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The Benefit of Systems for Quitting Porn

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

If you’ve been around the Porn Reboot program for a few months, you know that I’m a big fan of systems.

A system is a set of actions to follow that generates predictable and improved results. I follow systems in each area of my life, from my reboot to my work and even my spirituality. I prefer knowing that I’m heading in the right direction and I believe systems are the best way to get there.

I recently developed an acronym that I like:

Something
You
Stick
To
Emphatically (and)
Methodically

If you stick to something emphatically and methodically, chances are it will lead to a predictable outcome. Developing a system was a game-changer during my early reboot. I had to do a lot of guessing and checking because I didn’t know anyone before me who ended their out-of-control behavior, but it led to the successful Porn Reboot system we all follow today.

Chances are, if you’re anything like me, you’ve thrown a lot of willpower at your porn problem up to this point. You’ve tried tons of ways to end your behavior yet you’re still in the same place you started, or maybe an even worse one. I was stuck in the willpower cycle for years convinced I was making a difference but accomplishing nothing.

It wasn’t successful until I created an intentional system of actions that worked with my biology instead of against it. Until that point, I was edging, drinking to the point of inebriation, hitting the snooze button, skipping my morning routines, bailing on the gym, and more. This led to stress, caffeinated overstimulation, crashing in the evenings, and a lot of wasted time.

So, how do you implement a system in your life? Just because you have access to a porn addiction recovery system doesn’t mean you’re going to stick to it. What can you do to ensure you do what it takes to apply a system to your life? And what are the benefits of doing so?

How to Incorporate a System

Start small. Pick one thing you’re going to do without fail that will be negotiated with anyone. Not your wife, not your children, not your friends, not your boss, and especially not yourself. Determine which aspect of the Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot system will be the first thing you adhere to without fail.

This might be your morning routine, getting on a call with your Porn Reboot coach, or going to the gym. Pick one thing that you will do regardless of any excuses that come up. Decide now that you will not let anything derail you from this one non-negotiable and then follow through on it.

Set up your days and weeks to make sure you have enough time to commit to your non-negotiable. It should be something small enough that you won’t talk yourself out of it but significant enough that it provides a positive result when you do it.

Meditation was my first non-negotiable. I spent many years before that half-heartedly meditating. I would practice here and there but was never consistent. So I decided that committing to a meditation routine would be my first change.

After you consistently commit to your non-negotiables for a few weeks, add another one into the mix and stick with it for another few weeks. Now you’ll find yourself committed to two beneficial practices. Although you couldn’t stick to anything a month or two ago, now you’ll find yourself consistent with two positive things.

This is how you start to implement a system. Continue adding new non-negotiables as you successfully stick to your previous ones. It gets easier to take on more as you become accustomed to it and notice the benefits they bring.

Benefits of Sticking to a System

I wouldn’t recommend implementing a system in your life if I didn’t think there were any positives. I’ve experienced so many good things that came from my adherence to a system. I’ve also watched those things happen in the lives of the men I’ve helped through the Porn Addiction Counseling Reboot program. What are some of these benefits?

Relapse Prevention

Instead of relying on your willpower to keep you from slipping, a system provides clear-cut instructions to prevent porn addiction relapse. You always have at least a few actions you can take when you notice temptation rising. You also have a set of behaviors you adhere to that keep those temptations at bay to begin with.

Letting Go of Reliance on Willpower

Don’t get me wrong – there is still some need for willpower when it comes to implementing a system. You have to take initiative; no one will come in and do the work for you. However, the difference is you’re not throwing willpower at the problem with no result. You’re using it to work with you as you implement healthy habits instead.

You Don’t Have to Do it Alone

One of the best parts of the Porn Reboot system in particular is it keeps you from handling your struggles alone. You’ll find yourself surrounded by a group of men who understand what you’re going through. They’ve been where you are and know the way out. And eventually, you’ll be the man helping others out of the place you’re in now.

Join the Porn Reboot System

It should be more than clear by now why you need a system to overcome your compulsive behavior with porn addiction, sex, and masturbation. You’ve probably tried at least a few things with no success already. Why not implement something that’s proven to work? The Porn Reboot program has helped men overcome their out-of-control behavior for more than a decade. Come join us in the FREE Porn Reboot Facebook group and get started today!

