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Mastery of the Porn Reboot System: Part 2

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

Mastery of the Porn Reboot System: Part 2

If you’ve read our blog for a while you’ll know this isn’t the first time I’ve written about the stages of the Porn Reboot system.

I like to cover the topic often, because it’s something that men ask a lot of questions about. Many brothers want to know which stage of their reboot they’re in and when they pass from one stage to the next.

We’ve had some changes in the system since I last wrote about the Porn Reboot stages so it’s time for an update. A few days ago I wrote about the first three stages of the porn addiction counseling – Porn Reboot system. Today I’m going to write about Stage Four and Stage Five.

Stage Three: Middle Reboot

You reach Stage Three once you’ve committed to the process of long-term rebooting. You’re starting to overcome the lack of motivation, distraction, negativity, and impatience that arose when you first experienced withdrawals. You may not notice any immediate results but are willing to stick with the system for the long run.

Porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior shrink your life down to a very small, isolated existence. You’re not as concerned with things like going to the gym, having an active social life, or connecting with your spirituality. You neglect and abandon these different areas of your life as your compulsive behaviors take over.

Now that the Pre-Reboot and Early Reboot stages set your healthy habits firmly in place you can shift your attention to your lifestyle. You can focus most of your time and energy on your mindset and behaviors. Stage Three is when you start to build these forgotten but crucial areas of your life back up.

The Middle Reboot stage is also when you begin to develop a new identity. Since you’re not as consumed by porn addiction problems and masturbation, you have time to engage in activities that you enjoy. You no longer see yourself as hopeless or too far gone; you finally see that you have a chance to eliminate and overcome your compulsive behavior.

Skills you need to develop during Stage Three include increased awareness and not taking your reboot for granted. The second one is especially important because you’re starting to make progress now that you’re maintaining a consistent routine. This progress may lead you to believe that you can let off the gas a bit, but doing so will put you in the headspace for a relapse.

One of the significant dangers at this stage of your reboot is the feeling of being stuck. At this point some men find themselves overwhelmed with guilt that keeps them from taking further action. The guilt stems from remembering the things they have done, behaviors they engaged in, or people they have hurt.

The overwhelming guilt is something that most men experience at one point or another during Stage Three. If you experience it during the Middle Reboot stage you’re far from alone. This is why it’s so important to have a guide that’s been through the process before you. You have someone who can walk you through these challenging emotions that begin to arise.

Another danger of Stage Three is finding yourself distracted by other self-improvement strategies. Now that you’re no longer acting out you may feel the need to look in other areas for additional paths to improvement. While there’s nothing wrong with finding complementary approaches, you want to make sure that nothing takes precedence over your reboot.

Stage Four: Late Reboot

One of the major parts of Stage Four is addressing and working through the problems that brought you to porn addiction recovery in the first place. Stages One through Three keep most of the focus on you from overcoming your behavior to setting your new habits firmly in place.

The Late Reboot stage is when you can begin to tackle these external circumstances. Maybe you’re a man who is separated from your wife because of your behavior. You might not have the right to see your children because of your behavior. Perhaps you’re a single guy who’s avoided dating due to your porn-induced erectile dysfunction.

Whatever your particular circumstances are, Stage Four is when we start working through these. Part of this process involves changing your self-image and learning to develop true intimacy. You’ll only develop stronger relationships with healthy intimacy once you feel comfortable with yourself.

The skills you’ll build during the Late Reboot stage are self-trust, relationship skills, learning to live with pain, and asking people to meet your needs. Most men in the program never learned how to do these things because we shied away from the discomfort and sunk into our compulsive behaviors to self-medicate. However, each of these is a critical component of establishing strong relationships with people in your life.

Dangers of Stage Four include the fear of venturing into the unknown. You’re in situations that you’ve either never experienced or haven’t been in in years. You will feel worried about making a mistake or making the wrong decisions. This is a normal part of the process but allowing these fears and worries to completely consume you puts you at the risk of a relapse.

Another danger of this stage is the belief that you have no control over your life. Stages One through Three were about setting new habits in place. Now that you operate in the confines of these new routines, you’ll find there are certain things you can’t do anymore. Recognize that things like staying out late, binge drinking, or sleeping in aren’t the most conducive activities to building the life you want. You might slip if you allow resentment to take over instead.

The biggest danger of the Late Reboot stage is letting your attention stray from your reboot. Everything you’ve done up to this point, your routine, learning skills, and building reboot capital, all of it is necessary to be successful. If you neglect to keep working on these things, relapse is inevitable. No matter what happens in your life, keep your reboot the primary focus and everything else will work itself out.

