jk emezi Archives - Page 4 of 9

Overcoming Porn-Induced Fetishes: Reclaiming Natural Arousal

“Hey J.K., how do we get rid of porn-induced fetishes? In my case, I have fantasies of being dominated. Things like femdom, face-sitting, edging, and even pegging are a turn-on. When I hear or read the word dominant or domination, it involuntarily makes me think of femdom. And sometimes I even get a soft erection from just hearing the word.

“It makes me disgusted and yet I still find pleasure in it. I’ve started to meditate to increase my awareness of these thoughts and emotions, but every time my mind thinks of pornography it fantasizes about domination. Will this go away with time as I abstain from pornography or do I have to address it in a specific way?”

Porn-induced fetishes are a common experience for plenty of men who deal with porn addiction. I’ve written and talked about them in the past, offering various techniques for overcoming them. As you get deeper into your compulsive porn use, you must seek out more extreme genres to achieve arousal. This usually means finding yourself watching increasingly questionable types of pornography, things you may not have imagined yourself interested in.

Over time, these varying kinds of pornography can affect your arousal template. You might find yourself stimulated by acts that you were never intrigued by in the past. This is exactly what this brother is experiencing now with his femdom fantasies.

Before I go further, I want to point out that there’s nothing wrong with fetishes. Human sexual behavior covers a vast range of interests, fantasies, and fetishes, and you’ll learn to be comfortable with your preferences as you reboot. Today I’m talking about those that are strictly porn-induced, not those that are a genuine part of your sexuality.

I also want to reassure you that you can overcome porn-induced fetishes. More often than not they aren’t a permanent thing. Time away from porn should help you return to your normal arousal template. If you commit to the reboot process you’ll find that you can overcome a lot more than you ever imagined.

Developing awareness is the primary way to work through your unwanted porn-induced fetishes. Self-awareness is key to separating your natural sexual interests from those that arose as a result of your porn addiction. Learning to recognize feelings you experience when thinking about different sexual experiences is key to this process.

For example, porn-induced fetishes cause feelings of shame, regret, and disgust. If you notice any of these arising, you’re likely dealing with one that’s porn addiction problems. The more you learn about yourself and the more you remove porn from your life, the easier it will be to separate the two.

This awareness comes as part of the reboot process. It takes time to figure out what parts are leftover from your porn addiction and what parts are your natural arousal template. As you stick with the system, though, you develop clarity of mind and body. You recognize what is and isn’t for you. And it’s not because you’re fighting your brain; it’s because you’re working with it.

Once you’re fully rebooted, you’ll find that fetishes that left you feeling disgusted with yourself are no longer a part of your life. You won’t feel that small bit of excitement like our brother does when he hears the word “dominant.” Those old fetishes will no longer have power over you and you’ll get to walk the world a free man. This incredible gift is only one of the many things you’ll find as part of the process in Porn Reboot.

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Managing Your Weekends As a Porn Addict

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

Weekends are a tricky time for men in the porn addiction counseling or our Porn Reboot program.

It’s easier to get through the week because your time is likely scheduled already. You have your full-time job, your gym routine, and other things you need to handle throughout the week. There isn’t much time left for you to act out because much of your week is already set up.

However, weekends can feel like a free-for-all. You don’t have 8 hours of the day accounted for by your job. Your kids aren’t in school. Many men keep their gym days to weekdays so they can use the weekends to rest. Having all this free time is a recipe for disaster for men who struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior.

If you find that weekends are especially difficult for you, you may need to adjust how you rest on the weekends. You set yourself up for failure when you work yourself ragged Monday through Friday and completely let go on the weekends. You’re more likely to slip when you’re exhausted, which is inevitable after a full week.

I find that too much free time isn’t a good thing for me, though, weekends included. I schedule every day of my life because I find it’s a more effective approach for me. At the start of my porn addiction recovery , the idea of leaving a day completely open was appealing to me, especially after a long week. But porn inevitably found its way into that lazy day so I had to do something different.

Most men do not have a schedule during the weekends. I see that a lot when I talk to men who are new to the system. I’ve found that creating a schedule on Saturdays and Sundays, just like I do Monday through Friday, is the best way for me to manage my weekends.

