addiction Archives - Page 17 of 20

The Second Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is a crucial part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself.

The first step I use when setting and following through on goals is making a decision based on my current reality without comparing myself to others. I can’t make any progress if I’m constantly using others as a measuring stick to determine what move to make next.

The second step is developing resolve. Resolving is a vital skill for any man who wants to succeed. I recommend you resolve to transform any challenge you experience into an opportunity. Developing this mindset will help you succeed at anything you decide to do, even if that means making a calculated decision to pivot away from your current goal.

Roadblocks are a part of life. Things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes we have to adapt to circumstances as they arise. If you have no resolve, you’ll find yourself giving up before the challenges ever really begin. And we already covered the fact that giving up is no longer an option in your new approach to life.

Say you’re in a committed relationship with a woman who knows about your out-of-control sexual behavior. However, she doesn’t know that you relapsed and are struggling to get your behavior under control again. You’re keeping it a secret and hoping she doesn’t find out, but what if she does? Are you prepared to deal with the obstacles that arise?

What if you join the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program and stay off pornography and masturbation for a few months, but eventually you relapse? What would you do if you threw away seven porn-free months? Or what if your behavior escalated to a more severe degree than before? Do you have enough resolve to keep going and try again?

Ultimately, brother, you cannot stop just because you hit an obstacle. If I stopped every time I ran up against an obstacle I would never get anything done. That’s why resolving is the second step in this process. Try to remember that every obstacle you face is simply training for the next stage of your reboot and your life.

I have a few tips to help you along the way to embodying this practice of resolve, and a few action steps to help you bridge the gap between the first and second steps.

Decide if this is a journey you’re willing to commit to.

I define commitment as continuing to do something you said you were going to do long after the emotion of making the decision passes. Everyone wants to quit their out-of-control behavior when their life is falling apart, but what about when it starts coming back together? You must be willing to stick with this long after the desperation wears off. This isn’t an overnight process; it takes 90 days to end your behavior but up to two years to rewire your brain. Are you willing to commit no matter how many tries it takes?

Start thinking about what winning in your reboot looks like.

Define what your reboot looks like to you. What do you want it to feel like? What do you want to accomplish after you end your out-of-control behavior? Where do you hope to be in six months or a year? Start thinking about these things and use them to propel you forward. There’s an important caveat, though; you need to think about what winning looks like for you, not for anyone else. Don’t define it by what I think it should look like, or your wife, your pastor, or your friends. Define it for YOU.

Start taking small actions toward your goal.

You don’t need to take on the entire goal at one time. Break it down into smaller steps. Achieving small wins helps you build momentum so you can keep going once the excitement dies down. The action steps are what separate the people who are willing to work for success from those who only stick around for as long as desperation holds.

Schedule regular reminders to get inspired.

Not taking your reboot seriously is a primary way to kill your inspiration, but another way is to let go of your resolve. For example, say you’re going through an extremely challenging experience that takes a lot of effort to overcome, but you’re negative throughout it and resistant to the process. Sure, you might make it through the obstacle, but you didn’t take anything from it. Remember that every obstacle is an opportunity to grow, and sometimes you need to schedule reminders to keep your perspective in check.

Surround yourself with people on the same journey as you.

I’ll never miss an opportunity to stress the importance of community on your journey, especially the one we’re on. Accountability is a critical part of the reboot process. While your reboot is a very personal journey, none of us have to do it alone. It’s so much easier to commit to the process and keep moving forward when you’re surrounded by other people doing the same thing.

So the first two steps: decide and develop resolve. Both of these lay the groundwork for the third step that I’ll share with you in the next post.

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Medication for a High Sex Drive

Pornography Addiction Treatment / By J.K Emezi

Some mental health professionals carry a dangerous belief that porn addiction is not a real condition. You may have experienced this at some point if you went to a mental health professional for help with your out-of-control behavior. Occasionally a therapist will suggest that your problem isn’t porn addiction but a high sex drive and encourage you to take medication for that problem.

Now as you read this, remember that I’m not a doctor and therefore cannot provide legitimate medical advice. I can only speak anecdotally about my experiences and the experiences of the men I’ve worked with over the years. At the same time, a lot of therapists who recommend medication aren’t doctors and cannot provide prescriptions, either. They also don’t have the same level of knowledge about and experience with pornography addiction. So keep these things in mind.

This recently happened to a brother in our group and he brought up a great question. He said,

“My counselor says that I have an exceptionally high libido that interferes with my life, and recommends that I see someone for medication to lower it. I used to take Wellbutrin to help with impulse control but stopped taking it a while ago. Is anyone in the group doing this along with their reboot, or does anyone have experience with taking medication specifically to help you control your behavior?”

