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Porn Addiction Recovery

Porn Addiction Recovery

Does Your Reboot Need to Be a Priority?

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Does Your Reboot Need to Be a Priority?

I recently had a one-on-one with a brother who brought up a very interesting point I want to cover here today. This brother is in the middle stage of his reboot. He’s doing well in most aspects of his reboot but still struggles to control his behavior with porn and masturbation.

However, he’s so focused on his slips that he can’t see all the progress he’s making in other areas. No matter what positives I pointed out, he couldn’t recognize the improvements in his career, his relationship, and his finances. He firmly believed that unless he was completely and totally free from porn, no other improvements mattered.

As we talked, it came up that in the past he came across Gary Wilson, one of the early greats in the realm of porn addiction. If you aren’t already familiar, he’s the one who developed concepts like “Your Brain on Porn” and “NoFap.” While I have great respect for the work he did to bring awareness to the detriments of porn, he and I differ in a few areas of thought.

One of the primary differences between our views on porn addiction recovery is his abstinence-only approach. His programs focus so heavily on a man’s porn addiction problem that they neglect to see the importance of simultaneously building up other areas of your life. They didn’t talk about things like relationships, social life, financial well-being, physical health, and mental health.

This led our brother, and thousands of others like him, to view his slips as meaning his entire reboot was a failure. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t blowing his paychecks the day they arrived, that he wasn’t neglecting his girlfriend, or that he was finally showing up to work on time. No, the few slips here and there meant the whole reboot was unsuccessful.

I don’t adhere to that thought. I’m not saying that you should continue watching porn, jerking off, and having compulsive sex during your reboot. The whole point of the Porn Reboot program is to rewire your brain so you can separate from these out-of-control behaviors. I am saying that putting all the emphasis on porn and ignoring progress in other areas is a recipe for disaster.

Yes, your reboot needs to be a priority. But when I say your reboot, I mean the whole reboot process. I mean building physical, social, emotional, mental, and spiritual reboot capital. I mean your morning routine, meditation, journaling, and getting to the gym. I mean spending time with your partner, being a good employee, and checking in with your accountability partner.

All of these things are just as important as whether you view porn or not. Do you know why? Because if you only based your success on whether you slipped or relapsed, you would destroy your self-esteem.

You’re here because of your problem with porn, sex, and masturbation, brother. You won’t end those things all at once right away. You spend years developing those habits and it will take at least a few months to end them. As I often talk about, even though I don’t support “counting days”, it takes at least 90 days to reboot and up to two years to fully rewire your brain.

Men with high self-esteem are less likely to act out sexually than men with low self-esteem. If you don’t measure success in these other areas alongside your compulsive behavior, you will feel like you’re a failure. We want to build your self-esteem, not tear it down. And incorporating your reboot capital as a benchmark of success is a crucial way to do that.

There was no Porn Reboot system when I worked to end my out-of-control behavior. My experiences were the original case study for the program. While I couldn’t quit watching porn and jerking off, I knew there had to be other things I could do in the meantime. Trying to measure my success by my time away from porn made me feel worse and worse.

Instead, I first focused on building my physique. I was 21, tall, and lanky. I felt weak. I didn’t feel attractive. But I recognized that there were more resources on building a strong physique than quitting porn, so I started there. I stuck to a meal plan, lifted weights progressively, and within 90 days my body began to change. Within a year I put on some significant size. And the reactions from people boosted my confidence. I still struggled with my out-of-control behavior, but I finally had something to feel proud of.

Then I shifted my focus to my social anxiety. I was so uncomfortable around people in public, both men and women, and knew it was something I needed to overcome. So I began the process by interacting with people at the bar to learn to hold conversations. As I learned to converse, I started asking some of the women I talked with on dates. It was a slow process but my progress was as evident as it was when working on my physique.

I didn’t stop working on controlling my behavior with porn during this time. I still dealt with slips and relapses, but they became less frequent as I gained confidence. I realized that by focusing on things other than porn, porn naturally became less of a problem. This led to my concept for the Porn Reboot system that thousands of men use today.

So again, brother, yes, your reboot needs to be a priority. Your compulsive behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation brought you here. Obviously, things are not going well and you want to control your behavior. But I encourage you to make your entire reboot a priority, not just the aspects that have to do with your porn problem.