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Phone Sex, Long-Distance Relationships, and Rebooting

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Long-distance relationships are never easy.

Making your partner feel loved and cared for requires more time, work, and attention when they live hours away from you. Maintaining a long-distance relationship while struggling with out-of-control sexual behavior is even more challenging.

One of the brothers in our Porn Reboot group recently asked about maintaining a long-distance relationship while in the middle of his reboot. His question focused on two main concerns: phone and video sex, and general reboot management while in a long-distance relationship.

When it comes to phone sex during your reboot, I believe the answer should always be no. This is especially true for video call sex on FaceTime or Skype. Even though it’s your partner on the other side of the screen, the experience is almost no different than other virtual forms of erotic stimulation.

Your brain can’t tell the difference between your partner and any other pornstar on the screen. Sure, at face value you know that it’s the person you’re committed to. But at the same time, it’s a false sense of intimacy and connection. Engaging in video call sex, even with someone you’re in a committed relationship with, places you at risk of a porn addiction relapse.

An important part of the porn addiction recovery process is gearing your brain away from the preference for high-speed internet pornography and toward physical intimacy in real life. It’s difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship without a frequent sexual component. However, if you want to be successful in your reboot, you must avoid engaging in sexual stimulation through the phone.

That brings us to the general concern of maintaining a long-distance relationship while rebooting. Truthfully, I’m not the biggest supporter of long-distance relationships that last for years. I believe that they can be a serious threat to your reboot because they keep you from building the intimacy necessary to have a healthy relationship.

Long-distance relationships are challenging for people who don’t already have problems with porn addiction effects, sex, and masturbation. Men who can jerk off and go on with their day are better suited for these types of relationships. But brothers in the Porn Addiction Counseling are not able to have that luxury.

Learning to be physically intimate with a partner is an important part of the reboot process. Being in a relationship with someone who lives miles, hours, or even states away makes that harder to do. You cannot work on your physical intimacy when you only see your partner every so often. When you find yourself physically unsatisfied, you’re far more likely to turn to your out-of-control behavior for relief.

I believe that men who are rebooting should seek out relationships with women who live nearby. You shouldn’t have to drive more than an hour to meet up with the women you’re dating. There are so many hundreds of women in the world that limiting yourself to a long-distance relationship only adds unnecessary stress.

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Prioritizing Growth Over Balance: Approach to Achieving Success

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Prioritizing Growth Over Balance: Unconventional Approach to Achieving Success

You often hear people stressing the importance of living a balanced life.

They believe you should spread your attention and energy evenly between different responsibilities and interests Then men who are trying to control their sexual behavior are then exposed to these ideas and views of the world, from things like counselors, therapists, and traditional 12-step recovery programs.

I listen to these things as a man who runs a system where other men achieve phenomenal results in a short period. They learn to control their out-of-control sexual behavior in 90 days and fully rewire their brains in a year and a half to two years. In my opinion, you cannot achieve drastic, incredible results like those in the Porn Reboot program while living a balanced life.

Further, I believe that people who are living balanced lives do so because they don’t know what their priorities are. Instead of determining what’s most important in life and going after it, they try to cover everything. Rather than doing a few things very well, they’re mediocre at a lot of different things.

That approach doesn’t work for me. I wanted to live a life of priorities, not a life of balance. I believe you need to get clear on your priorities and dive headfirst into pursuing them. I’m not a fan of the idea that you should spread your energy evenly; I think you should find what ignites your fire and pursue that with everything you have in you.

Life is constantly changing. Nothing remains the same. Your kids are growing up as you read this. Your relationships are not always guaranteed. You may move across the city, across the state, or across the country one day. You might start a new business. Your health is never guaranteed. And yet you’re going to strive for balance across your social life, family life, emotional life, and spiritual life?

That doesn’t make sense to me. I see guys who are 23, 24, or 25 years old trying to maintain a long-term relationship, start a business, finish school, build their ideal physique, and meditate for an hour every day. They also want to travel the world and participate in the Porn Reboot program simultaneously.

All this does is lead to burnout and leaves you questioning your capabilities. I think balance is a myth. It’s a false ideal that is impossible to achieve in the real world. I believe we go through life in seasons because of the constant state of change. Trying to juggle all these things at one time is only going to hurt you in the long run.

