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Managing Your Weekends As a Porn Addict

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By
Managing Your Weekends As a Porn Addict

Weekends are a tricky time for men in the porn addiction counseling or our Porn Reboot program.

It’s easier to get through the week because your time is likely scheduled already. You have your full-time job, your gym routine, and other things you need to handle throughout the week. There isn’t much time left for you to act out because much of your week is already set up.

However, weekends can feel like a free-for-all. You don’t have 8 hours of the day accounted for by your job. Your kids aren’t in school. Many men keep their gym days to weekdays so they can use the weekends to rest. Having all this free time is a recipe for disaster for men who struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior.

If you find that weekends are especially difficult for you, you may need to adjust how you rest on the weekends. You set yourself up for failure when you work yourself ragged Monday through Friday and completely let go on the weekends. You’re more likely to slip when you’re exhausted, which is inevitable after a full week.

I find that too much free time isn’t a good thing for me, though, weekends included. I schedule every day of my life because I find it’s a more effective approach for me. At the start of my porn addiction recovery , the idea of leaving a day completely open was appealing to me, especially after a long week. But porn inevitably found its way into that lazy day so I had to do something different.

Most men do not have a schedule during the weekends. I see that a lot when I talk to men who are new to the system. I’ve found that creating a schedule on Saturdays and Sundays, just like I do Monday through Friday, is the best way for me to manage my weekends.

I’m not saying that you need to be busy all of Saturday and Sunday, too. You can still rest on the weekends without letting them go completely. I find that men in the Porn Reboot program need to adjust the way they rest. Rest doesn’t have to mean lying on the couch watching football all Sunday. I find that active rest is the best way for me to use my time on the weekends.

Active rest involves some form of mental or physical stimulation that doesn’t break your body down. This could include things like going for a walk, taking a hike, reading a book, or playing board games with friends. You can even schedule dates during your weekend afternoons or evenings if you’re at that stage of your reboot.

There are plenty of ways to fill your weekend without being busy for the sake of being busy, and without lazing around all day. Both of these extremes are harmful because they aren’t sustainable. But the best approach is to find enjoyable activities to fill your weekends with. These should be things that are fun to do that don’t leave you feeling exhausted on Sunday night.

It will take some time to get used to active rest on the weekends but it’s the best way to manage them during your reboot. The best way to start this process is to outline your plan with your accountability partner. Let them know what your schedule is for the weekend and ask that they hold you accountable for it. 

If you don’t already have an accountability partner, come join us in the Free Porn Reboot Facebook group. You can connect with men working on various stages of their reboot and find some who will help keep you accountable. The two of you can support one another in your reboot process and ensure you both stay on track!

Managing Your Weekends As a Porn Addict Read More »

Can Porn Addiction Be Cure: Myths and Realities

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By
Can Porn Addiction Be Cure: Myths and Realities

I’ve got another great question from a brother in the Porn Reboot Facebook group for you today. He asks: 

“J.K., do you think that you can ever be cured of porn addiction problems? When it plays such a pivotal role in your life from adolescence into adulthood, do you always have to fight urges? Do you have to be careful about relapses for the rest of your life?

“Let’s use you as an example. You feel that you’ve recovered from your porn addiction. Do you ever get urges still? Do you occasionally watch pornography once a month, every six months, or even once a year? Do you have to tiptoe around relapses? Is it a constant battle every day?”

I’m hesitant to use the term “cure.” Con artists have been hucking quick cures since the dawn of time. I believe the only cures you should seek are those from a medical professional. Since I’m not a doctor, nor am I a con artist, I prefer not to view myself or my clients as “cured” of their porn addiction problems.

However, I do know for a fact that you can rewire your brain to no longer need pornography. The Porn Reboot system is designed for that exact purpose. From developing healthy coping mechanisms; to understanding the driving forces behind your behavior; to whatever else pushes you to lean on porn, sex, and masturbation; that’s what Porn Reboot helps you do.

