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Navigating Abstinence for Christian Brothers

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Navigating Abstinence for Christian Brothers

Today’s post is for my Christian brothers.

While this is not a Christian system and nor am I a Christian, I do have a lot of Christian clients. I work with men who are ministers, monks, former monks, believers, and even pastors of megachurches. There are plenty of religious men who are part of the Porn Reboot group and I want to help these men today.

A brother asked,

“Hey J.K. I’m a Christian and I want to wait until marriage to have sex because I’m still a virgin and would like to save myself for my spouse. I also believe that masturbation is probably wrong. Is there anything different I should be doing if I plan to have absolute abstinence from all sexual contact before marriage?

“I’m also worried that my future spouse will have a lower sex drive than me. What is a good way to determine whether she and I will match in sex drive? How important is that overall, anyways? Thanks, brother.”

Again, while I am not a religious person and this is not a religious system, I fully support my Christian brothers. If you’re a Christian man who struggles with porn addiction problems, I understand what an overwhelming thing it can be. I hold no animosity or judgment for my Christian brothers and mean no disrespect to any religion here at Porn Reboot.

I want to break down this important question for you if these are some things you’re having a hard time with, too.

Is Masturbation Wrong?

This gentleman mentioned that masturbation is “probably” wrong. I hear that from a lot of my Christian and Muslim clients. They believe that masturbation is wrong but you can almost always hear the hesitation in their voice when they say this.

Here’s the thing, brother. You either believe in something or you don’t. You cannot believe that something is “probably” right or wrong. If you’re in this position, you “probably” don’t believe that’s the truth. Someone may have implied that it’s wrong, suggested that it’s temptation, or even explicitly told you that it’s wrong, but deep in your heart, you may not believe that.

At the same time, this half-belief creates a deep sense of guilt and shame. Once you’re addicted to porn and can’t control your sexual behavior, you’re left feeling like a sinner, like a weakling, like less of a man. You might believe that you’re going to hell for your actions.

In reality, though, you may not be as awful as you think. Your porn addiction might not be an addiction at all, either. You may be so conditioned by your religious beliefs to see yourself as a sick, compulsive, sexual person but realize after talking with us that your behavior isn’t as compulsive as you originally thought.

Sometimes we’ve even talked with Christian men who believed they had a problem when they showed up to the Porn Reboot group. After spending some time around the group, though, they realize their problem wasn’t as severe as they thought. They’re able to go about their lives with a newfound understanding of masturbation and come to terms with their natural, inherent, biological sexual drive.

Abstinence Before Marriage

Abstinence before marriage is a personal decision for every person. While I never recommend complete abstinence, nor is the Porn Reboot system based around it, I’ll never tell a man what he should do when it comes to his personal beliefs.

I have found that complete abstinence works for some men but not for others. We teach control over your sexual behavior and help you learn to manage your sexual urges. We also teach you how to accept yourself as a sexual being and that means we don’t recommend complete abstinence.

If abstinence is part of your religious convictions, though, you may want to leave these aspects of the Porn Reboot system aside. There’s nothing wrong with abstinence before marriage if that’s the path you choose to take but it will mean leaving behind some parts of the system that don’t align with your personal religious beliefs.

Sexual Repression

The biggest problem I notice among my Christian clients is the shift toward sexual repression. A lot of men who remain abstinent end up in the realm of sexual repression rather than rebooting. They believe that being free from porn and masturbation for a few years means they’ve successfully rebooted, but that might not be the case.

I hear from men with these porn-free years who find they still experience porn-induced erectile dysfunction. They haven’t acted out on their behaviors for years but still cannot achieve an erection naturally. Men who are in this position haven’t rebooted, they’ve only repressed themselves sexually.

While having sex isn’t a required part of the Porn Reboot system, we do require that you don’t repress yourself sexually. We need to find out what that looks like for you, especially if you’re choosing to remain completely abstinent until marriage. But when you fall into this space you’re still not fully rebooted and have some more work to do.

Differences in Sex Drive

This is a problem I hear often from men who choose to remain abstinent until marriage. The truth is, there’s no way for you to know what your future wife’s sex drive is like. You’ll never know until the two of you finally have sex.

At the same time, there’s also no way for you to know what your sex drive is really like either, especially at the start of your reboot. You are dealing with compulsive behavior. You do not know the difference between your actual sex drive and the urges you’re medicating with porn, masturbation, and sex.

You’ll only learn what your natural sex drive is as your brain rewires over time. Men who actively have sex during their reboot can learn about healthy sex sooner than men who choose to remain abstinent. You won’t have the opportunity to engage in any sexual behavior when you choose to remain abstinent, though, so you’ll miss out on finding out what your baseline sex drive is until you’re married.