I’ve done it before too, brother. I had a ton going on in my early 20s, too. I was in school, running the sales team for my company, trying to build my physique, and end my behavior with porn and masturbation. All I ended up doing was spinning in circles and not finding success in any one area.

I decided to focus on two areas instead of all four. I chose to focus on building up my body and ending my out-of-control behavior, then I lived and breathed these two things until I was successful in both. Once I achieved what I was looking for, I shifted that energy to my next priority of managing my anxiety. Then I shifted it to building the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot system. And I continue doing the same thing to this day.

I tried for balance and found it didn’t work for someone like me. I need to do things full-force or not at all. I think giving only part of yourself to something leads to mediocre results. You can’t grow when you don’t give your all to something. I think you should prioritize growth over balance every time. And the men who take this approach with their reboot are the ones who find the most success.

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How to Stop Feeling Bad About Relapses

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Relapse is a common concern for men when they begin their reboot.

Most come from past programs with abstinence-only approaches that make you feel like you’ve failed if you have a slip. I see it differently, though. When you’re learning how to stop porn addiction, relapses are part of the process.

If you’re like the majority of men early in the Porn Reboot system, you likely attach a lot of emotion to relapses. You feel a lot of guilt and shame if you start watching porn again, even if only for an evening. You might find yourself trapped in a negative thought spiral that keeps you stuck for longer than you should be.

I prefer men in the Porn Reboot program to remove all emotion from the relapse experience. You don’t need to assign big feelings to it when it happens; simply recognize that you made a mistake and determine how you can best avoid it moving forward. In this way, I like to see the process of viewing slips as data. This makes it easier to get back on track instead of digging yourself into a hole.

Men who are prone to feeling big emotions after a relapse will struggle with this at first. Learning to detach emotions from slips feels like a huge challenge. But when you start to rationally view slips as data, it becomes easier to not feel guilt, shame, or anger because you’re busy processing the experience.

For example, when you experience a slip you can immediately dissect what happened. Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep because you stayed up too late watching YouTube videos on your phone. You watched the videos because you felt frustrated that work took longer to complete than usual and you wanted to feel a bit of relief from that stress.

This gives you multiple points to adjust so that you don’t have to slip in this same manner again. If you finished your work in time, you wouldn’t have felt as stressed or frustrated. If you recognized that sometimes you’re going to have bad days at work, you might not have sought relief from YouTube videos. If you still needed some time to de-stress, you could have achieved it by reading a book or meditating for a few minutes instead.

Breaking down your relapse in this way makes it almost impossible to feel bad about it. Sure, the goal of the Porn Reboot program is to eliminate your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. But expecting it to go away immediately is only a recipe for disaster. Assigning big emotions to something that’s almost guaranteed sets you up for failure, too.

Viewing slips as data is a far more efficient approach to your reboot. If you haven’t already, I recommend practicing it as you learn how to stop porn addiction. You’ll become more effective not only at avoiding slips, but you can apply this reasoning to other troublesome areas of your life. You don’t need to feel bad about relapses when they simply offer you more information on how to avoid them in the future!

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Humor, Healing & Growth: Porn Addiction Recovery Insights with Porn Reboot Program

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

I like to find or make funny memes and post them in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot Facebook group about once a week. Like a lot of others, I find that humor is a great way to cope with topics and experiences that can be difficult and painful at times. So our weekly memes are something that brothers in the group often look forward to.

A couple of weeks ago I made a meme that I thought was pretty funny. It was a picture of Mr. Clean, that bald white mascot for a cleaning company, wringing water out a sponge. The caption on the image said, “Your wife’s panties after hearing you decided to quit pornography and join Porn Reboot.”

It was pretty hilarious if I do say so myself, and lots of guys in the group thought it was great, too. We spent so many years more interested in porn than sex with our wives or partners. Lots of us struggled with porn-induced erectile dysfunction, too. No wonder our spouse is excited when we’re finally ready to quit porn. And any man with the same experience can relate.

But some brothers had some choice words in response.

“Bad. Just bad.”

“What little interest I had in joining your program is gone now.”

“Completely unprofessional.”