I’m not saying that you need to be busy all of Saturday and Sunday, too. You can still rest on the weekends without letting them go completely. I find that men in the Porn Reboot program need to adjust the way they rest. Rest doesn’t have to mean lying on the couch watching football all Sunday. I find that active rest is the best way for me to use my time on the weekends.

Active rest involves some form of mental or physical stimulation that doesn’t break your body down. This could include things like going for a walk, taking a hike, reading a book, or playing board games with friends. You can even schedule dates during your weekend afternoons or evenings if you’re at that stage of your reboot.

There are plenty of ways to fill your weekend without being busy for the sake of being busy, and without lazing around all day. Both of these extremes are harmful because they aren’t sustainable. But the best approach is to find enjoyable activities to fill your weekends with. These should be things that are fun to do that don’t leave you feeling exhausted on Sunday night.

It will take some time to get used to active rest on the weekends but it’s the best way to manage them during your reboot. The best way to start this process is to outline your plan with your accountability partner. Let them know what your schedule is for the weekend and ask that they hold you accountable for it.

If you don’t already have an accountability partner, come join us in the Free Porn Reboot Facebook group. You can connect with men working on various stages of their reboot and find some who will help keep you accountable. The two of you can support one another in your reboot process and ensure you both stay on track!

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Can Porn Addiction Be Cure: Myths and Realities

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

I’ve got another great question from a brother in the Porn Reboot Facebook group for you today. He asks:

“J.K., do you think that you can ever be cured of porn addiction problems? When it plays such a pivotal role in your life from adolescence into adulthood, do you always have to fight urges? Do you have to be careful about relapses for the rest of your life?

“Let’s use you as an example. You feel that you’ve recovered from your porn addiction. Do you ever get urges still? Do you occasionally watch pornography once a month, every six months, or even once a year? Do you have to tiptoe around relapses? Is it a constant battle every day?”

I’m hesitant to use the term “cure.” Con artists have been hucking quick cures since the dawn of time. I believe the only cures you should seek are those from a medical professional. Since I’m not a doctor, nor am I a con artist, I prefer not to view myself or my clients as “cured” of their porn addiction problems.

However, I do know for a fact that you can rewire your brain to no longer need pornography. The Porn Reboot system is designed for that exact purpose. From developing healthy coping mechanisms; to understanding the driving forces behind your behavior; to whatever else pushes you to lean on porn, sex, and masturbation; that’s what Porn Reboot helps you do.

Something in this brother’s question stuck out to me. He asked: “Do you ever get urges even now? Do you still occasionally watch pornography once a month, every six months, or a year?” It’s something that a lot of brothers wonder about at the start of the porn addiction recovery process.

In my case, as well as the cases of many of our brothers, I do not need to. Why? Because I simply do not have the self-image of a man who needs pornography. I’m not interested in watching porn occasionally as a “treat”. I have no reason to.

Most men cannot conceptualize a life free of pornography when they first arrive at the program. They’ve spent years consumed by compulsive porn use. Porn was an everyday thing. The idea that you can go a day, week, month, or year without using porn, not because you have to but because you don’t want to, is unfathomable.

Look at it this way. Why would you want to engage once a month, every six months, or a few times a year, in something that may have ruined your marriage? Something that destroyed your career? Something that shattered your self-esteem? Why would you still want a taste of that? What about that sounds enticing to you?

I know the answers to those questions because I spent years trapped in the cycle myself. And that’s the point of the Pornography Addiction Treatment. I’m not here to “cure” men of their porn addiction. I don’t concern myself with the thought of whether it’s something that can be or should be cured. Instead, I focus on helping men completely rewire their brains so that they never feel the need to go back to that behavior again.

That may sound like you’ll fight a constant battle for the rest of your life from where you’re standing right now, but I promise that it’s not. If you implement the Porn Reboot system, over time you’ll build a life that leaves you with no need for porn or compulsive sexual behavior. You’re going to find yourself immersed in a life far more incredible than you ever imagined, wondering why you ever bothered with porn in the first place.