Matching Sex Drives

The final part of our brother’s question asked whether matching sex drives is truly important. In my opinion, finding a partner whose sex drive matches yours is imperative. I think when you’re an individual who has successfully rebooted and wants to have a healthy sex life, your partner should want to have sex as frequently as you do.

Admittedly this is a deeper topic that I could expound upon in another post, the basics of it are the same. I do believe that partners should have similar sex drives otherwise this creates even more problems down the line. But if you choose to remain abstinent until marriage, you’ll never know whether you and your partner have matching sex drives until you get married.

Christians and Porn

Ultimately, brother, being a Christian and struggling with porn addiction recovery doesn’t make you a terrible person. I don’t believe it means that you’re going to hell or that you’re beyond saving. I know many Christian men who have overcome their compulsive sexual behavior and become incredible, stand-up members of society.

The choice to remain abstinent until marriage is yours alone. It’s not something that I recommend but I still know men who have been successful in their reboots while remaining abstinent. If you’re looking for some help with similar struggles, come check out the Porn Reboot Facebook group. You’re guaranteed to find another man who can share his experience with you and support you along the way, whatever you decide to do.

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Should You Trust Me?

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Should You Trust Me?

Today I want to respond to a concern that I receive from time to time.

I get it in responses on my YouTube videos, comments to the group, and even direct emails from time to time. It may be a question you’ve even thought to yourself before. I never want to assume no one else has this thought aside from those few who bring it up so today I want to address it.

The comment in question reads:

“How can we trust you when you take so much money upfront for your training? Is it a classic narcissistic trick to exploit vulnerable people and then blame them if they fail? I’m not trying to be negative or anything but it’s a genuine concern that I’ve had with you.”

Here’s the thing: you don’t have to trust me. You don’t have to trust anyone, honestly. Anyone who’s followed me for a significant amount of time knows that I say assume B.S. with everything. Second-guess all of it. Whether it’s a podcast, a YouTube video, or an email in your inbox, question anything you see until you know it’s proven to work.

Here’s the other thing: my entire system is free. It’s free on YouTube. It’s free on my podcast. It’s free here on the blog, too. I recently wrote an in-depth set of posts on the stages of the Porn Reboot system as an update to the set I wrote a few months ago.

Of course, these things aren’t tailored to your experience or personalized for you; it’s a general outline of how the Porn Reboot system works for any man who wants to use it. It’s the system I used to overcome my out-of-control behavior with porn and masturbation over a decade ago. Since then, I’ve worked with hundreds of men who used this same system to overcome their behavior, too.

You don’t have to join the Porn Reboot intensive group if you don’t want to. You’ll find none of my necessary content hidden behind a paywall. Everything you could need to overcome your porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior is available on my site, my YouTube channel, my podcast, and my free Facebook group. I don’t charge for any of it.

The system doesn’t change whether you’re in the free group or the Porn Reboot intensive group. The path to rebooting remains the same regardless of which avenue you choose to take. The stages of the Porn Reboot program don’t look any different once you become a paying member of the group.

The difference is that the Porn Reboot intensive is for men who want to take the extra step with their reboot. They want ongoing accountability, regular support calls, and access to an exclusive group of high-performing men working to control their out-of-control behavior.

They aren’t the trial rebooters who browse my free content but never truly apply these concepts and practices in their lives. The men in the intensive take themselves and their compulsive behavior seriously and back that intensity with their actions.

We deliver results to men whose behaviors cause them to lose much more than the fees we charge. From the relationships they destroy, the careers they tear apart, the business deals they lose out on, what they have to lose far outweighs the cost of the Porn Reboot program.

I have dozens of high-performing men who come to the program looking for help with little concern for what the cost may be. I work with CEOs on the edge of blowing massive business opportunities. I work with men in line for life-changing promotions that may miss it because of their out-of-control behavior. I work with fathers who are at risk of losing their families because of their behaviors.

Men in these situations think less about the cost of the program and more about the results it will get them. The things they have to lose are worth far more than the price tag attached to the Porn Reboot intensive group. Our program fees are a small price to pay compared to the things on the line for these men.

Here’s another way to look at it: you wouldn’t question why the doctor who treats your cancer charges what he does. Most extensive treatments and surgeries cost more than a person’s life savings. Hospitals charge enormous amounts to provide their services but you wouldn’t hesitate to pay them, you’d seek treatment and then figure it out.

Men who qualify for the porn addiction recovery intensive are looking to treat their porn addiction problems with the same sense of urgency that people with life-threatening illnesses have. They’ve reached a point where their out-of-control behavior is life-threatening in one way or another, whether in terms of their livelihood, their family, or their life itself.

I was at this point when I finally had enough. I knew that if I didn’t do something to get my behavior under control that I was going to destroy everything. I paid the price for a professional intervention because I had reached a place where I was almost gone beyond recall.

