Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever

DOWNLOAD NOW
CALL OR TEXT FOR CONFIDENTIAL HELP 24/7: (505) 591-0821
CALL OR TEXT (505) 226-5924
Main Menu
Facebook Twitter Youtube

Automation Agency Concierge

“At This Moment In My Reboot”

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
“At This Moment In My Reboot”

Today I’ve got another great question from a brother in the Porn Reboot group. He asked:

“J.K., why do you say ‘At this moment in my reboot’ sometimes? You are 15 years free from pornography. Doesn’t it take two years to reboot, or at least for your brain to rewire? That sounds more like saying ‘At this point in my recovery’, which you regularly point out has no deadline. Don’t you often say you kick people out of the group once their reboot is ‘done’?”

A lot of men who first arrive at the Porn Reboot program assume that it’s just about quitting porn. Sure, quitting your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is the primary goal. However, quitting porn is only the beginning of the Porn Reboot process. 

Instead, Porn Reboot is a holistic process. Cutting porn out of your life doesn’t magically heal all the other areas that you harmed. It doesn’t build back reboot capital in the parts of your life that are suffering. Eliminating your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is only the beginning.

Too many men think that quitting porn is all it takes to overcome porn addiction. If it were that simple I wouldn’t be doing what I was doing. I wouldn’t work with hundreds of men every year who burn their lives down because of their porn addiction problems. You wouldn’t be here reading this either if you truly believed that quitting porn was the only thing you needed to do.

No, brother. Quitting porn is only the start.

This is exactly why I’m so against things like “no fap.” Yeah, it’s great you stopped jerking off. That’s wonderful. But that’s not going to fix your financial issues. It’s not going to fix your mental health issues. It won’t fix your attachment issues or your social anxiety. Truthfully, quitting porn does nothing but magnify your lack of effective coping skills.

Remember that something made you rely on porn in the first place. Maybe it was medicating stress, maybe it was rejection at school, or maybe it was simple curiosity and seeking pleasure. Whatever the reason, though, porn became your solution to problems instead of actual problem-solving skills.

Eliminating porn is the first step. But developing coping skills and building a life worth living is where the true work lies. The system will get you to the point where you are no longer dependent on pornography, but it doesn’t mean the unresolved issues in your life are suddenly resolved. And that may take much longer than the two years required to rewire your brain. 

I’m not some magical guru who has fixed every area of his life. I’m very aware of the areas where I’ve made a lot of progress but I’m also more than aware of the areas where I’m not where I want to be. I use the phrase “At this moment in my reboot” because I recognize that I still have work to do, too.

I view rebooting as a lifestyle, meaning I apply the principles I used to control my behavior to dealing with other unresolved issues. The system isn’t only useful for pornography, it’s useful for every area I want to work on in my life. I practice what I preach which means I’m still working on myself to this day.

Our brother was keen to recognize this point and I’m grateful that he brought it up. I don’t want you thinking that I believe I’ve got all the answers. I don’t. I simply have a system that works for me and the other men in the Porn Addiction Counseling group. And I don’t just sit here writing blog posts, making YouTube videos, and recording podcasts without continuing to do the work.

When you hear me say “At this point in my reboot,” I’m not referring to my sexual behavior or my behavior with pornography. I’m referring to the other unresolved issues that I’m dealing with in my life. I’m no better and no worse than you, brother. I’m on my own journey through life and dedicated to helping others escape the same hellish cycle I found myself in.

While I don’t believe we are porn addicts forever, I do believe we are forever works in progress. Very few people will ever truly achieve enlightenment. We’re always going to have things we need to work through in life. But when you remove your out-of-control sexual behavior from the equation, working on these issues becomes far more effective and manageable. And life becomes that much more beautiful, too.

 

“At This Moment In My Reboot” Read More »

Porn Addiction Problem: Insecurity Around Other Men

Porn Addiction Problems / By
Porn Addiction Problem: Insecurity Around Other Men

A brother in our group noticed this recently and initiated a great conversation and by the way, he had major porn addiction problems. He said,

“I went to a bachelor party for my cousin not too long ago. When I arrived at the place and saw nothing but brand new BMWs, Benzes, Audis, and all these other luxury cars. There were like 50 of these different cars. Meanwhile, I pulled up in my Honda Civic with a different colored door.