Something in this brother’s question stuck out to me. He asked: “Do you ever get urges even now? Do you still occasionally watch pornography once a month, every six months, or a year?” It’s something that a lot of brothers wonder about at the start of the porn addiction recovery process.

In my case, as well as the cases of many of our brothers, I do not need to. Why? Because I simply do not have the self-image of a man who needs pornography. I’m not interested in watching porn occasionally as a “treat”. I have no reason to.

Most men cannot conceptualize a life free of pornography when they first arrive at the program. They’ve spent years consumed by compulsive porn use. Porn was an everyday thing. The idea that you can go a day, week, month, or year without using porn, not because you have to but because you don’t want to, is unfathomable.

Look at it this way. Why would you want to engage once a month, every six months, or a few times a year, in something that may have ruined your marriage? Something that destroyed your career? Something that shattered your self-esteem? Why would you still want a taste of that? What about that sounds enticing to you?

I know the answers to those questions because I spent years trapped in the cycle myself. And that’s the point of the Pornography Addiction Treatment. I’m not here to “cure” men of their porn addiction. I don’t concern myself with the thought of whether it’s something that can be or should be cured. Instead, I focus on helping men completely rewire their brains so that they never feel the need to go back to that behavior again.

That may sound like you’ll fight a constant battle for the rest of your life from where you’re standing right now, but I promise that it’s not. If you implement the Porn Reboot system, over time you’ll build a life that leaves you with no need for porn or compulsive sexual behavior. You’re going to find yourself immersed in a life far more incredible than you ever imagined, wondering why you ever bothered with porn in the first place. 

If quitting porn still feels like a fight, you haven’t fully committed to the process. There’s still a part of you that believes you can use porn normally. You haven’t accepted that you’re not like other men, a “civilian” as I like to call them. You have a problematic relationship with pornography and you need to replace that neural pathway with something new.

That means joining us here in the Porn Reboot program. We developed a system that has helped thousands of men over the last decade. We’re an ever-expanding network of brothers who know the struggle of porn addiction and know the freedom that can come after it. I invite you to join us, brother, and see for yourself what a porn-free life can be.

Can Porn Addiction Be Cure: Myths and Realities Read More »

80-Hour Workweeks and Working Out

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By
80-Hour Workweeks and Working Out

If you’ve been around the Porn Reboot program for any length of time, you know that I often stress the importance of working out. I believe that regular exercise is a necessary part of a healthy life and a successful reboot. Lifting weights was a huge part of my early reboot and I believe it’s vital for every man to incorporate it as well.

However, a lot of men also work long hours as they try to advance their careers once free from their out-of-control sexual behavior. I did the same thing, too. I think it stems from wanting to make up for lost time and recoup from poor financial decisions during our active addiction.

A brother asked a question regarding these two things recently. He said:

“J.K., I’ve been working 60- to 80-hour weeks lately. My workout routine has taken a serious hit because of it, so I switched to morning workouts to make things at least a little more consistent. What other hacks can I use to have killer workouts when I’m working this much?”

While this is a great question that addresses one of the most vital aspects of the reboot process, it’s also rather vague. I opted to lift weights because my goal was to put on muscle, but many different outcomes can come from working out. What does this brother mean by a “killer workout”? Is he trying to get his heart rate up? Is he trying to improve his endurance? Is he trying to build muscle? Is he trying to lose body fat? 

You also need to ask yourself the same question if you’re wondering how to optimize your workout time while working long hours. Once you have some clarity about your workout goals, it’s much easier to determine the best ways to optimize your workouts.

If you’re trying to improve your endurance or lose fat, focusing on cardio is likely your best bet. If you want to build muscle or gain strength, spending your time lifting weights will be the most productive approach. If you’re interested in something like mixed martial arts, dedicating time to a few classes per week will be worth it.

You must get clear on what you want to accomplish with your fitness if your workload is as heavy as you say it is. If you can’t outline your workout goals, then working out isn’t as big of a priority as you believe it to be.