Before I dive into my response, I want to share an incredible response from another brother in the group. He responded before I had a chance to and provided an incredibly well-thought-out answer. He replied,

“I also have an exceptional libido, but libido itself has never been the issue for me. Rather, the issue has been my refusal to feel what I feel and know what I know, and my pattern of using sexual indulgence to escape my own experience. Temporarily taking medication or supplements to reduce libido may help you out of a crisis and through withdrawals, but I recommend against them as a long-term strategy of self-control.

“My ultimate objective is the integration of my libido and my integrity without suppression or indulgence. I personally experienced a dramatic reduction in libido for several weeks after minor surgery, and I haven’t noticed anything else in my life that obviously reduced libido.”

I believe this brother hit the nail on the head. Regardless of the “cause” of your out-of-control behavior, I don’t believe that medication is a long-term solution for anything. In my experience, medication often serves as a bandage rather than a true method of healing. It covers up the problem for a short time but eventually, you need to deal with the true source of the issue.

People who take medication for long periods typically become dependent on it. If you choose to take medication for a “high sex drive”, there’s a chance that you’ll eventually have to deal not only with your out-of-control behavior but also with getting off of that medication.

I noticed another red flag in our brother’s original question. He mentioned that his counselor jumped straight from diagnosing him with a high sex drive to offering medication. If this is truly how the process played out, that therapist missed a lot of opportunities to consider and address other important factors at play when it comes to compulsive sexual behaviors.

I’ve found that many therapists don’t truly understand how porn addiction works. While some take the time to learn about the reality of the condition, many dismiss it as not a “real” problem. Occasionally brothers find themselves under the care of these dismissive therapists and that’s a dangerous place to be. These therapists aren’t familiar with the complexities of out-of-control sexual behavior and often neglect to consider alternatives to medications.

They likely don’t understand the importance of anchoring your day. They probably don’t encourage you to find an accountability partner. They might work with you on developing emotional awareness or boundaries, but not through the lens of compulsive sexual behavior. They often don’t understand factors like time of day or specific environmental triggers either. They just want to stick you on medication and call it a day.

Another thing to think about is therapists who suggest that porn addiction is really a high sex drive often neglect to take a blood work panel before recommending medication. How can they possibly know the cause of your supposed high sex drive if they don’t have any data or numbers to back it up? I always recommend taking a blood work panel before making any decisions like that.

I don’t want this to turn into an anti-medication rant. I’m not at all anti-medication; in fact, I think it’s a helpful tool in certain situations. But I do not believe that medication is an effective long-term solution, especially for brothers struggling with compulsive sexual behavior. I think there are many alternatives that therapists and doctors often neglect to recommend before jumping straight to medication.

I think there is a checklist you should run through before deciding to take medication for your compulsive sexual behavior. First, determine whether your therapist is knowledgeable about porn addiction in the first place. Second, get a blood work panel and find out what your total testosterone and free testosterone levels are. Third, identify whether there is any childhood trauma at play that may fuel your behavior. And finally, after checking all of these boxes you can make an informed decision about whether a short-term medication plan is right for you.

I know medication wasn’t necessary for my situation and it often isn’t for the brothers that I work with. We learn to control our out-of-control behaviors by working with our biology to rewire our brains. We don’t need to use medication as a crutch; we lean on each other during tough times and lift one another when we’re on an upswing.

The Porn Reboot program is designed specifically to help you end your out-of-control sexual behavior. We don’t push meds, therapy, or psychiatry on you, nor are we opposed to using those tools when they’re necessary. We simply encourage you to identify the approach that works best for you and take the appropriate action to end your behavior with porn for good.

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Three Modes of Reboot Progress

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

I often hear from guys in our Porn Reboot groups who were doing well for a period then fell off seemingly out of nowhere. Everything was going right: they were eating well, they were on a good trajectory in their career, their family life was calm, and they were staying away from porn and masturbation. But all of a sudden something happened, a little unexpected twist, and they slipped.

I know I have some experience with that, too. There were times in my life when my gym routine was on point, I could take rejection from women without batting an eye, I was eating well, and my performance at work was top-notch. Then a little thing would happen and completely throw me off.

I have this concept that I think describes these situations perfectly. I call it the three modes of reboot progress. These three modes include:

Survival Mode
Thrive Mode
Impact Mode

If you keep struggling with taking three steps forward and three steps back, this might be helpful for you. I encourage you to read this post and then do some journaling to determine which mode you may be in at the moment.

So, what does each mode entail?

Survival Mode

The dictionary defines survival as continuing to exist or remaining intact. Living in survival mode means doing just enough to get by without completely breaking down. From what I’ve noticed in over a decade of working with men and observing general human behavior, the majority of people live their whole lives in survival mode. They spend the entirety of their time on this planet doing what they can scrape by but never moving beyond this.

