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Elevate Your Reboot: Mastering Physical Reboot Capital

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Elevate Your Reboot: Mastering Physical Reboot Capital

Today is the final day of our small series on the concept of reboot capital. Just like a business needs capital to grow, your reboot needs capital to be positive and productive. There are five areas of your life where you need to build up reboot capital:

Spiritual
Mental
Emotional
Physical
Social

The final part of our reboot capital series is about physical reboot capital. Physical reboot capital refers to your brain and your body. Spending years trapped in a cycle of porn addiction takes an incredible toll on your physical wellbeing. Exercise, nutrition, and sleep often fall to the wayside in favor of acting out in your behaviors.

When you first arrive at the Porn Reboot program, your biological functioning is worn out. It’s no wonder you feel awful when you first decide to quit your compulsive behaviors. You’ve overloaded your brain with dopamine and deprived your body of the things it needs to perform well. You need a massive physical overhaul. This is where building physical reboot capital becomes a necessity.

Exercise

The first step to optimizing your physical well-being by building reboot capital is through physical activity. Moving your body is a vital part of your physical and mental health. In the beginning, you should aim for 30 minutes of moderate exercise per day. The type of exercise doesn’t matter as much as the simple act of movement. Some ways to get started include:

Walking
Running
Weightlifting
Swimming
Yoga
Hiking

You might not be interested in physical activity, brother, but it’s crucial for your porn addiction recovery – Reboot Program. It’s a very serious priority in my life. Exercise enhances your brain and body’s abilities. It improves functioning, increases focus, decreases negative emotions, and more. Remember, you’re rewiring your brain. Physical exercise is the perfect way to naturally kick-start the process.

Once you build the habit of exercising for 30 minutes each day, start increasing the amount of time. Change up the forms of exercise you incorporate. I prefer weightlifting and some endurance exercises. You might find you enjoy other forms of movement. Whatever your preferences are, though, get yourself moving.

Nutrition

The next part of building physical reboot capital is nutrition. You’ve probably heard the phrase “food is fuel” before and it’s true. The foods you eat have a direct impact on how well you perform. Junk food destroys your capabilities. Whole foods empower you to function optimally.

When porn, sex, and masturbation consume all your time and energy you’re likely seriously neglecting your nutrition. You probably aren’t making home-cooked meals or paying attention to the composition of your food. Instead, you’re probably grabbing some fast food or neglecting to eat much at all because you’re distracted and busy.

You may also struggle with mindless, emotional, or boredom eating. Many people turn to food for comfort for a variety of reasons. If you find yourself eating for any of these reasons, you need to reconsider your eating habits and relationship with food, too.

Building physical reboot capital in regards to nutrition starts with learning the basics about food. Do you know what you’re putting into your body? Find out what macronutrients are, the basic building blocks of food. Start learning about the differences between whole foods and processed foods. The more you understand about the foods you eat the more informed your choices will be.

Once you have a basic understanding of nutrition, start rebuilding your diet. While there’s nothing wrong with going out to eat now and then, it shouldn’t be your primary source of nutrition. Instead, base your diet around healthy, whole foods like meat, fish, vegetables, fruit, oats, eggs, rice, potatoes, and beans. Make sure you eat enough protein every day. Don’t neglect the necessity of beneficial carbs. Keep fats in your diet because they’re important.

It won’t take long for you to notice how much of an impact a healthy diet has. You’ll sleep better, it’s easier to concentrate, your exercise performance skyrockets, and you’ll wonder how you ever got by on a poor diet before. Your mindset shifts entirely when you begin to focus on what you use to fuel your body!

Alcohol, Nicotine, and Drugs

Alcohol, nicotine, and drugs are substances that often accompany a porn- and sex-addicted lifestyle. These things help you numb yourself to the reality of your condition and keep you from thinking about where your life has ended up. Reconsidering your relationship with substances is another way to build physical reboot capital.

While you may or may not suffer with a substance abuse problem, cutting back on or eliminating alcohol, nicotine, and drugs is a good idea at the start of your reboot. Many men find they’re more likely to slip or relapse while they’re under the influence. Their inhibitions are lowered and they’re far more willing to do things they may not do while sober.

Also, substance abuse problems aside, alcohol, nicotine, and drugs truly add nothing to your life. Sure, it’s fun to have a beer with your friends while watching the game or to head out for drinks after a long day at the office. But when you consider everything else that follows, is it really worth it?

All these substances wreak havoc on your physical and mental wellbeing, especially when done in excess. If you find you have little control of your substance intake it may be best to leave them behind during the start of your reboot.

Building Reboot Capital

We’ve reached the end of our reboot capital series. Hopefully, it gave you a deeper understanding of the importance of building reboot capital and some ideas for getting started. I now recommend joining our free Facebook group if you haven’t already. Connect with some brothers who seek help in our porn addiction counseling sessions and talk about which areas you’re actively working on. If you’re struggling in a specific area you’ll find a brother who can help you through it.

No matter where you’re at in your reboot you never have to go through the process alone. There are so many brothers available to help you in the areas you have a hard time with. You can also find some strength and purpose in helping another brother who’s experiencing difficulty in an area you’re strong in.