If quitting porn still feels like a fight, you haven’t fully committed to the process. There’s still a part of you that believes you can use porn normally. You haven’t accepted that you’re not like other men, a “civilian” as I like to call them. You have a problematic relationship with pornography and you need to replace that neural pathway with something new.

That means joining us here in the Porn Reboot program. We developed a system that has helped thousands of men over the last decade. We’re an ever-expanding network of brothers who know the struggle of porn addiction and know the freedom that can come after it. I invite you to join us, brother, and see for yourself what a porn-free life can be.

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The Most Detrimental Porn Addiction Problems

Porn Addiction Problems / By J.K Emezi

Pornography is a central part of society today.

Although people don’t explicitly talk about it, millions of people view porn around the world. Instant access to high-speed internet pornography has created a massive issue among men and women of all ages.

Over the last two decades, attitudes towards pornography have relaxed. It’s almost expected that everyone consumes some form of porn. And the numbers back up that assumption. More than 92 million people access Pornhub every day, breaking down to 63,992 visitors per second.1 Porn sites rank among the top most-visited sites on the entirety of the world wide web.

Instant access to high-speed pornography has created serious porn addiction problems in society. Addiction to pornography is on the rise and it impacts every area of life. From relationships to careers to finances and more, porn addiction can infiltrate and destroy every aspect. How does compulsive porn use affect a person’s life?

What Are Some Porn Addiction Problems?

While using porn isn’t particularly healthy in many circumstances, porn addiction adds another layer of complication. Porn addiction problems affect not only those who consume it but the people who produce it, along with the industry as a whole. What are some of the problems caused by porn addiction?

Problems for Porn Users

The most straightforward and self-explanatory porn addiction problem is less satisfaction with sex in real life. Porn eliminates all intimacy, strips down relationship-building to the bare essentials, and ultimately establishes false expectations. Think about any “storyline” you’ve seen in a pornographic film; how closely does that align with reality?

Pornography deteriorates a person’s ability to build healthy relationships. It causes men to view women as objects rather than whole people with their own wants and needs. Women become a tool for men to use for pleasure, not a person.

Additionally, the more porn a man watches, the more he must think about porn to maintain arousal during intercourse.2 Traditional sex becomes less arousing after watching porn for months or years. Sex in real life becomes less engaging when you’re used to seeing every possible fantasy play out on the screen in front of you.

Porn addiction problems expand to other areas of life, too. Your career is impacted when you repeatedly show up for work late after staying up all night watching porn. This affects your financial well-being, especially if you blow a business deal or end up losing your job.

Pornography addiction symptoms also affect your marriage, your family, and your friendships. They affect your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Porn addiction effects impact your self-confidence, self-esteem, and overall self-image. Ultimately, pornography touches upon every aspect of your life.

Problems in the Industry

Porn addiction problems aren’t limited to the people who watch it; they also affect those who participate in its production. There are countless problems plaguing the porn industry from casting to producing to distributing.

One of the primary problems that porn addiction creates within the porn industry is the demand for increasingly extreme genres. As people consume more porn, they become desensitized to what they’re watching on screen. They need more intense scenes and situations to feel aroused.

While it’s easy to separate from people in porn scenes, they are real people acting out what you watch on screen. This means everything you watch on screen was something a real person had to experience for your pleasure. Violence against women dominates the porn industry, with upwards of 95% of aggression in porn scenes directed at women.

That violence also carries back into real life. People begin to believe that women really want what they see on the screen and some bring it into their sexual encounters. For example, one study shows that 59% of women have experienced slapping, biting, or hair-pulling during consensual sexual intercourse.

Human trafficking is another major porn addiction problem experienced in the industry. Pornography “talent” must come from somewhere, and not everyone is interested in participating. The amount of human trafficking that occurs because of the porn industry is astounding.

How to Quit Porn Addiction

With all the problems caused by porn addiction, it’s difficult to see why someone would still engage. However, it is a serious and progressive problem, and knowing how to stop porn addiction is a difficult thing to learn. Porn addiction withdrawal often keeps men trapped in an unwanted cycle of compulsive porn, sex, and masturbation.

