that forces you to believe any one particular thing. Instead, I encourage you to dig deep within yourself and discover the insights that are inherently there. You spend years blocking them out with your out-of-control behavior, but once you have some time away from it you’ll find those insights are still there.

Taking on someone else’s insights instead of getting in touch with your own is dishonest to your existence. It’s denying what you know to be inherently true. Every person has a fundamental understanding and idea of the world that works for them. Trying to force yourself into someone else’s mold is a recipe for disingenuous living and discontentment.

You don’t need someone to force feed you a set of insights that may or may not align with your beliefs. Instead, your morning reflection, your reading, your journaling, and your checking in with your accountability partner will outline a clear idea of what is right and wrong for you.

Saving your insights will save your life. You don’t need me to tell you what is important. I trust that with enough time free from porn you’ll develop the mental clarity necessary to determine that for yourself. The Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot system has much more faith in you than traditional recovery programs do.

No one knows you better than you know yourself, brother. Once you truly understand that fact, you’ll find a freedom and sense of relief that you never dreamed was possible.

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Letting Go of Boundaries During Your Late Stage Reboot

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Letting Go of Boundaries During Your Late Stage Reboot

A brother in our Porn Reboot Intensive group brought a fantastic question forward the other day and I want to share it here.

“J.K., which boundaries can I release in the late and maintenance phases of my reboot? On one podcast you mentioned that we can let go of certain boundaries during these phases, but you didn’t give any examples. You said not all boundaries should stay active forever.

“This answer is clear for some situations, like the program that shuts my computer down at 9:00 PM. I needed it during the early stages of my reboot but now that I prefer sleeping to staying on my computer late, I don’t need it anymore.

“You often mention your period of gathering dating experience for two years, and then you went to parties. What were your boundaries for sleep since you were still rebooting at that time? I’m assuming you didn’t go home at 10:00 PM to get to sleep.

“I’m not sure if I should keep a bedtime boundary forever, or if thinking this way is a quick path to trial rebooting.”

I think some men who aren’t in our coaching groups and only engage with our free content develop a bit of a skewed view of the porn addiction problem solving system. They seem to think it’s a very straight line from being trapped in your out-of-control behavior to being fully rebooted.

While the system does offer a clear-cut path to recovery, the process of following that path doesn’t always tend to be a straight shot. The system remains the same but every man going through the Porn Reboot process has a different experience. Each man has a different lifestyle and a different set of circumstances that led to his compulsive behaviors.

This skewed understanding makes some sense, though. You’ll notice that most of the free content I offer, from this blog to our YouTube channel to our podcast and so on, discusses the system in a general way. I’m trying to reach a wide audience filled with a variety of men from different backgrounds. I don’t want to get too specific because I’m more focused on helping as many people as possible during the early stages.

It’s why I didn’t outline specific boundaries to release during the late and maintenance phases of the reboot. There is no cookie-cutter methodology for letting go of boundaries. What one man might need to keep as a boundary for years may not apply to another man.

Determining which boundaries to let go of is a personal and individual process. If you don’t have access to someone who is fully rebooted it may take a lot of trial and error. But as you progress through your reboot you’ll start to recognize which boundaries are useful and which you can consider letting go of. It’s something you figure out on your own while hopefully surrounded by support and accountability.

Our brother also asked about my experience with releasing my bedtime boundary. You have to remember, though, that there was no Porn Addiction Counseling system when I rebooted. I was my case study. I went through so much trial and error to determine what worked and what didn’t. So even my process of rebooting wasn’t the straight shot that some men believe it to be.

However, I did maintain very strong boundaries regarding bedtime during my dating phase. I was always in bed by 11:00 PM or sometimes a rare midnight. Whenever I went on a date with a woman, I always made sure to be home in time to go through my evening routine before getting in bed.

I also maintained a two-date rule. The first date was a quick coffee date, no more than an hour, to determine whether there was a possibility of intimacy. If we didn’t get along or I didn’t see myself sleeping with this woman, I would finish up the date and move on with my life. If I was interested in pursuing something with her, I would invite her over to my house for a second date.

