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Porn Reboot Needs vs. Wants: Unveiling Key Priorities

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Porn Reboot Needs vs. Wants: Unveiling Key Priorities

Today I want to discuss needs versus wants as they relate to different areas of your reboot capital.

For those who don’t remember, reboot capital refers to the different areas of life in which you need to build up capital to help you end your out-of-control behavior. This includes your physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual capital.

I had a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday that made me want to write about this. We’re pretty frugal people for the most part. Each of us picked up these thoughts and behaviors from our parents who are also frugal. It’s a tough mindset to break most of the time.

For example, I’ll go to the store for something like body lotion and see a few options. As I look at both the name-brand body lotion and the generic version, I have a decision to make. If I’m not thinking consciously, I default to my frugal mind and opt for the generic version because it’s cheaper.

I did the same thing for years with my car as well. I’ve owned a 2005 Toyota Camry for many years. It has almost 300,000 miles on it. It’s been with me through both my worst times and my best times. It has been a reliable vehicle that I haven’t wanted to get rid of since it has run for so long. However, even though it was time for an upgrade, I still hesitated to spend the money.

Lots of men come to our program with similar frugal mindsets. Oftentimes they’re a result of driving themselves into financial ruin because of their behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Other times it’s because they spent lavishly trying to compensate for the crippling guilt and shame they felt.

Living within your means is an important skill to acquire. It’s a necessary part of achieving and maintaining financial stability. It’s never a good idea to rely on consumer debt to fund your lifestyle. Taking out loans or purchasing things on credit is a fast track to possible ruin if you find yourself in an emergency.

There’s a line between these two extremes of extravagance and frugality. Neither is useful when it comes to rebooting. You don’t want to spend above your means and continue unhealthy financial habits. At the same time, you don’t want to become so cheap that you avoid spending time with friends or treating your family to enjoyable experiences.

Part of the Porn Addiction Counseling – The Reboot process is developing a healthy relationship with your finances. Freedom from your out-of-control behavior makes you a more engaged and hardworking employee or business owner. You’ll soon find yourself able to escape any troublesome financial situations you found yourself in when you first arrived.

After you get yourself out of any possible debt and back on track financially, the question of needs versus wants becomes very apparent. If you’re anything like me, you’ll likely carry the same fearful and frugal mindset moving forward. It’s not an easy filter to break down and separate from.

Another part of the Porn Reboot process is learning to enjoy life. You spent so much time hiding from the world, trapped in a deepening spiral of compulsive sexual behavior. Now that you’re free from it, you need to fully engage with the world. This involves some level of spending, whether it’s on some new clothes, a trip for your family, or even some hobbies that you enjoy.

Spending money is simply a part of living a fulfilling life. Money is not something to be loathed or feared, whatever you may have learned when you were young or adopted as you grew older. It’s a useful tool that will help you build a life worth living. There are times when it’s okay to spend a bit outside your means with the understanding that it’s not an every day or all the time thing.

So long as your needs are taken care of, you’re allowed to fulfill your wants, too. A life filled with only your needs isn’t as enjoyable as it could be. Once you’re in a position where you can afford to splurge now and then, learn to treat yourself, your family, your friends, and even the world around you. You’ll find life to be a much more enjoyable experience when you do.

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The Benefit of Systems for Quitting Porn

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

The Benefit of Systems for Quitting Porn

If you’ve been around the Porn Reboot program for a few months, you know that I’m a big fan of systems.

A system is a set of actions to follow that generates predictable and improved results. I follow systems in each area of my life, from my reboot to my work and even my spirituality. I prefer knowing that I’m heading in the right direction and I believe systems are the best way to get there.

I recently developed an acronym that I like:

Something
You
Stick
To
Emphatically (and)
Methodically

If you stick to something emphatically and methodically, chances are it will lead to a predictable outcome. Developing a system was a game-changer during my early reboot. I had to do a lot of guessing and checking because I didn’t know anyone before me who ended their out-of-control behavior, but it led to the successful Porn Reboot system we all follow today.