Thankfully, our porn addiction recovery program which is the Porn Reboot system offers a pathway to escape the porn addiction cycle. You can quit your porn addiction and never feel the need to rely on porn again. Porn Reboot is a system that works with your biology to help you overcome your dependence on porn. By rebuilding the areas of your life that porn took away, you’ll find freedom from the grips of porn addiction.

References

Enough is Enough. (2021). Pornography.
Archives of Sexual Behavior. (2016). Pornography and the Male Sexual Script.
Violence Against Women. (2010). Aggression and sexual behavior in best-selling pornography videos.
Savanta ComRes. (2019). Survey of UK women aged 18-39 on their experiences during consensual sexual intercourse.

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The Benefit of Systems for Quitting Porn

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

If you’ve been around the Porn Reboot program for a few months, you know that I’m a big fan of systems.

A system is a set of actions to follow that generates predictable and improved results. I follow systems in each area of my life, from my reboot to my work and even my spirituality. I prefer knowing that I’m heading in the right direction and I believe systems are the best way to get there.

I recently developed an acronym that I like:

Something
You
Stick
To
Emphatically (and)
Methodically

If you stick to something emphatically and methodically, chances are it will lead to a predictable outcome. Developing a system was a game-changer during my early reboot. I had to do a lot of guessing and checking because I didn’t know anyone before me who ended their out-of-control behavior, but it led to the successful Porn Reboot system we all follow today.

Chances are, if you’re anything like me, you’ve thrown a lot of willpower at your porn problem up to this point. You’ve tried tons of ways to end your behavior yet you’re still in the same place you started, or maybe an even worse one. I was stuck in the willpower cycle for years convinced I was making a difference but accomplishing nothing.

It wasn’t successful until I created an intentional system of actions that worked with my biology instead of against it. Until that point, I was edging, drinking to the point of inebriation, hitting the snooze button, skipping my morning routines, bailing on the gym, and more. This led to stress, caffeinated overstimulation, crashing in the evenings, and a lot of wasted time.

So, how do you implement a system in your life? Just because you have access to a porn addiction recovery system doesn’t mean you’re going to stick to it. What can you do to ensure you do what it takes to apply a system to your life? And what are the benefits of doing so?

How to Incorporate a System

Start small. Pick one thing you’re going to do without fail that will be negotiated with anyone. Not your wife, not your children, not your friends, not your boss, and especially not yourself. Determine which aspect of the Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot system will be the first thing you adhere to without fail.

This might be your morning routine, getting on a call with your Porn Reboot coach, or going to the gym. Pick one thing that you will do regardless of any excuses that come up. Decide now that you will not let anything derail you from this one non-negotiable and then follow through on it.

Set up your days and weeks to make sure you have enough time to commit to your non-negotiable. It should be something small enough that you won’t talk yourself out of it but significant enough that it provides a positive result when you do it.

Meditation was my first non-negotiable. I spent many years before that half-heartedly meditating. I would practice here and there but was never consistent. So I decided that committing to a meditation routine would be my first change.

After you consistently commit to your non-negotiables for a few weeks, add another one into the mix and stick with it for another few weeks. Now you’ll find yourself committed to two beneficial practices. Although you couldn’t stick to anything a month or two ago, now you’ll find yourself consistent with two positive things.

This is how you start to implement a system. Continue adding new non-negotiables as you successfully stick to your previous ones. It gets easier to take on more as you become accustomed to it and notice the benefits they bring.

Benefits of Sticking to a System

I wouldn’t recommend implementing a system in your life if I didn’t think there were any positives. I’ve experienced so many good things that came from my adherence to a system. I’ve also watched those things happen in the lives of the men I’ve helped through the Porn Addiction Counseling Reboot program. What are some of these benefits?

Relapse Prevention

Instead of relying on your willpower to keep you from slipping, a system provides clear-cut instructions to prevent porn addiction relapse. You always have at least a few actions you can take when you notice temptation rising. You also have a set of behaviors you adhere to that keep those temptations at bay to begin with.

Letting Go of Reliance on Willpower

Don’t get me wrong – there is still some need for willpower when it comes to implementing a system. You have to take initiative; no one will come in and do the work for you. However, the difference is you’re not throwing willpower at the problem with no result. You’re using it to work with you as you implement healthy habits instead.