Finding freedom from your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is only the beginning. The Porn Reboot program helps you build a life far beyond what you ever imagined possible. Building reboot capital is an important part of that process. You’re capable of so much more than you realize, brother, and you’re well on the way to discovering it.

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Can I Quit Cigarettes, Weed, and Porn Altogether?

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Can I Quit Cigarettes, Weed, and Porn Altogether?

Today’s topic comes from a question a brother brought up. He says:

“Hey, J.K. I feel like I might be trying to do too much at one time and it’s making it hard to focus on my reboot. I’m trying to quit smoking cigarettes, quit smoking marijuana, and quit porn, all while trying to navigate my feelings about separating from my partner.

“How can I navigate all of this and remain successful? Am I trying to do too much at once? How do you avoid falling into the trap of, ‘I’m not looking at porn so it’s okay to masturbate as long as I don’t use it’?”

Porn addiction problems are devastating for men to overcome. It leaves you consumed with shame and guilt for your behavior and separated from the people around you. When you struggle with more than one addiction, though, the problem becomes even harder. Plenty of men deal with other addictions alongside their porn problem. What is the best way to approach these issues? How to stop porn addiction along with other addictions?

First of all, this is probably more common than you think. A lot of brothers feel ending their out-of-control behavior creates a great opportunity to turn a new leaf in life. While it is a great opportunity to make some changes, it’s not a good idea to end every single compulsive behavior you have at once.

I’m not saying it’s impossible but it does make it much more difficult. It’s not the most realistic way of approaching a successful porn addiction recovery. You run the risk of overwhelming yourself by doing everything at the same time. In my experience, men who tackle these problems one at a time rather than all at once are far more successful in the long run.

You can still take on too much at once during your reboot even if you don’t struggle with other addictions. I see it all the time. Men in the Porn Reboot group are talking about doing 75 Hard, about reading a book a week, about losing weight, and about starting a business, all while trying manage their erectile dysfunction and end their out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

Unsurprisingly, the wheels fall off at some point and they end up in a bigger rut than before.

I’m all for becoming a stronger man and building a better life. But that doesn’t happen by sending yourself into a tailspin by trying to juggle multiple major changes simultaneously. Instead, I believe that taking on changes one at a time and committing them to your new lifestyle is a far more effective approach.

This brother also mentions that he’s trying to quit all of these behaviors while processing the feelings of a breakup. This adds another layer of difficulty to the problem because he’s removing every coping mechanism he’s built over the years. Eliminating all these ways of dealing with his emotions at once will only lead to a harder relapse.

Handling emotions is difficult for anyone in the Porn Reboot program. It’s not something that comes easily; it takes time, practice, and dedication. You may think that ripping the band aid off all at once is the best approach but you’re only making things harder on yourself.

Unless your substance use is putting you in dangerous situations or poses an immediate threat to your physical well-being, I recommend starting with your porn addiction. There’s a reason you’re here at the Porn Reboot program, after all. Start by implementing the Porn Reboot system in your life and fully embrace this approach to life.

Once you’ve gained control over your compulsive behavior, then you can shift your focus to other struggles. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to wellness. You must determine which approach is best for you. But taking them on all at once is the least effective approach, brother. I’ve seen it time and time again. Choose one, master it, and then move on to the next.

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Secrets To Epic Sleep During Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

Secrets To Epic Sleep During Your Reboot

Scientists have discovered a revolutionary new treatment that makes you live longer.

It enhances your memory and makes you more creative. It makes you look more attractive. It keeps you slim and lowers your food cravings. It protects you from cancer and dementia. It wards off colds and the flu. It lowers your risk of heart attacks, stroke, and diabetes. It even helps you feel happier, less depressed, less anxious.

Are you interested in this incredible treatment?

It’s called going to sleep.

Jokes aside, brother, sleep is vital for every aspect of your well-being. In the United States, studies estimate that we get about 6 hours of sleep per night. Most adults report struggling to get 8 to 9 hours of our recommended uninterrupted sleep. But dedicating some time to ensuring good sleep hygiene is crucial for the success of your reboot.

How Sleep Affects Your Performance

The quality of your sleep determines the quality of your life. Sleep affects the physical shape you’re in, including muscle growth and how much fat you store. Poor sleep increases cortisol and decreases growth hormones, testosterone levels, thyroid hormones, and lectin. It affects your decision-making skills, productivity, focus, impulse control, and more.

Sleep also impacts your emotional well-being. When you’re sleep-deprived you’re more likely to be much more irritable and much less patient. You’re quicker to frustration and anger, and you’re less willing to hear out the other side of a conversation. Small stressors can easily become massive catalysts for emotional explosions when you don’t get enough sleep.

If that isn’t enough, sleep quality also affects your intelligence. Not getting enough sleep makes it harder to learn new things. You have a difficult time processing learned information and, thus, retaining new information. Your short-term memory suffers which also means your long-term memory struggles.

But getting good sleep can be a real challenge when you struggle with compulsive sexual behavior. You likely spend most of the night engaged in whichever behavior you prefer, be it porn, sex, masturbation, or whatever else. However, you can’t sacrifice your daytime responsibilities, either, so that likely means you’re operating on very few hours of sleep at any given time.