I watched the process work for myself and the many men I’ve worked with during the years. You’re far from alone in dealing with this struggle, brother. You’ve landed among a community of men who know exactly what you’re going through. If you haven’t already, I invite you to join our FREE Porn Reboot Facebook group. Start there and read through some experiences. You’ll find others rebuilding their lives, from work to relationships to their physique and more.

Come join us on our Porn Addiction Counseling as we make our reboots a priority in all aspects of our lives.

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The Power of Forgiveness in Recovery

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

The Power of Forgiveness in Recovery

What comes to mind when you hear the word “forgiveness”?

Perhaps you recall the religion of your childhood. Maybe you think of a resentment you’re trying to let go of. You might even think of someone you’re hoping will forgive you for something you’ve done.

I believe that forgiveness is a forgotten skill. It empowers you to overcome some of the things that hold you back most in your porn addiction recovery. Holding onto anger keeps you a prisoner of your emotions. But learning to forgive provides the freedom you’ve looked for in many different avenues up to this point.

Are you harboring any grudges over things said or done to you in the past? It’s difficult to reach the later stages of your reboot if you don’t let go of those past harms. However, I understand that it’s challenging to release these things which is why I believe that forgiveness is a skill.

Take a moment to recall some of the worst times of your life. Think of some of the worst things you said and did during your porn addiction. If you’re anything like me, I said and did many things that caused a lot of harm to other people. My words and actions resulted in much emotional, physical, psychological, and financial damage.

I also found that I was holding onto a lot of grudges. I was so angry at others for the way they treated me despite the awful things I did. I was angry at women who rejected me and friends who said things behind my back. It didn’t matter that I’d hurt them, too; I was still furious.

It’s safe to say I had a lot of baggage when I finally decided to end my out-of-control behavior. I had to release some of the weight I was carrying if I wanted to reboot because I was at a point where it was too painful to carry on. While forgiveness was the last thing on my mind, it wasn’t until later that I realized letting go of these things meant I was beginning that process.

Forgiveness begins with you, brother. It starts with forgiving yourself for the harmful behavior you’ve engaged in for so many years. Learning to do this frees you from the heavy load of guilt and shame you’ve carried for so long. As you truly embrace forgiveness for yourself, you’ll find a lightness in the world that you never imagined possible.

Once you forgive yourself, it’s time to start extending that forgiveness to others. Think about all the people you’re carrying grudges against or felt resentment toward. Call each grudge and resentment to mind one at a time. Consider whether it’s worth it to continue carrying it or if it’s time to forgive, let go, and move forward.

Oftentimes people believe that forgiveness is for the other person’s sake. I’m here to tell you, brother, that forgiveness is for you. It’s a process that frees you from the mental strain of carrying all this frustration, rage, and resentment. These things take much more energy to sustain than you may think.

At the same time, this doesn’t absolve you of responsibility for the harm you’ve caused. You must still acknowledge your wrongdoings and make restitution to those you hurt. A simple “sorry” is often not enough; it’s time to make genuine amends.

But this won’t come until you learn to forgive others, which starts with forgiving yourself. It takes time to develop this skill but it’s necessary if you want to be successful in your Porn Addiction Counseling or Porn Reboot Program. You will never overcome your out-of-control behavior if you don’t learn the art of forgiveness. But as you continue working on yourself, your ability to forgive will develop and grow.

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Top 10 Porn Addiction Symptoms: Loss of Concentration

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Top 10 Porn Addiction Symptoms: Loss of Concentration

Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.

Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction symptoms I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:

Loss of concentration
Depression
Lack of romance
Lack of achievement
Low energy
Erectile dysfunction
Premature ejaculation
Unusual porn fetishes
No attraction to real-life partners
Loss of ability to orgasm during sex

Loss of concentration is one of the most common porn addiction symptoms. It’s also one of the most debilitating because it affects almost every area of your life. Your mind cannot focus on people, places, and experiences in front of you when it’s preoccupied thinking about porn, sex, or masturbation.

You may notice that loss of concentration affects your performance at school or work. It often holds you back from fully engaging with your spouse or children. Loss of concentration from porn addiction impacts your friendships and relationships with colleagues, coworkers, or business partners, too.

If you notice you struggle to focus on tasks for long periods, have ADHD-like symptoms, or find yourself zoning out constantly, this may be a loss of concentration caused by your porn use. The longer you go without working through your porn problem, the worse your concentration problem will become.