If you haven’t reached these types of depths in your porn addiction counseling then you’re a lucky man. There’s a chance you may reach it later on down the road if you don’t find a way to end your behavior. But you might not need to become a member of the Porn Reboot intensive to do that.

Plenty of Porn Reboot brothers never become paying members in the intensive and still overcome their behavior. They use the content I provide for free and do the work without making excuses. They’re the same type of determined men who join the group but didn’t join for one reason or another, yet they still learned to control their behavior with the Porn Reboot system.

So no, I don’t think you need to trust me. I think if you’re even asking yourself that question then the Porn Reboot intensive isn’t for you. I’ve shared plenty of success stories on my YouTube channel and within the Facebook group for you to know that it works. If you don’t think it’s worth the cost, though, then the Porn Reboot intensive group isn’t right for you.

Still, I welcome you to read some more blog posts, listen to the podcast, watch some videos, and join us in the free Facebook group. Even if you don’t trust me I’d love for you to see what Porn Reboot is all about. I want to help men just like you whether you’re paying me or not. Because helping men get their lives back is where I find my true success and purpose.

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Impostor Syndrome and Porn Addiction

Porn Addiction Symptoms / By Automation Agency Concierge

Impostor Syndrome and Porn Addiction

I have a confession to make.

After working with men battling porn addiction symptoms for some time, I reached a point where I started working with individuals who are quite successful. I came into contact with a lot of men who had achieved quite a bit in their lives and because of my experience in the sales organization I worked for, I knew how to work with these men.

When I transitioned into coaching full-time and started working one-on-one with clients operating at a high level in their professional lives, it became a balancing act of managing expectations and judgments that come with the territory. Some elite clientele such as CEOs of large companies, pastors of megachurches, and celebrities can put exhausting demands on you.

I’ve always loved the challenge of working with these individuals. I love helping them through their unique situations and challenges because of their particular positions. At the same time, it doesn’t stop me from experiencing impostor syndrome from time to time. I look at the complete loser I was during my early twenties and wonder how it is I arrived where I am today.

Something I’ve noticed while working with my high-level clients, though, is that they feel the same way. They feel like impostors in their realm of work. They believe at times they aren’t smart enough, are insufficient, are lacking, and that they aren’t worthy of their success, too.

It’s difficult for men who either actively live with or who have overcome a porn addiction symptoms to let go of who they used to be and step into the man they can become or have become. This results in men feeling like frauds even long after they’ve overcome their compulsive sexual behavior and pornography addiction. Does this sound like you?

One way men compensate for feeling like impostors is by striving for perfection. They shift their energy into chasing perfectionism in hopes that they will paint over their past imperfections. While this may seem like a logical solution it only makes things worse. Perfectionism is a false ideal. It’s elusive. It’s impossible to achieve because it doesn’t exist.

Trying to outrun impostor syndrome through avenues like perfectionism slaps a temporary solution over the underlying problem. There’s still the little voice in your head that tells you you’re a fake, you’re a fraud, you aren’t good enough, you’re going to relapse, and you’re going to let yourself and everyone you love down.

There are more effective ways to confront and keep your impostor syndrome at bay. The two methods I use most in my own life are mindfulness and emotional behavioral therapy. Like I admitted earlier, I still deal with impostor syndrome from time to time but the feelings are much less intense today than they were when I first started.

If mindfulness and emotional behavioral therapy sound too “woo-woo” for you you can use other approaches. Write out your thoughts and behaviors regarding your impostor syndrome on paper and honestly ask yourself whether the beliefs you hold are rational or irrational. Are you holding yourself to an unrealistic standard or expecting too much from yourself?

Incorporating practices like these alongside your work in the Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot system will slowly erode your impostor syndrome over time. Sure, it may creep back in occasionally but you’ll develop the tools and skills you need to keep that voice quiet more often than not. If I can do it, brother, so can you. And the silence that comes as a result of the work is deeply rewarding.

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A Simple Trick to Overcome Reboot Apathy

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

A Simple Trick to Overcome Reboot Apathy

Do you ever feel apathetic during your reboot?

Apathy is something a lot of men run into while working through their porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. It’s frustrating when it happens because we know the pain that brought us to reboot. We understand the serious impact that our porn addiction counseling had and still has, yet we often reach a point where we don’t give a damn about our reboot.

I want to reassure you that apathy is a very normal part of the process. If you’re at this point you’re not alone. In fact, if a man doesn’t experience feelings of apathy during the reboot process then something is wrong.

A recent question from one of our brothers summed this up perfectly:

“After doing the feelings exercise for a solid while, I’ve observed that a strong emotion I encounter which tends to lead to a slip or an unproductive day is apathy. It’s a very constant factor where I don’t feel like doing anything because it seems like nothing matters.

