How Much Time Should You Spend on Your Reboot?

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

The Porn Reboot system isn’t something that promises you’ll end your out-of-control behavior in only a few weeks. We aren’t a quick-fix program shilling miracles for mere minutes out of your day. The system takes time to implement and follow through on, but that means you receive lasting results.

However, that also means that it can occasionally be a time-consuming process. It’s important to know how much time you should spend on your reboot, especially for men who lead busy lives. You may run a business or have a high-level position in your career. Perhaps you have kids and a spouse whom you want to spend quality time with. Maybe you have other interests such as continued education, hobbies, or other recreational pursuits. Yet you’re also struggling with an out-of-control behavior and ending it is one of your main priorities as well.

It’s something that almost every brother struggles with at some point during their early reboot stage. One of these brothers brought it up with a great question in the group. He asked:

“Hey J.K., I want to know how much you recommend the brothers make use of the group. I come on for less than an hour a week. I watch your Q&A on Tuesday. I ask my question Friday and I check in fortnightly on Sundays with some wins and progress, and then I’m straight off.

“Do you think that this is too little? I’d still like to be more active and read more posts, but I just can’t stand being on Facebook. It’s kind of triggering being on here due to years of using it to act out. Thoughts?”

As always, great question. I have a few thoughts I want to share on the matter.

Recognize the benefits of Facebook

I know that Facebook isn’t the platform of choice for some people but it’s proven itself to be the most effective way to run our group. It connects me with men from all walks of life, all across the world, and it connects these men, too. The reality is social media is here to stay, as well as whatever iteration follows after it.

Some men believe they can completely divorce themselves from technology. They think they can operate in the world without it. Unfortunately, brother, you may be able to for some time but the world is moving increasingly online. There are bills to pay, people to communicate with, events to hear about, and more, all of which are found online.

I believe it’s better to develop a healthy relationship with technology than it is to divorce yourself from it entirely. At Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot, we’re determined to continuously innovate as technology evolves. Participating in the Porn Reboot Facebook group is a great way to practice that healthy engagement alongside a group of men who are aware of both its positive and negative effects.

I know there are plenty of triggering things splattered across social media, but avoiding these platforms forever isn’t a lasting solution. Instead, you’ll learn to manage your nervous system and create a lifestyle where you actively choose to minimize access to triggering material while still engaging with Facebook.

Intentional engagement

The amount of time you spend using the group isn’t necessarily the most important indicator of progress. It’s not so much about how much time you spend using the group; it’s more about the quality of that time and whether it’s relevant to you. What are you actually doing when you hop into the Porn Reboot Facebook group?

The brother who asked this question sounds like he’s covering plenty of ground and using his time wisely. But it’s not always easy to determine where to place your focus, especially on the Porn Reboot system. We have a wide range of options for men struggling to control their behavior including:

Weekly live Q&As with me
Self-belief coaching with Coach Milan
Trauma-informed sessions with Dr. Jessica Eastman
Neural reprogramming with Coach Milan
Group sessions with Dr. Howard Rankin

You want to make sure you’re not just adding a few comments to the discussion and logging out for the day; you should make use of all the tools that apply to you. For example, Dr. Eastman’s sessions will be crucial if you experienced trauma in your past. If you’re struggling with limiting beliefs about your self-worth, Coach Milan’s sessions are invaluable.

We spent years isolated from others as we fell deeper into our pornography addiction. Connection is an integral part of the Porn Reboot system because it helps us learn to engage with others again. It keeps us from slipping back into our solitary lonely existence. Group sessions with Dr. Jessica, Dr. Howard, and Coach Milan are a great way to connect with other brothers who understand what you’re going through.

At the same time, you also don’t want the Porn Reboot program to become another thing that keeps you compulsively online. Create and implement a solid morning routine. Set up weekly check-in calls with your accountability partner or other brothers in the program. Don’t neglect the importance of our online sessions, but don’t neglect the importance of the real-life application of the system, either.

Take advantage of compounding benefits

It’s important to recognize the amount of time your reboot requires for success, not only from a scheduling standpoint and a time management standpoint but particularly because I want you to avoid making a big mistake that many men make: not taking advantage of the power of compounding benefits.

What is compounding, you ask? It refers to the ever-increasing benefits that come from developing and using strategies and coping skills to improve your life, as well as the positive impact of staying off pornography and controlling your behavior. These beneficial effects only compound when you’re consistent, though, and you can only be consistent when you operate on a schedule that works for you.

Lots of guys find themselves thrown off their routine by a trip, vacation, fight with their partner, health emergency, an especially busy week, losing a client, losing some money, or any other unexpected circumstance. There’s nothing wrong with going off-course for a bit because these disruptions to life are to be expected. But problems arise when you’re thrown off for weeks and can’t refocus and find your way back to your routine.