Thankfully, you can rebuild your concentration skills over time. It won’t happen overnight but there are different ways to strengthen your attention once you end your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Learning to concentrate fully on the people in front of you and the tasks at hand makes for a more enjoyable, fulfilling life.

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Growing Your Reboot Garden for Lasting Change

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Growing Your Reboot Garden for Lasting Change

I recently wrote about the importance (and difficulty) of developing patience during your reboot.

Patience is a necessary part of rebooting because these changes don’t happen all at once. You don’t decide that you’re done with your compulsive behavior and then find yourself suddenly free from your struggles.

I like to look at the reboot process like a garden. You’re like a gardener trying to grow a beautiful garden with fruits, vegetables, and flowers. Just like a gardener plants his seeds and patiently waits for his crops to grow, you must also plant the seeds of your reboot and wait for the results to follow.

You plant your seeds during the early porn addiction recovery stage. You must trust that while you won’t see the results for some time, they will pay off eventually. When planting the seeds of your reboot, you can expect to receive the same positive results as the hundreds of other men who changed their lives with the Porn Reboot system.

The middle and late reboot stages are when your saplings begin to show. You start to see the results of the work you did during your early reboot. The fruits, vegetables, and flowers of the reboot process include things like confidence, self-esteem, self-awareness, focus, diligence, and encouragement.

Your reboot garden also faces the threat of pests and weeds, much like the gardener deals with in his own garden. These threats to your reboot are things like procrastination, doubt, frustration, and impatience. If you don’t take steps to remove these things, eventually they will infest your garden and limit what can grow there.

Patience is one of the crucial elements of any good garden. A gardener doesn’t dig up his seeds when he doesn’t see saplings within the first few days of planting. He trusts the process and allows his plants time to grow. He knows how a garden works and recognizes that he must be patient if he wants to have a beautiful garden.

In the same way, you must trust the Porn Addiction Counseling. You can’t expect sudden, drastic changes and give up when they don’t happen as quickly as you’d like. You may feel tempted to throw in the towel and seek out another system instead. But you have to trust the reboot process and know that the positive results will come as long as you commit to it.

You also cannot force the process to happen any faster. A gardener cannot speed up the growth of his tomato plants any more than you can speed up your ability to quit porn, sex, and masturbation. All he can do is plant the seeds and water; all you can do is follow the Porn Reboot system. You can’t make your brain rewire any quicker than is natural.

Finally, the most important part of your reboot garden is continuing to do what resulted in the growth of a beautiful garden. Every gardener knows he cannot rely on last year’s work to grow his garden the following year. This means you must continue doing the things that helped you build a life free from out-of-control sexual behavior.

Over time, the practice of growing a garden becomes routine and comfortable. The same applies to your reboot. While these new practices may feel strange and difficult to implement, they become second nature to you the more you practice them. If you follow the Porn Addiction Counseling Program or Porn Reboot system as it’s outlined, you will grow a beautiful life filled with the fruits of your labor for years to come!

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Developing Patience in Your Porn Reboot Journey

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Developing Patience in Your Porn Reboot Journey

When a brother joins the Porn Reboot Intensive program, we always start with a welcome call.

I want to get to know this brother and begin documenting his experience. One of the first things we do is establish expectations that men have when they arrive at our program. What do they want to accomplish? What does their life look like without porn? How do they anticipate getting to that point?

I do this because I want to ensure that we can support you in your journey. While I know that the Porn Reboot system works for the men who apply it, I want to make sure that your plans align with how the system is laid out. I want to see whether your expectations will be met or whether another approach to controlling your behavior is better suited for you.

Developing patience is one of the most common expectations I hear from our potential brothers. Their behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation has finely tuned their need for instant gratification. This leads to significant problems with impatience and a short temper. They want to know whether Porn Reboot can help them develop their patience.

Something most brothers don’t realize, though, is that their compulsive sexual behavior also warps their experience of time. Consider how often you’ve said, “I’m only going to watch porn for a half-hour,” but then find yourself still opening tabs three hours later. You have no idea where that time went, you only know that it’s gone.

This same time warp occurs when you start separating from porn, sex, and masturbation. I see men with around a month and a half in the program convinced they’re in the maintenance stage of their reboot. In reality, they’re still in the early stage of the process. It feels like it’s been months when it’s only been a few weeks.