Stage Five: Maintenance Stage

Stage Five is the Maintenance Stage. At this point your routine is in place, you’ve developed the skills you need, your relationships are stronger than ever before. You’ve built up a good amount of reboot capital, feel better about yourself, and are in the process of mending the situations that brought you to your breaking point.

Your focus during the Maintenance State is fixing the long-term neurological damage caused by your porn addiction and compulsive behavior. This is the stage where the true rewiring of your brain takes place. You’re removing old thought patterns that took years to establish and replacing them with newer, healthier patterns.

The goals in the Maintenance Stage are further growth and development. This is where you learn how to sustain your emotional control. When you deal with highly stressful situations that most normal people would crack under, you’re reaching a point where they no longer phase you.

You’ll come up against situations that you would have medicated with porn and masturbation in the past but realize that you don’t even consider these behaviors an option anymore. Pornography isn’t something you think of using to combat discomfort; you’ve learned to face and handle situations without hiding.

Stage Five is when you begin experiencing long periods of happiness, joy, and contentment that last. This is an important distinction: you’re no longer chasing short stints of false happiness through dopamine release; you’re now in a place where happiness is your state of being.

Sure, life will still happen. You’re going to have moments where you’re upset or angry, but these feelings are temporary now. They don’t consume you the way they used to in the past. You return to your state of contentment and peace without needing to act out on your compulsive behavior.

Overconfidence and complacency are the two most dangerous threats to Stage Five. While you no longer necessarily need the Porn Recovery Program once you’re at this stage, taking it easy is not an option. Being in the Maintenance Stage doesn’t mean you’re “healed” or “cured.” It means exactly what it says, that you need to maintain your success through continued action.

Overconfidence will have you thinking that you’ve got this, that maybe you were making a big deal out of nothing. You might convince yourself that you can go back to your old stomping grounds or spend time with buddies from before. Getting into this mindset is a slippery slope that will put you on a path to relapse faster than you realize.

There is never a time where you’ll be able to watch porn “normally”, brother. Even when you’re in the Maintenance Stage and no longer need the Porn Reboot program, you must remember what brought you to this program in the first place. You were crushed by a crisis you couldn’t overcome alone. Don’t take yourself back to that space. Stay the course and continue forward in this beautiful life that you’ve built back up.

Finding Support at Every Stage

The Porn Reboot program consists of two groups: the paid intensive group and the free Facebook group. If you’re new to the porn addiction recovery program and wondering whether the intensive is right for you, come check us out on Facebook. We’re a strong group of men in varying stages of our reboots and ready to offer support wherever you might be in yours.

You never need to handle your reboot alone, brother. Join us and find yourself immediately surrounded by a group of brothers who understand your struggle and are actively working to overcome their behaviors. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in Stage One or Stage Five; there’s a place for you among us.

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The Truth About Money, Power, and Sex

Porn Addiction Effect / By Automation Agency Concierge

The Truth About Money, Power, and Sex

A common misconception I see men believing in is the idea that good education, good looks, and solid spirituality implies a healthy relationship with money, power, or sexual behavior.

I’m here to tell you, brother, that oftentimes this is not the case. Society tends to operate under the assumption that success comes to those with a combination of good looks, intelligence, and good morals.

Simply put, many of us define success as access to money, power, and sex. Whether you’re upfront about it or not, this combination tends to be the driving force for the majority of men in the Porn Reboot program as well as most of society at large.

Oftentimes people hide these three main desires behind the term “freedom.” They want the freedom to live by their terms, to spend as much time with their family as they want to, to be free from worries about things like finances and health, and so on.

In their pursuit of freedom, men go to school, build up their skills, take care of their bodies, learn to carry themselves well, associate with the right people, establish a place in their church, and more. Working toward all of these things is a positive thing to do. They’re chasing after success and working to become the best possible versions of themselves.

Ultimately, though, what these men hope for after achieving their definition of success is the freedom to purchase any material item they want, to influence or control situations to their advantage, or to fulfill their deepest sexual fantasies with whomever they please. This again boils down to the desire for money, power, and sex.

If you’re honest with yourself this description probably applies to you, too. There’s nothing wrong with the pursuit of these things, though, brother. They’re natural desires and something that everyone in the world works for. But it doesn’t matter how much you achieve if you cannot build a good relationship with these things once you have them.

Again, the idea that men who have these things have a good relationship with them is a misconception. There are plenty of men who have millions of dollars but squander their wealth, men who have more power than you can imagine but use it to cause harm, and men who have their choice of whatever woman they could want but go about their conquests in an abusive way.

Good relationships with money, power, and sex are skills that must be developed. They aren’t necessarily an inherent part of us. Unfortunately, society doesn’t often teach us how to build good relationships with these things. Too often we take our pursuit of them to the extreme.

