Can Porn Addiction Be Cure: Myths and Realities

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

I’ve got another great question from a brother in the Porn Reboot Facebook group for you today. He asks:

“J.K., do you think that you can ever be cured of porn addiction problems? When it plays such a pivotal role in your life from adolescence into adulthood, do you always have to fight urges? Do you have to be careful about relapses for the rest of your life?

“Let’s use you as an example. You feel that you’ve recovered from your porn addiction. Do you ever get urges still? Do you occasionally watch pornography once a month, every six months, or even once a year? Do you have to tiptoe around relapses? Is it a constant battle every day?”

I’m hesitant to use the term “cure.” Con artists have been hucking quick cures since the dawn of time. I believe the only cures you should seek are those from a medical professional. Since I’m not a doctor, nor am I a con artist, I prefer not to view myself or my clients as “cured” of their porn addiction problems.

However, I do know for a fact that you can rewire your brain to no longer need pornography. The Porn Reboot system is designed for that exact purpose. From developing healthy coping mechanisms; to understanding the driving forces behind your behavior; to whatever else pushes you to lean on porn, sex, and masturbation; that’s what Porn Reboot helps you do.

Something in this brother’s question stuck out to me. He asked: “Do you ever get urges even now? Do you still occasionally watch pornography once a month, every six months, or a year?” It’s something that a lot of brothers wonder about at the start of the porn addiction recovery process.

In my case, as well as the cases of many of our brothers, I do not need to. Why? Because I simply do not have the self-image of a man who needs pornography. I’m not interested in watching porn occasionally as a “treat”. I have no reason to.

Most men cannot conceptualize a life free of pornography when they first arrive at the program. They’ve spent years consumed by compulsive porn use. Porn was an everyday thing. The idea that you can go a day, week, month, or year without using porn, not because you have to but because you don’t want to, is unfathomable.

Look at it this way. Why would you want to engage once a month, every six months, or a few times a year, in something that may have ruined your marriage? Something that destroyed your career? Something that shattered your self-esteem? Why would you still want a taste of that? What about that sounds enticing to you?

I know the answers to those questions because I spent years trapped in the cycle myself. And that’s the point of the Pornography Addiction Treatment. I’m not here to “cure” men of their porn addiction. I don’t concern myself with the thought of whether it’s something that can be or should be cured. Instead, I focus on helping men completely rewire their brains so that they never feel the need to go back to that behavior again.

That may sound like you’ll fight a constant battle for the rest of your life from where you’re standing right now, but I promise that it’s not. If you implement the Porn Reboot system, over time you’ll build a life that leaves you with no need for porn or compulsive sexual behavior. You’re going to find yourself immersed in a life far more incredible than you ever imagined, wondering why you ever bothered with porn in the first place.

If quitting porn still feels like a fight, you haven’t fully committed to the process. There’s still a part of you that believes you can use porn normally. You haven’t accepted that you’re not like other men, a “civilian” as I like to call them. You have a problematic relationship with pornography and you need to replace that neural pathway with something new.

That means joining us here in the Porn Reboot program. We developed a system that has helped thousands of men over the last decade. We’re an ever-expanding network of brothers who know the struggle of porn addiction and know the freedom that can come after it. I invite you to join us, brother, and see for yourself what a porn-free life can be.

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80-Hour Workweeks and Working Out

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

If you’ve been around the Porn Reboot program for any length of time, you know that I often stress the importance of working out. I believe that regular exercise is a necessary part of a healthy life and a successful reboot. Lifting weights was a huge part of my early reboot and I believe it’s vital for every man to incorporate it as well.

However, a lot of men also work long hours as they try to advance their careers once free from their out-of-control sexual behavior. I did the same thing, too. I think it stems from wanting to make up for lost time and recoup from poor financial decisions during our active addiction.