It’s frustrating to realize how much work it takes to fully rewire your brain. Since you’ve geared yourself for instant gratification, the idea that it takes time to reboot is a foreign concept. You don’t get the benefits of a porn-free life without some hard work and patience.

I like to use the example of a gardener planting a garden. He understands that, while his plants begin to grow as soon as he plants the seed, he won’t see the results for quite some time. He will not see a sprout, a branch, a leaf, or a fruit for many days after placing those seeds. But he trusts that by putting in the work, from planting to watering to waiting, his plants will grow with time.

The same goes for your porn addiction recovery. It may not seem like you’re making progress, but the change begins from the moment you implement some reboot principles. Even when you continue struggling with slips and relapses, the reboot process is in place.

The path to patience in your reboot is paved with bricks that say “progress not perfection.” Your success in the Pornography Addiction Treatment program likely does not mean complete abstinence. But it does mean showing up to work on time, spending evenings with your family, and taking time to better yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Developing patience in your reboot is a slow process, too, but even recognizing the need for it is a step in the right direction. It’s difficult and easy to get agitated. Think of the gardener when bugs and pests begin to infiltrate his newly-sprouted seedlings. He must get frustrated, too. But he still trusts the process and recognizes that every garden comes with its troubles.

As you accept the inevitable presence of pests and move toward their removal, you’ll find yourself closer to patience. Your newfound outlook will flower into the fruits of confidence, diligence, self-esteem, self-awareness, self-compassion, and more. These fruits are available even during the early reboot stage, brother. All it takes is some work and dedication.

Developing patience is an important aspect of your reboot and the Porn Addiction Counseling system will help you get there. Just like the gardener, though, you must recognize that while it won’t happen all at once, you’re already well on your way there.

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The Top 22 Objections to the Porn Reboot Program: Part 2

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

The Top 22 Objections to the Porn Reboot Program: Part 2

Today I’m bringing you the second half of the top 22 objections I hear from men joining the Porn Reboot program. I want to help you understand that your hesitations and concerns are far from unique. They’re something I hear regularly from men fearful of ending their out-of-control behavior. I know it’s not an easy step to take but I guarantee you that it’ll be the best decision you ever make.

12. I’m worried the Porn Reboot community will judge me

Every member feels the same way when they first join the program. It’s human nature to fear being judged especially for something like a porn problem. However, we have a zero-judgment policy in our community and I take that very seriously.

13. I’m scared about what I’ll have to share with the group

It’s perfectly normal to feel scared. Almost every member tells us they felt a bit scared when they joined but it didn’t take long to settle in. The group is caring, supportive, and attentive. We allow no room for judgment no matter who you are or what you’ve done.

14. I don’t want to join a group, I prefer one-on-one coaching

There’s a great quote from the book The Power of Habits by Charles Duhigg: “Real transformation occurs amongst other people.” Countless studies show that effective change happens when you’re around a group of like-minded individuals and the same applies to your reboot.

15. I don’t feel like I’m ready

You’re never going to feel like you’re ready, brother. Acknowledging your porn addiction problem is a difficult thing to do and you’ll never feel prepared enough. But you need to take action at some point if you want results and sooner is always better.

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Visualization Superior to Goal Setting? Your Path to Success

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Visualization Superior to Goal Setting? Finding Your Path to Success

I have another great question from a brother in the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot group for you today. He asks:

“Hey, J.K. Does it make sense to set goals that don’t satisfy one or more components of the SMART system? My experience in the past shows me it’s possible to achieve goals using only visualization. In high school, I consumed a lot of Law of Attraction material that worked well and provided me with some crazy results.

“Since I started following you, I’ve adopted your approach with the RES system. It’s nice to finally have a scientific explanation for my positive experiences with the Law of Attraction. So I’m wondering, do you believe visualization is superior to goal-setting?”

First off, this brother mentioned the SMART system for goal-setting. You’ve probably heard of some form of it before. It outlines a clear set of aspects that your goals should adhere to if you want them to be successful. A SMART goal is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Based.

Using these parameters to set goals is one of the most effective approaches. Too many people set arbitrary or subjective goals which leave them spinning in circles for months or weeks. However, using a SMART system to set goals ensures you can track your progress and determine precisely when you’ve accomplished them.