Our parents, mentors, and teachers told us we need to be smart, knowledgeable, moral, and spiritual. We must follow all of society’s rules. They said that if we adhered to all of these then good things would happen to us. We would find the right woman, have access to sex, experience marital bliss, and have financial prosperity.

But they didn’t teach us the most important part: understanding how money works and what a good relationship with it looks like; understanding power and how it should be wielded; and understanding the truth about our natural sexuality. These are things that weren’t spoken about and it fell on us to develop an understanding for ourselves.

How often have you seen celebrities, politicians, athletes, high standing religious individuals, famous pastors, or people with great intelligence, incredible beauty, or good character lose everything to money, power, or sex? They pursued these things to an extreme and ended up failing because of it.

You may have secretly or even openly judged them but are you honestly any different?

I know I’m not.

As you know, I fell prey to my sexual behavior for many years. Fortunately, during my mid-twenties I developed a system to help me control it. That system was the early beginnings of the porn addiction recovery system that’s still in use today. It changed my entire life and helped me eliminate the control that porn addiction effect had over my life.

Despite this newfound control over my sexual behavior, I still struggled in other areas. I made a decent amount of money in my sales position but squandered it due to my lack of financial understanding. I was a poor leader at the company I worked for, burning many bridges by letting my imagined power get to my head.

While I had learned to control my problem with porn and masturbation, I didn’t have a good relationship with money or power. I had to develop an understanding of what positive demonstrations of these things looked like before I could build a healthy relationship with them like I had with sex.

So now I ask you, brother, how is your relationship with sex going? If it were perfect you wouldn’t be here reading this blog. You’re likely struggling to control your behavior and now realizing that its impact on your life is getting worse.

Or maybe you’re like me at the beginning where you have gained control over your sexual behavior but now you’re struggling with your spending habits or lashing out at your subordinates in the office. You have one part of the equation solved but there are still two more sides to the triangle that you need to even out.

But here’s the thing: eliminating your behavior with porn and masturbation removes a significant roadblock. Men who struggle with porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior cannot develop healthy relationships with money or power, either. Once you control the sexual part of the equation you free yourself up to control the other two aspects.

The skills of managing money, power, and sex are not innate for some men, brother, but the ability to learn them is out there. It’s up to you to take responsibility for learning how to build healthy relationships with these things for yourself.

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Are Porn Filters a Waste of Time?

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By Automation Agency Concierge

Are Porn Filters a Waste of Time?

Lots of porn addiction recovery programs and coaches stress the importance of porn filters.

They can be a helpful way to keep you off of and away from sites that you know will send you right back to relapsing. You can use them to block the websites you usually use to watch porn and are useful for some people.

On the other hand, porn filters are also easy to get around. There are so many sites that contain pornographic content that you couldn’t possibly filter all of them out. And I also see far too many men put the responsibility for their recovery on these filters. If the filter fails they blame it for their relapse instead of looking at their behavior.

Are porn filters reliable or are they a waste of time? Is placing that power into the hands of a computer program the right way to approach your reboot?

If you’re serious about ending your behavior with pornography, porn filters only act as a band-aid over the real problem. Most men in the Porn Reboot program are past the point where it’s about pornography; it’s about the rush of feel-good chemicals released by the entire process of their compulsive behavior.

Slapping a porn filter on your web browser isn’t a long-term solution. It may keep you away from porn for a few days or a few weeks but it’s not going to keep you away for months or years. Staying off of porn requires a shift in your entire mindset and lifestyle, not just a computer program that blocks you from “bad sites.”

If you truly want to control your out-of-control behavior, you’ll do the work it takes to overcome your problem. Things like NoFap and semen retention are the same type of approach. Sure, they solve the porn problem for a short period but they don’t address what your problem actually is. They won’t lead to any lasting change.

There’s nothing wrong with using a filter in the beginning stages of your reboot when you’re still learning to control your behavior. They can be a great tool to keep you away from those tempting sites. But they can’t be the first and last line of defense against your pornography addiction. If you have a serious porn problem then they will not make any long-term difference.

However, if you use them as part of a comprehensive approach to ending your behavior with porn and masturbation, then you’re using them for the right reasons. Porn filters aren’t a waste of time when you know they aren’t the true solution to your problem. If you’re going to install a porn filter and think that’s the end of things, then they’re not worth it for you.

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“OMG It’s So F*cking Hard to Quit Porn!”

Porn Addiction Problems / By Automation Agency Concierge

OMG It’s So F*cking Hard to Quit Porn!

I hear it all the time.

