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Why You Need Standards in The Porn Reboot Program

Why You Need Standards in The Porn Reboot Program

There are lots of misconceptions surrounding the terms values, principles, and standards.

Other times people simply think they’re the same thing. Each term is similar and all three are related but there are unique differences that separate them.

Values are your long-lasting beliefs on certain issues and things that are important to you. They are essentially the foundation of your principles. Some examples of values are integrity, compassion, patience, and generosity.

Principles are indisputable, unchanging rules you hold that are based on your values. For example, “treat others the way you want to be treated” is a principle. Another one I apply in my life is “don’t dip your pen in company ink”, meaning don’t get involved with women at your work.

Standards are actions or behaviors that you expect yourself to live up to based on your values and principles. These include things like working hard, being rigorously honest, committing to your physical well-being, and supporting your family. 

How do values, principles, and standards play a role in your reboot?

Oftentimes I notice that people tend to pick up values, principles, or standards because they think they sound cool. They hear someone they admire or respect throw one of these things out and so they adopt it without thinking. However, if that value, principle, or standard doesn’t align with your truth, it’s not going to hold up over time.

Values, principles, and standards are all very personal things. You can’t simply look at someone else and take theirs as your own. Sure, there will always be some crossover between you and other people. But the system as a whole will differ slightly from person to person.

There isn’t necessarily a “right” or “wrong” way to approach these things. Everyone has a different way of thinking and believing. Our value systems are shaped by factors like the society you live in, the area you grow up in, your family, and your friends. At first, you’ll likely share some similar values, principles, and standards with those around you. Over time, though, you may start to recognize where the values you learned when you were young don’t align with how you see the world as an adult.

As you grow up, you develop a set of values and principles that fit with your beliefs. This results in a set of standards that you live your life by. An important distinction between values and principles and standards is that standards are very personal. People often try to impose their standards on others and it leads to problems. Values and principles are used to determine who you surround yourself with but standards aren’t something you can force others to adhere to.

I’ve talked about values and principles before and their importance in the reboot process. I don’t think I’ve dedicated enough attention to standards, though, and that’s what I want to focus on today. Developing standards is a crucial part of your reboot and I want to help you begin that process.

1. You must create personal standards that you adhere to at all times.

There is no avoiding developing a set of standards as a man in porn addiction recovery, sex, and masturbation. You cannot live a directionless life free from personal standards, nor can you simply adopt the standards of those around you. 

Your standards inform your decisions, from the job you take to the people you spend time with. If you don’t have standards you’ll be left to react to whatever happens around you. Successful men who are strong in their convictions do not live a reactionary life. They develop a set of standards and stick to them without question.

2. Recognize that your standards are not goals.

Some men mistake standards for goals. They believe that they’re ideals to work towards at some point in the future. However, standards are not something off in the distance. They should inform your life as it is right now in the present moment. Your standards serve as the filter for your decision-making and behaviors.

Every time a decision comes up you should run it by your personal standards. Does going out to the strip club with your buddies align with your standards for maintaining your reboot? Does slacking off at work align with the type of man you’re working to become? These aren’t distant decisions; they are happening right now and your standards inform your choices.

3. Your standards are yours and yours alone.

Again, standards are a personal framework for living. Standards are something you determine for yourself based on your values and principles. They are not something you impose on your friends and family. Nor are they something you adopt from the people around you. 

Drawing your standards from others leads to a dishonest life. Imposing your standards on others creates unrealistic expectations that will inevitably be unmet at some point. Your standards should work for you and you alone and serve as the driving force for your actions, not for others.

4. Standards are for personal fulfillment, not for impressing others.

Do not outline standards that you think will impress others. Even if they are aligned with your values and principles, standards aren’t a tool for boosting your ego. You’re still developing a dishonest set of standards if you approach them this way.

Instead, outline standards that leave you feeling personally fulfilled. They should be a framework for living that lets you put your head on the pillow at night knowing that you’re being true to yourself. Ultimately, the most important part of living a successful life is ensuring your thoughts and actions align with your beliefs. Standards are the way to ensure that happens.