A brother asked a question regarding these two things recently. He said:

“J.K., I’ve been working 60- to 80-hour weeks lately. My workout routine has taken a serious hit because of it, so I switched to morning workouts to make things at least a little more consistent. What other hacks can I use to have killer workouts when I’m working this much?”

While this is a great question that addresses one of the most vital aspects of the reboot process, it’s also rather vague. I opted to lift weights because my goal was to put on muscle, but many different outcomes can come from working out. What does this brother mean by a “killer workout”? Is he trying to get his heart rate up? Is he trying to improve his endurance? Is he trying to build muscle? Is he trying to lose body fat?

You also need to ask yourself the same question if you’re wondering how to optimize your workout time while working long hours. Once you have some clarity about your workout goals, it’s much easier to determine the best ways to optimize your workouts.

If you’re trying to improve your endurance or lose fat, focusing on cardio is likely your best bet. If you want to build muscle or gain strength, spending your time lifting weights will be the most productive approach. If you’re interested in something like mixed martial arts, dedicating time to a few classes per week will be worth it.

You must get clear on what you want to accomplish with your fitness if your workload is as heavy as you say it is. If you can’t outline your workout goals, then working out isn’t as big of a priority as you believe it to be.

If you’re working 60- to 80-hour weeks and still wanting to build other areas of your life, I suggest you start with an activity inventory. Spend a week writing down everything you do throughout the day from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed. How much time do you spend working? How much time do you spend engaged in personal activities? How much time do you spend on your phone? How much time do you spend screwing around?

You need to get honest with yourself about where your time goes each day. Taking an activity inventory makes it nearly impossible to fool yourself about what you’re doing. If you find that more time is spent goofing off than actually working, perhaps you can consolidate your work hours and leave more time for yourself at the end of the day.

I know that it’s possible to get workouts in when you’re working long weeks because I did it myself. I’ve also watched dozens of brothers manage it in all the time I’ve spent working with men as they rebuild their lives in the Porn Reboot program. Anyone can have effective workouts if they get clear on their goals and prioritize their fitness.

You hear plenty of people make excuses for why they can’t make time to work out, even with only a 40-hour workweek. But we’re not like everyone else. Asking the question on how to stop porn addiction, The men in the Porn Reboot group are determined to make the most out of every moment of life. From family to fitness to career and more, we won’t settle for anything less than the best of ourselves. And if we can do it, I know that you can, too.

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How to Stop Feeling Bad About Relapses

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Relapse is a common concern for men when they begin their reboot.

Most come from past programs with abstinence-only approaches that make you feel like you’ve failed if you have a slip. I see it differently, though. When you’re learning how to stop porn addiction, relapses are part of the process.

If you’re like the majority of men early in the Porn Reboot system, you likely attach a lot of emotion to relapses. You feel a lot of guilt and shame if you start watching porn again, even if only for an evening. You might find yourself trapped in a negative thought spiral that keeps you stuck for longer than you should be.

I prefer men in the Porn Reboot program to remove all emotion from the relapse experience. You don’t need to assign big feelings to it when it happens; simply recognize that you made a mistake and determine how you can best avoid it moving forward. In this way, I like to see the process of viewing slips as data. This makes it easier to get back on track instead of digging yourself into a hole.

Men who are prone to feeling big emotions after a relapse will struggle with this at first. Learning to detach emotions from slips feels like a huge challenge. But when you start to rationally view slips as data, it becomes easier to not feel guilt, shame, or anger because you’re busy processing the experience.

For example, when you experience a slip you can immediately dissect what happened. Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep because you stayed up too late watching YouTube videos on your phone. You watched the videos because you felt frustrated that work took longer to complete than usual and you wanted to feel a bit of relief from that stress.

This gives you multiple points to adjust so that you don’t have to slip in this same manner again. If you finished your work in time, you wouldn’t have felt as stressed or frustrated. If you recognized that sometimes you’re going to have bad days at work, you might not have sought relief from YouTube videos. If you still needed some time to de-stress, you could have achieved it by reading a book or meditating for a few minutes instead.