You Don’t Have to Do it Alone

One of the best parts of the Porn Reboot system in particular is it keeps you from handling your struggles alone. You’ll find yourself surrounded by a group of men who understand what you’re going through. They’ve been where you are and know the way out. And eventually, you’ll be the man helping others out of the place you’re in now.

Join the Porn Reboot System

It should be more than clear by now why you need a system to overcome your compulsive behavior with porn addiction, sex, and masturbation. You’ve probably tried at least a few things with no success already. Why not implement something that’s proven to work? The Porn Reboot program has helped men overcome their out-of-control behavior for more than a decade. Come join us in the FREE Porn Reboot Facebook group and get started today!

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Building Physique: Fitness Journey and Self-Esteem

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

This may seem a bit random but fitness is a common topic of conversation in the Porn Reboot group.

While it isn’t directly related to porn addiction recovery, it is a primary part of most men’s reboots. Building physical reboot capital is an important part of the overall porn addiction counseling reboot process. So I’m finally answering the question I often receive: “J.K., how did you build your physique?”

Firstly, I want to start by saying I’m not a personal trainer. I’m not certified to teach anything related to physical fitness. I don’t have any special education or credentials when it comes to nutrition or lifting weights. I can only speak from my experience as someone who has worked out since he was 17 years old.

Second, I also want to remind you that everyone is different. While the same basic principles of lifting and eating apply to everyone, each person has slightly varying needs. What worked for me may not work for you and vice versa. Ultimately, take my story as one of the many paths to physical well-being, but it may be the path that gets you started on a journey of your own.

Again, my interest in fitness started when I was 17. I was tall, lanky, and looked like a beanpole. My scrawny physique was a huge source of insecurity. I knew that if I built myself up and put on some muscle, though, people would look at me differently. I was awkward and couldn’t control my porn use but knew that I could do something about my physique.

I started by going to the gym and focusing on the compound lifts. That means squats, bench press, overhead press, and deadlifts. I knew that if I increased the weight I lifted, my body composition would have to follow suit. How many small guys can bench 225 pounds?

I also knew that I needed to eat to put on size. While today it’s considered bro science, when I first started lifting I learned that I was a “hard-gainer”. This meant I needed to eat a ton of food to gain weight. I cleaned up my diet to consist of traditional bodybuilder-type foods and I ate. It took a lot of food to keep me fueled up for my workouts and putting on size steadily.

After about 9 months of consistent lifting and eating, people started to notice the changes. My friends pointed out that I was getting bigger and strangers commented on how I looked. Although I still struggled with my out-of-control behavior, I now had an aspect of my life I could control. And it helped me build my self-esteem.

Once I built a solid frame, I then shifted my focus from compound movements to isolated movements. These include things like bicep curls, tricep extensions, lateral raises, and such. They’re movements that focus primarily on a single muscle to help build it up. I worked on muscle groups that were lacking to build a more well-rounded physique.

Writing it out makes it sound so simple and, honestly, it really is. Building a physique isn’t this big complicated ordeal that many fitness influencers would have you believe. You don’t need the latest and greatest equipment. You don’t need hundreds of dollars worth of supplements. You don’t need any performance-enhancing drugs, either. All you need is some weight, some food, and some consistency.

I still go to the gym regularly to this day. My routine has shifted over the years to accommodate changing interests, such as martial arts or bodyweight exercises, but the basics are the same. Lift hard, eat well, and focus on recovery. It takes time for changes to occur but if you commit to the process, you’ll find your physique grows, too.

It’s also a vital part of the general porn addiction recovery process. I don’t mean building up a massive physique, but I do mean some type of physical fitness. You should be lifting weights, playing a sport, or participating in some other kind of activity. Trying to quit porn without getting your energy out will leave you spinning in circles.

Join us in the Porn Reboot Facebook group to see what other brothers are doing for their fitness. Share your experiences with us and let us know where you’re at in your fitness journey. We’re always working together to become better men free from the chains of our out-of-control behavior. I invite you to join us today.

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Overcoming the Alarming Porn Addiction Effects

Porn Addiction Effect / By J.K Emezi

You read that right – kids and adults.