Tips To Get Good Sleep

When I struggled with my compulsive sexual behavior I tried all the sleep hacks there were. I did everything I could to function as well as possible on as little sleep as possible. But extensive research, as well as my own experience, shows that sleep hacks are not a long-term solution if you want to feel great and perform your best.

Still, I thought I was doing alright. I thought 5 or 6 hours of sleep per night was great. I didn’t realize that I was sleep-deprived. I was so used to operating at this sub-optimal level that I had no idea what I was missing out on. My lower energy levels, reduced performance, increased stress, and irritability was my normal for so long.

If you’re getting this much sleep then you’re probably in the same position whether you realize it or not. I had no idea how poorly I was performing until years later when I finally got my sleep schedule back on track. However, getting good sleep at the start of your reboot can be a real challenge. I’ve got a few tips you can try to get your sleep back on track.

1. Get sunlight in the morning.

Get outside and get some sun first thing in the morning. Try to spend at least 20 to 30 minutes in the sun in the morning, and about an hour total throughout the day. You may live somewhere like me where it isn’t sunny every day during the year, especially areas where it rains or snows frequently. So it’s even more important that you get sunlight in when you can.

2. Turn your screens off.

If you’re anything like the majority of the country, you probably fall asleep while scrolling social media or watching Netflix. This is the worst thing you can do, though. All that bright light is detrimental to your sleep quality. Try to turn your screens off at least two hours before bed. Use a pen and paper if you need to make a note of something and occupy yourself with books to wind down in the evening.

3. Your room is for sleeping and sex.

Limit the activities in your room to two things: sleeping and sex. Don’t eat in your room, don’t watch TV in your room, don’t play video games in your room. You shouldn’t have a television or computer in there, either. Bringing different activities into your bedroom makes it harder to get good sleep at night.

4. Keep your room as dark as possible.

You want your room to be as dark as possible when you’re sleeping and even during the day. Blackout curtains are a great tool to use. Take all the chargers and electronics that emit flashing lights out of your room. Limit the lights to an overhead light or a lamp with a soft glow. If you can’t keep your room this dark, consider buying a good eye mask.

5. Move workouts to earlier in the day.

Working out too close to bedtime can make it harder to get to sleep. This is especially true if you’re consuming stimulant-laden pre-workouts. Guys who go to the gym after work and take pre-workout at 5 or 6 PM find themselves wondering why they can’t fall asleep. Elevating your hormones and combining that with stimulants makes it harder to get good sleep.

6. Leave your phone outside your bedroom.

Charging your phone next to your bed makes it far more tempting to pick it up and check it before you go to sleep or first thing in the morning. It also makes it harder to avoid temptations to scroll through risky websites and apps, or even to completely relapse. Charge your phone in your kitchen or living room instead to keep the temptation at bay.

7. Get a good mattress.

Having a low-quality mattress can lead to getting poor-quality sleep. You spend almost a third of your life in bed so invest in a good mattress. Fighting against an uncomfortable bed will make it hard to sleep well. It’s much easier to get good, uninterrupted sleep when you have a comfortable mattress that’s tuned to your preferences.

8. Set aside some time to unwind before going to sleep.

Trying to go to sleep straight from the gym or work will keep you from getting good sleep. Your cortisol levels are still too elevated if you don’t give yourself some time to relax and unwind. It’s important to set aside some time at night away from your phone and computer to de-stress before you go to sleep. Read a book, do a word puzzle, write in a journal, or practice meditation before you lay down in bed.

9. Take a hot shower before getting in bed.

Taking a hot shower or bath before bed is a great way to calm down and unwind before trying to fall asleep. It also decreases your internal body temperature which can help you fall asleep faster once you lay down.

10. Consider sleep trackers.

There are hundreds of gadgets and apps available that help you track your sleep. Understanding how long it takes you to fall asleep, how much time you spend in the REM sleep stages, and how much time you spend in deep sleep can help you adjust your daytime approaches to getting better sleep. Avoid using one directly on your phone, though, so you can continue storing it outside your room.

The Benefits of Good Sleep

Once you take control of your sleep schedule the benefits are undeniable. You’ll feel more attentive, focused, calm, collected, and present throughout the day. You’ll perform better physically and mentally. You’re going to be a better partner, colleague, and father. And you’ll feel far less tempted to slip than you do when you get poor sleep.

Taking time to ensure good sleep hygiene is crucial for men in the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program. It isn’t easy at first but it’s well worth the work that it takes. Until you get your sleep on track, you have no idea what you’re missing. Trust me, brother; this one is worth investing in.

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Self-Image: The Final Step to Quitting Porn Addiction

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Self-Image: The Final Step to Quitting Porn Addiction

Over the years, I’ve done my best to simplify the Porn Reboot system as much as possible.

I find that the simpler a system is, the more effective it is. So I’ve done extensive work to ensure I eliminate unnecessary steps that distract from the core purpose of the Porn Reboot process: rewiring your brain to eliminate your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

The process starts with changing your habits. Habits are a great place to start but they won’t last unless you make them part of your lifestyle. That makes altering your lifestyle the second part of the process. Once you integrate positive habits into your lifestyle, you begin seeing changes in your health, relationships, and mood.