Breaking down your relapse in this way makes it almost impossible to feel bad about it. Sure, the goal of the Porn Reboot program is to eliminate your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. But expecting it to go away immediately is only a recipe for disaster. Assigning big emotions to something that’s almost guaranteed sets you up for failure, too.

Viewing slips as data is a far more efficient approach to your reboot. If you haven’t already, I recommend practicing it as you learn how to stop porn addiction. You’ll become more effective not only at avoiding slips, but you can apply this reasoning to other troublesome areas of your life. You don’t need to feel bad about relapses when they simply offer you more information on how to avoid them in the future!

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Opportunity-induced Pornography Addiction

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

Brother, addiction to pornography is a big problem in our society today. Many people are developing a pornography addiction as a result of easy access to pornographic content on the internet. It’s crucial to realize that not everyone who views pornography develops an addiction to it. Pornography addiction can occur for a number of reasons, but one of the most important causes is opportunity-induced addiction.

When someone develops a pornography addiction as a result of having easy access to pornographic content, this is known as opportunity-induced addiction. For those who struggle with poor self-control, unstable emotions, and humiliation, this is frequently the case. We shall delve into these three aspects of pornography addiction in more detail.

Low Self-Control

You’ve probably heard of self-control before. It’s the ability to regulate your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to achieve long-term goals. However, some of us struggle with low self-control, and that can make us more vulnerable to addiction.

When it comes to pornography addiction, low self-control is a big factor. People who struggle with self-control are more likely to indulge in pornography when given the opportunity. They might not set any boundaries for themselves or have any moderation in their behavior. As a result, they can quickly become addicted to pornographic material.

If you find yourself struggling with self-control, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. Many people struggle with this, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. However, it’s crucial to take steps to strengthen your self-control and prevent addiction.

One way to do this is to set clear boundaries for yourself around pornography use. Try to limit your viewing time and avoid using pornography when you’re feeling vulnerable or emotional. It’s also helpful to find alternative ways to cope with stress and negative emotions, such as exercise or meditation.

Emotional Instability

Emotions are a big part of being human. We all experience sadness, frustration, grief, loss, loneliness, or anger at some point in our lives. It’s important to have healthy ways to express and deal with these emotions. But sometimes, we might not know how to handle them in a healthy way, and that’s where emotional instability comes in.

People who struggle with emotional instability may not know how to express or deal with their emotions in a healthy way. They might bury their emotions and try to ignore them. This can lead to emotional distress and even mental health problems.

In some cases, people turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with their emotions. Pornography addiction is one of these coping mechanisms. When people experience negative emotions, they might turn to porn or other sexual activities to distract themselves from their emotions and feel better. Unfortunately, this can lead to addiction and make things worse in the long run.

That’s why it’s important to learn healthy ways to deal with our emotions. Talking to a therapist or Reboot coach can be a great way to start. They can help you identify your emotions and teach you healthy coping mechanisms to deal with them. Exercise, meditation, and spending time with loved ones are also great ways to deal with negative emotions in a healthy way.

Remember brother, emotional instability is a common factor in pornography addiction. By learning healthy ways to deal with our emotions, we can avoid falling into unhealthy coping mechanisms and addiction.

Shame

Shame is a difficult emotion to deal with, especially when it comes to addiction. It’s understandable why people turn to pornography to distract themselves from the shame they feel. But it’s important to remember that there are healthier ways to deal with shame.

One common cause of shame in pornography addiction is secrecy. When people keep secrets, it can create a pattern of behavior where they feel like they have to lead a double life. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness and shame. If you’re feeling ashamed of your addiction, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. There are resources available to help you overcome your addiction.

Another cause of shame in pornography addiction can come from discrimination. If you grew up in a household where your parents discriminated against certain groups of people, you may have internalized those beliefs. This can lead to shame if you find yourself attracted to someone outside of those beliefs. It’s important to challenge those beliefs and remind yourself that love knows no boundaries.