It’s easy to get derailed and stay there when you don’t have a set schedule to adhere to every week. When you join the Porn Reboot program, our strategists help you determine which areas to focus on and how much time you should dedicate to each. Taking advantage of this gives you a much better chance of staying on track so you can take advantage of compounding benefits.

The amount of time you should spend on your reboot varies from person to person. It also shifts as you progress further in your reboot. It takes more time to build a solid foundation in the beginning and then the daily time commitment gets shorter as your brain rewires. The most important thing to keep in mind when determining your time commitment to your reboot, though, is making sure you use that time as wisely as possible. One focused hour per day will yield far greater results than three mindless hours. Keep this in mind, brother, and you’re well on your way.

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How To Learn the Porn Reboot System Quicker

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

How To Learn the Porn Reboot System Quicker

Over the years I’ve noticed that some brothers struggle with adopting the Porn Reboot system. There are various reasons why a brother might have a hard time implementing the system, whether it’s an exceptionally busy life, a learning disability, or some other circumstance. I found a few tips that have helped these men learn the Porn Reboot system quicker so they can get on to the deeper aspects of the program and I want to share them with you today.

1. Decide you’re going to focus on rebooting.

It’s easy to say you want to focus on your reboot but actually doing it is something else entirely. If you’re having a hard time implementing the system, you must make a firm decision you will focus on rebooting.

Once you do, you must intentionally set aside time for your reboot activities. This could include time to watch a few videos, listen to a podcast, or read some pages from a book that is part of the curriculum.

2. Set realistic expectations of what you can absorb at one time.

If you struggle with learning the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot system, it’s unlikely that you’re going to absorb big aspects of the program all at once. I suggest you set realistic expectations for what you can hope to achieve in one focused session.

Don’t sit down expecting yourself to read multiple chapters of a book in one session. Instead, set a goal to read a few pages at a time. The more you set yourself up for small wins, the easier it will be to persevere until the system stick.

3. Get the right feedback.

Anyone who has been around the Porn Reboot program for even a short period knows how important I think accountability is. I firmly believe that we should not operate in isolation. We spent large portions of our lives isolating ourselves from our porn addiction; we need to do the opposite if we want to control our out-of-control behavior.

If you want to learn the Porn Reboot system quicker, you need to make sure you get the right feedback. This means checking in with someone else to talk about your progress. Find someone in the free Facebook group and offer to be accountability partners. You can work with them to find what worked and what didn’t, and they can offer neutral feedback from their third-party perspective.

4. Don’t compare yourself to other brothers.

You’re obviously learning the Porn Reboot system with the long-term goal of controlling your out-of-control sexual behavior. However, I notice that men tend to compare themselves to other men who are much further ahead in the program. You might look at your accountability partner or another brother in the program and compare your progress to his.

Maybe you wonder why he can function well on four or five hours of sleep while you need seven or eight to feel optimal. But you’re focused on the wrong thing; the ultimate goal is controlling your behavior. The minute details don’t matter as much as the long-term outcome of ending your porn addiction.

5. Don’t compare yourself to an idealized version of yourself.

Sure, the only person you should compare yourself to is who you were yesterday, but that’s also not an excuse to beat yourself up if you fall short. Don’t develop an idealized version of yourself that you then use to hold yourself to an unrealistic standard. I’ve talked before about the fact that ideals are not grounded in reality; don’t fall prey to the temptation of ideals.

You’ll only delay your progress in the Porn Reboot program if you choose to constantly beat yourself up based on what you “could have” or “should have” been. No one can ever achieve perfection, even the most driven of us in the group. Focus on who you are today and take small steps to become 1% better tomorrow.

6. Know when to stop learning something and start applying it.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in and distracted by the learning process that you never apply it. The learning process also has the illusion of safety. If you constantly spend your time learning but never applying things, you trick yourself into believing that you aren’t exposing yourself to the possibility of failure.

In reality, the longer you stay in the learning phase, the longer you delay your progress. You live in a hypothetical world until you start applying what you’ve learned to your real life. You must know when it’s time to pause the podcast and implement these strategies in your work life, family life, and sex life. Take moments to apply what you learn before returning to absorb more information.

7. Avoid chasing clarity.

Too many men think they must have absolute clarity before making a decision. I have news for you, though; you’ll never have all of the answers or information you need to decide. You have to learn to make decisions without full clarity. Delaying things based on a lack of clarity will leave you delaying things for the rest of your life.

No matter what you do, you will always have insufficient information. That doesn’t mean constantly making blind decisions about everything in your life. I mean you must learn to trust yourself to know when you have enough information to make an informed decision and move forward with your life.

8. Recognize that you don’t need to know everything to succeed.

You don’t need to understand every aspect of the Porn Reboot system to succeed. You also don’t need to understand every single aspect of sexually compulsive behavior to end your porn addiction.

I’ve learned so many things since ending my out-of-control behavior but I didn’t need to know them to end it in the first place. It’s okay if there are things you don’t know right now; just get started and you’re bound to learn as you go.