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The Top 22 Objections to the Porn Reboot Program: Part 2

The Top 22 Objections to the Porn Reboot Program: Part 2

Today I’m bringing you the second half of the top 22 objections I hear from men joining the Porn Reboot program. I want to help you understand that your hesitations and concerns are far from unique. They’re something I hear regularly from men fearful of ending their out-of-control behavior. I know it’s not an easy step to take but I guarantee you that it’ll be the best decision you ever make.

12. I’m worried the Porn Reboot community will judge me

Every member feels the same way when they first join the program. It’s human nature to fear being judged especially for something like a porn problem. However, we have a zero-judgment policy in our community and I take that very seriously.

13. I’m scared about what I’ll have to share with the group

It’s perfectly normal to feel scared. Almost every member tells us they felt a bit scared when they joined but it didn’t take long to settle in. The group is caring, supportive, and attentive. We allow no room for judgment no matter who you are or what you’ve done.

14. I don’t want to join a group, I prefer one-on-one coaching

There’s a great quote from the book The Power of Habits by Charles Duhigg: “Real transformation occurs amongst other people.” Countless studies show that effective change happens when you’re around a group of like-minded individuals and the same applies to your reboot.

15. I don’t feel like I’m ready

You’re never going to feel like you’re ready, brother. Acknowledging your porn addiction problem is a difficult thing to do and you’ll never feel prepared enough. But you need to take action at some point if you want results and sooner is always better.

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Humor, Healing & Growth: Porn Addiction Recovery Insights with Porn Reboot Program

Humor, Healing & Growth: Porn Addiction Recovery Insights with Porn Reboot Program

I like to find or make funny memes and post them in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot Facebook group about once a week. Like a lot of others, I find that humor is a great way to cope with topics and experiences that can be difficult and painful at times. So our weekly memes are something that brothers in the group often look forward to.

A couple of weeks ago I made a meme that I thought was pretty funny. It was a picture of Mr. Clean, that bald white mascot for a cleaning company, wringing water out a sponge. The caption on the image said, “Your wife’s panties after hearing you decided to quit pornography and join Porn Reboot.”

It was pretty hilarious if I do say so myself, and lots of guys in the group thought it was great, too. We spent so many years more interested in porn than sex with our wives or partners. Lots of us struggled with porn-induced erectile dysfunction, too. No wonder our spouse is excited when we’re finally ready to quit porn. And any man with the same experience can relate. 

But some brothers had some choice words in response.

“Bad. Just bad.”

“What little interest I had in joining your program is gone now.”

“Completely unprofessional.”

“Do you wanna be taken seriously?”

“You charge folks for porn reboot coaching and you post this crap?”

“Apologize to the group and take it down right now.”

I was astounded at how many people were offended by a simple joke. I didn’t think it would cause that much of a problem. But it also got me thinking about what being offended by things means at a deeper level.

It reminds me of when I was a confused Catholic guy in my 20s. During my freshman year of college, I remember watching drunk girls come home with a guy and judging them. Night after night I sat with my friends calling these women all sorts of names, but then went back to my dorm room and angrily jerked off at the same girls I judged.

I judged women I couldn’t be with. I judged comedians who made vulgar jokes on late-night television about different actresses and celebrities. And then I would masturbate while thinking of whatever woman made me angry earlier.

Over time I realized that I wasn’t actually angry at these women or those jokes.

I was really just angry at myself.

I was upset at my lack of sexual control and how quickly I betrayed my perceived values. Those things that I thought made me angry really just aroused shame, guilt, and jealousy. It wasn’t the world that had the problem, it was me. I was the one with a messed-up view of the world, looking at everything through the lens of my porn-addled brain.

Lots of the men in the Porn Reboot program grew up in households held together by Catholicism or Christianity. We weren’t taught that sexual jokes are okay. And then our closet porn addiction stunted our ability to relate with women, but we believed our lack of sexual experience was their problem.

I spent so much time placing blame on others that I never bothered to consider the common denominator every time I was offended: me. I was the one finding fault in everything when really I was the one at fault.