However, to ensure both your habit and lifestyle changes stick, you must address your self-image. If you continue viewing yourself as a man who uses (or used) pornography, you’ll continue struggling with the problem. Eliminating your identity as a man with a porn addiction problems is the crucial final step to the process.

How can you eliminate something that has been such a significant part of your life, though?

What is Self-Image?

Self-image is the way you view, perceive, and define yourself. It’s a generalization of your past experiences that informs how you move through the world. Your self-image influences every area of your life, such as your thinking, motivation, performance, learning abilities, and behaviors to name a few.

There are five main components of your self-image:

Value: the sense of your quality of life

Sexual: how you view and think about your body

Significance: how important you are to yourself, to others, and the world

Learning capabilities: understanding that you can learn anything you set your mind to

Influence: realizing you have the control to change your experience

What is your immediate response when I ask you, “Who are you?” Your answer is your self-image. Developing a positive, healthy self-image is crucial for your success in the Porn Reboot program.

Why is Self-Image Important?

Your self-image is important because it feeds your self-esteem. If you appreciate the way you see yourself then you’re going to have higher self-esteem. However, if you don’t like the way you see yourself then you’ll have lower self-esteem. Self-image also influences the choices you make, the ways you behave, and how you respond to certain situations.

Let’s say you see yourself as a man who “can’t help himself” when he sees beautiful women. Whenever you see an attractive girl, you can’t stop thinking about her and picturing her in a sexual manner. You follow this thinking down the rabbit hole and it creates an ongoing cycle.

Truth is, that’s only your self-image. It’s a story you’ve developed over the years and told yourself is true. In reality, you have the power to change this self-image and redirect your thoughts and actions to something else. Most men don’t realize this, though, so understanding the power of self-image is critical for men in the porn addiction recovery – Reboot Program.

How Can You Change Your Self-Image?

You’re not a prisoner to or a victim of your self-image. You can acknowledge and change it whenever you decide to. I have a small exercise you can use to begin shifting your self-image from something negative to something positive. You can implement this practice to help you change your thoughts, actions, and behaviors as a result.

First, I want you to write down how you feel about yourself. Get clear on the ways you think about yourself and write a clear description. Next, think about someone who cares deeply about you, such as your father, mother, brother, sister, nephew, or niece. Write how you think they see you. Imagine looking through their eyes and listening through their ears. What do they value about you and why do they care about you?

Consider the gaps between these two points of view. Your description is likely to be far more critical than your loved one’s description. Now I want you to work on bridging the gap between these two viewpoints. How can you embody the way your loved one sees you? What are some things you can do to break down the walls you’ve built and allow that positive self-image in?

This will help you recognize the importance of your existence. You’re worth far more than you tell yourself you are, and likely not for the reasons you believe. You are more than your job, your income, or your possessions. The people in your life who value you can see who and what you are capable of becoming and trust that you are heading in the right direction.

Again, you are in control of your self-image. You have the power to change your reality. You may have lost touch with it during your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation, but you can take it back whenever you choose to. And once you reclaim your power in regards to self-image, brother, you’ll be unstoppable.

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Overcoming Family Dynamics: Embrace Personal Growth

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Overcoming Family Dynamics: Embrace Personal Growth

I have another question for you today, brother. One of the men in our porn addiction recovery program which is called Porn Reboot intensive group asked:

“J.K., how do I deal with family dynamics? Most of my family is not where they want to be, or as “successful” as they want to be. How do I deal with the thought that it’s just a matter of time for me now?”

Family & Friends

Family is a challenge for every person in the world. They bring up very strong emotions, both good and bad. Your family has a lot to do with your success or failure in various aspects of your life, including your porn addiction counseling. This can be difficult to hear because I know a lot of men are very attached to and intertwined with their families.

The beliefs that I picked up from my family held me back for years in so many areas. My personal life, career, financial well-being, physical fitness, social aptitude, and more all struggled under the weight of the beliefs my family instilled in me.

One of the things that held me back most was that I always wanted to remain relatable and likable to family members and some close friends. I worried that if I lost those two things, my family and friends would treat me like an outcast. I carried a lot of shame and guilt for my true feelings instead of rejecting these self-imposed constraints and barriers.

What You Wanted

I was afraid to verbalize what I wanted. I feared pursuing the type of body I wanted, the type of woman I wanted, the type of social life I wanted. I was scared to determine where I wanted to live, how I wanted to live, the amount of money I wanted to make, and more. I was afraid to step outside the boundaries my family created for themselves and demand more from my life.

If you’re surrounded by family members who have established the same way of thinking in you, you may want to take a step back. If those family members have not arrived where they want to be, you’re not obligated to follow that same mold. You have the power to determine the changes you want to make to get where you want to go.

There are so many thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and ideas that families pass down from generation to generation. More often than not people aren’t even aware of the things they transmit to their children. You may even be doing it with your own children. Once you develop that awareness, though, it’s your responsibility to take charge of your life and make the necessary changes.

Your family and friends may push back. People who are comfortable and set in their ways often feel threatened when someone close to them decides they’ve had enough. They don’t want to honestly assess and take responsibility for their lives. They’ll project their fear and insecurity onto you and try to drag you down instead.