My boundaries were especially important during this second date because I still maintained my 11:00 PM bedtime. This meant I needed to meet with my date earlier in the evening so I had enough time to make my curfew.

I hate to break it to you, brother, but you do not have the luxury of living out a romantic Hollywood fantasy. There’s no hanging out with a chick for three or four hours and losing track of time. Maintaining your boundaries is crucial. If you’re rebooting, you must have a deadline for a chick to leave your place.

But again, determining boundaries is a personal experience. You will know what your boundaries should be if you’re willing to be honest with yourself. Checking in with an accountability partner will also help you determine whether you’re on the right track with releasing some old boundaries during the late and maintenance phases.

If you don’t already have an accountability partner or a group of men to check in with, now is a great time to find some. The Free Porn Reboot Facebook group is a great place to find brothers working on their reboot in all stages of the process. Come join us today and let us know where you’re at. Whether you’re still checking out the Porn Reboot system or you’re in the late stage and ready to release some boundaries, there are plenty of men who can help!

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The Simple Way to Increase Reboot Confidence

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The Simple Way to Increase Reboot Confidence

Confidence is something most of the brothers in the Porn Addiction Counseling Program our own reboot system struggle with.

It’s easy to feel defeated, ashamed, and remorseful when you struggle with out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. You’ve spent years hiding away from the world and trying to keep people from finding out what you do behind closed doors. Of course your confidence levels will be next to nothing.

Today I want to cover a simple process you can use to start building confidence. There are many different ways to achieve a level of confidence as you work through the Porn Reboot system, but I want to give you something actionable that you can implement immediately.

Confidence comes down to a mindset shift. I want you to look at the target you have in mind: quitting your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Ending your out-of-control behavior is the end goal, and it likely has been for some time already.

So if you made the decision many years ago that you’re going to permanently end your behavior, it doesn’t matter whether you’ve second-guessed yourself, whether you’ve failed in your attempts before, or how many times you’ve tried. What matters is that you chose to better your life in the first place.

I guarantee there are thousands of men hidden away behind their computers wishing they could have the strength to make that decision. They haven’t even attempted to end their behavior; they’ve resigned themselves to a miserable porn-filled life. But you, brother, are taking steps to leave that life behind for good.

Confidence can come from the knowledge of that simple fact. You chose to do something different with your life instead of continuing digging yourself deeper into that dark hole of misery, depression, and hopelessness. Even if you’re in the middle of a slip right now, you can always get back on the beam.

This is the easiest way to bridge the gap between you and the confidence you so badly need. You wouldn’t be here reading this if you weren’t at least somewhat set on deciding to end your behavior. I know it may sound silly or even too simple but sit there with that knowledge brother. Let it sink in and give yourself credit for choosing to take a different path.

Your confidence will continue to grow and strengthen as you progress through the Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot program. Simply embodying the knowledge that you’re ready to forge a new road should give you the boost of confidence it takes to begin. You’re part of something bigger than yourself, brother, and on the way to something incredible. Stay the course and watch as your life changes before your eyes.

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“At This Moment In My Reboot”

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“At This Moment In My Reboot”

Today I’ve got another great question from a brother in the Porn Reboot group. He asked:

“J.K., why do you say ‘At this moment in my reboot’ sometimes? You are 15 years free from pornography. Doesn’t it take two years to reboot, or at least for your brain to rewire? That sounds more like saying ‘At this point in my recovery’, which you regularly point out has no deadline. Don’t you often say you kick people out of the group once their reboot is ‘done’?”

A lot of men who first arrive at the Porn Reboot program assume that it’s just about quitting porn. Sure, quitting your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is the primary goal. However, quitting porn is only the beginning of the Porn Reboot process.