You have to consider all ages when considering porn addiction effects. It’s horrifying to think that kids have seen pornographic images and videos, but that is the reality for millions of young people. Statistics show that 1 in 10 children under the age of 10 has been exposed to pornography. Further, 93% of boys and 62% of girls have viewed internet porn before the age of 18.

Exposure to pornography during adolescence can cause a range of difficulties, including porn addiction. And oftentimes the porn addiction effects experienced in adulthood are the result of viewing pornography during formative adolescent years. The effects of porn addiction can cause lasting damage to a person’s relationship, career, and more.

What are some porn addiction effects? How do porn addiction problems develop? When you struggle with pornography addiction, is there hope? Thankfully, learning more about the effects of porn addiction is the first step toward finding help.

How Porn Addiction Develops

Porn used to be difficult to come by, especially for young people. You had to purchase a magazine or rent a video from an adult store but that was about as far as your options went. With the advent of the internet, though, pornography became easier to access. As internet speeds increased, so did access to an ever-expanding library of porn.

Porn addiction problems don’t develop overnight, though. Most people don’t find themselves hooked the first time they open up a browser tab. Instead, it’s something that sets in over time. What starts as an innocent way to get off can eventually become a bigger problem than you realize.

For example, some young men begin viewing pornography around the time puberty starts. It serves as a way to learn about sex in the privacy of their bedroom. However, while porn never becomes a problem for some, it becomes a go-to dopamine release and coping mechanism for others. It’s an on-demand way to feel good. Learning this at a young age and relying on it to cope with challenging emotions creates long-term porn addiction effects.

Porn Addiction Effects

Porn addiction affects all types of men from all walks of life. Young or old, rich or poor. It doesn’t care about your location, your career, or your family; it seeks to destroy you just the same. Porn addiction effects can range from mild to severe and depend on a wide range of factors. For example, a 17-year-old will not experience the same effects as a 52-year-old business executive.

However, one of the most common porn addiction effects are the overwhelming feelings of shame and guilt. It’s hard for men to believe they could ever find themselves struggling with a porn addiction problem. And as porn use progresses, these feelings intensify. This is especially true for men who prefer extreme or even illegal genres.

There are many more effects of porn addiction. Some men blow massive business opportunities or ruin their careers. Others destroy their marriages or harm their relationships with their children. Plenty of men sacrifice their financial stability, standing in their community, self-esteem, and more because of the effects of porn addiction.

Pornography Addiction: Is There Hope?

Considering the wide range of detrimental effects of pornography addiction, it’s difficult to see how there can be hope. If you’ve tried quitting porn for years and been unsuccessful, you may feel tempted to believe that you’ll never get over the problem. Porn addiction is an isolating and complicated condition, one that many doctors and psychologists still don’t completely understand.

Thankfully, there are some solutions once you start to notice pornography addiction symptoms. Porn doesn’t have to be the end of the road. You have various options available if you want to stop viewing porn or dealing with other compulsive sexual behaviors. These include things like porn addiction counseling, porn addiction recovery, and the Porn Reboot system.

Porn Addiction Counseling

Porn addiction counseling is an option offered by some traditional counselors and therapists. However, not all of these professionals understand the intricacies of out-of-control sexual behavior. They may offer some conflicting guidance or even suggest that porn addiction is not a “real” problem. Take caution when seeking porn addiction counseling to ensure you find a provider that recognizes the porn addiction problems.

Porn Addiction Recovery

Porn addiction recovery through groups like 12-step programs is another option for treating porn addiction. They outline a path to recovery from porn addiction to keep you porn-free for the rest of your life. Some people find this approach beneficial and enjoy the community they find among porn addiction recovery groups.

Porn Reboot System

The Porn Reboot system is a proprietary approach to porn addiction recovery. It is a method tried and tested by hundreds of men over the last decade. Instead of using traditional therapeutic methods, the Porn Reboot system details a path to rebuild your life without needing to rely on porn to get by.

However, Porn Reboot is about more than quitting porn. It’s about building a life where porn addiction problems are no longer an issue. You won’t need to count days or spend your life in meetings. Instead, you’ll develop and enrich the areas of your life that your porn use held you back from. From your physical to spiritual to social well-being and beyond, Porn Reboot equips you with a solution that runs much deeper than porn addiction effects.