“Do you wanna be taken seriously?”

“You charge folks for porn reboot coaching and you post this crap?”

“Apologize to the group and take it down right now.”

I was astounded at how many people were offended by a simple joke. I didn’t think it would cause that much of a problem. But it also got me thinking about what being offended by things means at a deeper level.

It reminds me of when I was a confused Catholic guy in my 20s. During my freshman year of college, I remember watching drunk girls come home with a guy and judging them. Night after night I sat with my friends calling these women all sorts of names, but then went back to my dorm room and angrily jerked off at the same girls I judged.

I judged women I couldn’t be with. I judged comedians who made vulgar jokes on late-night television about different actresses and celebrities. And then I would masturbate while thinking of whatever woman made me angry earlier.

Over time I realized that I wasn’t actually angry at these women or those jokes.

I was really just angry at myself.

I was upset at my lack of sexual control and how quickly I betrayed my perceived values. Those things that I thought made me angry really just aroused shame, guilt, and jealousy. It wasn’t the world that had the problem, it was me. I was the one with a messed-up view of the world, looking at everything through the lens of my porn-addled brain.

Lots of the men in the Porn Reboot program grew up in households held together by Catholicism or Christianity. We weren’t taught that sexual jokes are okay. And then our closet porn addiction stunted our ability to relate with women, but we believed our lack of sexual experience was their problem.

I spent so much time placing blame on others that I never bothered to consider the common denominator every time I was offended: me. I was the one finding fault in everything when really I was the one at fault.

I imagine the brothers who lashed out at the simple, silly meme I posted are dealing with something similar. Many of us share similar experiences and they’re probably dealing with underlying self-loathing, shame, and guilt. They haven’t yet employed the tools we use in the Porn Reboot program to determine the source of these feelings.

Instead, they lash out at perceived offenses or injustices. They allow external circumstances to dictate their internal condition. And I know from experience because I did the same thing. Thankfully, I learned to respond to situations and circumstances, not react. It isn’t an overnight process but it’s possible.

If you’re struggling with finding offense in everything around you, then your reboot will help. Porn Reboot is about so much more than pornography. Sure, porn addiction is what gets you in the door but you’ll find more than that waiting for you once you commit to the process. Freeing yourself from the need to feel offended is one of the most important things you can do. Join us today and find out for yourself just how incredible that freedom can be.

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Honesty in Relationship Recovery: Balancing Transparency for Successful Reboot

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

I want to bring you a question from one of our brothers in the Porn Reboot group today. He asked:

“My girlfriend and I decided that to protect her heart, I don’t share anything about my reboot slip-ups unless she specifically asks exactly what she wants to know. Sometimes when we’re catching up about our days, though, I’ll have acted out that day. Like she’ll ask how my midday nap was but I watched porn instead of taking a nap. I feel horrible lying to her but I want to keep our agreement. How do I handle this?”

This is a fantastic question because it’s something many men in committed relationships deal with during their reboot. Many spouses and partners of men with a porn addiction problem experience extreme betrayal trauma.

When a man first ends his out-of-control behavior with porn, sometimes his spouse wants to know where he is going and what he is doing at all times. She wants to know whether he’s still watching porn, what type of porn, or what the women he’s watching look like. These women feel unbelievably hurt and for good reason.

This brother’s question means he and his girlfriend are in a good position given the situation. She is aware of his out-of-control behavior and he understands how his behavior hurts her. It sounds like she’s allowing him enough space to work on his reboot without her getting too invested or involved.

However, it also sounds like this brother is someone trapped by the idea that he needs to be honest at all costs. I don’t hold to this belief, especially when it comes to the reboot process. I don’t believe you should lie to your partner but I also don’t think you need to tell her about every slip that occurs.

I think you should have a conversation with her upfront instead. Let her know that slips are often part of the reboot process but you don’t want to put her in the middle of things. Explain that you have a coach, a therapist, and accountability partners to work through those slips with. Tell her you understand that she didn’t sign up to be your accountability partner, nor did she sign up to be hurt. Acknowledge the damage you’ve done and help her see how talking with her about any future slips will only do more harm than good.