Instead, Porn Reboot is a holistic process. Cutting porn out of your life doesn’t magically heal all the other areas that you harmed. It doesn’t build back reboot capital in the parts of your life that are suffering. Eliminating your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is only the beginning.

Too many men think that quitting porn is all it takes to overcome porn addiction. If it were that simple I wouldn’t be doing what I was doing. I wouldn’t work with hundreds of men every year who burn their lives down because of their porn addiction problems. You wouldn’t be here reading this either if you truly believed that quitting porn was the only thing you needed to do.

No, brother. Quitting porn is only the start.

This is exactly why I’m so against things like “no fap.” Yeah, it’s great you stopped jerking off. That’s wonderful. But that’s not going to fix your financial issues. It’s not going to fix your mental health issues. It won’t fix your attachment issues or your social anxiety. Truthfully, quitting porn does nothing but magnify your lack of effective coping skills.

Remember that something made you rely on porn in the first place. Maybe it was medicating stress, maybe it was rejection at school, or maybe it was simple curiosity and seeking pleasure. Whatever the reason, though, porn became your solution to problems instead of actual problem-solving skills.

Eliminating porn is the first step. But developing coping skills and building a life worth living is where the true work lies. The system will get you to the point where you are no longer dependent on pornography, but it doesn’t mean the unresolved issues in your life are suddenly resolved. And that may take much longer than the two years required to rewire your brain.

I’m not some magical guru who has fixed every area of his life. I’m very aware of the areas where I’ve made a lot of progress but I’m also more than aware of the areas where I’m not where I want to be. I use the phrase “At this moment in my reboot” because I recognize that I still have work to do, too.

I view rebooting as a lifestyle, meaning I apply the principles I used to control my behavior to dealing with other unresolved issues. The system isn’t only useful for pornography, it’s useful for every area I want to work on in my life. I practice what I preach which means I’m still working on myself to this day.

Our brother was keen to recognize this point and I’m grateful that he brought it up. I don’t want you thinking that I believe I’ve got all the answers. I don’t. I simply have a system that works for me and the other men in the Porn Addiction Counseling group. And I don’t just sit here writing blog posts, making YouTube videos, and recording podcasts without continuing to do the work.

When you hear me say “At this point in my reboot,” I’m not referring to my sexual behavior or my behavior with pornography. I’m referring to the other unresolved issues that I’m dealing with in my life. I’m no better and no worse than you, brother. I’m on my own journey through life and dedicated to helping others escape the same hellish cycle I found myself in.

While I don’t believe we are porn addicts forever, I do believe we are forever works in progress. Very few people will ever truly achieve enlightenment. We’re always going to have things we need to work through in life. But when you remove your out-of-control sexual behavior from the equation, working on these issues becomes far more effective and manageable. And life becomes that much more beautiful, too.

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Porn Addiction Problem: Insecurity Around Other Men

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Porn Addiction Problem: Insecurity Around Other Men

A brother in our group noticed this recently and initiated a great conversation and by the way, he had major porn addiction problems. He said,

“I went to a bachelor party for my cousin not too long ago. When I arrived at the place and saw nothing but brand new BMWs, Benzes, Audis, and all these other luxury cars. There were like 50 of these different cars. Meanwhile, I pulled up in my Honda Civic with a different colored door.

“I saw a ton of guys with loads of money walking in and out of the building so I didn’t walk in. I didn’t even make it past the parking lot. I left because I was so filled with feelings of shame, anxiety, and inferiority. Have you guys ever experienced something like this?”

I appreciate these vulnerable posts because they often express something most of us deal with. You might think you’re alone in feeling a certain way but I can almost guarantee you that at least one other brother in the group relates to what you’re going through.

Feeling insecure around other men is a big problem for guys like us. As you may know, I grew up in poverty and my academic performance was terrible. When I was in my twenties and took my first job in door-to-door sales, I realized it would take many years for me to get those nice things our brother talked about in his post.