References

NetNanny. (2017). The Detrimental Effects of Pornography on Small Children.
The Family & Youth Institute. (2016). Teens and Porn: 10 Stats You Need to Know.

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Phone Sex, Long-Distance Relationships, and Rebooting

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Long-distance relationships are never easy.

Making your partner feel loved and cared for requires more time, work, and attention when they live hours away from you. Maintaining a long-distance relationship while struggling with out-of-control sexual behavior is even more challenging.

One of the brothers in our Porn Reboot group recently asked about maintaining a long-distance relationship while in the middle of his reboot. His question focused on two main concerns: phone and video sex, and general reboot management while in a long-distance relationship.

When it comes to phone sex during your reboot, I believe the answer should always be no. This is especially true for video call sex on FaceTime or Skype. Even though it’s your partner on the other side of the screen, the experience is almost no different than other virtual forms of erotic stimulation.

Your brain can’t tell the difference between your partner and any other pornstar on the screen. Sure, at face value you know that it’s the person you’re committed to. But at the same time, it’s a false sense of intimacy and connection. Engaging in video call sex, even with someone you’re in a committed relationship with, places you at risk of a porn addiction relapse.

An important part of the porn addiction recovery process is gearing your brain away from the preference for high-speed internet pornography and toward physical intimacy in real life. It’s difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship without a frequent sexual component. However, if you want to be successful in your reboot, you must avoid engaging in sexual stimulation through the phone.

That brings us to the general concern of maintaining a long-distance relationship while rebooting. Truthfully, I’m not the biggest supporter of long-distance relationships that last for years. I believe that they can be a serious threat to your reboot because they keep you from building the intimacy necessary to have a healthy relationship.

Long-distance relationships are challenging for people who don’t already have problems with porn addiction effects, sex, and masturbation. Men who can jerk off and go on with their day are better suited for these types of relationships. But brothers in the Porn Addiction Counseling are not able to have that luxury.

Learning to be physically intimate with a partner is an important part of the reboot process. Being in a relationship with someone who lives miles, hours, or even states away makes that harder to do. You cannot work on your physical intimacy when you only see your partner every so often. When you find yourself physically unsatisfied, you’re far more likely to turn to your out-of-control behavior for relief.

I believe that men who are rebooting should seek out relationships with women who live nearby. You shouldn’t have to drive more than an hour to meet up with the women you’re dating. There are so many hundreds of women in the world that limiting yourself to a long-distance relationship only adds unnecessary stress.

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Growing Your Reboot Garden for Lasting Change

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

I recently wrote about the importance (and difficulty) of developing patience during your reboot.

Patience is a necessary part of rebooting because these changes don’t happen all at once. You don’t decide that you’re done with your compulsive behavior and then find yourself suddenly free from your struggles.

I like to look at the reboot process like a garden. You’re like a gardener trying to grow a beautiful garden with fruits, vegetables, and flowers. Just like a gardener plants his seeds and patiently waits for his crops to grow, you must also plant the seeds of your reboot and wait for the results to follow.

You plant your seeds during the early porn addiction recovery stage. You must trust that while you won’t see the results for some time, they will pay off eventually. When planting the seeds of your reboot, you can expect to receive the same positive results as the hundreds of other men who changed their lives with the Porn Reboot system.

The middle and late reboot stages are when your saplings begin to show. You start to see the results of the work you did during your early reboot. The fruits, vegetables, and flowers of the reboot process include things like confidence, self-esteem, self-awareness, focus, diligence, and encouragement.

Your reboot garden also faces the threat of pests and weeds, much like the gardener deals with in his own garden. These threats to your reboot are things like procrastination, doubt, frustration, and impatience. If you don’t take steps to remove these things, eventually they will infest your garden and limit what can grow there.

Patience is one of the crucial elements of any good garden. A gardener doesn’t dig up his seeds when he doesn’t see saplings within the first few days of planting. He trusts the process and allows his plants time to grow. He knows how a garden works and recognizes that he must be patient if he wants to have a beautiful garden.