“I saw a ton of guys with loads of money walking in and out of the building so I didn’t walk in. I didn’t even make it past the parking lot. I left because I was so filled with feelings of shame, anxiety, and inferiority. Have you guys ever experienced something like this?”

I appreciate these vulnerable posts because they often express something most of us deal with. You might think you’re alone in feeling a certain way but I can almost guarantee you that at least one other brother in the group relates to what you’re going through.

Feeling insecure around other men is a big problem for guys like us. As you may know, I grew up in poverty and my academic performance was terrible. When I was in my twenties and took my first job in door-to-door sales, I realized it would take many years for me to get those nice things our brother talked about in his post. 

Although I couldn’t immediately acquire these nice external resources, I realized that I could maximize my internal resources and my external physique in the meantime. I developed a dedicated gym routine. I started working on my social skills. I was determined to overcome my crippling anxiety. I knew that honing these skills would make a massive difference as I worked to get some of those nicer things I wanted. 

While these things didn’t get me a nice car or a nice apartment, they did keep me from worrying so much about the station wagon I drove around. I felt strong and confident, less concerned about what others thought of me. That confidence played into how I carried myself, how I integrated with others, and how I felt about myself as a whole.

Here’s the thing, brother: yes, it’s great to drive a nice car. It feels awesome to have a huge house, an expensive watch, designer clothing, and luxurious vacations. I won’t deny that those are all enjoyable things.

But here’s the other thing: if you don’t do any internal work and develop some confidence, none of your external circumstances matter. You could roll up in the most expensive Maserati on the planet but if you don’t know how to carry yourself then you’ll still feel insecure. You might be able to cling to your possessions for some time but they’ll eventually give way and you’ll find yourself feeling inferior again.

I truly believe that you should first focus on developing yourself. Work on your personality, your character, the energy you give out, the way you carry yourself, and your physique. When you focus on developing these things to the highest possible level, the result shines much brighter than even the nicest car you could buy.  Eliminating porn addiction problems along the way.

Of course, there’s also nothing wrong with upgrading your vehicle to one that has four doors that match. But developing yourself allows you to carry yourself with confidence regardless of your circumstances, and that is something that no one can take away from you.

Porn Addiction Problem: Insecurity Around Other Men Read More »

Risky Emotions While Rebooting

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Risky Emotions While Rebooting

I’ve got another question from a brother in our group today. He says:

“Hey brothers, I have to stay accountable and report to you. I’ve had multiple slips over the past two days, twice yesterday and once today. It started when I was tired from the gym and came home to no one else in the house. I now recognize that isolation and tiredness were two major vulnerabilities.

“I looked at some images first but it quickly progressed into watching pornography. Then this morning I laid around in bed for a while and ended up looking at images on my phone again. It didn’t take long for me to open up a few tabs of porn again.

“This has happened so many times, easily hundreds. It has left me feeling off and scared, scared that I’m not going to be successful and that I’ll spend the rest of my life a complete mess. I know it’s down to me to change it but what if I don’t have it in me?”

I always appreciate it when a brother comes to us and shares where he is at. Growth only comes when we’re willing to ask for help. I know that at face value this might sound like a great share. It seems like it’s full of authenticity and accountability. However, there are some things in here to be wary of.

First, he ends his post by saying he feels off and scared because it’s something that’s happened “hundreds” of times. He feels his life is a “complete mess.” These statements are full of heavily charged emotions.

He also explains he had multiple slips within 24 hours. Here’s the thing, though. If you slip up repeatedly in a day then you’re now in a relapse, not just a slip. He should just say that he relapsed and leave it at that. A relapse isn’t much worse than a slip; you still get the same result.