When you’re in survival mode you lack clarity, purpose, or aim; you’re simply doing all you can to make it through the day. You’re treading water trying to pay the bills, support your family, and make ends meet. Maybe your ideal weight is 175 but you’re sitting at an overweight 230 pounds doing what you can to keep the scale from climbing higher, but nothing to bring that number down.

People living in survival mode are terrified of taking risks. They aren’t willing to bet on themselves. They’re not willing to step out of their comfort zone (no matter how uncomfortable it looks from the outside) and do what it takes to rise above. And if you’re in survival mode, you’re going to stay stuck in the same miserable cycle of three steps forward, three steps back.

Men living in survival mode feel entitled. They believe the government should take care of them, that women owe them sex, and that they deserve compliments for completing even the most basic of tasks. If you’re stuck in survival mode, chances are you’re too busy blaming others for your problems or looking for shortcuts to take responsibility for your actions. But realizing and accepting personal responsibility is necessary to escape the survival mode cycle.

I don’t work with men stuck in survival mode. There’s nothing I can do to help them. Until they are willing to step up to the plate and take responsibility for their lives, there isn’t a single thing I can do to make them see what they need to do. If this is you, I suggest you swallow your pride, own up to the truth of your reality, and get ready to make some changes as soon as possible.

Thrive Mode

The next mode is thrive mode. Men in thrive mode have escaped survival mode but are now stuck in a different type of downward spiral, and often can’t understand why. These men are experiencing growth in every area of their reboot, doing well in their careers, rebuilding their families, and getting their health in order, but they don’t know when to stop. It’s like the pendulum swung from one extreme to the other.

Thrive mode is deceiving because it feels like you’re in a good place. You make good money, you have nice things, you don’t need to worry about your bills, and you can often afford to do whatever you want to do. Sure, you still experience challenges but they are different types of challenges than those you face in survival mode.

The men in our implementation and intensive programs typically tend to be in thrive mode. Men who make the financial commitment to our group have usually escaped survival mode and recognize the worth of investing in themselves. However, they still can’t seem to make it over the final mental hump. They still have an empty pit inside that they try to fill with this insatiable hunger for success, but no matter how far they move up the ladder they still feel like they aren’t winning.

Does this feel familiar? If so, there’s one final piece of the puzzle that you’re missing. The seeming strengths that brought you this far will continue to be your weaknesses. You can continue building your business, expanding your stock portfolio, adding 0’s to your bank account, and showering your family with everything they could possibly need or want, but you won’t fill that emptiness inside of you until you move into the final mode.

Impact Mode

Impact mode is the third and final mode of reboot progress. It’s the most difficult one to come to terms with but it’s also the most rewarding. I didn’t get there myself until just the last few years but I believe it’s something that every man should aim for. You transition into impact mode once you recognize that you didn’t move from survival mode to thrive mode alone, no matter how self-made you believe you are.

People paved the way and lifted you up in different ways along your journey. It happened with a little bit of kindness here or an important bit of well-timed wisdom or advice there. Now you’re at a place surrounded by abundance, every area of your reboot is thriving, and you have more than you could ever need. Your life is so full that you have almost no choice but to help other people, but if you choose to continue amassing things trying to fill that empty pit then you miss the beauty of impact mode.

Once you realize that true joy and fulfillment come from helping others, you cross the bridge from thrive mode to impact mode. It’s a wonderful gift to turn around and help others the way you were helped along the way, too. You’re not consumed by the fear of not making it in life or the fear of losing everything; you know that you’re in a good place and you want to share the path to this place with others.

What Mode Are You In?

So I want you to ask yourself, brother, what mode are you in? Put your ego aside, look around you, and answer honestly. If you’re in survival mode, stop blaming other people. Start hanging out with those doing better than you are and set some goals. If you’re in thrive mode, start asking yourself what you can do to remove the focus from you and shift it to others.

Set some time aside, do some writing, and figure out which mode you are in. Once you can answer honestly, start doing the work to move into the next phase, with the goal of ultimately arriving at impact mode. And on the off chance that you are already in impact mode, what can you do to create more impact? Can you turn up the volume? Can you do more?

As men who have learned to control their out-of-control behavior, I believe we have a responsibility to help others. Aside from meditation, I feel most fulfilled when I’m working with other men. Maybe you disagree with that, but I know it’s the case for me. And maybe it’s because you haven’t reached impact mode yet, brother, because there is so much more to life than simply amassing things. We have the opportunity to impact the world for the better.

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The Third Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is an imperative part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself.