In the same way, you must trust the Porn Addiction Counseling. You can’t expect sudden, drastic changes and give up when they don’t happen as quickly as you’d like. You may feel tempted to throw in the towel and seek out another system instead. But you have to trust the reboot process and know that the positive results will come as long as you commit to it.

You also cannot force the process to happen any faster. A gardener cannot speed up the growth of his tomato plants any more than you can speed up your ability to quit porn, sex, and masturbation. All he can do is plant the seeds and water; all you can do is follow the Porn Reboot system. You can’t make your brain rewire any quicker than is natural.

Finally, the most important part of your reboot garden is continuing to do what resulted in the growth of a beautiful garden. Every gardener knows he cannot rely on last year’s work to grow his garden the following year. This means you must continue doing the things that helped you build a life free from out-of-control sexual behavior.

Over time, the practice of growing a garden becomes routine and comfortable. The same applies to your reboot. While these new practices may feel strange and difficult to implement, they become second nature to you the more you practice them. If you follow the Porn Addiction Counseling Program or Porn Reboot system as it’s outlined, you will grow a beautiful life filled with the fruits of your labor for years to come!

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Developing Patience in Your Porn Reboot Journey

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

When a brother joins the Porn Reboot Intensive program, we always start with a welcome call.

I want to get to know this brother and begin documenting his experience. One of the first things we do is establish expectations that men have when they arrive at our program. What do they want to accomplish? What does their life look like without porn? How do they anticipate getting to that point?

I do this because I want to ensure that we can support you in your journey. While I know that the Porn Reboot system works for the men who apply it, I want to make sure that your plans align with how the system is laid out. I want to see whether your expectations will be met or whether another approach to controlling your behavior is better suited for you.

Developing patience is one of the most common expectations I hear from our potential brothers. Their behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation has finely tuned their need for instant gratification. This leads to significant problems with impatience and a short temper. They want to know whether Porn Reboot can help them develop their patience.

Something most brothers don’t realize, though, is that their compulsive sexual behavior also warps their experience of time. Consider how often you’ve said, “I’m only going to watch porn for a half-hour,” but then find yourself still opening tabs three hours later. You have no idea where that time went, you only know that it’s gone.

This same time warp occurs when you start separating from porn, sex, and masturbation. I see men with around a month and a half in the program convinced they’re in the maintenance stage of their reboot. In reality, they’re still in the early stage of the process. It feels like it’s been months when it’s only been a few weeks.

It’s frustrating to realize how much work it takes to fully rewire your brain. Since you’ve geared yourself for instant gratification, the idea that it takes time to reboot is a foreign concept. You don’t get the benefits of a porn-free life without some hard work and patience.

I like to use the example of a gardener planting a garden. He understands that, while his plants begin to grow as soon as he plants the seed, he won’t see the results for quite some time. He will not see a sprout, a branch, a leaf, or a fruit for many days after placing those seeds. But he trusts that by putting in the work, from planting to watering to waiting, his plants will grow with time.

The same goes for your porn addiction recovery. It may not seem like you’re making progress, but the change begins from the moment you implement some reboot principles. Even when you continue struggling with slips and relapses, the reboot process is in place.

The path to patience in your reboot is paved with bricks that say “progress not perfection.” Your success in the Pornography Addiction Treatment program likely does not mean complete abstinence. But it does mean showing up to work on time, spending evenings with your family, and taking time to better yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Developing patience in your reboot is a slow process, too, but even recognizing the need for it is a step in the right direction. It’s difficult and easy to get agitated. Think of the gardener when bugs and pests begin to infiltrate his newly-sprouted seedlings. He must get frustrated, too. But he still trusts the process and recognizes that every garden comes with its troubles.

As you accept the inevitable presence of pests and move toward their removal, you’ll find yourself closer to patience. Your newfound outlook will flower into the fruits of confidence, diligence, self-esteem, self-awareness, self-compassion, and more. These fruits are available even during the early reboot stage, brother. All it takes is some work and dedication.

Developing patience is an important aspect of your reboot and the Porn Addiction Counseling system will help you get there. Just like the gardener, though, you must recognize that while it won’t happen all at once, you’re already well on your way there.

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