“Does anyone have any advice on how I can work on dealing with this? How can I snap myself out of the pit of apathy that I tend to fall into now?”

I’ve found that apathy begins the moment you run into a challenge, especially when you realize it might take a while to overcome it.

What are some things you feel apathetic about? Are they things that you don’t actually care about? If you’re honest with yourself, they’re usually things you care a lot about but it’s going to take time and effort to accomplish or work through them.

In reality, apathy is often an avoidance mechanism. This is exactly why apathy is a common part of the reboot process. When you get to the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program and realize how much work it takes to implement the system, apathy kicks in and you try to convince yourself that you don’t really care.

Overcoming apathy is an important part of the reboot process. You need to trust that these feelings are normal and that they will pass so you don’t give in and relapse as a result.

The first step to overcoming apathy is learning to recognize your apathetic thoughts. Maybe you tell yourself that you don’t have enough willpower to be successful with your reboot. It might be the belief that you’ll never control your urges. Perhaps you think you couldn’t possibly do this every day for the rest of your life.

Next, you need to understand that any time you tell yourself you can’t do something you’re really saying that you won’t do it. It’s not can’t, it’s won’t. It’s a refusal to do the things that you know will take work because putting in the effort sounds exhausting.

You always have a choice. Let’s say you need to wake up earlier in the morning to have enough time for your morning routine. Although you’re perfectly capable of waking up early, you probably don’t want to because you already have a set way of doing things. Maybe it’s the journaling or writing exercises that you object to. You don’t want to write for any assignments because it’s not a pleasurable, dopamine-inducing activity.

But if you want to be successful in your reboot, you need to change every aspect of your life.

I’ll never lie to you and tell you that rebooting is easy but I will tell you that the result is worth it. Pushing through the feelings of apathy and doing things you don’t want to do will make you unrecognizable over the coming months.

Remember – you don’t feel apathetic towards something you truly care about. Apathy arises when you’re resistant to doing the work it takes to get there. While apathy is a normal part of rebooting, overcoming those feelings is also a critical part of the process.

You’re not alone in dealing with feelings of apathy. Every man in the Porn Reboot program deals with them at one time or another. You may overcome them now and then have to deal with them again in the future. So long as you’re willing to do the work it takes to move through the apathy, though, you’re still on the right track.

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Evolving Through Self-Awareness

Porn Addiction Problems / By Automation Agency Concierge

Evolving Through Self-Awareness

Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the level of consciousness that created it.”

This quote resonates so deeply with me because it applies directly to compulsive behavior with porn and masturbation. You must evolve your consciousness to free yourself from the shackles of your sexual behavior. You have to move beyond where you are currently to become an expert at yourself if you want to change.

I recently discovered just how effective meditation is for letting go of my deepest attachments, beliefs, and fears. Right now I’m meditating two hours a day to harness the power of that clarity so I can seek relief. I’m not exaggerating, either – I literally sit down for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening to go deep within myself.

Meditation is the practice that helps me remove barriers standing in my way of becoming an expert at myself. It’s how I cultivate the self-awareness necessary to continue moving upward in life. This in turn gives me the tools to teach you and the rest of the brothers in the program how to remove barriers standing in your way, too.

The problem with most men is that they don’t want to become self-aware. They’re too attached to their current life to evolve. They still want to do things like binge-watch YouTube, scroll Facebook endlessly, or listen to mindless podcasts. They’re not interested in the work and dedication it takes to create deep, lasting change.

This may be the case for you, too. Maybe you’re getting little dopamine hits from Reddit and Twitter. You might prefer going to bed late and eating junk food all the time. Perhaps you consume too much mainstream news and find yourself stuck in a cynical mindset throughout the day.

This also means you’re attached to doubts, irrational beliefs in your willpower, pride, fear of being judged, and ultimately your weakness. Yet you take the easy route time and time, wondering why you’re stuck in this rut of negativity and unable to make any lasting changes.

Freedom from this behavior isn’t gained by visiting a therapist’s office for an hour each week. It’s not found by posting in a Facebook group or Reddit thread. You can’t discover it by sharing with a 12-step group week after week or escaping through fitness or nutrition.

The only way to find freedom from these inner beliefs is through cultivating self-awareness. Self-awareness is the key to your escape from limiting beliefs and, ultimately, your porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior.

So what’ll it be, brother? Are you going to do the work to become self-aware and obtain porn addiction recovery or remain in your prison of mindlessness?

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Accepting the Positive Parts of Your Porn Addiction

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Accepting the Positive Parts of Your Porn Addiction

It’s not difficult to understand why addiction is a bad thing.

I’m guessing that you didn’t arrive at the porn addiction recovery program because your life was going great. It doesn’t matter whether you’re addicted to porn or alcohol or cigarettes, addiction in any form is detrimental to your wellbeing.

Pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior have the power to destroy your life. They deteriorate your mind, shatter your relationships, break down your career, and more. You don’t have to look very far to see the negative effects of pornography. The same goes for any other addiction you may struggle with.

However, you can’t overcome the porn addiction effects by only looking at the negative aspects. You must also recognize that there are some positive aspects to your porn addiction. I know this might sound crazy, especially coming from a guy who has dedicated his life to helping men end their compulsive problems with porn but stick with me.

Most men who struggle with pornography addiction started watching porn when they were younger, usually during their teenage years. I know that was the case for me. Pornography became my go-to coping strategy to deal with the difficult emotions of adolescence. It helped me handle stress. It provided me comfort when things felt out of control.

Porn also taught me about sex, albeit in a wrong way, but it helped me understand what sex was. It also allowed me to learn about myself sexually during those formative adolescent years when puberty raged. Porn provided me with all these seemingly wonderful things when I was younger. Looking back, I can accept that some positive things came from it.

After a while, though, my pornography use far outlasted its usefulness. It began causing much more harm than good. Once I crossed over that line there were no more positives left for me. But that doesn’t negate the fact that it was useful at a certain point in my life.

Your brain doesn’t get addicted to something because it likes being addicted to things that aren’t good for it. You didn’t start using porn with the intent to develop a crippling pornography addiction. Your brain enjoyed viewing pornography because there was a positive benefit to using it at one point in your life.

It’s important to acknowledge this positive part of your pornography use if you want to overcome your out-of-control behavior. Understanding why you crave pornography is a key to overcoming it. When you only view your use as a horrible, awful, negative thing, it further instills feelings of guilt and shame that keep you trapped in the porn addiction cycle.

You can’t force yourself to overcome your out-of-control behavior by muscling your way through it with willpower. The brain doesn’t work that way. Trying to bully yourself into quitting pornography and masturbation means you’re fighting against your biology. If there’s one surefire way to fail, fighting your biology is the way to do it.

Instead of trying to force yourself into changing you must work with your brain instead. Too many men overlook this approach because it’s not easy to understand. Learning about the biochemistry and neurochemistry involved in pornography addiction isn’t simple at first but it’s crucial for building a solid foundation in your reboot.

There are biological positives and negatives to your porn use and masturbation. Denying this fact will only delay your healing. Once you’re willing to accept this truth, though, you can begin moving forward. You’re taking another step toward working with your brain instead of against it.

Recognizing the positive aspects of your porn addiction problems and the way it helped you make it to this point in your life is not a bad thing. It’s what you do with that understanding that counts. If you decide to stop there and continue acting out, you’re selling yourself short. But if you take that understanding and use it to your advantage, you will continue on the path to a successful reboot.

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Building Social Reboot Capital: Strengthening Connections

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Building Social Reboot Capital: Strengthening Connections

We’re in the middle of a small series on the concept of reboot capital. Just like a business needs capital to grow, your reboot needs capital to be positive and productive. There are five areas of your life where you need to build up reboot capital:

Spiritual
Mental
Emotional
Physical
Social

Next up in our reboot capital series, brothers, is social reboot capital. Social reboot capital consists of activities that promote wellness within your interpersonal relationships. This includes your family, your friends, and your colleagues.

Human beings are social creatures and naturally seek the comfort and support of healthy relationships with others. However, as men who struggle with out-of-control behavior with porn addiction problems and masturbation, most of us do not have healthy relationships. We isolated ourselves because of the shame and guilt we felt.

When we did have to spend time with others, more often than not we were irritated. Being around people took time away from what we really wanted to be doing: acting out. It drives a gap between us and those around us, making us more frustrating and difficult to be around.

A pivotal part of the reboot process involves learning to reintegrate with people. Building social reboot capital means building caring relationships with others while engaging in positive social interactions and behaviors.

I remember early in my reboot realizing that, while the friends I had around me were good people, they lived a lifestyle that could have easily led to me slipping. They went out to the bars every weekend, occasionally smoked weed, and were an overall party-oriented crowd. There’s nothing wrong with living life this way for normal people but you and I are far from normal, brother. We can’t balance that kind of lifestyle with a successful reboot.

Take stock of your friend group and consider how you all spend time together. What is the focus during your interactions? Where do you guys go? What is the driving force behind these relationships? Is there substance to them or is it all surface level with no depth?

Building social reboot capital requires looking at these things. Men who are successful in the porn addiction recovery Reboot Program consider every aspect of their lives. Consider whether your friends are helping you move toward the kind of man you want to be or further from it. Does spending time with them support your reboot practices or make them more difficult to follow through on?

If you find your friendships don’t strengthen your life in any way, it may be time to take a step back from some of them. I had to recognize which friendships were building me up and which were bringing me down. It doesn’t mean you have to cut out every single one of your friends but it does mean you need to expand your friend group.