Although I couldn’t immediately acquire these nice external resources, I realized that I could maximize my internal resources and my external physique in the meantime. I developed a dedicated gym routine. I started working on my social skills. I was determined to overcome my crippling anxiety. I knew that honing these skills would make a massive difference as I worked to get some of those nicer things I wanted.

While these things didn’t get me a nice car or a nice apartment, they did keep me from worrying so much about the station wagon I drove around. I felt strong and confident, less concerned about what others thought of me. That confidence played into how I carried myself, how I integrated with others, and how I felt about myself as a whole.

Here’s the thing, brother: yes, it’s great to drive a nice car. It feels awesome to have a huge house, an expensive watch, designer clothing, and luxurious vacations. I won’t deny that those are all enjoyable things.

But here’s the other thing: if you don’t do any internal work and develop some confidence, none of your external circumstances matter. You could roll up in the most expensive Maserati on the planet but if you don’t know how to carry yourself then you’ll still feel insecure. You might be able to cling to your possessions for some time but they’ll eventually give way and you’ll find yourself feeling inferior again.

I truly believe that you should first focus on developing yourself. Work on your personality, your character, the energy you give out, the way you carry yourself, and your physique. When you focus on developing these things to the highest possible level, the result shines much brighter than even the nicest car you could buy. Eliminating porn addiction problems along the way.

Of course, there’s also nothing wrong with upgrading your vehicle to one that has four doors that match. But developing yourself allows you to carry yourself with confidence regardless of your circumstances, and that is something that no one can take away from you.

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Risky Emotions While Rebooting

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Risky Emotions While Rebooting

I’ve got another question from a brother in our group today. He says:

“Hey brothers, I have to stay accountable and report to you. I’ve had multiple slips over the past two days, twice yesterday and once today. It started when I was tired from the gym and came home to no one else in the house. I now recognize that isolation and tiredness were two major vulnerabilities.

“I looked at some images first but it quickly progressed into watching pornography. Then this morning I laid around in bed for a while and ended up looking at images on my phone again. It didn’t take long for me to open up a few tabs of porn again.

“This has happened so many times, easily hundreds. It has left me feeling off and scared, scared that I’m not going to be successful and that I’ll spend the rest of my life a complete mess. I know it’s down to me to change it but what if I don’t have it in me?”

I always appreciate it when a brother comes to us and shares where he is at. Growth only comes when we’re willing to ask for help. I know that at face value this might sound like a great share. It seems like it’s full of authenticity and accountability. However, there are some things in here to be wary of.

First, he ends his post by saying he feels off and scared because it’s something that’s happened “hundreds” of times. He feels his life is a “complete mess.” These statements are full of heavily charged emotions.

He also explains he had multiple slips within 24 hours. Here’s the thing, though. If you slip up repeatedly in a day then you’re now in a relapse, not just a slip. He should just say that he relapsed and leave it at that. A relapse isn’t much worse than a slip; you still get the same result.

Second, he did a great job of identifying his mistakes but he did nothing to change the situation. It’s great to recognize where you’re going wrong but recognition does nothing if you don’t take action to change it. Recognition is the first step but action is where the true change occurs. He needs to take this awareness going forward and apply action next time temptation arises.

Third, there are quite a few issues he could have addressed to keep himself less vulnerable. He mentions feeling tired which arises from a problem with self-care. He also says he was looking at his phone which could have been avoided if he kept his phone out of his room. And he also said he came home to an empty house so he could have reached out to someone because he knew he was in a risky place.

All of these things are valid porn addiction problems during your early reboot. If you don’t have much experience applying the reboot system to your life, they’re likely to arise at some point. The system outlines clear actions to take which can help you avoid these things but many of them are inevitable in the beginning.

Learning from other brothers in the group is a great way to recognize areas where you may eventually fall short or need some help. Take his view of his life as a complete mess, for example. How many times have you thought the same thing? How often have you felt like you’re never going to control your behavior?