Chances are, if you’re anything like me, you’ve thrown a lot of willpower at your porn problem up to this point. You’ve tried tons of ways to end your behavior yet you’re still in the same place you started, or maybe an even worse one. I was stuck in the willpower cycle for years convinced I was making a difference but accomplishing nothing.

It wasn’t successful until I created an intentional system of actions that worked with my biology instead of against it. Until that point, I was edging, drinking to the point of inebriation, hitting the snooze button, skipping my morning routines, bailing on the gym, and more. This led to stress, caffeinated overstimulation, crashing in the evenings, and a lot of wasted time.

So, how do you implement a system in your life? Just because you have access to a porn addiction recovery system doesn’t mean you’re going to stick to it. What can you do to ensure you do what it takes to apply a system to your life? And what are the benefits of doing so?

How to Incorporate a System

Start small. Pick one thing you’re going to do without fail that will be negotiated with anyone. Not your wife, not your children, not your friends, not your boss, and especially not yourself. Determine which aspect of the Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot system will be the first thing you adhere to without fail.

This might be your morning routine, getting on a call with your Porn Reboot coach, or going to the gym. Pick one thing that you will do regardless of any excuses that come up. Decide now that you will not let anything derail you from this one non-negotiable and then follow through on it.

Set up your days and weeks to make sure you have enough time to commit to your non-negotiable. It should be something small enough that you won’t talk yourself out of it but significant enough that it provides a positive result when you do it.

Meditation was my first non-negotiable. I spent many years before that half-heartedly meditating. I would practice here and there but was never consistent. So I decided that committing to a meditation routine would be my first change.

After you consistently commit to your non-negotiables for a few weeks, add another one into the mix and stick with it for another few weeks. Now you’ll find yourself committed to two beneficial practices. Although you couldn’t stick to anything a month or two ago, now you’ll find yourself consistent with two positive things.

This is how you start to implement a system. Continue adding new non-negotiables as you successfully stick to your previous ones. It gets easier to take on more as you become accustomed to it and notice the benefits they bring.

Benefits of Sticking to a System

I wouldn’t recommend implementing a system in your life if I didn’t think there were any positives. I’ve experienced so many good things that came from my adherence to a system. I’ve also watched those things happen in the lives of the men I’ve helped through the Porn Addiction Counseling Reboot program. What are some of these benefits?

Relapse Prevention

Instead of relying on your willpower to keep you from slipping, a system provides clear-cut instructions to prevent porn addiction relapse. You always have at least a few actions you can take when you notice temptation rising. You also have a set of behaviors you adhere to that keep those temptations at bay to begin with.

Letting Go of Reliance on Willpower

Don’t get me wrong – there is still some need for willpower when it comes to implementing a system. You have to take initiative; no one will come in and do the work for you. However, the difference is you’re not throwing willpower at the problem with no result. You’re using it to work with you as you implement healthy habits instead.

You Don’t Have to Do it Alone

One of the best parts of the Porn Reboot system in particular is it keeps you from handling your struggles alone. You’ll find yourself surrounded by a group of men who understand what you’re going through. They’ve been where you are and know the way out. And eventually, you’ll be the man helping others out of the place you’re in now.

Join the Porn Reboot System

It should be more than clear by now why you need a system to overcome your compulsive behavior with porn addiction, sex, and masturbation. You’ve probably tried at least a few things with no success already. Why not implement something that’s proven to work? The Porn Reboot program has helped men overcome their out-of-control behavior for more than a decade. Come join us in the FREE Porn Reboot Facebook group and get started today!

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Building Physique: Fitness Journey and Self-Esteem

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

How i Built My Physique

This may seem a bit random but fitness is a common topic of conversation in the Porn Reboot group.