If you’re honest about the possibility of slips from the beginning, it eliminates the need to feel like you’re lying by omission. You shouldn’t drag your partner through the weeds every time you slip; it’s your responsibility to fix it and keep her from dealing with the repercussions of your behavior.

Find a way to discuss situations like the one our brother outlined above without bringing up the slip. For example, he could tell her that he had a lot on his mind when he laid down so he wasn’t able to go to sleep.

He doesn’t need to bring up watching porn because it’s ultimately irrelevant. He should talk about the emotions that led up to the slip instead. Perhaps he was tired from the gym or stressed about an intense workload. He could bring these things up and talk them through with his girlfriend so he is honest without needing to talk about his slip.

I recommend you do the same in your relationship, brother. It’s not your partner’s burden to bear, it’s yours. You must find a way to work on your behavior without stringing her along through the process. You don’t need to be completely transparent about every slip but you do need to let her in on what’s going on.

Knowing the fine balance of how much to share is something you learn during the reboot process. Over time you won’t deal with slips as frequently, either, so you won’t have to keep skirting around the topic. The Porn Reboot system works, brother, and both you and your partner will benefit from the work you do.

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Change Mindset: Overcoming Porn Addiction for a Better Life

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Brother, I want to talk to you about something that’s affecting a lot of men these days – porn addiction. I know it’s not an easy topic to discuss, but it’s important to address it because it can have a significant impact on your mental health and relationships.

Firstly, let’s talk about what porn addiction is. It’s a condition where a person has an uncontrollable urge to view pornography, often leading to compulsive and excessive use. Porn addiction can lead to a range of negative consequences, including relationship problems, depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Now, let’s talk about why porn addiction is so prevalent today. With the widespread availability of the internet and smartphones, accessing pornography has become easier than ever. Moreover, many people view pornography as a harmless and acceptable form of entertainment, not realizing the harm it can cause.

Let me level with you real quick. Porn addiction is a straight-up trap, my dude. It’s all fun and games until you find yourself deep in the rabbit hole, feeling like you can’t get out. You might think it’s harmless or just a way to blow off some steam, but let me tell you, it can mess you up big time.

First of all, let’s talk about your brain. When you’re watching porn, your brain releases a ton of dopamine, which is basically a chemical that makes you feel good. But the thing is, your brain gets used to this rush of dopamine, and it starts to crave it more and more. Before you know it, you’re addicted and you can’t get that same feeling from anything else.

And let’s not forget about the impact porn can have on your relationships, man. If you’re constantly watching porn, it can make you feel disconnected from your partner and can even lead to erectile dysfunction. Plus, it’s just not fair to your partner if you’re getting all your sexual needs met through a computer screen.

But maybe the scariest part of all is the way porn can warp your view of sex and relationships. Constantly seeing unrealistic images of men and women in pornography can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. It can make you believe that you’re not attractive or desirable enough, leading to further negative thoughts and behaviors.

So, what can you do about it? Well, the first step is to recognize that you have a problem. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you’re addicted to something, but it’s the only way you can start to make a change. From there, it’s all about taking small steps to break the addiction.

But the truth is that porn addiction is a serious problem that can have lasting effects on your well-being. Here are some of the ways that porn addiction can harm you:

Health problems

Porn addiction can also have physical health consequences. Excessive use can lead to problems such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and loss of libido. It can also lead to poor sleep patterns, fatigue, and other health issues.

Mental health problems

Porn addiction can also have a significant impact on your mental health. It can lead to depression, anxiety, and feelings of isolation and loneliness. It can also make it difficult to concentrate and perform well at work or school.

Hey man, if you’re feeling like porn has taken over your life, there are some things you can do to take control. Here are a few steps you can take:

First off, it’s important to admit to yourself that you have a problem. It’s not easy to do, but it’s the first step in overcoming any addiction.

Next, consider seeking professional help. There are plenty of resources out there, like therapy, support groups, and Porn Reboot, that can give you the guidance and support you need to make positive changes.

Developing healthy habits like exercise, meditation, and mindfulness can also be really helpful in coping with the stress and anxiety that can come with addiction. Plus, they’ll help you build a more positive self-image and improve your overall well-being.

It’s also important to try to limit your exposure to pornography. This might mean setting limits on your internet and smartphone usage or avoiding triggers like certain websites or social media accounts.