Over the last few days, I wrote about the first two steps to leveling up your porn addiction recovery reboot and progressing in life as a whole. First, I covered the importance of making a firm decision without comparing yourself to others. Second, I covered how crucial it is to develop resolve, mentally prepare yourself for inevitable obstacles, and turn those obstacles into opportunities.

Today I bring you the most important step in the process. Without this you’ll never make the progress you so desperately hope to achieve. The third step to leveling up in your reboot, brother, is taking action, and you must take this step quickly. Speed is critical.

You can’t say I’ll start tomorrow. You can’t say I’ll start once I install a filter on my device. You have to start NOW. Immediate action is vital because your limiting beliefs and habit patterns will keep you trapped in the same cycle you’ve been in for months or years. You cannot give those beliefs and behaviors a chance to pop up; they are powerful and will sabotage you every time. You have less than five seconds to act before your unconscious mind comes up with all sorts of reasons and excuses for slowing down.

I’ll use a simple example for this three-step process. Let’s say you decide you are going to start waking up early at 5:00 AM. Step one is done. Then you resolve to wake up despite any obstacles that arise, such as a late night with your kid, feeling very tired, your bed being too comfortable, whatever it is. This is a new opportunity for you to learn discipline and deal with resistance. Now you’ve done step two.

Step three is to take action. What do you do when the alarm clock goes off the next morning? Your eyes should open and you should immediately jump out of bed. But lots of guys hit the wall when they reach this point. They decide to hit snooze just once and lay in bed for a few more minutes to gather their thoughts.

Boom. They’re already done for. They set the pace for their day with that one small decision.

Immediate action is crucial, brother. You need to jump out of bed immediately when your alarm goes off. You have five seconds to make that decision, resolve yourself, and take action, or your habit patterns that are years in the making will take over every single time.

Procrastination is not part of the routine of any successful rebooter. Men who end their out-of-control behavior with porn and masturbation and successfully rewire their brains are men who take action. That isn’t to say it’s something that happens overnight; you spent years building up this behavior and it will take at least a few weeks to break it back down. But that means weeks of immediate contrary action in the face of instant gratification.

Maybe you’re asking yourself right now, “What if I don’t have enough time to take action right now?” Perhaps it’s a big project that requires some serious man-hours. But here’s the thing: I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. You’re overthinking it. There is always at least one small action you can take to push back against your ingrained habits and move forward. You just need to do something to get started.

For example, I always suggest new brothers in the group introduce themselves within the first 24 hours of joining. All it takes is a quick introduction to get yourself in the middle of the pack. But brothers who choose not to introduce themselves immediately are less likely to participate in the future.

Your mind must receive the message that the task you’re working towards is so important that you must do it immediately. And you can’t tell me you aren’t used to taking immediate action, you just do it in the wrong direction. You’re probably great at taking immediate action toward distracting yourself. I’m sure you’re quick to jump on YouTube or some other website or app that you enjoy when you’re feeling a bit unmotivated.

You apply these three steps but toward something that drags you backward. You decide to watch some videos or scroll on your phone. You resolve yourself to the idea that nothing will derail you from pursuing this relaxing distraction. And then you take immediate action.

See? You’re already using this three-step process. Now you need to use it to take action that will help you level up in your reboot, not down. Make a decision, resolve yourself, and take action. It’s that simple, brother. It takes time to develop this new habit but I’ve seen countless brothers do it, I know you’re more than capable of it, and the results that come from it will amaze you.

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The Isolated Porn Addict

Porn Addiction Problems / By J.K Emezi

Today’s topic comes from a question brought up in one of our groups. This brother asked,

“J.K., I read your post saying that people who try to live a balanced life tend to not know what their priorities are. I’m headed into my second year of university and my goal is to boost my GPA and improve my social reboot capital by joining clubs at school.

I tend to isolate myself when it comes to my studies, though. I don’t participate in class discussions or answer questions when the teacher asks them. Instead of studying with friends, I go to the library alone and study by myself. I stay in my room, sleep, and repeat.

Is it possible for me to hit both goals or do I need to prioritize one over the other? I don’t want this year in university to be like the first one when I felt overcome by loneliness as I watched my peers connect, but I also don’t want to fail my classes either.”

This is a fantastic question. I appreciate it because it applies not only to our brothers in school but to our brothers in their careers as well. Whether you’re busy with classes and studying or work and trying to build a business or get a promotion, each of these is an important achievement to work towards.

At the same time, many of us find ourselves isolated from our fellows as a result of our out-of-control behavior. We spent years withdrawing from others as we hid away in a cocoon of compulsive porn addiction problem. Reintegrating with the world is a vital part of the reboot process.

But what does rebuilding your social reboot capital look like? It might not look the same for you as it does for other brothers, especially if you’re more of an introvert. This brother mentioned that he prefers studying alone at the library or in his room. He’s attempting to put himself out there by joining some clubs on campus, but he still finds himself spending much of his time alone.