You have to keep pushing forward, brother. Forget family dynamics. You can want more from your life and reject the family mold while still loving them for who they are. You are not obligated to fall into the same traps they chose to fall into. You are responsible for building the life you want to live. You are the only one who can save yourself.

And who knows; you may even inspire a family member or two to step up and make changes, too.

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Telling Your Wife That You’re Turned On By Other Women

Porn Addiction Problems / By Automation Agency Concierge

Telling Your Wife That You’re Turned On By Other Women

Disclaimer: I do not recommend doing this.

However, it came up during a discussion in the Porn Reboot group and I think it’s important to cover it here, too.

One of our brothers said:

“I need some advice. I offended my wife by saying that it’s possible for other women to turn me on. She now thinks that I’m turned on by every woman I see. She says that she would never feel turned on by another man so the fact that I could be by another woman means I’m not committed to the relationship. How would you respond? Am I in the wrong and not committed to the relationship?”

Two things got our brother in trouble here, aside from having that discussion in the first place. First is his out-of-control behavior. Second is the language he used to describe how he feels about the other women.

Saying “turned on” means sexually aroused. And while most men feel sexually aroused by many different women outside of their relationship, overtly explaining that isn’t the best course to take. This is especially true when you struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior. You can find yourself turned on by other women you know nothing about because of the porn you watch.

Your partner probably doesn’t find herself sexually aroused by random men, though. The fact that you’re sexually aroused by random women is threatening to her. Whether it’s true or not, she likely feels like she isn’t good enough for you when she hears this.

A better way to approach the conversation (if it needs to be approached at all) is to use more intentional language. Using the phrase “attracted to” is a much more tame and acceptable way to discuss other people outside your relationship if it comes up. Everyone finds people outside their relationship attractive. After all, haven’t you ever heard of the term “hall pass”?

And even if you do find yourself turned on by other women, while it is a natural thing, it’s something you must learn to control. You can’t walk around a slave to your broken biological functioning. You destroyed your normal sexual functioning and rewired your brain to feel sexually aroused by a whole range of different women. Developing sexual control is crucial not only if you want to have a successful relationship but in every other area of your life.

You must learn to interact with women without sexualizing them. This is difficult to do after months or years of compulsive porn addiction problems use but you have to develop the skill. Porn addiction effects teaches you to view women as sexual objects but that’s not how the real world works, brother. You can’t walk around turned on by every single woman you see.

Finding yourself immediately sexually aroused whenever you see an attractive woman is not what normal, civilized adult men do. Well-adapted men can maintain their composure around women. They don’t break down into mindless, sex-addled animals. You need to develop sexual control if you want to have a successful reboot.

Again, most women in monogamous relationships are aroused by their partner alone. Sure, they may find other men attractive. But they don’t often find themselves interested in being sexually intimate with anyone other than you, their partner.

While you might find yourself aroused by women outside your relationship, there’s no need to express this to your wife. You may be turned on by any even slightly attractive woman but it’s not an effective way to navigate life.

Instead, you should also take time to develop sexual control and keep yourself from losing your composure around every woman you see. Being successful in our porn addiction recovery program which is the Porn Reboot is about so much more than simply quitting porn. And learning sexual control is a critical component of the process.

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My Secret To Confidently Quitting Porn

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By Automation Agency Concierge

My Secret To Confidently Quitting Porn

I’m going to let you in on a secret today.

Over the years, many brothers asked me something to the effect of, “When you began this journey, J.K., how did you have the confidence to believe you would end your out-of-control behavior? How did you know? It feels like there are so many things standing in my way, like I’ve tried different things but made next to no progress.”

Brothers rattle off a long list of reasons they feel they can’t control their behavior. Lacking willpower. Not having time. Managing a busy career. Caring for a large family. Having no self-respect or self-esteem. Experiencing an insatiable sex drive. Never meeting someone who has successfully overcome their behavior.

I’ve heard just about every excuse in the books yet here I stand before you more than a decade free from my porn addiction. So, what is my secret?

I defined my reboot.

Once I was beaten down to a point I could no longer handle, I knew I was done with porn and masturbation.

I outlined exactly what I wanted my life to look like. I didn’t consider the ifs, ands, or buts. I didn’t hang out or spend time with anyone who didn’t align with this new vision for my life. I fully dedicated myself to achieving this goal and did everything I could to reach it.

I find this is something that most men who come to the Porn Reboot program have trouble with. I ask them what they want and they can’t clearly define it. Sure, they know they want to overcome their compulsive behavior. They want peace of mind. They want to stop cheating on their partner. They want to live up to their potential. They want to be more focused. But they don’t have a clear definition of what life looks like after that.

That’s like going to the ticket counter at the airport and telling the person at the counter that you want a ticket. They ask where you want a ticket to and all you say is “somewhere warm.” What is that person supposed to do? How can they give you a plane ticket when you can’t define where you want to go?

The same applies to your reboot. You may know that you can’t handle your behavior anymore but you don’t know what life looks like without it. You can’t articulate the end goal. And that’s what separates my experience from yours.