Finally, building a support network can make a big difference. Surrounding yourself with people who understand what you’re going through and support your journey can be a huge help. Joining a support group or online community can give you a sense of belonging and accountability. Remember, you’re not alone, brother.

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How to Be Happy: Finding Fulfillment In Problem-Solving

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Early in the reboot process, you might find yourself wondering when things get better. You’ve spent years trapped in the vicious cycle of porn addiction problems and masturbation addiction. It’s no wonder you want to finally feel some relief. But at the same time, achieving that point of relief and happiness probably seems impossible some days.

I’ve spent 15 years working at my reboot now and I understand the rush to feel “happy.” When I first started ending my out-of-control behavior it had been so long since I felt truly happy. I had no idea what true happiness was, though, because I developed a false sense of fulfillment through porn, sex, and masturbation.

Too many men focus on achieving happiness as an end goal, not recognizing that their understanding of happiness will shift over time. I’ve found that the benchmark for happiness is arbitrary and fleeting and always changing. Things that you think will make you happy may not be what you thought they would be once you achieve them.

At the start of my reboot, I believed that things would be perfect once I had my finances together, once I had the woman, once I had a social life, and once I controlled my sexual behavior. However, I realized as time went on that my belief that the elimination of problems would bring happiness wasn’t true. It’s almost as if problems are a prerequisite for happiness.

If there’s one promise in life it’s that problems will always arise. You can’t experience life to the fullest without also experiencing your fair share of problems. The elimination of all your problems isn’t the pathway to happiness because more will always crop up sooner or later.

Also, think about how you feel when you solve a problem. It may be difficult at the moment, whether that’s a few days, weeks, or even years, but once you work through it you’re likely left feeling incredibly fulfilled. The sense of accomplishment that comes with solving a problem runs deeper than any fleeting sense of happiness ever could.

In my experience, pursuing this deep sense of fulfillment is far more meaningful and lasting than the pursuit of happiness. And I also find that over time, the fulfillment eventually becomes happiness. This means I believe that accepting the inevitability of problems is the first step to happiness.

Recognize the reality that you will never fully escape your problems. You’re always going to have them to some extent. Instead of fighting them, though, try accepting each one as it comes. Shift your perspective and see them as an opportunity to challenge yourself and grow.

The shift won’t happen overnight and it won’t happen easily. Men who struggle with compulsive behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation are always looking for an easy fix. I know that because I spent most of my early life doing the same thing. But quick fixes are not lasting fixes; they only put a bandaid over a wound that needs intensive care.

If you commit to shifting your beliefs about problem-solving, I guarantee you’ll find happiness much faster than the way you’re approaching it now. Sure, things like promotions, raises, having children, and going on trips are great ways to experience happiness. At the same time, once the excitement wears off you’ll find yourself back where you started.

Learning to appreciate the fulfillment of problem-solving and use it as my primary source of happiness has completely changed my life. I welcome the problems I know will inevitably arise and use them as an opportunity to better myself. There will always be a problem to solve; why not use it as the pathway to happiness?

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What to Do When You Hate Your Past

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

I have another question from a brother I want to bring to you today. He said,

“From what I understand, one of the goals of our middle reboot is to eventually cultivate a brand new sense of identity and embrace our new porn-free life. I believe that I’m still in this stage. However, do you ever look back at your past with strong emotions like pity or resentment for how you used to be? I’m having trouble reaching a place of compassion for how I used to be because today I see it as wildly repulsive and against my values.”

After talking with men for over a decade about overcoming their out-of-control behavior, I know how common this feeling is. Most men feel repulsed by their past selves at various points during their reboot. As you move further away from the man you once were, it’s normal to almost feel bad for that person.

No man wants to return to that dark and evil place from the past. It makes sense to think that way. But you’ll probably be surprised to hear that I don’t support looking at it this way at all. There’s some part of us that wants to see our past selves as evil people.

In reality, though, that was never your intention. You didn’t set out to become an isolated, self-loathing man addicted to pornography and masturbation. That wasn’t your plan when you first stumbled upon a porn film or experienced an orgasm. You only wanted to feel that sense of pleasure and relief. Unfortunately, you chased that feeling for too long and reached a point where you lost control of your behavior.