The thought of spending time with new people triggers a lot of anxiety in many men, though. You’ve spent so many years isolating yourself from people around you and trying to scrape by with the relationships you already have. You likely feel some social anxiety whenever you do get out of the house and into social situations.

Addressing and working through this social anxiety is the first part of building social reboot capital. You can’t find new friends if you struggle to spend any time outside of your comfort zone. Overcoming social anxiety takes work but it is possible. And I say this as an introvert, brother!

Joining a class, group, or club is a great way to face your social anxiety head-on and begin building reboot capital. Join a small gym instead of a large box one, look for a hiking group in your area, or consider taking a class at the local community college. These will all surround you with people who share similar interests and give you something in common right away.

I chose to join a dance class when I first started building my social reboot capital. I know, can you believe that? I’m not a dancer, per se, but had a friend who invited me to check out a swing dancing class. I never would have checked it out on my own but because that friend invited me to go I was willing to try it.

He ended up not showing for the class and I remember feeling so uncomfortable and awkward at first. I felt silly for joining in and berated myself for even considering such a ridiculous thing. But by the end of it, believe it or not, I had a great time. I danced with a few girls as we learned and rotated partners which was more female interaction than I’d had in over two years.

Getting out and joining a group is a far cry from living in front of a computer screen the majority of your day. It brings you into the real world, encourages you to interact with real people, and teaches you real skills in the process. I believe participating in groups, classes, and clubs is by far the most effective way to build social reboot capital in the beginning.

As you build confidence through your activity of choice, expand your social practice into other areas of your social life. Once you become comfortable in the class, invite some of the people to hang out outside of the group. Go out to dinner, watch a movie, check out a museum. This builds more social reboot capital and allows you to engage outside of the structured environment.

Family is the most challenging part of building social reboot capital. Family members know which buttons to press and how to frustrate us the most. You may think the things they say don’t bother you too much but oftentimes they pick at our deepest insecurities.

If your family is particularly difficult to interact with, I recommend keeping them at a comfortable distance until you develop more reboot capital. As you learn to reconnect with others, redevelop your sense of self, and maintain boundaries, you can let your family further into your life.

In the meantime, lean into brothers in the Porn Reboot group. Talk with men who have similar difficulties. Connecting with them keeps you from feeling alone in your struggles. Building relationships with your Porn Reboot brothers solidifies your social reboot capital, too. Join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group and find someone to connect with if you need it!

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Does Having a Hobby Help Your Reboot?

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By Automation Agency Concierge

Does Having a Hobby Help Your Reboot?

Today I’m bringing you another question from a brother in the group. He said:

“Hey, J.K., as I continue to improve for my reboot, I notice that I go about my days doing work, studying for certifications, and looking for entertainment options, but I realized that I don’t have a consistent, fulfilling hobby that I’m good at.

Sometimes I think I’m not good at anything or that I can’t do anything special. I know you’ve talked about having a purpose as being a luxury, but what is your take on how to discover hobbies or interests? Is it better to focus on controlling my behavior and sticking with things that feel boring or mundane for the time being? Or do you recommend seeking out hobbies?”

If you’re struggling with an out-of-control sexual behavior or porn addiction, chances are some parts of your life are suffering. Maybe your marriage is failing, your career is backsliding, or your friendships are nonexistent. There are at least one or two things that drove you to finally address your compulsive behavior.

This means your reboot should consume most of your attention, time, and energy. Managing your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation must take the front seat if you truly want to change your life. You can’t address these difficulties in your life if you don’t dedicate yourself to fixing the thing that’s causing them.

At the same time, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have any fun, either. The Porn Reboot system is a structured approach to controlling your behavior but it doesn’t mean that you have to live a miserable life after learning how to stop porn addiction. If life were boring and unfulfilling without porn, men would never be able to leave their compulsive behaviors behind.

You can find endless amounts of excitement and fulfillment in a porn-free life. It’s not a dull, unbearable way to go through life. In fact, cutting porn out of your life allows you to reconnect and re-engage with life in a way you haven’t been able to for years.

I fully support you going out and finding hobbies you enjoy. Although your reboot always needs to come first, there is plenty of time in your day outside of your reboot routine and activities that you can fill with interests and hobbies.

I’m sure you have some things you enjoyed before you sunk into an ever-worsening cycle of porn addiction. You had hobbies as a teenager or young adult that you enjoyed. Start by getting back into some of these things. Join an adult sports league in your community or find a local meetup for outdoor activities you loved in the past.

If you can’t think of any past hobbies you enjoyed, use your spare time as an opportunity to explore all the possibilities available to you. Think of things you always considered trying but never found the time to get around to doing. Maybe you’ve wanted to run a Spartan race, try your hand at an open mic, or take cooking classes at a local community college. You have the freedom to try these things today – make use of it!