9. Understand how you learn best.

Every person has certain ways they prefer to learn that work best for them. Some are visual learners, some are kinesthetic learners, some are auditory learners, and some learn through writing and reading. Personally, I learn more from reading and listening but not as much from watching. I understand that about myself so I choose to read books and take notes when I want to learn about a topic.

Figure out which approach to learning works for you and follow through on it. Don’t worry which way works best for others; that goes back to not comparing yourself. Focus on the ways that work for you and lean into them.

10. Employ the power of visualization.

Whenever you learn about a new aspect of the Porn Reboot system, take a moment to visualize you using it in real life. This is a good way to practice what the strategy might look like or how it may play out before a situation arises when you need to use it.

Visualization is a powerful tool and is great for men struggling to implement the Porn Reboot system. If you’re trying to learn the system quicker and aren’t using visualization, you’re missing out. I still use this method to this day for many different things I’m working on in my life. It takes practice but once you become adept at it, you’ll realize how beneficial it can be.

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The Second Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is a crucial part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself.

The first step I use when setting and following through on goals is making a decision based on my current reality without comparing myself to others. I can’t make any progress if I’m constantly using others as a measuring stick to determine what move to make next.

The second step is developing resolve. Resolving is a vital skill for any man who wants to succeed. I recommend you resolve to transform any challenge you experience into an opportunity. Developing this mindset will help you succeed at anything you decide to do, even if that means making a calculated decision to pivot away from your current goal.

Roadblocks are a part of life. Things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes we have to adapt to circumstances as they arise. If you have no resolve, you’ll find yourself giving up before the challenges ever really begin. And we already covered the fact that giving up is no longer an option in your new approach to life.

Say you’re in a committed relationship with a woman who knows about your out-of-control sexual behavior. However, she doesn’t know that you relapsed and are struggling to get your behavior under control again. You’re keeping it a secret and hoping she doesn’t find out, but what if she does? Are you prepared to deal with the obstacles that arise?

What if you join the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program and stay off pornography and masturbation for a few months, but eventually you relapse? What would you do if you threw away seven porn-free months? Or what if your behavior escalated to a more severe degree than before? Do you have enough resolve to keep going and try again?

Ultimately, brother, you cannot stop just because you hit an obstacle. If I stopped every time I ran up against an obstacle I would never get anything done. That’s why resolving is the second step in this process. Try to remember that every obstacle you face is simply training for the next stage of your reboot and your life.

I have a few tips to help you along the way to embodying this practice of resolve, and a few action steps to help you bridge the gap between the first and second steps.

Decide if this is a journey you’re willing to commit to.

I define commitment as continuing to do something you said you were going to do long after the emotion of making the decision passes. Everyone wants to quit their out-of-control behavior when their life is falling apart, but what about when it starts coming back together? You must be willing to stick with this long after the desperation wears off. This isn’t an overnight process; it takes 90 days to end your behavior but up to two years to rewire your brain. Are you willing to commit no matter how many tries it takes?

Start thinking about what winning in your reboot looks like.

Define what your reboot looks like to you. What do you want it to feel like? What do you want to accomplish after you end your out-of-control behavior? Where do you hope to be in six months or a year? Start thinking about these things and use them to propel you forward. There’s an important caveat, though; you need to think about what winning looks like for you, not for anyone else. Don’t define it by what I think it should look like, or your wife, your pastor, or your friends. Define it for YOU.

Start taking small actions toward your goal.

You don’t need to take on the entire goal at one time. Break it down into smaller steps. Achieving small wins helps you build momentum so you can keep going once the excitement dies down. The action steps are what separate the people who are willing to work for success from those who only stick around for as long as desperation holds.

Schedule regular reminders to get inspired.

Not taking your reboot seriously is a primary way to kill your inspiration, but another way is to let go of your resolve. For example, say you’re going through an extremely challenging experience that takes a lot of effort to overcome, but you’re negative throughout it and resistant to the process. Sure, you might make it through the obstacle, but you didn’t take anything from it. Remember that every obstacle is an opportunity to grow, and sometimes you need to schedule reminders to keep your perspective in check.

Surround yourself with people on the same journey as you.

I’ll never miss an opportunity to stress the importance of community on your journey, especially the one we’re on. Accountability is a critical part of the reboot process. While your reboot is a very personal journey, none of us have to do it alone. It’s so much easier to commit to the process and keep moving forward when you’re surrounded by other people doing the same thing.

So the first two steps: decide and develop resolve. Both of these lay the groundwork for the third step that I’ll share with you in the next post.

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Three Modes of Reboot Progress

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

I often hear from guys in our Porn Reboot groups who were doing well for a period then fell off seemingly out of nowhere. Everything was going right: they were eating well, they were on a good trajectory in their career, their family life was calm, and they were staying away from porn and masturbation. But all of a sudden something happened, a little unexpected twist, and they slipped.