Still, no matter what you did, that wasn’t what you set out to do. You aren’t the horrible person you believe yourself to be. And I think chastising yourself in this manner only serves to harm you, not help you. It does not make your reboot any easier.

You also needed that person to become who you are today. I don’t hate the old J.K. because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. I needed the darkness, the repulsive thoughts, and the abhorrent behavior to help the men that I get to help each day of my life now.

Shame and guilt are two very corrosive feelings. They are why you find yourself feeling the way you do about the past version of you. When you feel shame or guilt about the things you watched, places you went, or experiences you had, it makes you want to deny your old self.

You can’t brand the person you were in the past as evil and still think that you’ll become a good person in the future. If you do that, you’ll always want to keep your past hidden and suppressed. It will be the dirty secret you keep from the world, but how is that any different than when you were trapped in the cycle of your out-of-control behavior?

I’m not suggesting that you lead with the fact that you’re a porn addict. You don’t need to tell everyone you meet that you struggled with compulsive porn use and masturbation. But you also don’t need to hide from it either. You may find yourself in a position to help another man dealing with the same problem. But if you’re too busy engulfed in shame, you won’t use your experience to help him escape the cycle.

It might seem impossible to reach that place at times, especially when you first start in the Porn Reboot program. I’ve talked with hundreds of men and heard their deepest, darkest secrets. These are things they swore never to tell another soul because we know the black depths we can sink into during our pornography addictions.

Then after a few months of implementing the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot system, I get to see these same men learn to love themselves despite their past. They embrace their flaws and accept the things they used to do instead of fighting against the reality of it. There is nothing more empowering than watching a man reclaim his life instead of letting his past life claim him.

Men come to the Porn Reboot program and learn to develop a set of standards and values that work for them. You don’t come here and adopt every thought, action, and behavior that I tell you to; you become empowered to find that truth for yourself. No one knows you better than you. The system equips you with the tools to determine what is right for you and to develop the confidence to stand on that deep sense of self-understanding without needing approval from anyone else.

I don’t leave you to figure it out all on your own, though. The Porn Reboot system includes tools you can use to embrace your past self. Self-compassion is a revolutionary approach that empowers you to view the old version of yourself with love and tolerance, not pity and hatred. Accepting your past is the only way to move forward in life, otherwise, your old behavior will still control you, even after you leave porn behind.

It’s an exciting thing to witness and I truly feel grateful for the experience. Selfishly, what I do makes my life worth it because I get a front-row seat to watch men overcome something I know the pain of struggling with. I never imagined I could overcome my pornography addiction and neither do many of the brothers I talk with every single day. But here we are years later living lives we only dreamed of.

When you have moments where you hate your past, brother, trust that it’s part of the process. We were all there at one point. As you learn to forgive yourself, though, you’ll find a new, beautiful life growing before your eyes. It takes time, work, determination, and dedication, but you’re now part of hundreds of men who have done and continue to do the same. It’s an incredible thing to experience, brother, and I can’t wait to see what you do.

What to Do When You Hate Your Past Read More »

Men Who Refuse to Seek Professional Help

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

This year marks 10 years of professionally coaching men toward freedom from pornography. I’ve seen all kinds of things throughout this last decade and I have a good idea of what happens to men who don’t seek professional help. I see the same brothers hitting me up for tips year after year but then doing nothing to change their life.

These brothers have been asking for help for ten years now. Some were 22 when I first heard from them, and now they’re 32 with a life that looks the same, or worse. Others were about to turn 40 and I warned them that this was their last shot to get their lives together, get into a relationship, and start a family. Today they’re 50 years old and still pitifully addicted to pornography.

We’re in a difficult time right now. The last few years were filled with adversity. The men who chose to control their behavior from the first time they reached out fared well throughout the chaos and uncertainty. Those who were focused, disciplined, and mentally strong continued to thrive during these times.

However, men who used porn, sex, and masturbation as coping mechanisms may have survived, but they surely didn’t thrive. Relying on compulsive sexual behavior only resulted in a miserable struggling existence.

And if you’re in that latter group, today’s message is for you.