Shame can also come from past traumas or experiences, such as sexual abuse or assault. People who have experienced trauma may feel intense shame and guilt, even if they were not at fault for what happened to them. This shame can lead them to turn to pornography as a way to cope with their emotions and feelings of worthlessness.

In addition, shame can also arise from religious or cultural beliefs. Many religions and cultures view sexual activity outside of marriage or certain norms as sinful or shameful. Individuals who grew up in such environments may feel deep shame and guilt for engaging in pornography or other sexual activities, even if they do not necessarily believe it is wrong.

It’s important to recognize that shame is a complex emotion and can arise from many different factors. However, dealing with shame is an important step in overcoming pornography addiction. This can involve seeking therapy or counseling to address underlying issues and learning healthy ways to cope with difficult emotions.

By addressing the root causes of shame and developing healthy coping mechanisms, individuals can work towards breaking free from the cycle of addiction and living a happier, more fulfilling life.

Pornography addiction is a big problem, but understanding the causes of opportunity-induced addiction can help people take steps to prevent addiction and seek help if necessary. If you struggle with low self-control, emotional instability, or shame, it’s important to talk to someone about it. Addiction can be overcome, but it takes effort and support. Remember that you’re not alone, brother. There’s help available, and you can break free from addiction.

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Moderate Masturbation: Navigating Urges in Your Journey

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

About twice a month, I have conversations with different brothers in our intensive program who ask about masturbation in moderation.

It’s a common curiosity that many share. They’re usually men in the middle to late stage of their reboot who are starting to differentiate between normal, healthy sexual urges and urges caused by their out-of-control behavior. These men usually are not in a relationship but they are casually dating.

You might have found yourself wondering the same thing at one point or another in your reboot: “Can I masturbate in moderation?”

Personally, I’m not an advocate for masturbation in moderation. When you have a history of pornography addiction, there’s a slim chance that you can masturbate without taking it too far. Some brothers are capable of it but you cannot find out in the early stages of your reboot, anyways. You won’t know whether your attempts are successful until your brain rewires.

Men who are in the later stages of their reboot have a bit more leeway here, though. While masturbation in moderation doesn’t work for me, nor does it work for plenty of other men, I still try to handle the question on a case-by-case basis.

Typically I find that there’s something deeper at play when a brother brings this question up in our conversation. He might say, “I’m dating but I’m going through a dry spell right now,” or, “I’m in a long-distance relationship and she hasn’t been in town in a long time.” On the surface, this seems fine, but dig a bit further and oftentimes the real question is, “I’m afraid of being vulnerable with or risking rejection from a woman, so can I mask that pain with masturbation?”

Oftentimes brothers use the excuse of seasons when they ask me this question. They insist it’s a season for advancing their career or building their physique, and they don’t have time to dedicate themselves to finding a woman. However, it’s usually that they aren’t willing to risk getting vulnerable or being rejected so they would rather take the easy way out.

I hate to inform you, brother, but life doesn’t work the way that it does in porn. You don’t have instant access to hundreds of beautiful women whenever you want them. That sense of instant gratification instilled by your porn addiction symptoms takes time to overcome, but masturbation in moderation isn’t a technique that will help you get there.

I recommend learning to put yourself out there. I know it isn’t easy given the state of the dating world today. The apps are exhausting and women ghost left and right. It’s tiresome to feel like you’re trying all the time yet getting rejected constantly, but you must learn to experience pain without turning to pornography or masturbation to soothe it.

When you’re feeling like you want to masturbate in moderation, I suggest finding an alternative solution. Go hang out with some friends, join a club, sign up for a class at your local community center, participate in a rec league, get to the gym, read a book, or some other form of entertainment.

Turning to masturbation as a way to self-soothe or pass the time is not an option for you anymore. You also must learn that you don’t have to submit to every sexual urge you experience. You shouldn’t give your urges that much power over you; your urges do not control you.