I know I have some experience with that, too. There were times in my life when my gym routine was on point, I could take rejection from women without batting an eye, I was eating well, and my performance at work was top-notch. Then a little thing would happen and completely throw me off.

I have this concept that I think describes these situations perfectly. I call it the three modes of reboot progress. These three modes include:

Survival Mode
Thrive Mode
Impact Mode

If you keep struggling with taking three steps forward and three steps back, this might be helpful for you. I encourage you to read this post and then do some journaling to determine which mode you may be in at the moment.

So, what does each mode entail?

Survival Mode

The dictionary defines survival as continuing to exist or remaining intact. Living in survival mode means doing just enough to get by without completely breaking down. From what I’ve noticed in over a decade of working with men and observing general human behavior, the majority of people live their whole lives in survival mode. They spend the entirety of their time on this planet doing what they can scrape by but never moving beyond this.

When you’re in survival mode you lack clarity, purpose, or aim; you’re simply doing all you can to make it through the day. You’re treading water trying to pay the bills, support your family, and make ends meet. Maybe your ideal weight is 175 but you’re sitting at an overweight 230 pounds doing what you can to keep the scale from climbing higher, but nothing to bring that number down.

People living in survival mode are terrified of taking risks. They aren’t willing to bet on themselves. They’re not willing to step out of their comfort zone (no matter how uncomfortable it looks from the outside) and do what it takes to rise above. And if you’re in survival mode, you’re going to stay stuck in the same miserable cycle of three steps forward, three steps back.

Men living in survival mode feel entitled. They believe the government should take care of them, that women owe them sex, and that they deserve compliments for completing even the most basic of tasks. If you’re stuck in survival mode, chances are you’re too busy blaming others for your problems or looking for shortcuts to take responsibility for your actions. But realizing and accepting personal responsibility is necessary to escape the survival mode cycle.

I don’t work with men stuck in survival mode. There’s nothing I can do to help them. Until they are willing to step up to the plate and take responsibility for their lives, there isn’t a single thing I can do to make them see what they need to do. If this is you, I suggest you swallow your pride, own up to the truth of your reality, and get ready to make some changes as soon as possible.

Thrive Mode

The next mode is thrive mode. Men in thrive mode have escaped survival mode but are now stuck in a different type of downward spiral, and often can’t understand why. These men are experiencing growth in every area of their reboot, doing well in their careers, rebuilding their families, and getting their health in order, but they don’t know when to stop. It’s like the pendulum swung from one extreme to the other.

Thrive mode is deceiving because it feels like you’re in a good place. You make good money, you have nice things, you don’t need to worry about your bills, and you can often afford to do whatever you want to do. Sure, you still experience challenges but they are different types of challenges than those you face in survival mode.

The men in our implementation and intensive programs typically tend to be in thrive mode. Men who make the financial commitment to our group have usually escaped survival mode and recognize the worth of investing in themselves. However, they still can’t seem to make it over the final mental hump. They still have an empty pit inside that they try to fill with this insatiable hunger for success, but no matter how far they move up the ladder they still feel like they aren’t winning.

Does this feel familiar? If so, there’s one final piece of the puzzle that you’re missing. The seeming strengths that brought you this far will continue to be your weaknesses. You can continue building your business, expanding your stock portfolio, adding 0’s to your bank account, and showering your family with everything they could possibly need or want, but you won’t fill that emptiness inside of you until you move into the final mode.

Impact Mode

Impact mode is the third and final mode of reboot progress. It’s the most difficult one to come to terms with but it’s also the most rewarding. I didn’t get there myself until just the last few years but I believe it’s something that every man should aim for. You transition into impact mode once you recognize that you didn’t move from survival mode to thrive mode alone, no matter how self-made you believe you are.

People paved the way and lifted you up in different ways along your journey. It happened with a little bit of kindness here or an important bit of well-timed wisdom or advice there. Now you’re at a place surrounded by abundance, every area of your reboot is thriving, and you have more than you could ever need. Your life is so full that you have almost no choice but to help other people, but if you choose to continue amassing things trying to fill that empty pit then you miss the beauty of impact mode.

Once you realize that true joy and fulfillment come from helping others, you cross the bridge from thrive mode to impact mode. It’s a wonderful gift to turn around and help others the way you were helped along the way, too. You’re not consumed by the fear of not making it in life or the fear of losing everything; you know that you’re in a good place and you want to share the path to this place with others.

What Mode Are You In?

So I want you to ask yourself, brother, what mode are you in? Put your ego aside, look around you, and answer honestly. If you’re in survival mode, stop blaming other people. Start hanging out with those doing better than you are and set some goals. If you’re in thrive mode, start asking yourself what you can do to remove the focus from you and shift it to others.

Set some time aside, do some writing, and figure out which mode you are in. Once you can answer honestly, start doing the work to move into the next phase, with the goal of ultimately arriving at impact mode. And on the off chance that you are already in impact mode, what can you do to create more impact? Can you turn up the volume? Can you do more?