If you’re working 60- to 80-hour weeks and still wanting to build other areas of your life, I suggest you start with an activity inventory. Spend a week writing down everything you do throughout the day from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed. How much time do you spend working? How much time do you spend engaged in personal activities? How much time do you spend on your phone? How much time do you spend screwing around?

You need to get honest with yourself about where your time goes each day. Taking an activity inventory makes it nearly impossible to fool yourself about what you’re doing. If you find that more time is spent goofing off than actually working, perhaps you can consolidate your work hours and leave more time for yourself at the end of the day.

I know that it’s possible to get workouts in when you’re working long weeks because I did it myself. I’ve also watched dozens of brothers manage it in all the time I’ve spent working with men as they rebuild their lives in the Porn Reboot program. Anyone can have effective workouts if they get clear on their goals and prioritize their fitness.

You hear plenty of people make excuses for why they can’t make time to work out, even with only a 40-hour workweek. But we’re not like everyone else. Asking the question on how to stop porn addiction, The men in the Porn Reboot group are determined to make the most out of every moment of life. From family to fitness to career and more, we won’t settle for anything less than the best of ourselves. And if we can do it, I know that you can, too.

80-Hour Workweeks and Working Out Read More »

Let Go Of Old Habits

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By

“I’m struggling not to relapse right now. I need some help.” 

“I’m tempted to masturbate right now but reaching out to stay accountable.”

“I find this so difficult and challenging. The urges are overwhelming.”

The comments and messages I receive most frequently on our YouTube channel or in our groups are along these lines. If you’re one of those brothers who can relate to these types of statements, your old habit pattern is to struggle. It’s to use willpower to keep your behavior under control.

But these are exactly the types of old habit patterns you need to let go of to successfully reboot. I want you to ask yourself, what exactly is the struggle? I even use the phrase in my send-off on our podcasts, referring to myself as your brother in this struggle. So what is the struggle?

From what I’ve seen over the years, the struggle is your fight on how to stop porn addiction by relying on willpower. It’s finding an accountability partner and leaning hard into them instead of taking responsibility for your behaviors and your life. It’s the way you battle your biology while trying to reboot instead of working with your brain. These bare minimum approaches will keep you trapped forever.

The Porn Reboot system is just that, a system. It’s set up to keep you from relying on your willpower. It’s a system that teaches you to overcome your addiction by working on yourself instead. It removes the emotional toll that a struggle implies and instead offers you a clear, direct path to a life free from porn and compulsive sexual behavior.

For example, I see men who come in and put a lot of weight into their slips or relapses. They get all worked up and consumed by what relapse means in their mind. But the Porn Reboot system doesn’t turn them into emotional experiences; slips are data, plain and simple.

The longer you hold onto this habit of a struggle mindset, the longer you’re going to struggle. Viewing your reboot as something excruciating and impossible will keep it that way so long as that’s the way you view it.

I suggest that you shift your perspective on your journey toward a porn-free life. Your process doesn’t need to be a struggle. Applying the Porn Reboot system to your life is a straightforward way to leave your compulsive behaviors behind. 

Here’s the way I see it, brother. You are worthy of love. You are capable of giving love. You are not worthless. You are not hopeless. You are not incapable of rebooting. You don’t have to struggle because you’ve stumbled upon a way to overcome your behavior in a way that works with your mind.

Now that you’re here, brother, why don’t you stay?

Let Go Of Old Habits Read More »

4 Barriers to Rebooting For The Wealthy Porn Addict

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By

I’ve worked with my fair share of wealthy men during my years as a porn addiction recovery coach.

Something I’ve noticed during that time, though, is how frequently affluent men avoid seeking help for their porn addiction. Whether their wealth is familial or earned on their own and regardless of their age, their fortunes seem to serve as a barrier to rebooting.

You might think that affluent men have an easier time overcoming their problems. They have all the resources they could ever need at their disposal. How could their wealth get in the way of how to stop porn addiction? In reality, their money is the thing that holds them back. These are the 4 most common barriers that cause trouble for affluent men in their reboot.