“Oh my God, J.K., it’s so hard to quit. The urges are overwhelming and won’t go away. The withdrawals are unbearable and it’s been like this for days.”

Here’s what I have to say to that, brother.

So what?

Yeah, it’s hard. I’m not going to make light of it. It’s not easy to quit porn. You’ve spent your entire life giving in to the urges every time they come up because you can’t handle sitting with the pain and discomfort it takes to overcome them.

It’s not just that way for you, brother. It’s difficult for everyone who struggles with porn addiction problems. The truth is, no one can make it any less hard. You can complain all you’d like but you’re only going to make it more difficult for yourself.

You can’t go through life without pain. It’s impossible. Difficult experiences are an inevitable part of the human condition. You can’t avoid them no matter what you do.

When you’re in the beginning stages of your reboot, the truth of this is impossible to hide from. You’re finally starting to realize that you’ve spent your entire life medicating with porn and masturbation. You don’t know how to handle challenges when they arise. You can’t sit with these feelings because you’ve never had the strength to do so before.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn.

That’s what the Porn Reboot system is here to do. It’s here to equip you with the tools you need to work through the discomfort. You become part of a group that understands exactly what you’re going through. We’re here to prop you up when you need it and support you during the tough times. But none of the support we offer can match the inner strength you’ll build using the system.

If you only focus on the difficulty you’re making things much harder than they need to be. Instead, focus on developing the skills that will help you overcome your porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. You’re going to build up the different areas of your life you’ve spent months and years neglecting.

Sure, it’s not an easy process. You may even slip up from time to time in the beginning. But instead of slipping and giving up, you’re surrounded by people who will encourage you to get right back on the path. You’ll feel encouraged by the brotherhood instead of beaten down by your behavior for the first time in your life.

When you throw yourself fully into rebooting, you stop thinking so much about how hard it is to quit porn. You have a new goal to focus on now. You’ll continue applying the right strategies, making changes to your environment, and learning how to manage your emotions. You begin to notice areas that are lacking and work on them without any external influence. And this will happen before you even realize it.

Again, I know it isn’t easy, brother. I never promised you it would be easy. Rebooting is a long, difficult process. The thing I can promise you, though, is that it’s worth it. Every difficult day, each challenge that comes up, all the things you get through, they’re going to be worth it in the end. When you look back and realize you overcame your porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior, the arduous journey will be worth every step it took.

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“Help! I’m Attracted To Other Women While Married!”

Porn Addiction Effect / By Automation Agency Concierge

One of our brothers brought a great question to the group recently.

“Part of my desire to look at porn has to do with the fact that I still want to have sex with other women even though I’m in a relationship. I act out to give me that experience without ‘cheating.’ How do I reframe this mindset to have the right perspective about having a healthy porn-free sex life?”

First of all, wanting to have sex with multiple women is natural. Whether that’s a “good” or “bad” thing depends on you, your values, and what you were raised to do. Plenty of men enjoy a fun, hookup-filled youth. They slept with many different women and made the most of it during the times they could.

Having these sexual experiences is crucial early on, before choosing to settle down with a partner. I think that we can all agree that being in a committed relationship does mean that having multiple partners is out of the question.

Some men choose to get married early and never have a hookup phase. They found a woman they love and care about but sacrificed the opportunity to have a range of sexual experiences. After a decade or two, though, I find that some of these men regret never giving themselves that chance.

This brother admits that part of the reason he views porn addiction problems is to keep him loyal to his partner. He suppresses the biological urge to sleep with a variety of women by watching things play out on a screen. While I think that’s an important realization to come to, it doesn’t work for men who deal with compulsive sexual behavior.

Committed relationships make our lives easier as civilized human beings. It relieves us of the time-consuming biological aspect of jealousy. This frees you up to focus on other important aspects of your life such as caring for your family and performing well at work. It also increases the vital sense of intimacy between you and your partner.

Pornography robs you of your ability to be intimate with your partner. Sure, you may have sex. You might even have a lot of sex. But sex doesn’t necessarily equate to intimacy. Watching hours and hours of porn caters to your most primal desires and strips away all intimacy, one of the most important aspects of human relationships.

Although it’s natural to want to sleep with many different women, you’ve decided to commit to the woman you’re in a relationship with. Millions of men over the years have found a way to be in committed relationships and remain monogamous which means you can do the same.

Feeling attraction for other women isn’t a reason to act out on your compulsive behavior. It’s not ran excuse to continue watching porn. You can’t justify the detrimental effects that your behavior has by saying it keeps you from stepping out on the relationship. There are plenty of more fulfilling ways to live your life that don’t involve cheating on your partner.