As men who have learned to control their out-of-control behavior, I believe we have a responsibility to help others. Aside from meditation, I feel most fulfilled when I’m working with other men. Maybe you disagree with that, but I know it’s the case for me. And maybe it’s because you haven’t reached impact mode yet, brother, because there is so much more to life than simply amassing things. We have the opportunity to impact the world for the better.

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The Third Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is an imperative part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself.

Over the last few days, I wrote about the first two steps to leveling up your porn addiction recovery reboot and progressing in life as a whole. First, I covered the importance of making a firm decision without comparing yourself to others. Second, I covered how crucial it is to develop resolve, mentally prepare yourself for inevitable obstacles, and turn those obstacles into opportunities.

Today I bring you the most important step in the process. Without this you’ll never make the progress you so desperately hope to achieve. The third step to leveling up in your reboot, brother, is taking action, and you must take this step quickly. Speed is critical.

You can’t say I’ll start tomorrow. You can’t say I’ll start once I install a filter on my device. You have to start NOW. Immediate action is vital because your limiting beliefs and habit patterns will keep you trapped in the same cycle you’ve been in for months or years. You cannot give those beliefs and behaviors a chance to pop up; they are powerful and will sabotage you every time. You have less than five seconds to act before your unconscious mind comes up with all sorts of reasons and excuses for slowing down.

I’ll use a simple example for this three-step process. Let’s say you decide you are going to start waking up early at 5:00 AM. Step one is done. Then you resolve to wake up despite any obstacles that arise, such as a late night with your kid, feeling very tired, your bed being too comfortable, whatever it is. This is a new opportunity for you to learn discipline and deal with resistance. Now you’ve done step two.

Step three is to take action. What do you do when the alarm clock goes off the next morning? Your eyes should open and you should immediately jump out of bed. But lots of guys hit the wall when they reach this point. They decide to hit snooze just once and lay in bed for a few more minutes to gather their thoughts.

Boom. They’re already done for. They set the pace for their day with that one small decision.

Immediate action is crucial, brother. You need to jump out of bed immediately when your alarm goes off. You have five seconds to make that decision, resolve yourself, and take action, or your habit patterns that are years in the making will take over every single time.

Procrastination is not part of the routine of any successful rebooter. Men who end their out-of-control behavior with porn and masturbation and successfully rewire their brains are men who take action. That isn’t to say it’s something that happens overnight; you spent years building up this behavior and it will take at least a few weeks to break it back down. But that means weeks of immediate contrary action in the face of instant gratification.

Maybe you’re asking yourself right now, “What if I don’t have enough time to take action right now?” Perhaps it’s a big project that requires some serious man-hours. But here’s the thing: I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. You’re overthinking it. There is always at least one small action you can take to push back against your ingrained habits and move forward. You just need to do something to get started.

For example, I always suggest new brothers in the group introduce themselves within the first 24 hours of joining. All it takes is a quick introduction to get yourself in the middle of the pack. But brothers who choose not to introduce themselves immediately are less likely to participate in the future.

Your mind must receive the message that the task you’re working towards is so important that you must do it immediately. And you can’t tell me you aren’t used to taking immediate action, you just do it in the wrong direction. You’re probably great at taking immediate action toward distracting yourself. I’m sure you’re quick to jump on YouTube or some other website or app that you enjoy when you’re feeling a bit unmotivated.

You apply these three steps but toward something that drags you backward. You decide to watch some videos or scroll on your phone. You resolve yourself to the idea that nothing will derail you from pursuing this relaxing distraction. And then you take immediate action.

See? You’re already using this three-step process. Now you need to use it to take action that will help you level up in your reboot, not down. Make a decision, resolve yourself, and take action. It’s that simple, brother. It takes time to develop this new habit but I’ve seen countless brothers do it, I know you’re more than capable of it, and the results that come from it will amaze you.

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How to Measure Your Reboot Goals in 2022

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

Can you believe we’re already in the final week of 2021?

Winter holidays have come and gone and we’re only a few days away from New Year’s. If you haven’t already, now is the time to sit down and outline some goals for yourself during the upcoming year. Take a moment to reflect on 2021 and look forward to what you want to accomplish in 2022.

One critical aspect of setting effective goals is ensuring you can measure your progress. If your goal isn’t measurable, how will you know whether you’re on track to reach it or not?

Some goals are easy to measure and track. Things like financial numbers or business milestones are straightforward and measurable. You can see precisely how close you are to accomplishing what you’re working toward.

When it comes to your porn addiction recovery, though, setting measurable goals is a bit more difficult. Many brothers are tempted to measure their success by their porn-free time. Sure, counting days is the easiest way to measure but it’s the least effective way to track progress. I’ve always been very vocal about encouraging men in the Porn Reboot program to not count days. I believe that porn-free streaks don’t matter, nor do I believe they are a true measure of your progress.