Social reboot capital doesn’t necessarily mean you can tolerate spending hours at a time with people. You must determine who you are as a person when identifying what an effective social reboot looks like for you. That means finding the amount of socialization you can tolerate before losing interest.

Honestly, I’m a pretty big introvert. I find it rejuvenating to spend time alone. I don’t mean isolating myself from people for weeks at a time, but I need some alone time every day. That applies at home, out on the road, or even on guys’ trips with my friends. I recently went to Nashville with some buddies and while they all booked an AirBnB together, I opted to get a hotel room nearby.

I still had some work to do and clients to speak to so I needed space for that. I also prioritize my morning routine and don’t want interruptions, so having my own space made that easier, too. And honestly, there’s only so much catching up I can do with these guys though I still see them as great friends.

We were out there for three days. I had a great time when we went to dinner, hit the gym, or stopped by a bar. I could socialize with them through all of these events and had a blast doing it. At the same time, it was nice to have a space to return to at the end of the night where I didn’t have to deal with guys staying up, talking, and drinking all night. I could maintain my priorities while still having a great time with my friends.

I used to feel like that meant something was wrong with me, but the more time passes, the more I realize that I’m simply an introvert. I need that time alone to recharge my batteries. That might be the case for this brother and it may be the case for you, too. There’s nothing wrong with needing a bit more solitude than those around you.

Don’t use your introverted preferences as a reason to avoid engaging with others, though. It’s important to find some ways to socialize that are interesting and engaging for you. You can join campus clubs, sign up for a dance class, join an improv group, enroll in a martial arts class, or start Brazilian jiu-jitsu, just to name a few. It’s important to put yourself out there socially at least once or twice a week so you start interacting with the world again.

Putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations is the only way we will grow. I had to do it when I was selling Bibles door-to-door as I’m sure you’ve heard me talk about or read here on the blog before. I needed to purposefully put myself in situations where I needed to be social, no matter how uncomfortable I felt at the time.

One of the most important ways you can put yourself out there, brother, is to be a friend. The best way to find a friend is to be a friend. I decided I was going to be the type of friend I was looking for and this was by far the most effective approach I could have taken. I chose to show up for people until they gave me a reason not to. I became far more willing to spend time with people I would not have normally spent time with. And the results were pretty incredible.

I’ll admit not all of those friendships worked out. Some guys I spent time with were needy, others were consistently negative. On the other hand, some of the men I met during this period are still my best friends today. They’re creating exciting lives, building successful businesses, starting beautiful families, and enjoying what the world has to offer.

So I don’t think this brother is abandoning his GPA to build a social life. I think he can find a good balance between the two things by getting honest with himself about who he is and how he prefers to socialize. Perhaps he’s expending more energy than necessary by telling himself he needs to be more social than he prefers. And the same may apply to you, too.

Start by identifying what an effective social reboot looks like for you and go from there. Determine how your progress in your schooling or career fits into that social aspect. And even if you choose to spend more time on your own, don’t neglect the critical component that socialization brings to your reboot either. You can reach a place in the middle that works for you because you alone know what’s best for your social situation.

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How to Measure Your Reboot Goals in 2022

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

Can you believe we’re already in the final week of 2021?

Winter holidays have come and gone and we’re only a few days away from New Year’s. If you haven’t already, now is the time to sit down and outline some goals for yourself during the upcoming year. Take a moment to reflect on 2021 and look forward to what you want to accomplish in 2022.

One critical aspect of setting effective goals is ensuring you can measure your progress. If your goal isn’t measurable, how will you know whether you’re on track to reach it or not?

Some goals are easy to measure and track. Things like financial numbers or business milestones are straightforward and measurable. You can see precisely how close you are to accomplishing what you’re working toward.

When it comes to your porn addiction recovery, though, setting measurable goals is a bit more difficult. Many brothers are tempted to measure their success by their porn-free time. Sure, counting days is the easiest way to measure but it’s the least effective way to track progress. I’ve always been very vocal about encouraging men in the Porn Reboot program to not count days. I believe that porn-free streaks don’t matter, nor do I believe they are a true measure of your progress.

Counting days means nothing. What is the point of not masturbating if you aren’t going to make any other changes? Why would you not bust a nut for months and months but remain the same cranky, irritable, emotional person you’ve always been? If you remain undisciplined, isolated, and lack determination, then who cares how long your streak is?

There are better ways to measure your reboot goals in 2022.

Measure your improvement by recognizing whether you’re still acting out in ways that lead to slips. Measure your improvement based on your emotions and behavior. Measure your improvement by tracking the coping skills you implement or reboot capital you gain. Measure your improvement using the strength of your relationships.