I believe having a hobby helps immensely during the reboot process. When you quit using porn and masturbating multiple times throughout the day you’ll find that there’s likely a lot of time to fill. Your addiction consumed much of your days, nights, weeks, and months; take that time back and use it to your advantage now.

If you need some ideas for hobbies to try out or to share your hobbies with some of the porn addiction recovery brothers, check out our free Facebook group. Let us know what you’ve been doing with all your spare time and find some brothers who share the same interests and hobbies. Or maybe you’ll find an activity you never thought of trying before. Come and join us today!

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The Forgotten Skill of Forgiveness

Porn Addiction Problems / By Automation Agency Concierge

The Forgotten Skill of Forgiveness

What do you think of when you hear the word forgiveness?

It may call to mind the religion of your childhood. Maybe you think of a resentment you’re trying to let go of and working on forgiving someone in your life. Or you might think of the need for forgiveness in your own life from people who were harmed by your behavior.

I believe forgiveness is a forgotten skill. It empowers you to overcome some of the things that hold you back most in your reboot. Hanging onto anger keeps you a prisoner of your emotions. Learning to forgive provides the freedom you’ve looked for in many different avenues up to this point.

Are you harboring a grudge over certain things that were said or done in the past? It’s difficult to reach the later stages of your porn addiction recovery if you won’t let go of past harms done. However, you likely aren’t sure how to get to a point where you can release them. That’s why I consider forgiveness to be a forgotten skill.

Take a moment to recall some of the worst times of your life with your out-of-control sexual behavior. You’re probably like me in that I said and did many things that caused lots of harm to others. My words and actions resulted in physical, emotional, financial, and psychological damage. I destroyed lots of relationships because porn addiction problems and masturbation were more important than anything else. Sometimes today I still cringe at the terrible things I did in my past and the hurt I caused others.

I also found that I was holding a lot of grudges when I first ended my behavior with porn and masturbation. I was so angry at other people for the way they treated me, despite the awful things I had done as well. That didn’t stop me from feeling angry for being mistreated and taken advantage of in different situations.

Safe to say I had a lot of baggage when I finally decided to control my out-of-control behavior. Forgiveness was the last thing on my mind. But I had to release some of the weight of all I was carrying because it was too painful to carry on. It wasn’t until later that I realized letting go of some of that weight was the first step to forgiveness.

Religious leaders will have you believing that forgiveness begins with others. You need to turn the other cheek and not hold grudges for what was done to you. While these are useful skills to develop, they’re likely to feel impossible when you first begin the reboot process. You can commence at a simpler level when learning to forgive.

Forgiveness begins with you. It starts with forgiving yourself for the harmful behavior you’ve engaged in for so many years. Learning to forgive yourself frees you from the heavy load of guilt and shame that you’ve carried around for so long. As you truly embrace forgiveness for yourself, you’ll find lightness in the world that you never imagined possible.

Once you’re able to forgive yourself you can then extend forgiveness to others. Consider those you carried grudges against or felt resentment towards. Call each grudge or resentment to mind and consider whether it’s worth continuing to carry or if it’s time to forgive and move forward.

Something many people mistake about forgiveness is that it’s for the other person. They believe they need to forgive someone for that person’s sake. But forgiveness is for you, not for others. Forgiveness is a process that frees you from the mental strain and burden caused by carrying all that anger, frustration, and bitterness around.

Once you forgive someone you no longer allow them or their behavior to weigh you down. Those resentments you’ve carried for years play a significant role in what holds you back from success and happiness.

At the same time, this doesn’t absolve you of responsibility for the harm you caused. While forgiveness is for the person doing the forgiving, it doesn’t mean you get away with doing what you did. You still must acknowledge your wrongdoings and make restitution where you can. A simple “sorry” will not do, either. You’ve made apologies for years. It’s time to make genuine amends for the ways you’ve harmed others.

Once you can forgive yourself, though, facing the people you hurt becomes more tolerable. You know that you’re no longer the same person and can stand firm in your newfound convictions. As you continue to work on yourself, forgiveness will remain a constant and important part of maintaining emotional balance and wellbeing in your reboot.

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Elevate Your Reboot: Mastering Physical Reboot Capital

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Elevate Your Reboot: Mastering Physical Reboot Capital

Today is the final day of our small series on the concept of reboot capital. Just like a business needs capital to grow, your reboot needs capital to be positive and productive. There are five areas of your life where you need to build up reboot capital:

Spiritual
Mental
Emotional
Physical
Social

The final part of our reboot capital series is about physical reboot capital. Physical reboot capital refers to your brain and your body. Spending years trapped in a cycle of porn addiction takes an incredible toll on your physical wellbeing. Exercise, nutrition, and sleep often fall to the wayside in favor of acting out in your behaviors.