1. Denial

Denial is the biggest barrier to rebooting for any man but especially for affluent men. In some cases, the process of coming to terms with their pornography addiction can have serious financial or legal consequences. These men have large things to lose so they want to do all they can to avoid jail time or large fines.

Compulsive sexual behavior can be an expensive habit when you’re hiring escorts or signing up for premium content online. Men with average financial means often hit a financial threshold where they’re no longer able to fund their behavior. But a man with extreme wealth can fund his behavior which allows him to remain in denial for much longer.

2. Stigma

Many affluent men are in the business of appearances. These men fear falling from the social pedestal they live on. Coming clean about pornography addiction or compulsive sexual behavior is unthinkable because of the negative stigma associated with it. The idea of losing their status because of their porn addiction is a terrifying thing.

This is true for men who come from dignified families in particular. Men from families like these have a certain reputation to uphold. If someone discovered the truth about their problem, they could face serious consequences not only for themselves but for their families as well. The shame and guilt that result from the porn addiction stigma hold men back from getting help.

3. Rock Bottom

Men won’t reach out for help with their porn addiction problem until they hit rock bottom. Every man has an individual definition of what rock bottom means to them. For example, maybe it’s when their wife leaves and takes the kids, when the bank accounts are empty and the credit cards are maxed out, or when they’re caught watching porn at work.

Reaching rock bottom is a humiliating and humbling experience that’s important for recognizing that you finally need help. But affluent men with significant financial means oftentimes take far longer to hit this point than those with a more average income. Their monetary resources keep them from sinking to a place where they have to ask for help.

4. Distraction

Wealthy men are oftentimes the kings of distraction. They can fund whatever interest comes to mind no matter how short-term it may be. Even when they fear they might need help, these men can finance all sorts of distractions that avoid looking at the real problem: their porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior.

Affluent men may take some classes or attend a long-term reset retreat in another exotic country. They might seek out a specialist or a therapist to help them with their relationship struggles. These men hire elite personal trainers and business coaches to work out problems in these areas. But the entire time they’re distracting themselves from the pornography addiction which is the true cause of the issue.

Overcoming These Barriers

Don’t get me wrong – these barriers don’t imply that affluent men can’t overcome their pornography addiction and out-of-control behavior. Their accumulated wealth and even some of their lifestyles don’t make them any different from other men trying to control their behavior and take back their lives.

If you’re part of the wealthy segment of men who are addicted to pornography, there’s still hope for you, too. It may take some additional work, some hard boundaries, and some space from your current friend group, but you can do it, too. If you’re a man who truly wants to overcome his behavior you’ll find a way to do it.

You can start here by reading some blog posts or watch a few of the videos on our YouTube channel. We also have a podcast available wherever you listen to podcasts and a free Facebook group for men working to control their behavior with porn and masturbation. No matter where you are in your reboot process, you can find support and understanding if you join us there!

4 Barriers to Rebooting For The Wealthy Porn Addict Read More »

Why Is It So Hard To Quit Porn?

Porn Addiction Problems / By

Do you have a resistance to admitting that you have a “porn addiction”?

I admit- when I began my journey to end my out of control porn addiction problems and masturbation behavior, I simply refused to categorize myself as an “addict”. After all, I came from an educated, moderately religious family with conservative values. …

Why Is It So Hard To Quit Porn?Read More »

Why Is It So Hard To Quit Porn? Read More »

The Productive Porn Addict

Porn Addiction Recovery / By

 

Dealing with an out of control behavior with porn, sex or masturbation can be tough and it definitely affects your life in negative ways.

I know many men who follow Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot have been trying to quit for a long time- there are moments when you are doing very well and times when you’re just deep in it binging, feeling shame, guilt, and loss of control. …

The Productive Porn AddictRead More »

The Productive Porn Addict Read More »

How To Test for Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED)

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
There is quit a bit of confusion around the effects of pornography on sexual health. Some guys email me asking about porn induced erectile dysfunction (PIED), others worry about when they will regain “morning wood” which refers to the erections men with healthy testosterone levels experience when they wake up in the morning.