Most of these experiences are common for all of us. They’re things we struggle with at various points during our reboot. But they don’t have to be things that take us down for the long run. Every man who arrives with porn addiction problems at the Porn Reboot program has a chance to change his life. None of us are hopeless or beyond recall. We all have the opportunity to become better men.

These emotionally-charged statements will hold you back from recognizing your ability to change, though. If you cannot take control of your emotions you’ll find they will drive your decisions over and over again. The sooner you learn to control your emotions the better. And implementing the Pornography Addiction Counseling which is the Porn Reboot into your life is the best place to start.

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Conservative Reboot Dating: Balancing Values and Experiences

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Conservative Reboot Dating: Balancing Values and Experiences

I’ve got another question from a brother today that addresses his concerns about his conservative views on casual dating. He asks:

“I’ve had a dialogue in my head for quite some time about the approach I should take to dating. I grew up in a very conservative family in a very conservative area. I have carried the value of only needing one woman for the rest of my life.

“However, recently I’ve considered the idea of dating casually without any intent for a long-term commitment. I feel a lot of resistance to this, though, and oftentimes sabotage opportunities with women I’m interested in. Am I wrong for only having gone out on a couple of dates with one person in his life? Is it wrong to have this sort of value?”

If you’ve been around the our Porn Addiction Counseling program for a while, you know that I recommend dating casually when you’re early in your reboot. I support you talking with and dating multiple women at a time because the primary goal is learning to enjoy interacting with women without expectations.

Dating multiple women at a time makes you less likely to be overly engaged, needy, and dependent while casually dating. You don’t see the woman you’re with as your only option which keeps you from feeling and behaving desperately.

However, if you hold a conservative view of dating you may struggle with seeing more than one woman at once. Some conservative segments of society frown upon the practice. Even if you aren’t ready to settle down, the idea that you would see multiple women isn’t an acceptable approach to the dating process.

I believe this is an antiquated concept. Dating in the Western world has changed a ton over the last few decades. Most people see nothing wrong with casually dating multiple people. It’s almost assumed that you’re seeing more than one person at once until exclusivity or commitment is explicitly mentioned.

Casual dating allows you to interact with and enjoy the company of other women. You’ve spent so many years isolating yourself from the world and lost touch with the skills necessary to build a relationship. If you only date one woman at a time, you hold yourself back from engaging with as many of them as possible. Why put yourself at a disadvantage there?

You should also consider that the way society views sex is much different than it used to be. Things are far more sexualized today than they ever were before. I was watching a show on HBO Max the other day and saw more penises at once than I ever had in my life. Everything is sexual nowadays.

Casual sex is also much more common. Both men and women are more likely to have more sexual partners before settling down than our predecessors did. Most of the women you date have likely sex with at least one or two people before. The majority of people are no longer “waiting ‘til marriage” like we were told to do when we were young.

Unfortunately, I see many of our conservative brothers rushing into marriage for the sole purpose of having sex. If your only focus is sex, brother, you’re going to have a miserable marriage. It won’t take long for men who hurry into these lifelong commitments based on the expectation regular sex to realize they made an incredible mistake.

Dating shouldn’t automatically equate to marriage just like dating shouldn’t automatically equate to sex. I support casual dating without the expectation of either prospect. You’ve spent the entirety of your porn addiction learning to objectify women, whether you realize it or not. Porn addiction problems strips all intimacy from the equation and destroys your ability to have healthy interactions with women. Casual dating is the first step to learning how to engage with women without objectifying them.

I’m not recommending you abandon your values, brother. You’ll find no one more supportive than me when it comes to adhering to your values. But I want to challenge you to reframe your beliefs about dating. Dating multiple women casually doesn’t have to mean rejecting your values. It’s simply a way to relearn how to interact with them without unrealistic expectations.

I do want to point out, though, that not everyone adheres to the same values as you. There’s nothing wrong with holding to your conservative values, but expecting the women you date to hold them as well is likely to set you up for frustration and disappointment. I’m not saying that every woman lacks these values but far fewer are sticking to them than they were before.