Second, he did a great job of identifying his mistakes but he did nothing to change the situation. It’s great to recognize where you’re going wrong but recognition does nothing if you don’t take action to change it. Recognition is the first step but action is where the true change occurs. He needs to take this awareness going forward and apply action next time temptation arises.

Third, there are quite a few issues he could have addressed to keep himself less vulnerable. He mentions feeling tired which arises from a problem with self-care. He also says he was looking at his phone which could have been avoided if he kept his phone out of his room. And he also said he came home to an empty house so he could have reached out to someone because he knew he was in a risky place.

All of these things are valid porn addiction problems during your early reboot. If you don’t have much experience applying the reboot system to your life, they’re likely to arise at some point. The system outlines clear actions to take which can help you avoid these things but many of them are inevitable in the beginning.

Learning from other brothers in the group is a great way to recognize areas where you may eventually fall short or need some help. Take his view of his life as a complete mess, for example. How many times have you thought the same thing? How often have you felt like you’re never going to control your behavior?

Most of these experiences are common for all of us. They’re things we struggle with at various points during our reboot. But they don’t have to be things that take us down for the long run. Every man who arrives with porn addiction problems at the Porn Reboot program has a chance to change his life. None of us are hopeless or beyond recall. We all have the opportunity to become better men.

These emotionally-charged statements will hold you back from recognizing your ability to change, though. If you cannot take control of your emotions you’ll find they will drive your decisions over and over again. The sooner you learn to control your emotions the better. And implementing the Pornography Addiction Counseling which is the Porn Reboot into your life is the best place to start.

Risky Emotions While Rebooting Read More »

Conservative Reboot Dating: Balancing Values and Experiences

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Conservative Reboot Dating: Balancing Values and Experiences

I’ve got another question from a brother today that addresses his concerns about his conservative views on casual dating. He asks: 

“I’ve had a dialogue in my head for quite some time about the approach I should take to dating. I grew up in a very conservative family in a very conservative area. I have carried the value of only needing one woman for the rest of my life. 

“However, recently I’ve considered the idea of dating casually without any intent for a long-term commitment. I feel a lot of resistance to this, though, and oftentimes sabotage opportunities with women I’m interested in. Am I wrong for only having gone out on a couple of dates with one person in his life? Is it wrong to have this sort of value?”

If you’ve been around the our Porn Addiction Counseling program for a while, you know that I recommend dating casually when you’re early in your reboot. I support you talking with and dating multiple women at a time because the primary goal is learning to enjoy interacting with women without expectations. 

Dating multiple women at a time makes you less likely to be overly engaged, needy, and dependent while casually dating. You don’t see the woman you’re with as your only option which keeps you from feeling and behaving desperately. 

However, if you hold a conservative view of dating you may struggle with seeing more than one woman at once. Some conservative segments of society frown upon the practice. Even if you aren’t ready to settle down, the idea that you would see multiple women isn’t an acceptable approach to the dating process.

I believe this is an antiquated concept. Dating in the Western world has changed a ton over the last few decades. Most people see nothing wrong with casually dating multiple people. It’s almost assumed that you’re seeing more than one person at once until exclusivity or commitment is explicitly mentioned.

Casual dating allows you to interact with and enjoy the company of other women. You’ve spent so many years isolating yourself from the world and lost touch with the skills necessary to build a relationship. If you only date one woman at a time, you hold yourself back from engaging with as many of them as possible. Why put yourself at a disadvantage there?

You should also consider that the way society views sex is much different than it used to be. Things are far more sexualized today than they ever were before. I was watching a show on HBO Max the other day and saw more penises at once than I ever had in my life. Everything is sexual nowadays. 

Casual sex is also much more common. Both men and women are more likely to have more sexual partners before settling down than our predecessors did. Most of the women you date have likely sex with at least one or two people before. The majority of people are no longer “waiting ‘til marriage” like we were told to do when we were young.

Unfortunately, I see many of our conservative brothers rushing into marriage for the sole purpose of having sex. If your only focus is sex, brother, you’re going to have a miserable marriage. It won’t take long for men who hurry into these lifelong commitments based on the expectation regular sex to realize they made an incredible mistake.