Once you learn to identify and handle your emotions properly, though, occasional masturbation may become an option for you. Some brothers are married or in serious relationships and their partner gets sick, is pregnant, or has some mental health struggles. Masturbation may be okay if it’s not within his morals to go out and have sex with another woman.

Again, I ultimately believe this is best considered on a case-by-case basis. Masturbation is not for men in their early reboot. It’s not for men looking to avoid emotional pain or vulnerability or the possibility of rejection. It’s not a way to pass the time or let off some steam. And if you’re not in a position to recognize why that’s the case, then masturbation in moderation probably isn’t for you yet, either.

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Pornography is NOT the Problem

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

I noticed something while reading some discussions in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group that I wanted to expound upon a bit. I realized that lots of brothers still blame pornography for the problems in their lives, some who are still in the early stages of their reboot, and others who have been around the program for a few months.

Some men were more overt about placing blame while others did it subconsciously and may not have noticed. Either way, these brothers are all wrong. Pornography is NOT the problem. You might think it is. After all, isn’t that why the Porn Reboot program exists in the first place? But it’s not. Pornography is not as powerful as you think it is.

Think about it. Pornography has existed for much longer than you can imagine. Porn came about as soon as men realized they were able to draw on cave walls. We have ancient dick art on the walls of caves that date back hundreds of centuries! You might think porn is the issue but millions of people watch it without responding to it the way we do. While the detrimental effects of porn are another conversation entirely, it still doesn’t have the same effects on others as it does on men with out-of-control sexual behavior.

If you still believe porn is the problem, you’ll keep yourself stuck in the cycle of porn addiction. It probably feels like an endless problem because you’ll see it everywhere if that’s what you’re focused on. Things shown in television programs are increasingly lewd, Hollywood can get away with more suggestive scenes in lower-rated films, and some social media posts are as close to porn as you can get. I’m not denying that temptations exist, brother. I’m fully aware of everything that’s out there. But so long as you continue believing that those temptations are the problem, you’ll continue acting out time and time again.

You’re looking at the wrong problem, brother.

The problem is not pornography.

The problem is that you are using pornography to medicate.

It’s not the porn that keeps you trapped in the cycle. It’s the emotion that comes up right before you turn back to porn to keep yourself from feeling it. You can’t treat the problem when you still believe it exists outside yourself. The moment you stop treating pornography as the problem and recognize the problem for what it truly is is the moment you begin to reboot.

Remember that we treat slips as data here at the Porn Reboot program. I’m not interested in porn so much as I’m interested in what led up to it. I don’t mean the conversation with your buddies at the bar either, the one that got your mind racing and led you to relapse the minute you got through your door at home. I’m interested in the in-between: what emotion did that conversation spark and what were you trying to medicate by watching porn and jerking off when you got home?

It’s not the porn, brother. Your buddies at the bar can go home and leave PornHub running on their TV without a second thought, but not you. And not me, either. We aren’t like those guys, but why? If it were the porn itself, your buddies wouldn’t be able to control themselves with porn on the TV in the living room. So why can’t we?

It’s the emotions we’re using porn to medicate.

You must recognize that the problem lies within yourself, not on PornHub or YouPorn or Instagram, or Hollywood movies. It’s not the women at the gym or women at work or women anywhere.

It’s you.

That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, though. It doesn’t mean you’re evil or pathetic or weak-willed. It simply means that you don’t respond to porn the way that other people do. But it also means that it’s your responsibility to find a way through. And it’s relieving to know that I’m the problem, not the porn because that means I am also the solution.

The same applies to you, brother. If you are the problem then you are also the solution. Your freedom from out-of-control sexual behavior doesn’t sit with any of the porn sites or social media or what women choose to wear. Your freedom from out-of-control behavior is within your power. It’s up to you to recognize that truth, take responsibility for it, and get into action.