If this is something you’re actively struggling with, I invite you to join us in the FREE Porn Reboot Facebook group. There are tons of men in there who understand exactly what you’re going through and can likely share a story or two about their own experience. You’re anything but alone in this experience, brother. All you have to do is reach out for help.

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Understanding Beliefs: Empowerment and Growth

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By Automation Agency Concierge

Understanding Beliefs: Empowerment and Growth

I’ve spoken and written extensively about the importance of recognizing your limiting beliefs.

These are the things you tell yourself and that you fully believe, things like, “I am hopeless,” “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not worthy of love,” or “I’m never going to be able to fully recover from my porn addiction.”

A belief is a small idea that either enables you to do something or holds you back from doing something. They are the inner model you use to interact with the world around you. Your beliefs are the framework within which you operate.

Your beliefs determine where you go, the direction you move, and the pace at which you progress. They affect who you are, who you become, and how you bridge the gap between these spaces. If you want to progress in the world you need to continuously recognize, assess, and adjust these beliefs you carry.

What Limiting Beliefs Look Like

Three of the most common limiting beliefs I see in the men I work with are hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. These three beliefs are key reasons why men hold themselves back when they are trying to reboot.

Hopelessness is the belief that you cannot achieve whatever goal it is you have in mind. You don’t believe in yourself enough to trust that what you want to do is possible for you. On the other hand, when you believe in your skills and resources and trust that you’re capable of achieving your goals, you feel hopeful.

Helplessness is the idea that while you know something may be possible for someone else, you don’t believe it’s possible for you. You don’t trust that you have the skills or knowledge to accomplish what it is you want to do. But when you trust yourself and your abilities, you feel empowered.

Worthlessness is based on the idea that you aren’t good enough for or don’t deserve the things you want in life. If you believe you are worthless then you will not take the action necessary to make drastic changes. However, when you recognize your inherent worth as a person, you’ll find yourself willing to do what it takes to change your life.

How Beliefs Work

Think of your belief system as a massive filter for your attention. The beliefs you hold are the filter for everything that happens in your life. Your brain needs an easy way to interpret all the things going on around you and your belief system makes it easier to process.

Your mind always interprets any incoming information or feedback in a way that supports your existing beliefs. If you have limiting beliefs, your mind will pick up on things that further instill this negative view of yourself. But if you have empowering beliefs, your mind will find evidence that supports this more positive, useful frame of mind.

When you operate with limiting beliefs you’re going to overlook any evidence that suggests you’re a good person with positive traits. It’s easier to toss out feedback or information that doesn’t support your view of yourself as hopeless, helpless, worthless, or whatever other limiting beliefs you may have.

When you’re filled with empowering beliefs about yourself, you’re equipped with a much more effective filter. You not only accept the evidence that you’re a good person worthy of good things, but you’re also willing to recognize where you fall short and work on bettering yourself in those areas.

Limiting Beliefs in My Life

I have plenty of experience with limiting beliefs, especially before I learned to control my behavior with porn addiction problems and masturbation. For example, I would see someone doing well financially and it ran through my negative belief filtering system. I’d tell myself I couldn’t get where they were because I wasn’t as smart and couldn’t focus as well as they could.

This limiting belief held me back for years because I thought I didn’t have what it took to accomplish what these men had accomplished. I didn’t recognize my strengths because these negative beliefs kept me trapped. They left me incapable of taking the necessary steps to help myself and move forward.

It wasn’t until I began working with mentors who pointed out this negative filtration system I operated with. I remember one specific turning point when one of my mentors called me out and said:

“Hey, the reason you can’t accomplish what you want to do isn’t that you’re incapable, J.K., it’s because you have this inaccurate, harmful filter that everything passes through. When it comes to money, when it comes to willpower, when it comes to discipline, all these things pass through that filter that tells you you can’t do it. We need to get rid of it.”

It felt like someone finally handed me the keys to freedom that I spent years searching for. While I didn’t overcome all of my limiting beliefs at once, it set me on the right path that helped me work through them over time.

Why Beliefs Matter in Your Reboot

So why are beliefs important to men like you specifically? What makes it urgent and important to pay attention to your beliefs as you start the porn addiction recovery process?

Oftentimes men in the Porn Reboot system come in with limiting beliefs they’ve carried around for years. They never take time to question them, though. Instead, they push forward and drive themselves further into the ruts their negative belief system lands them in.

You’re going to have a hard time moving forward and making progress in your reboot if you never take time to recognize your limiting beliefs. You have heard the idea that beliefs can move mountains, right? The power of beliefs runs deep and you’ll be amazed at the things you can accomplish when you overcome your limiting beliefs.