Counting days means nothing. What is the point of not masturbating if you aren’t going to make any other changes? Why would you not bust a nut for months and months but remain the same cranky, irritable, emotional person you’ve always been? If you remain undisciplined, isolated, and lack determination, then who cares how long your streak is?

There are better ways to measure your reboot goals in 2022.

Measure your improvement by recognizing whether you’re still acting out in ways that lead to slips. Measure your improvement based on your emotions and behavior. Measure your improvement by tracking the coping skills you implement or reboot capital you gain. Measure your improvement using the strength of your relationships.

These are all far more useful indicators of success than the number of days since you last jerked off or watched porn.

The Porn Reboot program is not for men who only want to overcome their pornography addiction. It isn’t for men who are concerned with their porn use or masturbation but not the other areas of their lives that are falling apart. It’s not for men who aren’t willing to make drastic changes in their lives to leave their old ways behind.

Instead, the Porn Reboot program is for men ready to dedicate their time, attention, and energy to becoming the best version of themselves possible. It’s for men who are tired of living directionless, pathetic lives that center around watching porn and masturbating. The program is a pathway to help you not only overcome your compulsive sexual behavior but to enhance your entire life.

If you want an easy way to measure your porn addiction recovery goals in 2022, I encourage you to sign up for our free “Best Year Ever” training program. It’s my gift to you for being part of the Porn Reboot community. Whether you’re new to the blog or you’ve been reading for a while, I want to offer this free blueprint that will help you start the year strong as a way to thank you for joining us here.

Once you sign up, I invite you to join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group if you haven’t already. We’re a group of hardworking, high-performing men dedicated to helping every man who wants to overcome his behavior with porn and reframe his life. If that sounds like you, sign up for the free program, join the group, and let us know that you’re starting 2022 strong with us.

Looking forward to seeing you, brother.

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5 Tips For Dating During Your Reboot

Pornography Addiction Treatment / By Automation Agency Concierge

At some point during the reboot process, single brothers in the Porn Reboot program are going to begin dating.

Some methods for overcoming porn addiction have you holding your seed and abstaining from intimacy for long periods. I disagree with that, though. I believe that having an outlet for your romantic and intimate needs is a very normal, healthy progression.

It’s not good for you to hold yourself back from intimacy or connection with the women around you. That’s a one-way ticket to sexual repression which is another serious problem. Learning to date in a healthy way during your reboot is a vital part of the process. You need to begin working on building relationships with women in a positive way.

Now if you’re a single man who’s been focused strictly on his reboot for months, getting into the dating game probably makes you feel a bit nervous. Dating in today’s world does come with its challenges and you might find yourself in a tough situation. If you’re early in your reboot, you might have no idea how to have a normal conversation with the opposite sex.

Don’t worry, no matter how extreme your out-of-control behavior is, you’re never too far gone. You can rebuild an amazing and active sex and dating life regardless of how far your behavior progressed. It will take some work but that’s what the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot system is here to do. So, how can you get back to dating during your reboot?

1. Figure out whether you’re ready to date

In my experience, I recommend that a man has his behavior under control for at least 6 to 12 months before beginning to date. During that time you should be actively working on bettering yourself, not just using willpower to keep your behavior at bay.

You should have different areas of your reboot capital built up, should be aware of your triggers, and should have strong boundaries in place. These are things that take a few months to set up, not a few weeks. If these things aren’t in place, you aren’t ready to date.

2. Put together a dating plan

Once you decide that you’re ready to date, you should approach dating like you do other major life changes during your reboot: with a plan. Of course, different men’s plans will vary according to their lifestyle and what they want. But having a plan in place for your particular situation, lifestyle, and wants will help you out.

Where will you find your potential dates? How often should you see them before having sex? What will you do to reflect on your dates and determine whether this person is someone you actually want to continue seeing? And who will be your accountability partner or partners during the dating process?

3. Date without expectations

Building up expectations for your dates puts you on the fast track to disappointment and letdown. That’s not to say every date you go on will be miserable, but it’s also a reminder that not every date will be something you’re interested in. Keeping a hold of your emotional balance is critical and dating without expectations is an important way to do that.

Take time to get to know the women you’re dating. Having sex with women you aren’t in a committed relationship with will always put your reboot at risk. Slow things down and take the weeks or months needed to determine whether this woman is someone you’re actually interested in.

4. The dating process is not about sex, nor strictly about finding a partner

I know this might sound counterintuitive but trust me on this one. Early in your reboot, the main point of dating is to go out and literally practice meeting people. If you’ve struggled with porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior for years, you’re going to need that practice.

Go out and have a good time with some different women. Observe how you react emotionally during the process. Be honest with yourself when reflecting on the experience after you get home. You might even find out that you’re not quite ready for dating yet. You’re simply on a fact-finding mission at this point.

5. Have some standards

In the past, you probably would have slept with anyone who gave you the time of day. You weren’t very concerned about the types of women you were with, you only cared about whether you could score at the end of the night. Now that you’re rebooting, though, it’s a different story.