I also want to mention that if you’re dating for the sole purpose of getting married, I think you should pump the brakes a bit. Your brain is still rewiring and you don’t want to make a lifelong commitment without fully thinking it through.

If you aren’t already married then you have no reason to rush into things. It’s better to take your time and get to know some different women at a deeper level than what they have to offer physically. There is plenty of time in your life for marriage, brother, but right now is likely not the time. You don’t want to find yourself regretting your decision in the future.

Instead, focus on asking yourself whether casual dating truly goes against your conservative values. Do they need to be mutually exclusive or can you find a balance between the two? I firmly believe that you can have both, but it’s up to you to decide what is best for you.

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Women Ghosting You During Your Reboot

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Women Ghosting You During Your Reboot

Today’s post is for the single brothers out there who are getting back into dating and having some trouble. A brother in our group asked:

“Hey, J.K., I’ve noticed something as I’ve been meeting women and starting to date again. Whether it’s a girl I’ve dated casually for a few months or just a girl I’ve been texting with, women eventually start to ghost me. They just disappear. I’m now starting to assume that every woman I talk to will eventually ghost me. How can I balance having low expectations without indirectly negatively impacting my future opportunities with women?”

Regardless of your past experiences, brother, I don’t think you should have low expectations when it comes to dating women. I think that there aren’t enough men who understand what is going on in a woman’s world. I see it all the time with men who first start dating again after separating from their compulsive behavior, and they’re thoughts I struggled with, too.

Women grow up in a very different world than men do. They grow up in a world where they are fearful of being judged. They grow up in a world where they are at risk of being hurt or sexually assaulted. This means the way they communicate with men is much different than the ways that men communicate with each other.

Over time, I started realizing that many women don’t see the men they’re communicating with on apps or dating sites as “real” until she meets them in person. If she’s swiping on Tinder or has a profile on Plenty of Fish, you’re not the only man she’s talking to. She has all sorts of men throwing themselves at her. Chances are she has many more prospects than you do.

Oftentimes guys are far too communicative and it causes the girl to lose interest. If you’re available all the time it tells her that you don’t have anything interesting going on in your life. You shouldn’t have time to sit around sending walls of text all day. There’s no need to get yourself that invested when you haven’t even met her in person yet.

I don’t recommend spending a ton of time chit-chatting over text when you get a woman’s number. Get her number and set up the first date as soon as possible. You want to engage with her in person sooner rather than later so you become something more than just another name on the list on her phone. The sooner you meet up with her the better.

At the end of the day, though, dating in this day and age is a numbers game. You need to put in the numbers and let the results work themselves out. You’ll probably reach out to 20 or 30 women just to meet up with only two or three of them. I know it seems like a lot but that’s part of the process if you want to get back into the dating game.

There isn’t much you can do to keep a woman from ghosting you aside from maintaining her interest. Don’t make yourself overly available, meet up with her in person within a few days of initiating contact, and let the rest play out.

Both men and women have essentially instant access to hundreds of people for attention and validation. You shouldn’t take it personally when a woman ghosts you. That’s unfortunately just part of the dating process now whether we like it or not. All you can do is keep from investing too heavily into any one woman right away. If you’re overly invested you’ll find yourself feeling hurt if she ghosts.

Instead, continue focusing on yourself, brother. Keep building reboot capital or Pornography Addiction Counseling as you get back into the dating phase. If a woman cancels on you, you have plenty of other things to do. It’s no skin off your back because you’re building a life that’s worth waiting for the right one. You don’t need to take whatever you can get; there’s always another woman out there to meet with.

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How to Stop Porn Addiction: Overcoming Compulsive Use

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

How to Stop Porn Addiction: Overcoming Compulsive Use

Pornography is a touchy topic to talk about.

It’s something that you engage with during private times. Millions of people view porn to varying degrees, with tens of thousands accessing porn sites every second. Not everyone believes watching porn is problematic, but problems do arise for some people who view it.