Dating shouldn’t automatically equate to marriage just like dating shouldn’t automatically equate to sex. I support casual dating without the expectation of either prospect. You’ve spent the entirety of your porn addiction learning to objectify women, whether you realize it or not. Porn addiction problems strips all intimacy from the equation and destroys your ability to have healthy interactions with women. Casual dating is the first step to learning how to engage with women without objectifying them. 

I’m not recommending you abandon your values, brother. You’ll find no one more supportive than me when it comes to adhering to your values. But I want to challenge you to reframe your beliefs about dating. Dating multiple women casually doesn’t have to mean rejecting your values. It’s simply a way to relearn how to interact with them without unrealistic expectations.

I do want to point out, though, that not everyone adheres to the same values as you. There’s nothing wrong with holding to your conservative values, but expecting the women you date to hold them as well is likely to set you up for frustration and disappointment. I’m not saying that every woman lacks these values but far fewer are sticking to them than they were before.

I also want to mention that if you’re dating for the sole purpose of getting married, I think you should pump the brakes a bit. Your brain is still rewiring and you don’t want to make a lifelong commitment without fully thinking it through. 

If you aren’t already married then you have no reason to rush into things. It’s better to take your time and get to know some different women at a deeper level than what they have to offer physically. There is plenty of time in your life for marriage, brother, but right now is likely not the time. You don’t want to find yourself regretting your decision in the future.

Instead, focus on asking yourself whether casual dating truly goes against your conservative values. Do they need to be mutually exclusive or can you find a balance between the two? I firmly believe that you can have both, but it’s up to you to decide what is best for you.

Conservative Reboot Dating: Balancing Values and Experiences Read More »

Women Ghosting You During Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Women Ghosting You During Your Reboot

Today’s post is for the single brothers out there who are getting back into dating and having some trouble. A brother in our group asked:

“Hey, J.K., I’ve noticed something as I’ve been meeting women and starting to date again. Whether it’s a girl I’ve dated casually for a few months or just a girl I’ve been texting with, women eventually start to ghost me. They just disappear. I’m now starting to assume that every woman I talk to will eventually ghost me. How can I balance having low expectations without indirectly negatively impacting my future opportunities with women?”

Regardless of your past experiences, brother, I don’t think you should have low expectations when it comes to dating women. I think that there aren’t enough men who understand what is going on in a woman’s world. I see it all the time with men who first start dating again after separating from their compulsive behavior, and they’re thoughts I struggled with, too.

Women grow up in a very different world than men do. They grow up in a world where they are fearful of being judged. They grow up in a world where they are at risk of being hurt or sexually assaulted. This means the way they communicate with men is much different than the ways that men communicate with each other.

Over time, I started realizing that many women don’t see the men they’re communicating with on apps or dating sites as “real” until she meets them in person. If she’s swiping on Tinder or has a profile on Plenty of Fish, you’re not the only man she’s talking to. She has all sorts of men throwing themselves at her. Chances are she has many more prospects than you do.

Oftentimes guys are far too communicative and it causes the girl to lose interest. If you’re available all the time it tells her that you don’t have anything interesting going on in your life. You shouldn’t have time to sit around sending walls of text all day. There’s no need to get yourself that invested when you haven’t even met her in person yet.

I don’t recommend spending a ton of time chit-chatting over text when you get a woman’s number. Get her number and set up the first date as soon as possible. You want to engage with her in person sooner rather than later so you become something more than just another name on the list on her phone. The sooner you meet up with her the better.

At the end of the day, though, dating in this day and age is a numbers game. You need to put in the numbers and let the results work themselves out. You’ll probably reach out to 20 or 30 women just to meet up with only two or three of them. I know it seems like a lot but that’s part of the process if you want to get back into the dating game.

There isn’t much you can do to keep a woman from ghosting you aside from maintaining her interest. Don’t make yourself overly available, meet up with her in person within a few days of initiating contact, and let the rest play out. 