It’s also relieving to know that you aren’t alone. You may feel like the only person in the world struggling with this problem, but if you were then the Porn Reboot program wouldn’t exist. We wouldn’t have pages of blog posts, hundreds of YouTube videos, and millions of podcast downloads. The problem affects thousands more men than you, brother, and all it takes is a quick look in our free Facebook group to realize you are not alone.

I invite you to take responsibility for the real problem and to join us on the path to freedom from out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Once you accept that you’re the problem and recognize that you’re also the solution, you can only go up from there. Join us, brother, and find the freedom you’ve been searching for. It’s right here; all you have to do is join in.

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The First Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is an imperative part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself.

Before I start, I first want to make it clear that there are plenty of things I start and fail at. I don’t accomplish every single thing I set out to do. But when I fail at something it isn’t because I suddenly quit on it and give up. If I fail at something it’s because the timing wasn’t right, I wasn’t well-prepared, or something along those lines. I never fail because I run out of motivation, give up, and throw in the towel.

Giving up is not something I do anymore. This is a value I aim to pass along to every brother in the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program. Sure, you may have to quit things or fail from time to time, but it’s not because you’re lazy or lack the willpower to succeed. Learning when to let go of something instead of falling victim to the sunken cost fallacy is a crucial part of success.

Plenty of brothers waste precious weeks, months, or even years not knowing when to let go of a failure and move on to the next endeavor. Knowing when to quit is a skill, but quitting something because you lack motivation or ran out of steam is no longer an option.

You’re here because you want to succeed. You want to be successful in your reboot. You want to rewire your brain and end your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. I hope these three steps help you take another step in the right direction.

First Step: Make a Decision

The first step I use when setting out to accomplish something is to make a decision. I actively decide what I’m going to do based on the reality of my present circumstances. I can’t succeed at something if I don’t make an unwavering decision to move forward in that direction. So a decision is the first step.

Let’s say the big decision you’re facing right now is taking the necessary steps to end your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. You need to honestly assess where you currently are. What is your baseline at this point? How much are you acting out? What level of porn addiction are you at?

It seems easy on the surface but I find that many men, especially those early in their reboot, struggle with decisions. They trip themselves up and can’t make a decision because of two common mistakes I notice often.

Mistake #1: Comparing Yourself to Others

Continuing with our example of ending your out-of-control behavior, I often see men start comparing themselves to others. You might hear some stories on the podcast or read some on the blog and think you’re either not as bad as those guys or way worse. Maybe you think the vanilla porn you watch isn’t that bad, or the illicit material you watch makes you the worst guy in the group.

In reality, making comparisons is a huge mistake in either direction. You can’t decide to do something when you’re busy measuring yourself against others’ behavior. If you know something is right for you to pursue, you shouldn’t look around at what someone else is doing to decide whether you should take action. You already know you want to take action, so do it.

Mistake #2: Comparing Stories

The second common mistake is comparing your story to someone else’s. Say you hear about someone experiencing some big wins in their reboot. Maybe you join a coaching session and there’s a guy in the group who seems much further ahead of you. He’s only been part of the program for a month but he’s already quit entirely without a single slip or relapse.

Comparing stories puts you on the fast track to feeling down. It’s a dangerous thing to let yourself do. And once you start comparing stories, usually you’ll progress into making excuses for why you believe you’re further behind. You tell yourself you had it harder than he did, that if you only came from where he did then you could be that successful, too.

I hear things like this all the time. Guys tell me about growing up in poverty, being committed to a psych ward, spending time in foster care, having alcoholic parents, or whatever their particular experience consisted of.

Here’s the thing, brother: everyone has a story. Every guy has a reason to point at for why he is the way he is. And while your experiences are important, using them this way immediately puts you behind, but not for the reason you believe.

Wearing your negative experiences as a badge of victimhood is you giving yourself permission to be less successful.

And oftentimes you aren’t even aware of it.