These are all far more useful indicators of success than the number of days since you last jerked off or watched porn.

The Porn Reboot program is not for men who only want to overcome their pornography addiction. It isn’t for men who are concerned with their porn use or masturbation but not the other areas of their lives that are falling apart. It’s not for men who aren’t willing to make drastic changes in their lives to leave their old ways behind.

Instead, the Porn Reboot program is for men ready to dedicate their time, attention, and energy to becoming the best version of themselves possible. It’s for men who are tired of living directionless, pathetic lives that center around watching porn and masturbating. The program is a pathway to help you not only overcome your compulsive sexual behavior but to enhance your entire life.

If you want an easy way to measure your porn addiction recovery goals in 2022, I encourage you to sign up for our free “Best Year Ever” training program. It’s my gift to you for being part of the Porn Reboot community. Whether you’re new to the blog or you’ve been reading for a while, I want to offer this free blueprint that will help you start the year strong as a way to thank you for joining us here.

Once you sign up, I invite you to join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group if you haven’t already. We’re a group of hardworking, high-performing men dedicated to helping every man who wants to overcome his behavior with porn and reframe his life. If that sounds like you, sign up for the free program, join the group, and let us know that you’re starting 2022 strong with us.

Looking forward to seeing you, brother.

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You Do You

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Crafting Self-Made Laws: Finding Purpose Beyond Addiction

I know.

It sounds cliché.

“You do you!”

You see it on inspirational Instagram influencers’ pages, hear it in TedTalks, and read it in just about every self-help book you could ever pick up.

But it’s my thought for the day and it’s important so I need you to stick with me.

Sexually compulsive behavior erodes your value system over time. It deteriorates the values introduced to you and built up by your society, religion, family, culture, and so on. Many of us were exposed to pornography at a very young age so we learned feelings of shame and guilt early on. Those feelings carried into our teenage years and adulthood and have lingered ever since.

How do you put together a sturdy set of values when your perception is skewed? Where do you begin when you’re still filled with guilt and shame after losing control of one of your most basic instincts at a very young age? What do you do to establish a strong foundation and build up your values again?

A Quote From Sir Richard Francis Burton

Sir Richard Francis Burton was a British explorer who lived during the 19th century. He’s credited with discovering areas throughout Asia, Africa, and the Americas. Burton is also well-known for being a polyglot, meaning he spoke multiple languages fluently. His historical resume is impressive and did a lot of incredible things during his lifetime.

I read a biography about him one time and found a quote in the book that has stuck with me ever since:

“Do what thy manhood bids thee do, from no one but self expect applause. He noblest lives and noblest dies who makes and keeps his self-made laws.”

Now, bear in mind before you continue, Sir Richard Francis Burton was a racist. There’s no denying his awfully racist beliefs. Morally speaking, he’s nowhere close to being a role model, a mentor, or someone whose main ideas you should adhere to. But when it comes to courage, there’s a lot you can learn from him.

If you can learn to expect applause from no one but yourself, you become unstoppable. There’s no groveling for the attention or approval of others. You don’t need to look to anyone else for validation when you can validate yourself. This is the first step toward re-developing the self confidence and self-esteem that you lost long ago.

Admittedly, there are all kinds of definitions of noble. Again, it’s undeniable that Burton was a racist. His self-made laws included abhorrent beliefs about people of African descent. Still, he had a solid set of self-made laws he lived by unapologetically.

Create Your Own Laws

You have to make your own laws to live by. I don’t mean live a lawless life full of adultery and killing; those are not noble pursuits. What I mean is you need to set your own standards while you’re rebooting because you have a long way to go to get beyond average.

Men who develop pornography addiction early on fall behind as they grow up. Trying to measure yourself by the success and standards of your peers will leave you feeling less than and not good enough. And you need to move beyond the status quo, anyways. You have a lot to make up for after squandering the gift of life you’ve been given.

Men also have different ideas of what happiness and success look like. For some, having a wife and kids is the pinnacle of a well-lived life. For others, building a successful business and creating jobs is the ultimate goal to work toward. Don’t look externally for a set of standards to live by; determine them for yourself and start working toward them.

Be Wary of What Testosterone Bids You To Do

The first part of that quote is shaky ground for men who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior. You can never fight against your biology but you must be wary of what testosterone would have you do. The standards and values you develop should be far from the things that led you down the path of pornography addiction.

Run your urges through your filters and talk them over with an accountability partner. While you always need to follow your self-made laws at the end of the day, you should also be cautious when it comes to laws about your sexual behavior.