I’ve talked about the differences between goals, visualization, and fantasy in the past. It shows the clear distinction between each and helps you understand where you’re at in your approach to setting goals.

In my experience, though, I don’t use visualization when setting goals. I’m familiar with the concept of it and understand that it works for people, but it’s not something I use myself. I don’t use the SMART system to set goals, either. It was a primary approach for the sales organization I worked for before becoming a reboot coach, but it wasn’t something I used.

Instead, I look at goals in a very objective, realistic way. I break large goals down into smaller, actionable steps. I have 90-day goals, one-year goals, three-year goals, and five-year goals. I have a rough sketch of what I want the next few decades to look like and I have an outline of what I need to do to ensure that becomes a reality.

That doesn’t mean I’m married to my plans. I understand that life happens and things out of my control will always come up. I’m able and willing to adapt my goals and actions as needed to meet the demands of my current situation or circumstances. But using the unpredictable nature of life as an excuse not to set goals is a poor way to reject your personal responsibility.

While I don’t use visualization when setting my goals, I believe that it can be successful for others. I don’t believe it’s a superior approach, though; I simply believe that it’s one of many alternatives. There is no single path to setting goals or achieving them. There are many different approaches to the process and you need to determine which works best for you.

This brother prefers visualization but you may prefer the SMART system. You might find that my simple, realistic approach is a better fit for you. No matter which approach you choose, though, you must choose one. You’re not in a position to live a half-lived life. You were freed from the bondage of your out-of-control behavior and have the opportunity to rebuild your life into something incredible.

Take time using each approach to setting goals before deciding which is right for you. You may also find that one approach works in certain situations while a different is more effective in other circumstances. Whatever you do, don’t give up on setting goals. Don’t let yourself settle for a life void of progress and development. You’ve come too far to lose yourself to mediocrity, brother.

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Sleeping 4 Hours a Night While Rebooting

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Sleeping 4 Hours a Night While Rebooting

Today I want to write directly to my peak performers, the highly ambitious men who look for every way possible to accomplish their goals. I received a question from a brother in the group who has an important thing I know a lot of you struggle with. He said,

“J.K, a few months ago you mentioned conditioning your brain to achieve the maximum amount of REM sleep on around four hours of sleep per night. I want to achieve a similar sleep cycle at some point in my life, too. You brought it up in an old podcast episode. How did you achieve this? Does age play a role in your ability to do it? Do you have any resources you recommend?”

Fantastic question. Many of us high performers want to know what we can do to maximize our results on a minimal amount of sleep. Before getting to the answer, though, I want to ask you what your purpose is for cutting down those hours. Why do you want to get so little sleep? Is your schedule so tight that you truly need to sacrifice your rest? Or are you using it to compensate for another area where you’re slacking off?

Why do you want to cut back on sleep?

Sleep is one of the most important aspects of your overall health. An endless sea of research proves this to us, brother. It impacts your physical, mental, social, and emotional well-being. Not getting enough sleep leads to poor work performance, limited focus, decreased emotional resilience, and more. It should never be the first thing on the chopping block, especially for men early in their reboot who are still susceptible to emotional dysregulation.

I suggest you start by looking for areas where you can trim the fat during your waking hours instead. I guarantee you can find at least a few ways you’re wasting time throughout the day. Even though I suggest cutting most extraneous media from your life, I see many brothers still use social media or watch TV when they complete their tasks for the day. Do you scroll a little too far through Instagram or Twitter, or watch an extra episode of television here and there?

Maybe you’re not as efficient as you could be with your work or at the gym. Be honest with yourself. Neglecting sleep because you can’t control yourself during the day is not a good enough reason to try sleeping four hours per night. Step up and be responsible enough to limit your distractions and that should leave you with more time for sleep at night.

If you’re still determined to sleep four hours a night, I also want you to consider what you’re doing with that extra time. Are you squandering it by spreading yourself thin between too many different activities? When I trained myself to get good rest on four hours of sleep, I did it because I was laser-focused on a single task. I had a project I was passionate about at the time. It consumed so much of my focus and I wanted to spend all my waking hours working on it. I used my extra time to dive deeper into this one particular project.

Too often I see men who want to limit their sleep so they can divide their passion between their work, a writing project, a side hustle, a hobby, and time with their family. But by trying to funnel their energy into so many different areas, they ended up wasting that extra time they got when cutting back on rest instead of making good use of it. It wasn’t worth all of the negative effects that so little sleep had on them.