When you first arrive at the Porn Reboot program, your biological functioning is worn out. It’s no wonder you feel awful when you first decide to quit your compulsive behaviors. You’ve overloaded your brain with dopamine and deprived your body of the things it needs to perform well. You need a massive physical overhaul. This is where building physical reboot capital becomes a necessity.

Exercise

The first step to optimizing your physical well-being by building reboot capital is through physical activity. Moving your body is a vital part of your physical and mental health. In the beginning, you should aim for 30 minutes of moderate exercise per day. The type of exercise doesn’t matter as much as the simple act of movement. Some ways to get started include:

Walking
Running
Weightlifting
Swimming
Yoga
Hiking

You might not be interested in physical activity, brother, but it’s crucial for your porn addiction recovery – Reboot Program. It’s a very serious priority in my life. Exercise enhances your brain and body’s abilities. It improves functioning, increases focus, decreases negative emotions, and more. Remember, you’re rewiring your brain. Physical exercise is the perfect way to naturally kick-start the process.

Once you build the habit of exercising for 30 minutes each day, start increasing the amount of time. Change up the forms of exercise you incorporate. I prefer weightlifting and some endurance exercises. You might find you enjoy other forms of movement. Whatever your preferences are, though, get yourself moving.

Nutrition

The next part of building physical reboot capital is nutrition. You’ve probably heard the phrase “food is fuel” before and it’s true. The foods you eat have a direct impact on how well you perform. Junk food destroys your capabilities. Whole foods empower you to function optimally.

When porn, sex, and masturbation consume all your time and energy you’re likely seriously neglecting your nutrition. You probably aren’t making home-cooked meals or paying attention to the composition of your food. Instead, you’re probably grabbing some fast food or neglecting to eat much at all because you’re distracted and busy.

You may also struggle with mindless, emotional, or boredom eating. Many people turn to food for comfort for a variety of reasons. If you find yourself eating for any of these reasons, you need to reconsider your eating habits and relationship with food, too.

Building physical reboot capital in regards to nutrition starts with learning the basics about food. Do you know what you’re putting into your body? Find out what macronutrients are, the basic building blocks of food. Start learning about the differences between whole foods and processed foods. The more you understand about the foods you eat the more informed your choices will be.

Once you have a basic understanding of nutrition, start rebuilding your diet. While there’s nothing wrong with going out to eat now and then, it shouldn’t be your primary source of nutrition. Instead, base your diet around healthy, whole foods like meat, fish, vegetables, fruit, oats, eggs, rice, potatoes, and beans. Make sure you eat enough protein every day. Don’t neglect the necessity of beneficial carbs. Keep fats in your diet because they’re important.

It won’t take long for you to notice how much of an impact a healthy diet has. You’ll sleep better, it’s easier to concentrate, your exercise performance skyrockets, and you’ll wonder how you ever got by on a poor diet before. Your mindset shifts entirely when you begin to focus on what you use to fuel your body!

Alcohol, Nicotine, and Drugs

Alcohol, nicotine, and drugs are substances that often accompany a porn- and sex-addicted lifestyle. These things help you numb yourself to the reality of your condition and keep you from thinking about where your life has ended up. Reconsidering your relationship with substances is another way to build physical reboot capital.

While you may or may not suffer with a substance abuse problem, cutting back on or eliminating alcohol, nicotine, and drugs is a good idea at the start of your reboot. Many men find they’re more likely to slip or relapse while they’re under the influence. Their inhibitions are lowered and they’re far more willing to do things they may not do while sober.

Also, substance abuse problems aside, alcohol, nicotine, and drugs truly add nothing to your life. Sure, it’s fun to have a beer with your friends while watching the game or to head out for drinks after a long day at the office. But when you consider everything else that follows, is it really worth it?

All these substances wreak havoc on your physical and mental wellbeing, especially when done in excess. If you find you have little control of your substance intake it may be best to leave them behind during the start of your reboot.

Building Reboot Capital

We’ve reached the end of our reboot capital series. Hopefully, it gave you a deeper understanding of the importance of building reboot capital and some ideas for getting started. I now recommend joining our free Facebook group if you haven’t already. Connect with some brothers who seek help in our porn addiction counseling sessions and talk about which areas you’re actively working on. If you’re struggling in a specific area you’ll find a brother who can help you through it.

No matter where you’re at in your reboot you never have to go through the process alone. There are so many brothers available to help you in the areas you have a hard time with. You can also find some strength and purpose in helping another brother who’s experiencing difficulty in an area you’re strong in.

Finding freedom from your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is only the beginning. The Porn Reboot program helps you build a life far beyond what you ever imagined possible. Building reboot capital is an important part of that process. You’re capable of so much more than you realize, brother, and you’re well on the way to discovering it.

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