“Hey J.K., how do we get rid of porn-induced fetishes? In my case, I have fantasies of being dominated. Things like femdom, face-sitting, edging, and even pegging are a turn-on. When I hear or read the word dominant or domination, it involuntarily makes me think of femdom. And sometimes I even get a soft erection from just hearing the word.
“It makes me disgusted and yet I still find pleasure in it. I’ve started to meditate to increase my awareness of these thoughts and emotions, but every time my mind thinks of pornography it fantasizes about domination. Will this go away with time as I abstain from pornography or do I have to address it in a specific way?”
Porn-induced fetishes are a common experience for plenty of men who deal with porn addiction. I’ve written and talked about them in the past, offering various techniques for overcoming them. As you get deeper into your compulsive porn use, you must seek out more extreme genres to achieve arousal. This usually means finding yourself watching increasingly questionable types of pornography, things you may not have imagined yourself interested in.
Over time, these varying kinds of pornography can affect your arousal template. You might find yourself stimulated by acts that you were never intrigued by in the past. This is exactly what this brother is experiencing now with his femdom fantasies.
Before I go further, I want to point out that there’s nothing wrong with fetishes. Human sexual behavior covers a vast range of interests, fantasies, and fetishes, and you’ll learn to be comfortable with your preferences as you reboot. Today I’m talking about those that are strictly porn-induced, not those that are a genuine part of your sexuality.
I also want to reassure you that you can overcome porn-induced fetishes. More often than not they aren’t a permanent thing. Time away from porn should help you return to your normal arousal template. If you commit to the reboot process you’ll find that you can overcome a lot more than you ever imagined.
Developing awareness is the primary way to work through your unwanted porn-induced fetishes. Self-awareness is key to separating your natural sexual interests from those that arose as a result of your porn addiction. Learning to recognize feelings you experience when thinking about different sexual experiences is key to this process.
For example, porn-induced fetishes cause feelings of shame, regret, and disgust. If you notice any of these arising, you’re likely dealing with one that’s porn addiction problems. The more you learn about yourself and the more you remove porn from your life, the easier it will be to separate the two.
This awareness comes as part of the reboot process. It takes time to figure out what parts are leftover from your porn addiction and what parts are your natural arousal template. As you stick with the system, though, you develop clarity of mind and body. You recognize what is and isn’t for you. And it’s not because you’re fighting your brain; it’s because you’re working with it.
Once you’re fully rebooted, you’ll find that fetishes that left you feeling disgusted with yourself are no longer a part of your life. You won’t feel that small bit of excitement like our brother does when he hears the word “dominant.” Those old fetishes will no longer have power over you and you’ll get to walk the world a free man. This incredible gift is only one of the many things you’ll find as part of the process in Porn Reboot.