I imagine the brothers who lashed out at the simple, silly meme I posted are dealing with something similar. Many of us share similar experiences and they’re probably dealing with underlying self-loathing, shame, and guilt. They haven’t yet employed the tools we use in the Porn Reboot program to determine the source of these feelings.

Instead, they lash out at perceived offenses or injustices. They allow external circumstances to dictate their internal condition. And I know from experience because I did the same thing. Thankfully, I learned to respond to situations and circumstances, not react. It isn’t an overnight process but it’s possible.

If you’re struggling with finding offense in everything around you, then your reboot will help. Porn Reboot is about so much more than pornography. Sure, porn addiction is what gets you in the door but you’ll find more than that waiting for you once you commit to the process. Freeing yourself from the need to feel offended is one of the most important things you can do. Join us today and find out for yourself just how incredible that freedom can be.

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The Top 22 Objections to the Porn Reboot Program: Part 1

The Top 22 Objections to the Porn Reboot Program: Part 1

I want to cover 22 of the main objections I hear from men when they want to start the Porn Reboot program. I can almost guarantee that you’ve thought at least a few of these things along the way to ending your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. There are solutions to every objection, though, and I want to review the first half of them today.

1. I can do this with willpower alone

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, brother, but statistics suggest that about 4% of men succeed and 96% of men fail by trying to use willpower alone. Sure, there is a slight chance you might be part of that 4% but there’s a much higher chance of you being part of the majority.

2. I can do this on my own

I see tons of men who believe they can learn to manage their out-of-control behavior on their own. They’re confident that their motivation will propel them to success. You’re far from alone if you’re thinking this, but how many times have you tried the isolated motivation approach before?

3. I’ll try SLAA or another 12-step program instead

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual-based 12-step approach to overcoming porn and sex addiction. However, like the willpower approach, studies show that SLAA fails 92 to 94% of people who try it.

4. I don’t really have that big of a porn problem

I hear this from so many men who show up to Porn Reboot and I have a hard time not chuckling. If you didn’t have a serious problem with porn, brother, then how did you reach this site in the first place? Why are you still reading this blog post?

5. I shouldn’t have to pay to quit watching porn

Sure, that’s an understandable way of thinking. I didn’t want to have to pay to end my out-of-control behavior, either. But if your alternatives leave you with a 4 to 8% success rate, wouldn’t you rather use a more effective approach? Investing in yourself could be the thing that finally helps you end this behavior.

6. I shouldn’t have to pay what your programs cost

No one is telling you that you have to pay for the Porn Reboot program. You’re more than welcome to use a cheaper alternative, but you’ll receive the results that the cheaper alternative offers. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a program that provides the same results at a lower price point.

7. I can spend my money on better things

I won’t argue with you about that. There are plenty of more entertaining ways to spend your money. However, you got yourself to a point where you can no longer control your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Could there really be anything better to spend your money on than learning to control the behaviors actively destroying your life?

8. My wife, friends, or church group can hold me accountable

Tony Robbins, the famous motivational coach, says that friends and spouses are the worst people to look to for accountability. Most of the time your friends and spouse allow you room to cut corners. Your porn problem is not something you can cut corners with, though, or it will only get worse.

9. I fear people will find out that I’m doing this

That’s a reasonable fear, but everything in the Porn Reboot group is private and confidential. Our entire program is hidden from the general public; no one will know that you’re in the Porn Reboot program unless you tell them.

10. I’ll be embarrassed if people know I’m in a porn addiction program

I get it, brother. I felt embarrassed when I first shared that I had a porn addiction problem with others, too. One of the most important things we do in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot system is to teach members to be confident while powerfully owning and celebrating a porn-free lifestyle.

11. I worry I won’t really like the Porn Reboot community

If you’re like most men who struggle with compulsive behaviors with porn, sex, and masturbation, chances are you’ll enjoy the group. We share a lot of similar traits and tendencies. I’m selective about who I work with which means our community is fun, welcoming, educated, smart, and successful. It’s a fantastic group of men.


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