When you come in with feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness, ending your out-of-control behavior will feel impossible. After trying and failing to control your behavior for years, these beliefs will be deeply ingrained in your mind. Until you challenge this negative filtration system, you’ll remain stuck in your prison of limiting beliefs.

Thankfully, the Porn Reboot program offers a solution to your limiting beliefs. We help you understand the precise thoughts holding you back and take action to overcome them. The Porn Reboot Facebook group is filled with men who were once held back by their limiting beliefs. These men now live beautiful, fulfilling, enriching lives free from the control of their porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior.

Still not sure whether you’re capable of overcoming your problem with porn and masturbation? Reach out in the group today – I guarantee you’ll find yourself surrounded by understanding, support, and guidance to get you out of your way.

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How to Have High Energy During Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

How to Have High Energy During Your Reboot

Maintaining a high level of energy is an important thing for men who are high performers.

You need consistent energy levels to accomplish everything you need to do during the day. When you’re new to your reboot, though, you might notice that you feel exhausted at times. Or maybe you’ve been more tired than usual since you started working on overcoming your porn addiction.

Over time, your compulsive sexual behavior robbed you of your ability to recover energy. So much of your mental capacity is consumed either by actively engaging with your behavior or by thinking about it. You eliminate any healthy tools you can use to recharge and instead rely only on the mediocre sleep you get each night.

Human beings aren’t designed to only expend energy and sleep. You’re supposed to have other things you use to recharge your system aside from sleep. But when you destroy your mind and body’s natural functions with compulsive sexual behavior, you often eliminate those techniques from your life.

Having high energy is a requirement for men who want to perform well. What are some ways you can start working on your energy levels during your reboot?

Increase Your Energy Capacity

Recharging your energy levels doesn’t happen only by sleeping 9 hours per night or taking a long vacation every few months. These are helpful ways to ensure you don’t crash in the long run but they’re far from being the only effective tools for increasing energy.

Increasing your energy capacity is one way to have high energy during your reboot. Energy levels are a lot like a muscle – they’ll atrophy if you don’t work on or make use of them for a long time. If you want to have high energy levels, you need to build your energy capacity.

Think about the way the gym works. You don’t start out benching three plates on your first day; you start by using the barbell alone and then increasing the weight week after week. The same goes for increasing your energy levels during your reboot. You need to put in the same level of effort that’s required at the gym.

Energy Levels and Reboot Capital

You’ve likely read about reboot capital here on the blog or heard me talk about it in videos or on the podcast before. Building reboot capital in different areas of your life is crucial if you want to quit porn and be successful. This helps you increase your energy levels, too.

The three main areas of reboot capital that help you raise your energy levels are mental, emotional, and spiritual capital. You need to work on each of these three areas if you want to increase your energy capacity during your reboot.

To increase your mental capital, you need to push yourself mentally every day. This could mean you study or work for an extra 30 minutes than you originally planned to. You might read another chapter of the book you’re reading instead of playing on your phone before bed.

To increase your emotional capital, you need to put yourself in situations that usually make you uncomfortable. Perhaps you have a vulnerable conversation with your spouse that you might have been opposed to in the past. Maybe that means you report a slip or relapse to the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot group instead of keeping it to yourself.

To increase your spiritual capital, you need to incorporate some new mindfulness practices into your life. You could start meditating for five minutes each day for a week and then increase the time with each successive week. You may want to return to the church you grew up in or find a new faith practice that works for you in the present day.

Building Your Energy Over Time

Each of these small mental changes encourages a shift and increase in your energy levels over time. The more you care for your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, the more you can tolerate throughout the days, weeks, months, and years.

Before your reboot, it may have felt almost impossible to function after having a poor night of sleep. As you increase your energy capacity, though, you’ll find it easier to function under less than ideal conditions.

Ultimately, brothers, you must be willing to endure short-term discomfort in your mental, emotional, and spiritual life if you want to build the strength you need to succeed. Success doesn’t come without hard work. But every temporary moment of pain that you sit through makes you stronger in the long run and gives you the energy required to perform well.

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Healthy Flirting vs. Dangerous Fantasizing

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Healthy Flirting vs. Dangerous Fantasizing

Today I want to write about a question from one of our brothers.

“Hey, J.K. I’ve been doing great so far with the Porn Reboot program but I want to know how to discern between healthy flirting and dangerous fantasizing. I’m currently talking to a bunch of women but not sure how to pursue things. Getting too sexual over text may cause me to relapse. Sometimes I’m not sure whether I’m leaning too far into the realm of my compulsive behavior or if it’s simply a genuine interest in a woman. How do I navigate those nuances?”