An important part of Porn Reboot is to help you clearly define your reboot. It provides a path for you to control your behavior in 90 days so you can rewire your brain and be free from porn forever. But we don’t dictate how you live your life, we only provide the tools to overcome your behavior. What your life looks like as a rebooted man is up to you.

So how can you get there if you aren’t sure what it looks like?

I want you to sit down and write out your goal. Define the ultimate goal for your reboot and then consider whether there’s something more. Go through several iterations of it until you outline a very clear definition of what life looks like when you’ve overcome your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

It’s that simple.

Clearly define your reboot, commit to the process, and don’t allow anyone to derail you once you’ve made your decision. Confidence will come from your faith and trust in yourself; you don’t need anyone else to provide it for you. Surround yourself with Porn Reboot brothers when you feel unsure and keep moving forward. It will be the best choice you ever make, brother, I guarantee it.

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How To Develop Empathy As A Porn Addict

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How To Develop Empathy As A Porn Addict

Empathy is a vital skill that you need to develop as you work through your reboot.

It’s a key emotion to work on as you develop emotional reboot capital. Empathy is something that everyone is capable of cultivating but it works just like a muscle: it atrophies if you don’t use it. However, you can also build it up with consistent training and practice.

What is Empathy?

In a nutshell, empathy is your ability to recognize and embrace another person’s point of view. It’s the practice of putting yourself in their shoes, experiencing what they’re experiencing, and understanding what they’re going through.

There are three different kinds of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate empathy. Knowing the difference between these three forms of empathy can help you create good responses depending on context. You may not need all of them at every moment but it’s useful to learn which situations require which form of empathy.

Cognitive empathy means knowing what the other person is going through. You’re able to put yourself in their shoes while maintaining some distance. For example, when someone feels hurt or ashamed you intellectually embrace what they’re going through while keeping an appropriate distance, or “staying out of the problem.”

Emotional empathy means sharing another person’s experience with them. Think about the ways people describe physical manifestations of their emotions, like a feeling in their gut or a pain in their chest. In this way, emotions are almost contagious. Emotional empathy occurs when you tap into these deep emotional experiences.

Finally, compassionate empathy is a combination of both cognitive and emotional empathy. It’s a perfectly balanced empathy that allows you to use all available information to relate to another person. It’s the most effective and emotionally intelligent way to empathize with those around you. It limits the emotional distance of cognitive empathy but lessens the intensity of emotional empathy.

Empathy vs. Sympathy

Before you can develop empathy it’s important to distinguish empathy from sympathy. While sympathy sounds like a nice characteristic, it can actually cause a lot of harm. Too many people use sympathy as a way to enable someone’s excuses. It often turns into feeling sorry for the person which keeps them stuck in the perpetual victim state.

No one can grow when they’re sitting in this position. They believe everything is happening to them, not around them. They think the world is out to do them wrong. They insist they have no power or control over the situation they’re in. And sympathizing with this type of person will only make their problems worse.

However, empathy offers a clear perspective on their situation. It allows room for understanding while leaving no room for excuses or stagnant behavior. Empathy accepts and acknowledges a person’s starting point but then holds them accountable for moving forward and taking action to change their circumstances. It shows you want the best for them.

Empathy and Accountability

Empathy is an especially important skill to develop when it comes to accountability partnerships. If you lack empathy while working with an accountability partner you limit your capability to be helpful. If you only have sympathy then you enable your partner’s poor behavior and excuses.

You’re most effective when you develop a strong sense of empathy. You can listen to your accountable partners and relate to their difficulties while still holding them to a higher standard.

You’re in a unique position to empathize with your brothers in the porn addiction recovery program, too, because you understand exactly what they’re going through. You know how challenging it is to overcome your out-of-control behavior. At the same time, though, you also know it’s possible and can keep your brothers on track.

How Can You Develop Empathy?

Years of porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior likely destroyed your capacity for empathy. You may feel incapable of love, kindness, and understanding. If you’re in this position you’re far from alone. Many brothers share the same struggles when they first arrive at the Porn Reboot program.

Like I said earlier, though, empathy is like a muscle. While it may have atrophied over the years you can begin to build it back up through intentional practice. Developing empathy is possible as you learn to control your behavior and end your pornography addiction.

The best way to begin your practice is to start with yourself. Focus on cultivating compassion and empathy toward yourself before attempting to turn it outward. It’s like every airplane safety video you’ve ever heard: “In the event of an emergency, please affix your oxygen mask before helping others around you.”

I have a simple practice you can use to begin developing empathy. First, think about a problem you’re dealing with right now. Put that problem into words. “I’m really worried about __________. I feel __________.” Learn to identify the feelings you experience as a result of this particular situation.

Now, remind yourself that other people likely experience similar feelings during similar situations. There is always someone who understands and has gone through whatever it is you’re going through. Think about the ways you’re feeling and recognize that someone else feels the same way. Don’t you want to offer them the reassurance you’d like to feel?

Next, call to mind three to five people in your life whom you admire and respect. Consider the things they may say to encourage you through this struggle. They might tell you to be kind to yourself, to take care of yourself, to nurture yourself, to love yourself, and so on. Hear these people you care about telling you these things in your mind and begin embracing them.