Types of men who can successfully cut back on sleep

I’m not trying to say that it’s impossible, brother. As our brother mentioned when he asked his question, I’ve done it successfully myself multiple times over the years. But it isn’t a beneficial practice for everyone and it’s not the best long-term solution, either. There are certain types of people who can function optimally on only a few hours of sleep. These include:

People with a specific genetic disposition
People in certain professions (e.g., military or first responders)
People who want to focus on one particular area
People with some mental illnesses

Specific genetic dispositions

Through my research, I’ve found that some people have a genetic predisposition to functioning well on little sleep. I like to refer to it as the “short sleep” gene. It’s called the D.C. 2 mutation and it allows people who have it to feel very well rested to four hours of sleep. They feel as fine as others do with the 8 or 9 hours we’re all supposed to get. It has no negative effects on their heart, organs, or mental performance, either.

There’s also another naturally-occurring genetic predisposition called the A.D.R.B. 1 gene that has similar effects. A few examples of some people who may have the short sleep gene include Donald Trump and Martha Stuart. Both have a lifelong history of short sleep from an early age yet still have tremendous success in their lives.

Certain professions

People in certain professions, such as military soldiers, first responders, or surgeons, also learn to function optimally on limited or interrupted sleep. They train themselves to sleep less over the years because it’s necessary for success in their career. Their lives are on the line without finely tuning the need for fewer hours of sleep.

This is especially true of units like the Navy Seals or the Army Green Berets who are on missions that affect their lives and the lives of others. They train professionally through the U.S. military, a highly effective organization with hundreds of years of experience implementing this practice. Look up Jocko Willick and David Goggins, two great examples of men who learned to function optimally on little sleep.

Precise, determined focus

The third type of people who can function well on less sleep is those who want to get more done. They aren’t mindlessly filling their time with more things, though; they stay up because of a precise, determined focus on one thing. There is one thing they want to accomplish that is worth losing sleep over. They have one big goal they’re focused on that enables them to maintain an obsessive level of self-belief, self-discipline, and intense drive despite losing sleep.

I’m not talking about the guys who use their limited number of sleep hours as a marketing tool. I know you have at least one or two people who come to mind that constantly try to prove what hard workers they are by bragging about their lack of sleep. These men are not included in this section; it’s not a badge of honor to sacrifice sleep. It’s only useful when you’re truly disciplined and focused in your areas of expertise, like Tony Robbins or Cameron Haynes, a practiced bow hunter and ultra-marathon runner.

Mental illness

People with some types of mental illness are another example of getting by on limited hours of sleep. I don’t want to dive too deeply into this area because it’s not directly related to our brother’s question, but it’s worth mentioning. So get porn addiction recovery program

People with bipolar disorder tend to have difficulties with sleeping brought about by their mental illness. During their manic or hypomanic episodes, they are often unusually productive while sleeping only three or four hours at a time. However, they struggle when their mood shifts to depressive episodes, and oftentimes they backtrack on the progress they made in their manic state.

Is sacrificing sleep worth it for you?

Still, getting limited sleep for long periods is detrimental to your health for most normal individuals. Research shows that poor sleep leads to lasting health effects that impact you long after you return to a normal sleep schedule. People who train themselves specifically for the practice may still experience some delayed health effects; only time will tell there.

The brother who asked the question mentioned he wants to do more things, including gardening, working out, spending time with his family, working on some writing projects, and a few other personal projects. He would fall into the third category, same as me, save for one crucial detail: he doesn’t have an unwavering focus on a single area. He’s trying to do too many things at once. Unless he chooses to eliminate all but one of those things, his lack of sleep will likely only be a detriment to his performance.

Men often operate on the illusion of balance. They believe that they’ll always be able to have a balanced life. I think that’s what drives my high performers to want to get by on limited sleep. But here’s the thing, brother: balance is an illusion. You’ll never achieve a perfectly-balanced life.

Instead, there are different seasons for different things. There is a season for building your life back up, such as improving your social skills and developing your physique. There is a season for dating or for strengthening your existing relationship. There is a season for building wealth, a season for advancing your career, and a season for launching your side hustle.

None of this happens without a system, though. You need a proven path to achieve your goals, or to even establish them in the first place. You’ve spent months, years, or decades aimlessly spinning around trying to latch onto whatever shiny object passes your way. And if you’re still doing that, you’re going to struggle when trying to cut back on your sleep.