Both men and women have essentially instant access to hundreds of people for attention and validation. You shouldn’t take it personally when a woman ghosts you. That’s unfortunately just part of the dating process now whether we like it or not. All you can do is keep from investing too heavily into any one woman right away. If you’re overly invested you’ll find yourself feeling hurt if she ghosts.

Instead, continue focusing on yourself, brother. Keep building reboot capital or Pornography Addiction Counseling as you get back into the dating phase. If a woman cancels on you, you have plenty of other things to do. It’s no skin off your back because you’re building a life that’s worth waiting for the right one. You don’t need to take whatever you can get; there’s always another woman out there to meet with.

Women Ghosting You During Your Reboot Read More »

The Benefit of Systems for Quitting Porn

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
The Benefit of Systems for Quitting Porn

If you’ve been around the Porn Reboot program for a few months, you know that I’m a big fan of systems.

A system is a set of actions to follow that generates predictable and improved results. I follow systems in each area of my life, from my reboot to my work and even my spirituality. I prefer knowing that I’m heading in the right direction and I believe systems are the best way to get there.

I recently developed an acronym that I like:

  • Something
  • You
  • Stick
  • To
  • Emphatically (and)
  • Methodically

If you stick to something emphatically and methodically, chances are it will lead to a predictable outcome. Developing a system was a game-changer during my early reboot. I had to do a lot of guessing and checking because I didn’t know anyone before me who ended their out-of-control behavior, but it led to the successful Porn Reboot system we all follow today.

Chances are, if you’re anything like me, you’ve thrown a lot of willpower at your porn problem up to this point. You’ve tried tons of ways to end your behavior yet you’re still in the same place you started, or maybe an even worse one. I was stuck in the willpower cycle for years convinced I was making a difference but accomplishing nothing.

It wasn’t successful until I created an intentional system of actions that worked with my biology instead of against it. Until that point, I was edging, drinking to the point of inebriation, hitting the snooze button, skipping my morning routines, bailing on the gym, and more. This led to stress, caffeinated overstimulation, crashing in the evenings, and a lot of wasted time.

So, how do you implement a system in your life? Just because you have access to a porn addiction recovery system doesn’t mean you’re going to stick to it. What can you do to ensure you do what it takes to apply a system to your life? And what are the benefits of doing so?

How to Incorporate a System

Start small. Pick one thing you’re going to do without fail that will be negotiated with anyone. Not your wife, not your children, not your friends, not your boss, and especially not yourself. Determine which aspect of the Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot system will be the first thing you adhere to without fail.

This might be your morning routine, getting on a call with your Porn Reboot coach, or going to the gym. Pick one thing that you will do regardless of any excuses that come up. Decide now that you will not let anything derail you from this one non-negotiable and then follow through on it.

Set up your days and weeks to make sure you have enough time to commit to your non-negotiable. It should be something small enough that you won’t talk yourself out of it but significant enough that it provides a positive result when you do it.

Meditation was my first non-negotiable. I spent many years before that half-heartedly meditating. I would practice here and there but was never consistent. So I decided that committing to a meditation routine would be my first change.

After you consistently commit to your non-negotiables for a few weeks, add another one into the mix and stick with it for another few weeks. Now you’ll find yourself committed to two beneficial practices. Although you couldn’t stick to anything a month or two ago, now you’ll find yourself consistent with two positive things.

This is how you start to implement a system. Continue adding new non-negotiables as you successfully stick to your previous ones. It gets easier to take on more as you become accustomed to it and notice the benefits they bring.

Benefits of Sticking to a System

I wouldn’t recommend implementing a system in your life if I didn’t think there were any positives. I’ve experienced so many good things that came from my adherence to a system. I’ve also watched those things happen in the lives of the men I’ve helped through the Porn Addiction Counseling Reboot program. What are some of these benefits?

Relapse Prevention

Instead of relying on your willpower to keep you from slipping, a system provides clear-cut instructions to prevent porn addiction relapse. You always have at least a few actions you can take when you notice temptation rising. You also have a set of behaviors you adhere to that keep those temptations at bay to begin with.