Another way to develop self-compassion is to see yourself through the eyes of a loving grandparent. They’re somewhat removed from your upbringing and therefore have a more gentle view of you. While your parents deal with your every difficult attribute, your grandparents are less inclined to focus only on the negative. Try to view yourself the way your grandparents may see you.

Reach Out For Help

Developing empathy doesn’t occur in a vacuum. Sure, you may make some progress without leaning on others. But true compassion for yourself and those around you happens when you bring the practice into the real world.

I suggest joining us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group and finding some men who are working to cultivate empathy. It’s a bunch of regular guys just like you who struggle with the same exact things. They know what you’re dealing with and can walk you through their own experiences with developing empathy.

It’s not something that happens all at once but I guarantee you it’s worth the effort. The benefits of cultivating empathy expand far outside yourself and your immediate circle; they impact everyone you come in contact with each day of your life.

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Unveiling The Truth About Suffering

Porn Addiction Problems / By Automation Agency Concierge

Unveiling The Truth About Suffering

I came across something on social media the other day that hit me: the topic of suffering.

When I first got into a relationship as a rebooting porn addict with serious porn addiction problems, I was scared. So scared. In fact, I had a mental breakdown at one point. I met a genuinely good woman, innocent, well-raised, feminine, beautiful, caring, and so out of my league that I was convinced God was playing a cruel trick on me.

Would I hurt her with my behavior? Could I keep my commitments? Could I, a filthy-minded porn addict who had acted out in the most disgusting ways, deserve such happiness? What if she found out about my past, the drunken weed- and porn-filled nights that I woke up from? Should I tell her? How much? And what if I lost her?

These thoughts hurdled through my mind with such intensity that I was rendered useless for weeks. While driving to work one morning I randomly and inexplicably burst into tears. I remember pulling over to a gas station, bewildered and confused, and calling my mother. I was sobbing uncontrollably out of nowhere and didn’t understand what was going on.

That relationship did a number on me. My heart literally hurt whenever I was with her during our first year together. The pressure of my shame and low self-worth crushed me from within. I went through the motions of daily life like a zombie with dread in my heart and a seemingly permanent lump in my throat.

I couldn’t handle intimacy.

I couldn’t handle someone loving me.

I wasn’t worthy.

A part of me craved intimacy while another part was terrified by its potential. I was scared of the long, four-hour calls at night. I feared cuddles and long hugs. Hand-holding was so alien to me. I remember hearing the words “I love you” on the phone for the first time and they elicited this internal reaction akin to an addict living in secrecy for years.

When sex is exclusively used for pleasure and escape from your irresponsible reality, intimacy in any form is a threat to your existence. Eventually, I became convinced that if I did not take drastic measures I was going to lose my mind.

I went on a long silent meditation retreat and what followed were the most painful days of my life. No access to the internet, no phone, no books. Just 11 days of silence and 10 hours of meditation per day.

My urges, which I thought were under control at that point, rose with a vengeance. I had wet dreams almost nightly. I woke up with panic attacks and fear so severe that I wet the bed on two occasions. All I could do was whisper to myself, “Please, God, make it stop.”

When the sun rose each morning it was a sweet relief from my agonizing, lonely nights. But after a few hours, the sleep deprivation sunk in and all my fears gathered like a dark storm. They enveloped me almost the entire time I spent at that retreat.

I learned the true nature of pain and suffering.

Have you ever experienced a mental pain so intense that you would have one of your limbs sawed off in exchange for relief? That’s what it felt like. That’s how painful it was during the last few days of the retreat. I slowly realized the pain was not going away, either. Not any time soon.

There was no way I could continue living with this insanity but I had to accept that it might never truly leave me. It was my hell on earth, the price I had to pay for my years of compulsive sexual behavior and running from the pain.

Something peculiar happened when I returned from the retreat, though. As I slowly accepted the insanity and suffering, I stopped resenting it. As I saw with it, it became slightly more bearable. But the moment I tried to run from it, it became intense again.

I realized that if I stopped struggling, stopped wishing it would go away, then I could manage it. It was still painful but it was bearable moment to moment. I finally experienced some relief.

The sense of relief has grown throughout the almost 15 years that I’ve been porn-free now achieving porn addiction recovery completely. I still experience some unwelcome visits from time to time. Occasionally I have nightmares and wake up with feelings of pure terror and panic. But those are fewer and further between the more time goes by.

I know I’m not the only man who goes through this. Many men are forced through that experience of their self-made hell. I want you to know that if you’ve experienced this, or you’re in the middle of it right now, it’s okay. You don’t have to walk alone. You’ll have to do the work on your own and come to your conclusions in solitude, but I’m here to walk by your side.

I will keep you company through that landscape of irrationality, fear, dread, depression, and temporary madness. I’ll be there until you arrive at your destination of understanding. The understanding that I had to come to myself. The realization that while pain is a requirement of the human condition, suffering is only optional.

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Difficult Personality Traits and Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

Difficult Personality Traits and Your Reboot

If you’re a high-performing, successful individual who struggles with out-of-control behavior with porn or masturbation, you likely have certain character traits that interfere with a successful reboot. I say this after years of working with men in your exact position whom I’ve had to help through these same struggles.