While it isn’t directly related to porn addiction recovery, it is a primary part of most men’s reboots. Building physical reboot capital is an important part of the overall porn addiction counseling reboot process. So I’m finally answering the question I often receive: “J.K., how did you build your physique?”

Firstly, I want to start by saying I’m not a personal trainer. I’m not certified to teach anything related to physical fitness. I don’t have any special education or credentials when it comes to nutrition or lifting weights. I can only speak from my experience as someone who has worked out since he was 17 years old.

Second, I also want to remind you that everyone is different. While the same basic principles of lifting and eating apply to everyone, each person has slightly varying needs. What worked for me may not work for you and vice versa. Ultimately, take my story as one of the many paths to physical well-being, but it may be the path that gets you started on a journey of your own.

Again, my interest in fitness started when I was 17. I was tall, lanky, and looked like a beanpole. My scrawny physique was a huge source of insecurity. I knew that if I built myself up and put on some muscle, though, people would look at me differently. I was awkward and couldn’t control my porn use but knew that I could do something about my physique.

I started by going to the gym and focusing on the compound lifts. That means squats, bench press, overhead press, and deadlifts. I knew that if I increased the weight I lifted, my body composition would have to follow suit. How many small guys can bench 225 pounds?

I also knew that I needed to eat to put on size. While today it’s considered bro science, when I first started lifting I learned that I was a “hard-gainer”. This meant I needed to eat a ton of food to gain weight. I cleaned up my diet to consist of traditional bodybuilder-type foods and I ate. It took a lot of food to keep me fueled up for my workouts and putting on size steadily.

After about 9 months of consistent lifting and eating, people started to notice the changes. My friends pointed out that I was getting bigger and strangers commented on how I looked. Although I still struggled with my out-of-control behavior, I now had an aspect of my life I could control. And it helped me build my self-esteem.

Once I built a solid frame, I then shifted my focus from compound movements to isolated movements. These include things like bicep curls, tricep extensions, lateral raises, and such. They’re movements that focus primarily on a single muscle to help build it up. I worked on muscle groups that were lacking to build a more well-rounded physique.

Writing it out makes it sound so simple and, honestly, it really is. Building a physique isn’t this big complicated ordeal that many fitness influencers would have you believe. You don’t need the latest and greatest equipment. You don’t need hundreds of dollars worth of supplements. You don’t need any performance-enhancing drugs, either. All you need is some weight, some food, and some consistency.

I still go to the gym regularly to this day. My routine has shifted over the years to accommodate changing interests, such as martial arts or bodyweight exercises, but the basics are the same. Lift hard, eat well, and focus on recovery. It takes time for changes to occur but if you commit to the process, you’ll find your physique grows, too.

It’s also a vital part of the general porn addiction recovery process. I don’t mean building up a massive physique, but I do mean some type of physical fitness. You should be lifting weights, playing a sport, or participating in some other kind of activity. Trying to quit porn without getting your energy out will leave you spinning in circles.

Join us in the Porn Reboot Facebook group to see what other brothers are doing for their fitness. Share your experiences with us and let us know where you’re at in your fitness journey. We’re always working together to become better men free from the chains of our out-of-control behavior. I invite you to join us today.

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Phone Sex, Long-Distance Relationships, and Rebooting

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Phone Sex, Long-Distance Relationships, and Rebooting

Long-distance relationships are never easy.

Making your partner feel loved and cared for requires more time, work, and attention when they live hours away from you. Maintaining a long-distance relationship while struggling with out-of-control sexual behavior is even more challenging.

One of the brothers in our Porn Reboot group recently asked about maintaining a long-distance relationship while in the middle of his reboot. His question focused on two main concerns: phone and video sex, and general reboot management while in a long-distance relationship.

When it comes to phone sex during your reboot, I believe the answer should always be no. This is especially true for video call sex on FaceTime or Skype. Even though it’s your partner on the other side of the screen, the experience is almost no different than other virtual forms of erotic stimulation.