Letting Go of Reliance on Willpower

Don’t get me wrong – there is still some need for willpower when it comes to implementing a system. You have to take initiative; no one will come in and do the work for you. However, the difference is you’re not throwing willpower at the problem with no result. You’re using it to work with you as you implement healthy habits instead.

You Don’t Have to Do it Alone

One of the best parts of the Porn Reboot system in particular is it keeps you from handling your struggles alone. You’ll find yourself surrounded by a group of men who understand what you’re going through. They’ve been where you are and know the way out. And eventually, you’ll be the man helping others out of the place you’re in now.

Join the Porn Reboot System

It should be more than clear by now why you need a system to overcome your compulsive behavior with porn addiction, sex, and masturbation. You’ve probably tried at least a few things with no success already. Why not implement something that’s proven to work? The Porn Reboot program has helped men overcome their out-of-control behavior for more than a decade. Come join us in the FREE Porn Reboot Facebook group and get started today!

The Benefit of Systems for Quitting Porn Read More »

How to Measure Your Reboot Goals in 2022

Porn Addiction Recovery / By

Can you believe we’re already in the final week of 2021?

Winter holidays have come and gone and we’re only a few days away from New Year’s. If you haven’t already, now is the time to sit down and outline some goals for yourself during the upcoming year. Take a moment to reflect on 2021 and look forward to what you want to accomplish in 2022.

One critical aspect of setting effective goals is ensuring you can measure your progress. If your goal isn’t measurable, how will you know whether you’re on track to reach it or not? 

Some goals are easy to measure and track. Things like financial numbers or business milestones are straightforward and measurable. You can see precisely how close you are to accomplishing what you’re working toward.

When it comes to your porn addiction recovery, though, setting measurable goals is a bit more difficult. Many brothers are tempted to measure their success by their porn-free time. Sure, counting days is the easiest way to measure but it’s the least effective way to track progress. I’ve always been very vocal about encouraging men in the Porn Reboot program to not count days. I believe that porn-free streaks don’t matter, nor do I believe they are a true measure of your progress.

Counting days means nothing. What is the point of not masturbating if you aren’t going to make any other changes? Why would you not bust a nut for months and months but remain the same cranky, irritable, emotional person you’ve always been? If you remain undisciplined, isolated, and lack determination, then who cares how long your streak is?

There are better ways to measure your reboot goals in 2022.

Measure your improvement by recognizing whether you’re still acting out in ways that lead to slips. Measure your improvement based on your emotions and behavior. Measure your improvement by tracking the coping skills you implement or reboot capital you gain. Measure your improvement using the strength of your relationships.

These are all far more useful indicators of success than the number of days since you last jerked off or watched porn.

The Porn Reboot program is not for men who only want to overcome their pornography addiction. It isn’t for men who are concerned with their porn use or masturbation but not the other areas of their lives that are falling apart. It’s not for men who aren’t willing to make drastic changes in their lives to leave their old ways behind.

Instead, the Porn Reboot program is for men ready to dedicate their time, attention, and energy to becoming the best version of themselves possible. It’s for men who are tired of living directionless, pathetic lives that center around watching porn and masturbating. The program is a pathway to help you not only overcome your compulsive sexual behavior but to enhance your entire life.

If you want an easy way to measure your porn addiction recovery goals in 2022, I encourage you to sign up for our free “Best Year Ever” training program. It’s my gift to you for being part of the Porn Reboot community. Whether you’re new to the blog or you’ve been reading for a while, I want to offer this free blueprint that will help you start the year strong as a way to thank you for joining us here.

Once you sign up, I invite you to join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group if you haven’t already. We’re a group of hardworking, high-performing men dedicated to helping every man who wants to overcome his behavior with porn and reframe his life. If that sounds like you, sign up for the free program, join the group, and let us know that you’re starting 2022 strong with us. 

Looking forward to seeing you, brother.

How to Measure Your Reboot Goals in 2022 Read More »

You Do You

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Crafting Self-Made Laws: Finding Purpose Beyond Addiction

I know. 

It sounds cliché.