Strip Away the Excuses and Decide

I want you to recognize whether you’re in the habit of comparing yourself and your story to others. If you find yourself doing it, it’s time to stop. Again, making a decision is the first step, but you must do it without considering others. You know what is best for you; decide, move forward, and quit second-guessing yourself.

It isn’t easy at first but the Porn Reboot system is designed to equip you with the self-confidence you need. You’ll learn to make decisions and trust them. But a decision is only the first step. A decision lays the groundwork but it doesn’t get you very far. The next step is even more important.

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How To Learn the Porn Reboot System Quicker

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

How To Learn the Porn Reboot System Quicker

Over the years I’ve noticed that some brothers struggle with adopting the Porn Reboot system. There are various reasons why a brother might have a hard time implementing the system, whether it’s an exceptionally busy life, a learning disability, or some other circumstance. I found a few tips that have helped these men learn the Porn Reboot system quicker so they can get on to the deeper aspects of the program and I want to share them with you today.

1. Decide you’re going to focus on rebooting.

It’s easy to say you want to focus on your reboot but actually doing it is something else entirely. If you’re having a hard time implementing the system, you must make a firm decision you will focus on rebooting.

Once you do, you must intentionally set aside time for your reboot activities. This could include time to watch a few videos, listen to a podcast, or read some pages from a book that is part of the curriculum.

2. Set realistic expectations of what you can absorb at one time.

If you struggle with learning the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot system, it’s unlikely that you’re going to absorb big aspects of the program all at once. I suggest you set realistic expectations for what you can hope to achieve in one focused session.

Don’t sit down expecting yourself to read multiple chapters of a book in one session. Instead, set a goal to read a few pages at a time. The more you set yourself up for small wins, the easier it will be to persevere until the system stick.

3. Get the right feedback.

Anyone who has been around the Porn Reboot program for even a short period knows how important I think accountability is. I firmly believe that we should not operate in isolation. We spent large portions of our lives isolating ourselves from our porn addiction; we need to do the opposite if we want to control our out-of-control behavior.

If you want to learn the Porn Reboot system quicker, you need to make sure you get the right feedback. This means checking in with someone else to talk about your progress. Find someone in the free Facebook group and offer to be accountability partners. You can work with them to find what worked and what didn’t, and they can offer neutral feedback from their third-party perspective.

4. Don’t compare yourself to other brothers.

You’re obviously learning the Porn Reboot system with the long-term goal of controlling your out-of-control sexual behavior. However, I notice that men tend to compare themselves to other men who are much further ahead in the program. You might look at your accountability partner or another brother in the program and compare your progress to his.

Maybe you wonder why he can function well on four or five hours of sleep while you need seven or eight to feel optimal. But you’re focused on the wrong thing; the ultimate goal is controlling your behavior. The minute details don’t matter as much as the long-term outcome of ending your porn addiction.

5. Don’t compare yourself to an idealized version of yourself.

Sure, the only person you should compare yourself to is who you were yesterday, but that’s also not an excuse to beat yourself up if you fall short. Don’t develop an idealized version of yourself that you then use to hold yourself to an unrealistic standard. I’ve talked before about the fact that ideals are not grounded in reality; don’t fall prey to the temptation of ideals.

You’ll only delay your progress in the Porn Reboot program if you choose to constantly beat yourself up based on what you “could have” or “should have” been. No one can ever achieve perfection, even the most driven of us in the group. Focus on who you are today and take small steps to become 1% better tomorrow.

6. Know when to stop learning something and start applying it.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in and distracted by the learning process that you never apply it. The learning process also has the illusion of safety. If you constantly spend your time learning but never applying things, you trick yourself into believing that you aren’t exposing yourself to the possibility of failure.

In reality, the longer you stay in the learning phase, the longer you delay your progress. You live in a hypothetical world until you start applying what you’ve learned to your real life. You must know when it’s time to pause the podcast and implement these strategies in your work life, family life, and sex life. Take moments to apply what you learn before returning to absorb more information.