The stress reflects physically on your body. You found yourself soft, pudgy, and weak from stress eating. You’re fueled by sugar and caffeine. Your girlfriend or wife doesn’t want to have sex with you if you can’t achieve an erection. You can’t get hard or stay hard because you chose pornography over her. You’ve become boring. You chose a life of domesticity over adventure and learning. No one wants to sleep with the man they argue with over the dishes every night.

If you’re single, you may wonder why women won’t date you. You don’t bother to groom yourself. You dress comfortably, which is a nice way of saying you’re a grown man who dresses like a schoolboy. You’re overweight and your best features are obscured by the bloat from the fast food you shovel into yourself every day.

You feel entitled to women who are 10s because you watch them in porn while you’re barely a 5 on your best day. You lack ambition. You play video games all night. You smoke weed every day. You live to be entertained. If you ever manage to get a girlfriend, she’ll have to find a sugar daddy because you’re too busy seeking pleasure to be a provider.

You’ll likely have to settle for the lowest-hanging fruit when it comes to women. You’ll hang onto her because you know you won’t find better. And then you will spend the rest of your life secretly jerking off to women you truly find attractive online.

You’re weak. You’re stunted. You’re overwhelmed. You’re unable to prioritize. You’re mentally consumed by a constant diet of unfiltered garbage information that you allow into your head. The news, nonsense YouTube videos, pointless podcasts, endless Reddit threads, Wikipedia black holes, and perma-scrolling Twitter, of it, fill your head with useless information that makes you think you’re smart.

When was the last time you created something? What was the last original thought or idea you formulated? I’m not talking about repeating talking points that someone else gave you or buying into the hive mind of whatever group you’re a part of.

Your emotional capacity is next to nothing but you’re always emotionally charged. Your erratic emotional range consists of numbness, irritation, anger, depression, loneliness, excitement, and fear. Instead of experiencing the emotional capacity of a Boeing 747 that flies intercontinental, you’re a paper plane that can barely reach the back of the classroom and is destined for the trash.

You’re spiritually bankrupt, too, even if you believe yourself to be a Christian. Your religious affinity only pays lip service to the type of man you wish you were. But what would your congregation think if they saw your browser history, your secret apps, and your external hard drives? I bet they tell a different story.

Your behavior is a growing cancer of the soul. You’ve spent empty years lying, desperately trying to hold up your shining image while living a double life. This is no way to live, brother. You’re falling apart, relying on your limited social circle for validation while destroying yourself every day.

If you’re at all interested in rebuilding your life and thriving in the years to come, it’s time to seriously reconsider your life. You could have saved yourself this last decade of destruction had you only followed through on the help you initially sought.

Honestly ask yourself what holds you back from taking action to overcome your porn addiction problems. Maybe it’s shame. Maybe it’s pride. Maybe you just don’t care and you’re stuck in a cycle of apathy. You know you have a problem but you’re fooling yourself by thinking you can handle it alone if you’re stuck in the same place 10 years later.

I know I sound harsh today but I feel disheartened. It’s painful to look at an email thread I can follow back to 2012 with a man who has clearly done nothing to change his circumstances. It feels wrong and I can’t sit back without saying something, especially as a man who has been where you are.

I think men who struggle with porn addiction live on a slightly altered timeline. We don’t seem to realize how time flies. The years slip by but we’re so busy consumed by our porn addiction symptoms that we miss the signs. Instead of seeing ourselves as the problem, though, we blame other things for our wide range of shortcomings.

The description above is probably painful to read. It may not describe every aspect of your life but I’m sure there are at least a few attributes that describe you. And it might seem like there’s nothing you can do to change, but professional help will make a difference. I’ve watched hundreds of men change their lives throughout the last decade of the Porn Reboot program a form of porn addiction counseling only with a better and effective method proven for years.

Have you reached a point that you can’t handle anymore? Are you ready to take responsibility for your life? I would love to see you join us in the Porn Reboot group and get started. Even if you don’t participate in the intensive, getting involved in our free Facebook group is a great place to start. You can learn what the Porn Reboot program is about and start implementing the system in your life today.

Quit watching time pass you by, brother. Take control of your life. Today can be the day that shifts the trajectory and pulls you from the pit of hopelessness you’ve landed yourself in.

Men Who Refuse to Seek Professional Help Read More »

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Men Who Refuse to Seek Professional Help

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