“You do you!”

You see it on inspirational Instagram influencers’ pages, hear it in TedTalks, and read it in just about every self-help book you could ever pick up.

But it’s my thought for the day and it’s important so I need you to stick with me.

Sexually compulsive behavior erodes your value system over time. It deteriorates the values introduced to you and built up by your society, religion, family, culture, and so on. Many of us were exposed to pornography at a very young age so we learned feelings of shame and guilt early on. Those feelings carried into our teenage years and adulthood and have lingered ever since.

How do you put together a sturdy set of values when your perception is skewed? Where do you begin when you’re still filled with guilt and shame after losing control of one of your most basic instincts at a very young age? What do you do to establish a strong foundation and build up your values again?

A Quote From Sir Richard Francis Burton

Sir Richard Francis Burton was a British explorer who lived during the 19th century. He’s credited with discovering areas throughout Asia, Africa, and the Americas. Burton is also well-known for being a polyglot, meaning he spoke multiple languages fluently. His historical resume is impressive and did a lot of incredible things during his lifetime.

I read a biography about him one time and found a quote in the book that has stuck with me ever since:

“Do what thy manhood bids thee do, from no one but self expect applause. He noblest lives and noblest dies who makes and keeps his self-made laws.”

Now, bear in mind before you continue, Sir Richard Francis Burton was a racist. There’s no denying his awfully racist beliefs. Morally speaking, he’s nowhere close to being a role model, a mentor, or someone whose main ideas you should adhere to. But when it comes to courage, there’s a lot you can learn from him.

If you can learn to expect applause from no one but yourself, you become unstoppable. There’s no groveling for the attention or approval of others. You don’t need to look to anyone else for validation when you can validate yourself. This is the first step toward re-developing the self confidence and self-esteem that you lost long ago.

Admittedly, there are all kinds of definitions of noble. Again, it’s undeniable that Burton was a racist. His self-made laws included abhorrent beliefs about people of African descent. Still, he had a solid set of self-made laws he lived by unapologetically.

Create Your Own Laws

You have to make your own laws to live by. I don’t mean live a lawless life full of adultery and killing; those are not noble pursuits. What I mean is you need to set your own standards while you’re rebooting because you have a long way to go to get beyond average. 

Men who develop pornography addiction early on fall behind as they grow up. Trying to measure yourself by the success and standards of your peers will leave you feeling less than and not good enough. And you need to move beyond the status quo, anyways. You have a lot to make up for after squandering the gift of life you’ve been given.

Men also have different ideas of what happiness and success look like. For some, having a wife and kids is the pinnacle of a well-lived life. For others, building a successful business and creating jobs is the ultimate goal to work toward. Don’t look externally for a set of standards to live by; determine them for yourself and start working toward them.

Be Wary of What Testosterone Bids You To Do

The first part of that quote is shaky ground for men who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior. You can never fight against your biology but you must be wary of what testosterone would have you do. The standards and values you develop should be far from the things that led you down the path of pornography addiction.

Run your urges through your filters and talk them over with an accountability partner. While you always need to follow your self-made laws at the end of the day, you should also be cautious when it comes to laws about your sexual behavior.

Take Honest Stock Of Your Life

Where are you at in life right now? How are you doing? Take a moment to consider this and answer honestly. If you look around and realize you’re not living a good life, it’s time to make some changes. You might be poor, lazy, or weak. Maybe you don’t feel masculine or you’re constantly envious of other men.

So ask yourself, what does your manhood bid you do?

For me, my manhood bids me work hard so I can live the life I want to and not be broke. My manhood bids me take care of my aging parents and my family. My manhood bids me work hard in the gym so I can stay strong, in shape, and have a good physique. My manhood bids me continue building a strong relationship with my long-term partner.

My manhood also bids me help men like you in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot program who are trying to overcome their out-of-control sexual behavior. My self-made laws center around helping other men out of the same predicament I found myself in all those years ago. 

When I base my life around these self-made laws, I feel like I’m on the right path and heading in the right direction. I never question the way I’m going because I’ve made and am now keeping my self-made laws.