If you’re a regular guy with a regular life, even if you’re one of my highest performers, I want you to think for a while and be rigorously honest with yourself before deciding to limit your rest. What are you doing it for and are there other ways to find more time in your day? If you can’t provide good answers for either question, it might not be time for you to sacrifice sleep just yet. Continue with your reboot process and reconsider the option later down the line instead.

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Overcoming Unwanted Fantasies

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Overcoming Unwanted Fantasies

This series is for men who are still struggling with their pornography addiction. It’s for men who haven’t made much progress and feel like they can’t stop the cycle. If you’re still slipping here and there, or if you’ve been stuck in a relapse, this series is for you.

Overcoming unwanted fantasies is a vital part of your reboot. You’re not going to make much progress in your reboot until you let go of these fetishes. I’m going to cover two techniques you can use to overcome your unwanted fantasies and move forward with your reboot.

What counts as an unwanted fantasy? When you’re done with your orgasm, an unwanted fantasy leaves you feeling:

Disgusted with yourself
Like you’re not a normal person
Self-loathing for having this fantasy
Like the fetish or fantasy is a deviant behavior

I want to stress that you’re not alone if you’re still stuck watching these unwanted fantasies. Men who struggle with pornography addiction usually find themselves watching different types of porn over time. What aroused you when you first started watching pornography likely isn’t as exciting as it was before.

Eventually, you might find yourself watching things you wouldn’t have even thought of at first. If your fetishes or fantasies leave you feeling uncomfortable after you’ve orgasmed, you’re at the point of unwanted fantasies. Most of us progress through various fetishes until we’re watching things we would have never imagined ourselves watching before.

So how can you overcome them? That’s what this series is about.

The first technique you can use to overcome unwanted fantasies is masturbation.

Yep. You read that right. You can use masturbation to destroy your unwanted fantasies.

Again, this technique isn’t for everyone. If you’re making progress in your reboot this post isn’t for you. It’s not an excuse to slip. You can’t use this as a cop-out to go deeper into your fantasy. This is for men still stuck at the beginning of their reboot. But how can you use masturbation to overcome your unwanted fantasies?

How to Use Masturbation to Overcome Unwanted Fantasies

First, you need to accept that this particular fantasy is unwanted. Sit down and spend some time thinking about the fantasy you want to let go of. For example, maybe you’re a straight man who watches gay pornography but you’re not actually gay. This is one of many different examples I could use.

Once again, this technique is only for men who are still struggling to stop their behaviors. It assumes you’re in the middle of a slip because you can only carry out the second step the next time you’re masturbating to your unwanted fantasy.

The second step happens in two parts.

First, once you’re masturbating to an unwanted type of pornography, switch your focus right before orgasm. Shift your focus to a fantasy that you’re okay with when you’re about to climax. This can be anything you find acceptable. For example, think about sex with your current partner or someone you’ve had sex with in the past and finish with this in mind.

At this moment you might normally feel disgusted with yourself. Since you’ve switched your focus, though, you should hopefully feel more comfortable. It might not be the best orgasm you could have had but it was better than finishing yourself off to the unwanted fantasy.

This next part is key. As soon as you’re limp I want you to immediately begin the unwanted fantasy again. This means if you were watching pornography with that unwanted fetish, I want you to go back to whatever you were looking at.

Now I want you to watch it again for about 10 minutes and don’t change it to anything else, regardless of how uncomfortable you feel. It doesn’t matter what your thoughts are or how awkward you might feel. I just want

you to watch it while you’re in the limp state.

Each time you find yourself slipping or relapsing to an unwanted fantasy I want you to do the same thing. Switch your focus from the unwanted fantasy to one you’re comfortable with right before you finish. Then go back and watch it over again after you’re limp.

After you try this for a while, you’re going to notice that your unwanted fantasies become less preferable. You’re going to lean more toward your desirable fantasy and away from the uncomfortable, unwanted one.

If you find this strategy isn’t helpful for you, though, there’s another approach you can try. There is a way out of the pornography cycle, brothers, I promise you that. You don’t have to feel controlled by your unwanted fantasies any longer. Stay here with the Porn Reboot group and you’ll uncover the parts of the system that work for you.