Do you ever find yourself in a situation similar to this? Are you concerned about where the line between healthy flirting and dangerous fantasizing lies? It might not be as complicated as you’re making it out to be, though.

Here’s the thing: I don’t see any nuances here.

This brother mentions that he’s talking to a bunch of women and worried about getting too sexual because of the risk of relapse. If flirting with women over text puts him in a situation that may lead to relapse, that should be a very clear boundary. He shouldn’t be texting sexually with women if he thinks it could result in a slip.

I want to point out two more important things in his question.

What is the purpose of flirting with a ton of women?

Why does flirting over text equate to things getting sexual?

Flirting with A Ton of Women

The first thing I recommend is getting clear about why he’s flirting with a lot of different women. I do want to mention that I see nothing wrong with having casual sexual partners. I went through a phase like that myself. I also think it’s risky to pursue relationships like this too early in your reboot, but there’s a place for it when you have more control over your behavior.

But it doesn’t sound like that’s what’s going on here. Our brother says he’s talking to a lot of women, not dating a lot of women. What is the purpose of talking with them? Is he trying to learn to become more intimate (the primary priority when rebooting) or is he only looking for sex?

Since he mentioned he’s worried about things getting too sexual I’m guessing that he’s looking for sex.

Again, it’s okay to have casual sex once you’ve rewired your brain. If you’re worried about relapsing because you’re flirting with someone, though, your brain probably hasn’t rewired yet. It might be a better idea for you to focus on building reboot capital in other areas for now instead of flirting with women.

Texting Getting Sexual

This brother also mentions his concerns about texting getting sexual. While texting doesn’t necessarily equate to things getting heated, that is something more common with flirting in today’s world. Sexting and sending explicit pictures have become the norm among men and women today.

This creates a problem for single men who struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior. You can’t conduct yourself like everyone else, brother. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing; learning to control your behavior should be your priority. This means that sexting, sending dick pics, and receiving naked pictures from women isn’t an option for you.

I’ve been in a relationship for 13 years and neither of us has ever sent an explicit picture to the other. I assure you it’s not because we’re conservative people but it’s because I set a hard boundary early on that it’s not something for me.

Even if you’ve been in a relationship with your partner for a long time, explicit texts are a slippery slope. Naked pictures and videos of your wife or your girlfriend still count as pornography. It doesn’t matter that you see her naked all the time; it’s the fact that it’s a digital image that gets you stimulated.

Texting isn’t inherently sexual but oftentimes it crosses the line into that today. If you can’t keep your text conversations conservative then you need to shift your priority to working on yourself some more.

Focus on Building Intimacy

Your porn use and compulsive sexual behavior destroyed your understanding of intimacy. Porn addiction effect is the furthest thing from intimate. It doesn’t portray the true nature of intimate sexual relations. Building intimacy is an important part of the Porn Reboot process and it won’t happen when you’re only focused on sleeping with women in the early stages.

It takes time, energy, and attention to build intimacy. It doesn’t come from a one-night stand. The more you spend time listening to the women you’re talking to and actually hearing what they say, you’ll build a stronger connection and a healthier relationship.

If you don’t feel like you’re able to build intimacy just yet, though, that’s okay. It comes with time and takes practice. You’ll learn to build these kinds of relationships the longer you stick with your porn addiction recovery. For now, spend some time with us in the free Facebook group and let us know what we can do to help.

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The Truth About Triggers

Porn Addiction Symptoms / By Automation Agency Concierge

The Truth About Triggers

There are three main approaches to traditional porn addiction recovery that I like to refer to as the “Big Three.”

They are the religious approach, the 12-step approach, and the therapeutic approach. Each of these works for different people based on personality, background, needs, and so on. However, they also tend to create obstacles where none should actually exist.

I have a hard time with the Big Three because each of them applies archaic and out-of-date methodologies to a very modern problem. For example, problems like alcoholism are relatively predictable. Alcohol has been the same substance for centuries. Flavors and brands may change but the substance itself remains the same.

On the other hand, porn addiction is a modern problem because it’s constantly evolving. What was mostly magazines and VHS tapes a few decades ago is now the most expansive library containing whatever you could possibly want to watch, anytime, anywhere. It’s not the same beast that it was 20 years ago, and it’ll be a completely different beast 20 years from now.

The way that high-speed on-demand pornography has rewired men’s brains is something else entirely. It creates changes that feel as though they’re permanent. Men watch their sexual preferences change as their pornography use progresses. They begin fantasizing about things they would have never imagined themselves attracted to before watching porn.

Applying one of the Big Three methodologies to your porn addiction recovery often neglects this reality. It uses old approaches that don’t take a comprehensive approach that’s required for your recovery. They focus more on porn use and less on the important tools you can use to overcome it.