Now it’s your turn. What are your self-made laws and how do you plan to keep them? It’s time to get to work, brother. We’re in pursuit of a noble life.

You Do You Read More »

Is Sex Success?

Porn Addiction Symptoms / By
Rethinking Success: Beyond the Myth of Sex

Sex is not the most important thing in the world.

Is that hard for you to believe? If so, you aren’t alone. A brother in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group heard it on another YouTube channel and brought it to our group. He was having trouble wrapping his head around the idea that sex isn’t necessarily the thing to strive for. The way he sees it, men strive to work and generate wealth so they can attract women into their lives.

I notice this a lot with men who are still early on in their reboot. If you’re thinking this way you’re not the only one, but it also indicates where you’re at in your reboot. When men first start their reboot, they believe they need to experience a lot of novelty relationships with different women in order to feel satisfied.

Now don’t get me wrong – you’re biologically wired to think this way. At the same time, your pornography addiction destroyed your natural biological functioning over the years and left you thinking that sex is the end goal. It creates the false idea that your whole purpose as a man is to have sex with women. This seems to be especially true if you are a man who isn’t particularly successful with women to begin with.

I want to make it clear that I don’t believe having sex with a variety of beautiful women is a bad thing. In fact, I think it’s a wonderful thing and it’s something that I experienced and enjoyed before my committed relationship. If you don’t have any cultural or religious beliefs holding you back from that, go ahead and explore that aspect of life as a man if you would like to.

At the same time, don’t think that simply generating wealth and becoming a high-value man will automatically give you opportunities to have sex. There are plenty of men with little to no capital who can still pull women because they’re high-value in their own way. You don’t have to be a wealthy man to sleep with women.

As you progress in your reboot, you’ll start realizing that sex for the sake of sex isn’t necessarily success. Porn wants you to think that sex is the greatest thing you can get but there are far more important things to work for. But once you’re free from your porn addiction symptoms you can create your own definition of what success is.

Instead of building wealth to pull women, why don’t you build wealth to pursue freedom? Wealth provides you with freedom to live where you want, freedom of time, freedom from depending on others, freedom to pursue things you’re truly interested in, and more. 

Success doesn’t necessarily mean wealth, either. Plenty of men define success by the quality of the family they have, by keeping their relationship strong, and by raising confident, independent children. Others view success through the lens of their spiritual or religious pursuits and draw a great sense of joy and purpose from them.

Another great definition of success is giving back and being of service. I’m one of those people who finds deep fulfillment in helping others. Now that I’ve overcome my compulsive sexual behavior, there are plenty of times I’m interested in being of service than I am in having sex.

Sure, sex will come as a byproduct of your success and there’s nothing wrong with that. But pursuing sex as the end goal or the definition of success will leave you feeling empty and hollow. Sex for the sake of sex is a biological need but it’s far from fulfilling when it’s the only pursuit in your life. Pursue things that interest you instead and you’ll find much more contentment in life. After that, sex will simply be an added bonus.

Is Sex Success? Read More »

Main Menu

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRIVACY POLICY | TERMS AND CONDITIONS

CUSTOM CRAFTED BY QUANTUM

Copyright © 2024 Contrarian Solutions, LLC. Disclaimer Of Health Care Related Services: J.K Emezi/Contrarian Solutions, Llc Encourages You/His Client To Continue To Visit And To Be Treated By His/Her Healthcare Professionals, Including, Without Limitation, A Physician Or Therapist. Understand That J.K Emezi Is Not Acting In The Capacity Of A Doctor, Licensed Therapist, Counselor, Psychologist Or Other Licensed Or Registered Professional. Accordingly, You Understand That J.K Emezi Is Not Providing Health Care, Medical Or Mental Health Care Or Therapy Services And Will Not Diagnose, Treat Or Cure In Any Manner Whatsoever Any Disease, Condition Or Other Physical Or Mental Ailment Of The Human Mind And Body.

Scroll to Top
Facebook Twitter Instagram Youtube