Over the last few weeks, I wrote a series on the importance of building reboot capital in five areas of your life. If you haven’t read those yet, I suggest going back and reading the past six or so posts. They are a vital part of your success in the porn addiction recovery program. Much like a startup needs capital to be successful, you need capital to be successful in your reboot.

In the same way, a new business needs to build capital, they also need to limit liabilities. When it comes to your reboot, liabilities are these difficult personality traits that hold you back. Eliminating these is just as important as building strengths in other areas.

Self-defeating behaviors are ways of thinking and acting that develop into habits over time. They have become part of your subconscious behaviors that you act out automatically. When ending an out-of-control sexual behavior you must change your habits before you can change your lifestyle. A strong set of healthy habits are the building blocks you need to create a strong foundation in your reboot.

Even if you do quit porn and masturbation before addressing your self-defeating habits they’ll continue affecting you after you eliminate your out-of-control behavior. These traits hold you back in each area where you need to build capital: spiritual, mental, emotional, social, and physical.

I’ll break down a few of the most common traits I’ve noticed in the men I work with over the years. Which of these habits and traits apply to you?

Caretakers

Caretakers care for others and consider their needs to the point that they depend on them. The caretaker’s self-esteem is based on how much he can do for other people. Unfortunately, this keeps him from ever learning how to care for himself, though, because he’s so focused on others. He also uses this habit as a way to shirk responsibility for his poor behavior.

A caretaker always needs someone dependent around them. Their self-worth hinges upon having someone to take care of. If they cannot find someone dependent then they’ll create the problem in someone around them.

At their lowest points, caretakers feel like they’re being used. It seems like everyone around them is taking advantage of their kind and caring natures. However, your behaviors are self-serving and caretakers rely on people depending on them as much as the dependent people rely on the caretaker.

The first step to stop being a caretaker is to develop a sense of self. You won’t need to seek validation or find purpose in caring for others once you have an understanding of yourself. Next, you must let people take responsibility for their actions. Stop trying to play God; allow things to play out without interfering.

People Pleasers

People-pleasing is the next challenging personality trait when it comes to rebooting. People pleasers base their thoughts and actions around making sure to not upset anyone. These men never want to step out of line, rock the boat, or hurt people’s feelings. They fear that upsetting someone will lead to rejection and abandonment.

People pleasers struggle to build happy, fulfilling relationships because their engagements with others are built on lies. They may not see what they’re doing as lying but dishonesty is the essence of people-pleasing behavior. It’s denying your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs to avoid problems with those around you.

Over time, men who struggle with people-pleasing behaviors build resentment toward everyone around them. They become angry but never express it because it goes against their people-pleasing tendencies. This is a recipe for disaster, though, and these men eventually reach a breaking point.

Like caretaking, eliminating people-pleasing behavior starts with developing a strong sense of self. As you have a better understanding of who you are you’ll feel less inclined to worry about how others feel about you. You’ll notice less frustration with others and more enjoyable relationships when you stop living to please others.

Martyrs

The traditional definition of a martyr is a person who is killed for their faith or beliefs. In the present-day context, though, a martyr suffers in more of a metaphorical sense. They believe life is supposed to be a struggle and operate accordingly. Nothing can ever be fully enjoyed because there’s always an underlying sense of deep pain.

Life is what you believe it to be so if you believe it’s a struggle then it will become one. This self-sacrificial behavior causes men to sabotage their relationships with others. They’re constantly carrying out these self-defeating actions that hold them back from truly experiencing the joy of life.

The solution to martyrdom is to stop viewing life as a vale of tears. Sure, bad things happen. That’s life. But it’s not something to be torturously endured. It’s something to be enjoyed. Cut the negativity and find some happiness in your life if you want to be successful in your reboot.

Workaholics

Workaholics are one of the most common types of men who join the Porn Reboot program. Men who struggle with workaholism base their self-esteem on their productivity. They put work in front of everything else in their life. It’s difficult for these men to relax because they feel they need to be “on” and performing at all times.

I also notice that workaholics try to compensate for the overwhelming shame caused by their out-of-control behavior through productivity at work. They can’t seem to control their behavior with porn addiction problems, sex, and masturbation so they overcompensate by controlling their work performance.

However, workaholism is only going to derail your reboot. Basing your self-esteem around your productivity and performance is a short-sighted way to live. You can’t build a fulfilling life when your entire focus is on your career.

You can overcome a workaholic mentality by learning to detach your self-worth from your job. Your job is only one part of your life. Building up reboot capital in other areas of your life will help you separate from your career as the only positive in your life. As you separate from your out-of-control behavior and strengthen these other areas, your work won’t be the only thing to be proud of.

Overcoming Challenging Traits

Overcoming these and other challenging traits is a key part of the reboot process. You may make some progress but won’t move very far if you can’t get a handle on them. The Porn Reboot program involves ridding yourself of these traits with the help of our system.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the process or wondering whether it’s really possible? You’re far from alone. Many men feel they’ll never reach the point of freedom from their negative traits. I was the same way when I First ended my behavior with porn and masturbation, too. But I promise you, brother, it’s possible. You don’t have to do it alone, either; you have brothers waiting to support you each step of the way.

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