Take Honest Stock Of Your Life

Where are you at in life right now? How are you doing? Take a moment to consider this and answer honestly. If you look around and realize you’re not living a good life, it’s time to make some changes. You might be poor, lazy, or weak. Maybe you don’t feel masculine or you’re constantly envious of other men.

So ask yourself, what does your manhood bid you do?

For me, my manhood bids me work hard so I can live the life I want to and not be broke. My manhood bids me take care of my aging parents and my family. My manhood bids me work hard in the gym so I can stay strong, in shape, and have a good physique. My manhood bids me continue building a strong relationship with my long-term partner.

My manhood also bids me help men like you in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot program who are trying to overcome their out-of-control sexual behavior. My self-made laws center around helping other men out of the same predicament I found myself in all those years ago.

When I base my life around these self-made laws, I feel like I’m on the right path and heading in the right direction. I never question the way I’m going because I’ve made and am now keeping my self-made laws.

Now it’s your turn. What are your self-made laws and how do you plan to keep them? It’s time to get to work, brother. We’re in pursuit of a noble life.

You Do You Read More »

Is Sex Success?

Porn Addiction Symptoms / By Automation Agency Concierge

Rethinking Success: Beyond the Myth of Sex

Sex is not the most important thing in the world.

Is that hard for you to believe? If so, you aren’t alone. A brother in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group heard it on another YouTube channel and brought it to our group. He was having trouble wrapping his head around the idea that sex isn’t necessarily the thing to strive for. The way he sees it, men strive to work and generate wealth so they can attract women into their lives.

I notice this a lot with men who are still early on in their reboot. If you’re thinking this way you’re not the only one, but it also indicates where you’re at in your reboot. When men first start their reboot, they believe they need to experience a lot of novelty relationships with different women in order to feel satisfied.

Now don’t get me wrong – you’re biologically wired to think this way. At the same time, your pornography addiction destroyed your natural biological functioning over the years and left you thinking that sex is the end goal. It creates the false idea that your whole purpose as a man is to have sex with women. This seems to be especially true if you are a man who isn’t particularly successful with women to begin with.

I want to make it clear that I don’t believe having sex with a variety of beautiful women is a bad thing. In fact, I think it’s a wonderful thing and it’s something that I experienced and enjoyed before my committed relationship. If you don’t have any cultural or religious beliefs holding you back from that, go ahead and explore that aspect of life as a man if you would like to.

At the same time, don’t think that simply generating wealth and becoming a high-value man will automatically give you opportunities to have sex. There are plenty of men with little to no capital who can still pull women because they’re high-value in their own way. You don’t have to be a wealthy man to sleep with women.

As you progress in your reboot, you’ll start realizing that sex for the sake of sex isn’t necessarily success. Porn wants you to think that sex is the greatest thing you can get but there are far more important things to work for. But once you’re free from your porn addiction symptoms you can create your own definition of what success is.

Instead of building wealth to pull women, why don’t you build wealth to pursue freedom? Wealth provides you with freedom to live where you want, freedom of time, freedom from depending on others, freedom to pursue things you’re truly interested in, and more.

Success doesn’t necessarily mean wealth, either. Plenty of men define success by the quality of the family they have, by keeping their relationship strong, and by raising confident, independent children. Others view success through the lens of their spiritual or religious pursuits and draw a great sense of joy and purpose from them.

Another great definition of success is giving back and being of service. I’m one of those people who finds deep fulfillment in helping others. Now that I’ve overcome my compulsive sexual behavior, there are plenty of times I’m interested in being of service than I am in having sex.

Sure, sex will come as a byproduct of your success and there’s nothing wrong with that. But pursuing sex as the end goal or the definition of success will leave you feeling empty and hollow. Sex for the sake of sex is a biological need but it’s far from fulfilling when it’s the only pursuit in your life. Pursue things that interest you instead and you’ll find much more contentment in life. After that, sex will simply be an added bonus.

Is Sex Success? Read More »

How to Be Compassionate with Yourself

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

If you’re anything like me, brother, you’re probably pretty hard on yourself.

I’ve noticed that a lot of us are pretty hard on ourselves even after we start gaining a hold on our out-of-control behavior. We spent so many months and years consumed by pornography and compulsive sexual behavior that it’s difficult to look at how our lives panned out.

I remember I hated myself when I was still struggling with my behavior. I was very hard on myself because I’d become the type of guy who said I’d do something but never followed through. I was also the type of guy who could see that I was doing something that was hurting me but I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

I can’t tell you how many times I promised myself that this would be the last time, that it wasn’t going to happen again. Then I would relapse and end up back where I started, or in an even worse place, over and over again. Eventually, I lost trust in myself because I continued doing this week after week, month after month, year after year.

Imagine depending on someone who tells you they’re going to do something, but whenever the time comes they have an excuse. Every single time you need them they let you down. This person you depend on has some reason or another to let you down each time you look to them to follow through.