For example, triggers are a hot topic in these traditional approaches. You’re taught to think that triggers are the main cause of your porn use and compulsive sexual behavior. There’s this belief that if you have a problem with pornography, you need to avoid any potential triggers that could lead you to relapse.

Leaning into this belief about triggers means that if you have a problem with pornography and see a scantily-clad woman that you’ll experience an uncontrollable urge and have no choice but to relapse. Do you realize how ridiculous that is?

I understand that triggers are a real thing and they do create a biochemical reaction that leads to arousal. Men experience a biological response when they see something sexual that falls within their arousal template. But the belief that you have no control once you’re triggered is absolutely unreasonable.

Accepting this belief means your life becomes a quest to avoid triggers. That’ll make you a wildly useless person, though, because triggers are inevitable. What are you going to do, shut yourself away in your house for the rest of your life?

You have a choice in how you respond to triggers. It might not feel like it at the beginning but you do. You lose control over that choice as you fall deeper into your pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. But you can regain that control if you use the right system and approach.

That’s exactly what the Porn Reboot program is designed to do. It’s built to help you build a solid foundation for recovery and then equips you with the tools and skills needed to maintain what you’ve built. It’s not a program that teaches you that you’re a victim to circumstances and need to spend your time avoiding triggers. It’s a program that empowers you with the ability to recognize that pornography isn’t something you want as part of your life.

I’ve seen it time and time again with men who use our system. Over time they realize that they prefer not to watch pornography. They build a life that is so fulfilling and preferable to the way they were living before that the idea of watching pornography or engaging in those old compulsive behaviors again is abhorrent.

Whether you believe it or not, brother, you have a choice when it comes to your porn addiction symptoms and compulsive sexual behavior. Sure, compulsive behavior with pornography, sex, and masturbation is real but your response to it is one hundred percent your choice. And regaining that choice is the most important thing you could possibly cultivate within our system.

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Be Mindful of the Therapist You Choose

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Be Mindful of the Therapist You Choose

A while back I posted a video about why some straight men watch gay or transgender porn.

It’s a common thing for men who start progressing in their porn addiction counseling use past the initial stages. But it creates a lot of confusion when men don’t understand why they’re watching what they’re watching. Until they learn more about porn addiction, some wonder whether they’re bisexual or gay.

I believe that most men who watch these genres of pornography aren’t bisexual or gay. Porn addiction is a progressive condition. This means that you need to seek increasingly intense or stimulating scenes over time to achieve the same effect. Gay and trans porn is oftentimes a part of this porn progression for many otherwise straight men.

A licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) commented on this video, though, with a different take. He said:

“I’m fully aware of and support your work, as well as the notion that pornography and other sexual behaviors are addictive. My theory based on my work, though, is that we live in a society where the majority of people are bisexual and a fringe number of people are either fully straight or fully gay. Many men who watch gay porn are likely part of this larger bisexual category.”

This worries me. I already have my opinions about men with porn addiction seeking help from most traditional therapists. The comment left by this LCSW on my video backs up my concerns and shows how misunderstood porn addiction still is.

Many therapists out there do not understand the concept of porn addiction. They see nothing wrong with men watching porn and masturbating daily. Sure, this might be fine for a normal man but men with porn addiction aren’t like other normal men.

It’s even more serious for men whose porn use progresses past “vanilla” porn. When they start looking for more provocative genres of pornography, insight from an uninformed therapist can be downright dangerous.

For example, some therapists (like the LCSW who commented on my post) will be quick to brand a man watching gay or trans porn as bi-curious at the very least. However, I’ve worked with hundreds of men who delved into these genres but are as straight as they come. Branding men who are already confused and vulnerable as their sexuality only complicates things further.

Professionally speaking, I’ll admit that every human being exists somewhere on the spectrum from straight to gay. I don’t believe that means the number of people who are either strictly straight or gay are the minority, though. Plenty of men can recognize the attractive aesthetics of another man without identifying as gay.

So, again, does watching gay porn make you gay? I’ve seen from my own experiences working with men addicted to pornography that this oftentimes isn’t the case. You need to cut pornography from your life and begin rebooting before you can make an honest appraisal of that, though.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with seeking therapy. There are hundreds of men in the Porn Reboot program who also see a therapist to work through issues outside my scope of expertise. But they spent time vetting the therapist they now work with and ensured it was a therapist who understands the severity of porn addiction and the directions it can progress.

Seeking help from a therapist who doesn’t understand porn addiction won’t be helpful. They’re more likely to focus on your attraction to men than your issues with porn. From my experience, you need to address your porn issues and let your confused sense of attraction sort itself out during your reboot.

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