Today you need to have standards, brother. Once you drop your focus on sex, you begin to notice how uninteresting many of the women you saw before were. You’re much less interested in interacting with toxic women. You can begin to determine how you’d like to be treated and find a woman who meets those needs.

Get Some Support Along the Way

One of the most important things to keep in mind is you shouldn’t head into dating alone. Trying to manage your dating life during your reboot without any support is a disaster waiting to happen. Get yourself in the middle of a group of men, like we have in the Porn Reboot Facebook group, who know exactly what you’re going through.

The more you surround yourself with support, the better your experience will be. You’ll have men who you can talk to when you’re having a difficult time with dating or you feel like you’re at risk of slipping. Dating during your reboot doesn’t have to be an impossible feat, brother. It’s a natural part of life and you can do it with the right support and approach!

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Handling Emotional Needs While Dating In Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Most men who are working to overcome pornography addiction and out-of-control sexual behavior are unaware of the role of emotional needs.

They don’t understand that these are the baseline of all successful relationships; they’re too preoccupied with using porn, masturbation, and sex to distract from their negative emotions.

However, emotional needs are an integral part of every romantic relationship, whether you realize it or not. If you want a fulfilling relationship, you must make sure both your and your partner’s emotional needs are met. Problems arise when these needs are neglected because it leaves both parties feeling like the other isn’t interested in or appreciative of them.

You might meet someone who would be a great fit for you in a relationship, but because you’re so caught up in your out-of-control behavior, you’re not going to meet her emotional needs. You’ll miss the opportunity because you lack emotional intelligence when you’re active in your behaviors.

As you start rebooting, though, it’s time to learn about emotional needs. Understanding the roles these needs play and the way they interact is vital if you want to have a successful relationship.

Three Main Emotional Needs

There are three main emotional needs when it comes to dating: connection, status, and security. Every person values these three needs to varying degrees. It’s important to understand what each need consists of and how important each is to you and your potential partner.

Connection refers to the need to feel understood and appreciated, to share values, and to share experiences. Status refers to the need to feel important, superior, or even challenged.

Finally, security refers to the need to feel safe and secure within a trusting relationship.

A person’s willingness to become intimate with someone depends on their needs, how these needs are prioritized, and how the other individual fulfills those needs. For example, if a woman prioritizes security, you must find ways to make sure she feels the relationship is solid.

Keeping Emotional Needs Balanced

Though everyone has emotional needs, it’s also important to keep these needs in check. These needs can either be healthy or unhealthy depending on how well a person maintains a balance with them. It’s easy for needs to expand beyond a reasonable point and become something toxic. Sometimes unchecked emotional needs can cause as many problems as unmet emotional needs.

The need for connection can progress to the point of neglecting spending time with friends or having quality alone time. The need for security can evolve into extreme jealousy or possessiveness. The need for status can reach a point where the person becomes egocentric or self-absorbed.

Unchecked emotional needs are no longer about building a strong relationship. They’re superficial ways to soothe unhealed inner wounds. Left unchecked, these surface-level demands lead to depression and loneliness, not fulfillment and contentment. And when you struggle with porn addiction or compulsive sexual behavior, it’ll only drive you deeper into that.

Needs Change Over Time

Another thing to understand is the way that emotional needs change over time. Things that were important to you in your 20s don’t seem as pressing in your 40s. Priorities in your 50s were the furthest thing from your mind in your 30s.

Major life events like getting married or having kids can also alter your emotional needs. They shift your understanding of what’s important in life and create a change in the way you prioritize each need.

If you’ve been with the same person for a long time, both of your needs will shift as time goes on. It’s good to know what those changes are so you can communicate them with your partner and continue building a relationship that withstands the test of time.

If you’re single, it’s still good to know when your needs change. Recognizing the emotional needs you bring to the table helps you build more solid relationships from the beginning. But how do you know which needs have the highest priority in your life?

Recognizing Your Needs

As you learn to control your behavior with pornography, you’ll start to recognize your emotional needs. Acknowledging the needs that motivate you is an important part of your reboot. But you won’t develop sudden clarity on the things that are important to you; it takes some work to decipher how you prioritize your emotional needs.

I’ve got a quick assignment for you today. I want you to write out how you prioritize your emotional needs in life right now. If you’re in a relationship, look at that relationship and figure out which needs are important in it. If you’re single and looking for a relationship, find out which needs are important for your potential partner to meet. If you’re single and not looking for a relationship, analyze your past relationships and look for patterns in your needs.

Once you’re finished writing, I want you to share your findings with the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot Facebook group. There are hundreds of guys, some in the Porn Reboot intensive and some who stick with the free group, who share their findings from the assignments. I think it’s an important way to connect with other men and to follow through on actions in your reboot.