It’s pretty hard to love this sort of person especially when the things they mess up are important to you. But that’s exactly the type of person that many of us believe ourselves to be. We’ve let ourselves down time and time again so we’ve lost faith in ourselves over the years.

You have to build that faith and trust back up if you want to be successful in your reboot. It’s not easy at the beginning when you have little reason to believe that this time will be different, though. One tool you can use to get yourself through these lulls in belief is self-compassion.

The idea of being compassionate with yourself might sound silly or even impossible. You might think it’s cheesy or woo-woo science. But today I ask that you leave behind whatever preconceived notions you have about self-compassion.

I started using a very specific technique to practice self-compassion in my life. Think about the way your grandmother views you. If you don’t have a grandmother around, consider the typical ways grandparents treat their grandchildren.

More often than not, grandparents don’t carry the burden of raising their grandchildren so there’s some space between them and that responsibility. This is why you see the stereotype of grandparents who spoil their grandchildren; they love endlessly and often lack the weight that comes with raising you themselves.

Think of the compassion your grandmother or grandfather holds in their heart for you. They have so much love, compassion, and forgiveness. They want what’s best for you and want to see you do well. No matter the mistakes you make, your grandparents will continue loving you through it.

I still struggle with the self-compassion aspect of my reboot to this day. It’s not easy to cut myself some slack or give myself a break. I expect myself to be a high performer at all times. So I adopted this practice of viewing myself as my grandparents would in the last few weeks. I’ve been working on it as a way to allow myself to be more compassionate toward myself.

When I look at myself as a grandparent would, I feel endlessly loving and forgiving. I feel like I wouldn’t give up on myself. I would be patient with myself. No matter what happens, I would always find love for myself despite the circumstances.

I’d love for you to try this out and let me know what you think. If self-compassion is difficult for you to achieve like it is for me, this practice may be useful for you, too. After trying it for a few days, hop over into our Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot Facebook group and let us know about your experience!

How to Be Compassionate with Yourself Read More »

Let Go Of Old Habits

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By Automation Agency Concierge

“I’m struggling not to relapse right now. I need some help.”

“I’m tempted to masturbate right now but reaching out to stay accountable.”

“I find this so difficult and challenging. The urges are overwhelming.”

The comments and messages I receive most frequently on our YouTube channel or in our groups are along these lines. If you’re one of those brothers who can relate to these types of statements, your old habit pattern is to struggle. It’s to use willpower to keep your behavior under control.

But these are exactly the types of old habit patterns you need to let go of to successfully reboot. I want you to ask yourself, what exactly is the struggle? I even use the phrase in my send-off on our podcasts, referring to myself as your brother in this struggle. So what is the struggle?

From what I’ve seen over the years, the struggle is your fight on how to stop porn addiction by relying on willpower. It’s finding an accountability partner and leaning hard into them instead of taking responsibility for your behaviors and your life. It’s the way you battle your biology while trying to reboot instead of working with your brain. These bare minimum approaches will keep you trapped forever.

The Porn Reboot system is just that, a system. It’s set up to keep you from relying on your willpower. It’s a system that teaches you to overcome your addiction by working on yourself instead. It removes the emotional toll that a struggle implies and instead offers you a clear, direct path to a life free from porn and compulsive sexual behavior.

For example, I see men who come in and put a lot of weight into their slips or relapses. They get all worked up and consumed by what relapse means in their mind. But the Porn Reboot system doesn’t turn them into emotional experiences; slips are data, plain and simple.

The longer you hold onto this habit of a struggle mindset, the longer you’re going to struggle. Viewing your reboot as something excruciating and impossible will keep it that way so long as that’s the way you view it.

I suggest that you shift your perspective on your journey toward a porn-free life. Your process doesn’t need to be a struggle. Applying the Porn Reboot system to your life is a straightforward way to leave your compulsive behaviors behind.

Here’s the way I see it, brother. You are worthy of love. You are capable of giving love. You are not worthless. You are not hopeless. You are not incapable of rebooting. You don’t have to struggle because you’ve stumbled upon a way to overcome your behavior in a way that works with your mind.

Now that you’re here, brother, why don’t you stay?

Let Go Of Old Habits Read More »

Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever

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Survival Mode

Thrive Mode

Impact Mode

What Mode Are You In?

The Third Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

The Isolated Porn Addict

How to Measure Your Reboot Goals in 2022

You Do You

A Quote From Sir Richard Francis Burton

Create Your Own Laws

Be Wary of What Testosterone Bids You To Do

Take Honest Stock Of Your Life

Is Sex Success?

How to Be Compassionate with Yourself

Let Go Of Old Habits

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