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Two Biggest Reboot Mistakes

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Two Biggest Reboot Mistakes

When you look back over the last year, do you feel like you aren’t where you thought you would be? Perhaps you set a few goals last year and imagined yourself in a far different place in your career, your relationship, or your reboot than you’re in right now. If this applies to you, maybe there’s some frustration or anger about your lack of progress. Maybe you’re wondering where you went wrong. Maybe you feel like even though you did the best you could, you’re still far off from where you should be. If you feel that way, I’m writing this for you today. I want to cover two common mistakes I see a lot of professional brothers make in their reboot.

You Mistake Your Ideals for Goals

An ideal is something that exists only in your imagination. It is something that is perfect or desirable but is not likely to become a reality. Let’s say that your dream life involves being in full control of your sexual behavior, having a powerful focus, and having freedom from experiencing shame, guilt, and uncertainty.

You want to have mind-blowing orgasms with your dream woman, a beautiful partner who brings you so much joy that you thank the heavens for blessing you with such a goddess. You plan to make $600 to $700,000 after taxes every year, have a seven- or eight-figure net worth, and contribute to causes that you believe in. Finally, you also want to have a fit, healthy body and become a master of your chosen field as you head into middle age.

Doesn’t that sound like the perfect life?

Sure it does, because it’s ideal. That life won’t be a reality for the majority of people. That’s the first biggest reboot mistake I see: mistaking your ideals for goals. There’s nothing wrong with setting some big goals for yourself but attaching to an ideal is where many men fall short.

Ideals are grandiose, imaginary scenarios. Goals are real-life milestones you establish in pursuit of those ideals. Unfortunately, I often work with men who think they’re chasing after their ideals but they don’t have a single goal in place. You must use your ideals to inform your goals, and as you achieve your goals you’ll find yourself closer to your ideals.

You Mistake Belief for Commitment

There’s nothing wrong with believing in your goals. In fact, you should be your biggest supporter in life. No one understands you quite as you do and no one can show up for you better than you can show up for yourself. Believing in yourself and your goals is a critical component of success.

Committing to your goals is the next step. Commitment means making a decision with an unwavering determination to execute the plans you set in place. You can’t follow through on your goals if you don’t commit to them. If you only make a half-hearted effort to meet your goals then you’ll never fully accomplish what you set out to achieve.

However, the second biggest reboot mistake I see is men who mistake belief for commitment. You can also believe in the alluring pull of lavish ideals, but you cannot commit to them. You can only commit to well-established goals. But even then you can believe in yourself and believe in your goals but that doesn’t mean you’ve committed to them, either.

Mistaking belief for commitment looks like a lot of exuberance and energy on the front end with little to no persistence or perseverance on the back end. It looks like setting some massive goals and feeling excited about them at first but losing steam once that excitement wears off.

There’s nothing wrong with believing in yourself but that belief only does something when you commit and execute. Too often I see men thrilled about their new pursuit of a porn-free life but when their reboot tasks become monotonous and the desperation wears off, they realize they were operating on belief rather than commitment.

Becoming Successful in Your Reboot

So, how do you avoid these mistakes and become successful in your reboot? First, you must define what your reboot looks like. Some guys are confused by this notion when I first bring it up. You might feel that way, too, and find yourself wondering, “Wait, J.K., isn’t that what I’m here for? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for me?”

No, brother. No one can define your ideals except for you. Maybe the ideal life outlined above doesn’t even sound appealing to you. Perhaps you have a different outcome than you hoped for. That’s why you’re the only person who can define your ideals. Don’t set your ideals based on anyone’s expectations or standards but your own. It’s not up to your parents, your partner, your friends, or the gurus you follow online to tell you what your ideals are. It’s up to you alone.

Once you define your ideals, then you can set specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals to achieve them. You can commit to your goals and begin pursuing your ideals.

Then you can share those goals with the group and receive support on your way to achieving your dream life. While each of our ideals and goals may differ slightly, the persistence and dedication required to achieve them are the same for all of us. Lean into the group because we can offer guidance based on our experience pursuing our specific goals and ideals.

Although some aspects of your reboot are highly individualized, that doesn’t mean you have to work on them alone. That’s what the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot group is for. We exist to surround one another and bring each other up on our individual journeys. You can easily avoid these two big reboot mistakes by getting in the middle of the group as you progress through your reboot.

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