If you aren’t part of the free Facebook group yet, you can join us here. It’s a private group so none of your friends or family will know you joined. It’s a great way to stay accountable, to find support, and to get you through any lulls you may experience. Come join us today and let us know where you’re at in the ways you prioritize emotional needs in your relationships!

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5 Stages of Change in Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Effect / By Automation Agency Concierge

Change doesn’t happen overnight.

You don’t decide to quit using porn or acting out on your compulsive behavior and then stop completely the next day. Most of the time it takes a while for you to recognize that there’s a serious problem in the first place. The recovery process is just that: a process.

The five stages of change (sometimes called the five stages of recovery) describe the process of changing a compulsive behavior. You’re probably familiar with it by now if you’ve spent time in any recovery circles or read much on the topic. It’s a helpful outline for understanding how change happens when you struggle with compulsive behavior or addiction. These stages are:

Precontemplation
Contemplation
Planning
Action
Maintenance

Although quite a few men are aware of the five stages of recovery already, I’ve also noticed that plenty have yet to hear of them. I want to give you a quick outline of each stage to help you determine where you’re at in your process.

Precontemplation

Precontemplation is the initial stage where you don’t recognize that you have a problem. Your world hasn’t caught on fire yet. Porn Addiction Effect hasn’t had a significant impact on your life yet. You might feel some residual discomfort or experience a few consequences but it hasn’t gotten out of control.

Maybe you’re making justifications for your actions. You truly believe you could stop if you wanted to. If your partner confronts you about your porn use, you’re convinced that they’re overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing. All of your buddies watch porn and jerk off, what’s wrong with you doing it, too?

But the difference between you and your buddies is that your behavior is compulsive. You’re not simply watching porn, you’re using it as an unhealthy coping mechanism. Your porn use and compulsive behavior have been getting progressively worse over time. The problem is actively escalating but you still haven’t noticed that there’s an issue.

Contemplation

Contemplation is the stage where you start to experience and recognize some of the negative effects porn has on your life. Sometimes it’s the amount of time you spend watching it or how distracted you feel when you aren’t. Perhaps it started affecting your sex life. Maybe you notice that you can’t have sex without watching porn first, or you fantasize about scenes during intercourse.

The contemplation stage is when you begin thinking this might be a real problem. The cons start to outweigh the pros. You start thinking about making some changes. You might consider trying to masturbate or watch porn in moderation. For example, instead of jerking off every day, you might cut it back to once a week.

Once you try cutting back, though, is when you realize how trapped you are. You may be able to stay off of it for a few days or weeks or months, but you inevitably find yourself back where you started. Maybe you find yourself in an even worse situation than before. So you’re back to the idea that it might be time to do something about this problem.

Planning

Once you’re ready to commit to making some changes, you’ve reached the planning stage. It doesn’t mean you’ve fully committed yet but you’re starting to look for solutions. You’re searching online for resources, watching videos, listening to podcasts, and reading blog posts like this one.

But the planning stage is the stage where the distinction between two types of men becomes clear: Type A and Type B. I’ve talked about the differences between Type A and Type B men before. One type will move through the planning phase and into the next phase. One will get stuck in the planning phase and spin his wheels endlessly.

Type B men are ready to make changes. They do a ton of research but aren’t ready to do anything about it. These men consume tons of content online but never implement it in their lives. They might even reach out and email us about their problem, but they never follow through on their request.

Type A men are also ready to make changes. They do the same sort of research that Type B men do but they decide on a plan of action. These men don’t just read, watch, and listen to things online; they take the content they consume and determine how they’re going to apply it to their lives. Then they move into the next stage of change.

Action

If you’re reading this blog post right now, you’re most likely in the action stage. Men in the action stage have identified that there’s a problem, researched how to address it, outlined a plan of action, and are now in the process of following through on their plan.

A ton of work occurs during the action stage. This is the time when you need to establish your routine and commit to it. At some point, the initial alarm and fear that led you to seek a solution will wear off. The action stage is when you build your new behaviors into lasting habits so you can persist through these lulls in motivation.

The action stage can take quite a while. You begin to make different choices than you would have before. Sure, you might experience a slip or two during the action phase but you continue moving forward. But you use these slips to understand your triggers, learn to manage your urges, and build up new coping skills. Over time, these slowly become your new way of doing things.

Maintenance

When your routine and habits are set in place, you’ve reached the maintenance stage. This stage is exactly what it sounds like: you continue maintaining the progress that you’ve built from the beginning.

Your self-image begins to change during the maintenance stage as you recognize how far you’ve come. You’ve built up many areas of your reboot capital, from your spiritual life to your social life, your finances to your health. The maintenance stage is when you finally begin to feel like you’re on the right track, that you’ve overcome your compulsive behavior.

And you will, brother. You’ll no longer be the man you used to be. By the time you reach the maintenance stage, you’ve built an entirely different life than you had before, one that’s worth living. So long as you continue taking action and moving through the five stages of change, a life free from pornography can be your reality, too.

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