Gary Wilson, from YourBrainOnPorn developed a simple test for guys to find out if their sexual performance is directly related to porn or instead, comes from performance anxiety.

I’ve modified his this test based on my surveys with over 300 of my one on one clients as well as my personal experience with PIED.
As you know- recovery from porn addiction changed my life in every way- my health, finances, relationships and mindset become better through recovery. For the underachieving, below average guy who isn’t hitting his potential, recovery is self improvement. My life is a testimony to that.
I believe that men who suffer from PIED should recover and have even better sexual health than what they experienced prior to addiction.  If you’ve never had sex,no worries- my method of recovery will put in you a position to not just perform well sexually, but to constantly improve over time.  The truth is, if you suffer from PIED, are a virgin and plan on being sexually active, you don’t really have a choice.

Lets begin:

1) Visit a Urologist and get some tests done. Urologists are physicians who specialize in the genitourinary tract. This includes the bladder, adrenal glands, reproductive organs, kidneys and urethra. They also specialize in male fertility with the training to medically and surgically treat any diseases that affect these organs.

A good portion of my clients have visited a urologist only to find that they have severely low testosterone levels, which is a common problem in most men today.
Processed food, personal care products containing parabens (over 90% of mens deodorants and lotions contain testosterone destroying chemicals), and lifestyle choices among other factors contribute to low testosterone levels.
Low testosterone zaps your motivation, leaves you feeling constantly fatigued and eliminates your desire for sex .
Understandably, not everyone had access to a urologist or the insurance to cover a visit. An affordable alternative is to have all your tests done at home. Personally, during extended stays away from my physician, either for business or out of the country working with a client, I use EverlyWell. This company provides affordable in-home tests, which can be mailed back to them. You receive your test results and an analysis back within a in a few days.
The best part? They work with a physician network to ensure that your test requisition is authorized by a board-certified physician in your state and that your results are reviewed and released by a physician prior to you receiving them.
In fact, I get my hormone levels checked with them three times a year and I’m about to take their Testosterone test right now.

To see the variety of affordable tests EverlyWell offers, click on the image below. At checkout, use the PornReboot code “MY2017” for 10% off your test of choice.
2) Imagine your favorite porn scene and masturbate to it ONCE. Do not watch porn. If you are in recovery and haven’t slipped, this doesn’t apply to you for now. Your recovery and reboot takes priority over potential ED. Skip #2 & #3 and go straight to your urologist or pick up a kit from EverlyWell

3) At another time- a few days later, for instance, masturbate without fantasizing to porn or without a fantasy. Simply masturbate with no visual or mental aids- just pure stimulation.When you are done, compare two things:

How long it took you to achieve orgasm each timeThe strength of your erection in both situations

If you are sexually healthy, you shouldn’t experience any problems with achieving orgasm in both occasions

If you are unable to masturbate or orgasm without a fantasy, but have no problems when you vividly replay a porn scene, you most likely suffer from Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction.(PIED)

If you don’t have any issues with your erection or orgasm without the aid of a fantasy, but when having sex you have trouble maintaining or getting an erection, you most likely have Erectile Dysfunction brought about by anxiety.

If you suffer from PIED, your porn habit has got to stop immediately.The recover time for Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction varies, but it is something that can cause you significant worry.

The steps to porn addiction counseling are:

1) Quitting porn. Watch my video on the 10 Steps to Quit Porn. to get started.

2) Immediately install a filter and get accountability. The best and most advanced filter with built in accountability comes from Covenant Eyes
3) If you suffer from PIED and can’t seem to control your behavior of watching porn, schedule a call with me to get expert help on your specific situation.

…

How To Test for Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED)Read More »

How To Test for Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED) Read More »

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