Your brain can’t tell the difference between your partner and any other pornstar on the screen. Sure, at face value you know that it’s the person you’re committed to. But at the same time, it’s a false sense of intimacy and connection. Engaging in video call sex, even with someone you’re in a committed relationship with, places you at risk of a porn addiction relapse.

An important part of the porn addiction recovery process is gearing your brain away from the preference for high-speed internet pornography and toward physical intimacy in real life. It’s difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship without a frequent sexual component. However, if you want to be successful in your reboot, you must avoid engaging in sexual stimulation through the phone.

That brings us to the general concern of maintaining a long-distance relationship while rebooting. Truthfully, I’m not the biggest supporter of long-distance relationships that last for years. I believe that they can be a serious threat to your reboot because they keep you from building the intimacy necessary to have a healthy relationship.

Long-distance relationships are challenging for people who don’t already have problems with porn addiction effects, sex, and masturbation. Men who can jerk off and go on with their day are better suited for these types of relationships. But brothers in the Porn Addiction Counseling are not able to have that luxury.

Learning to be physically intimate with a partner is an important part of the reboot process. Being in a relationship with someone who lives miles, hours, or even states away makes that harder to do. You cannot work on your physical intimacy when you only see your partner every so often. When you find yourself physically unsatisfied, you’re far more likely to turn to your out-of-control behavior for relief.

I believe that men who are rebooting should seek out relationships with women who live nearby. You shouldn’t have to drive more than an hour to meet up with the women you’re dating. There are so many hundreds of women in the world that limiting yourself to a long-distance relationship only adds unnecessary stress.

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How to Stop Feeling Bad About Relapses

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

How to Stop Feeling Bad About Relapses

Relapse is a common concern for men when they begin their reboot.

Most come from past programs with abstinence-only approaches that make you feel like you’ve failed if you have a slip. I see it differently, though. When you’re learning how to stop porn addiction, relapses are part of the process.

If you’re like the majority of men early in the Porn Reboot system, you likely attach a lot of emotion to relapses. You feel a lot of guilt and shame if you start watching porn again, even if only for an evening. You might find yourself trapped in a negative thought spiral that keeps you stuck for longer than you should be.

I prefer men in the Porn Reboot program to remove all emotion from the relapse experience. You don’t need to assign big feelings to it when it happens; simply recognize that you made a mistake and determine how you can best avoid it moving forward. In this way, I like to see the process of viewing slips as data. This makes it easier to get back on track instead of digging yourself into a hole.

Men who are prone to feeling big emotions after a relapse will struggle with this at first. Learning to detach emotions from slips feels like a huge challenge. But when you start to rationally view slips as data, it becomes easier to not feel guilt, shame, or anger because you’re busy processing the experience.

For example, when you experience a slip you can immediately dissect what happened. Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep because you stayed up too late watching YouTube videos on your phone. You watched the videos because you felt frustrated that work took longer to complete than usual and you wanted to feel a bit of relief from that stress.

This gives you multiple points to adjust so that you don’t have to slip in this same manner again. If you finished your work in time, you wouldn’t have felt as stressed or frustrated. If you recognized that sometimes you’re going to have bad days at work, you might not have sought relief from YouTube videos. If you still needed some time to de-stress, you could have achieved it by reading a book or meditating for a few minutes instead.

Breaking down your relapse in this way makes it almost impossible to feel bad about it. Sure, the goal of the Porn Reboot program is to eliminate your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. But expecting it to go away immediately is only a recipe for disaster. Assigning big emotions to something that’s almost guaranteed sets you up for failure, too.

Viewing slips as data is a far more efficient approach to your reboot. If you haven’t already, I recommend practicing it as you learn how to stop porn addiction. You’ll become more effective not only at avoiding slips, but you can apply this reasoning to other troublesome areas of your life. You don’t need to feel bad about relapses when they simply offer you more information on how to avoid them in the future!

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