Porn addiction is a serious problem for an estimated 3 to 6% of the population in the United States.1 Exact numbers are difficult to come by because high-speed internet pornography took off faster than researchers could keep up. People are also hesitant to talk about porn addiction problems because of the stigma surrounding them.

But you’ll never learn how to stop porn addiction if you aren’t able to ask for help. Still, the guilt and shame that people feel about their porn use make it almost impossible to reach out. Is there hope for people with pornography addiction? It may feel like compulsive porn use and masturbation will never go away, but there are tools you can use to overcome porn addiction.

What is Pornography Addiction?

Plenty of people view porn occasionally and the wide range of internet browsing data available backs that up. Use has skyrocketed over the last few decades, spurred by a few factors. Public opinion regarding porn has relaxed significantly. Additionally, the evolution of the internet has placed high-speed internet porn into the hands of anyone with a smartphone.

While not everyone who uses porn develops a problem, some become dependent on the images and videos they consume. Pornography addiction is the compulsive and uncontrolled use of pornography. Porn addiction has become a serious problem alongside the skyrocketing rates of pornography use among the population.

Some clinicians suggest that porn addiction problems are not a “real diagnosis.” They misunderstand the impact that porn has on men, especially as it has evolved over the last few years. Porn addiction causes difficulties in relationships, careers, families, and society as a whole.

How Porn Addiction Starts

Porn addiction problems are serious and often progressive. It typically begins during adolescence, often as an accidental exposure. With the incredible amount of pornography available on even the most common of sites, it’s difficult for children to avoid it entirely.

Young boys often seek out porn to learn more about sex or to explore themselves sexually.2 The sudden rush of dopamine from porn and masturbation becomes appealing to some of these young men and they continue engaging with it.

Most don’t realize they have a porn addiction problem until it’s too late. Oftentimes it starts during adolescence and progresses during their teenage years. When most or all sexual experiences occur on a screen, though, it severely affects sexual development. This lack of experience carries into adulthood and becomes a serious and ever-increasing problem.

Porn Addiction Symptoms

How do you know when porn addiction becomes a problem? There are some porn addiction symptoms you can look for to determine whether your use has crossed the line. Symptoms of pornography addiction include things like:

Losing interest in sex
Using porn to manage or cope with difficult emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues
Experiencing relationship problems with your spouse or partner because of your pornography use
Watching porn in risky situations, such as at work, in your car, or another public place
Ignoring responsibilities to watch porn
Having trouble focusing on tasks and activities because of preoccupation with thinking about porn
Viewing progressively more intense or extreme genres of porn to feel the same sense of arousal
Feeling ashamed, guilty, or frustrated for watching porn but continuing to watch it
Spending lots of time either watching porn, thinking about porn, or feeling tired from watching it for long periods
Spending lots of money on pornography, chat sites, or cam sites, even at the expense of necessities
Watching illegal genres of pornography after “vanilla” porn is no longer engaging
Progressing to real-life enactments of taboo or illegal acts seen in preferred genres of porn
Wanting to stop using porn but finding yourself unable to

If you notice any of the signs above, you may want to reconsider your relationship with pornography. It’s easy to convince yourself that you don’t have a problem. If you aren’t able to control your use, though, and it continues to get worse, it’s time to reach out for help.

How to Stop Porn Addiction

Learning how to stop porn addiction starts with asking for help. The Porn Reboot system offers a simple, straightforward solution to your problem with porn addiction. We understand that porn is not a moral problem and it doesn’t mean you’re worthless. There is a biological explanation for your preference for porn but it’s long surpassed its usefulness.

Instead, the Porn Reboot program equips you with the tools and skills necessary to overcome porn addiction. It starts right here with you. Make the decision to reach out today and begin your journey to freedom from the grips of porn addiction.

References

Journal of Clinical Medicine. (2019). Online Porn Addiction: What We Know and What We Don’t.
Enough is Enough. (2021). Pornography.

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