7. Avoid chasing clarity.

Too many men think they must have absolute clarity before making a decision. I have news for you, though; you’ll never have all of the answers or information you need to decide. You have to learn to make decisions without full clarity. Delaying things based on a lack of clarity will leave you delaying things for the rest of your life.

No matter what you do, you will always have insufficient information. That doesn’t mean constantly making blind decisions about everything in your life. I mean you must learn to trust yourself to know when you have enough information to make an informed decision and move forward with your life.

8. Recognize that you don’t need to know everything to succeed.

You don’t need to understand every aspect of the Porn Reboot system to succeed. You also don’t need to understand every single aspect of sexually compulsive behavior to end your porn addiction.

I’ve learned so many things since ending my out-of-control behavior but I didn’t need to know them to end it in the first place. It’s okay if there are things you don’t know right now; just get started and you’re bound to learn as you go.

9. Understand how you learn best.

Every person has certain ways they prefer to learn that work best for them. Some are visual learners, some are kinesthetic learners, some are auditory learners, and some learn through writing and reading. Personally, I learn more from reading and listening but not as much from watching. I understand that about myself so I choose to read books and take notes when I want to learn about a topic.

Figure out which approach to learning works for you and follow through on it. Don’t worry which way works best for others; that goes back to not comparing yourself. Focus on the ways that work for you and lean into them.

10. Employ the power of visualization.

Whenever you learn about a new aspect of the Porn Reboot system, take a moment to visualize you using it in real life. This is a good way to practice what the strategy might look like or how it may play out before a situation arises when you need to use it.

Visualization is a powerful tool and is great for men struggling to implement the Porn Reboot system. If you’re trying to learn the system quicker and aren’t using visualization, you’re missing out. I still use this method to this day for many different things I’m working on in my life. It takes practice but once you become adept at it, you’ll realize how beneficial it can be.

How To Learn the Porn Reboot System Quicker Read More »

The Second Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is a crucial part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself.

The first step I use when setting and following through on goals is making a decision based on my current reality without comparing myself to others. I can’t make any progress if I’m constantly using others as a measuring stick to determine what move to make next.

The second step is developing resolve. Resolving is a vital skill for any man who wants to succeed. I recommend you resolve to transform any challenge you experience into an opportunity. Developing this mindset will help you succeed at anything you decide to do, even if that means making a calculated decision to pivot away from your current goal.

Roadblocks are a part of life. Things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes we have to adapt to circumstances as they arise. If you have no resolve, you’ll find yourself giving up before the challenges ever really begin. And we already covered the fact that giving up is no longer an option in your new approach to life.

Say you’re in a committed relationship with a woman who knows about your out-of-control sexual behavior. However, she doesn’t know that you relapsed and are struggling to get your behavior under control again. You’re keeping it a secret and hoping she doesn’t find out, but what if she does? Are you prepared to deal with the obstacles that arise?

What if you join the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program and stay off pornography and masturbation for a few months, but eventually you relapse? What would you do if you threw away seven porn-free months? Or what if your behavior escalated to a more severe degree than before? Do you have enough resolve to keep going and try again?

Ultimately, brother, you cannot stop just because you hit an obstacle. If I stopped every time I ran up against an obstacle I would never get anything done. That’s why resolving is the second step in this process. Try to remember that every obstacle you face is simply training for the next stage of your reboot and your life.

I have a few tips to help you along the way to embodying this practice of resolve, and a few action steps to help you bridge the gap between the first and second steps.

Decide if this is a journey you’re willing to commit to.

I define commitment as continuing to do something you said you were going to do long after the emotion of making the decision passes. Everyone wants to quit their out-of-control behavior when their life is falling apart, but what about when it starts coming back together? You must be willing to stick with this long after the desperation wears off. This isn’t an overnight process; it takes 90 days to end your behavior but up to two years to rewire your brain. Are you willing to commit no matter how many tries it takes?

Start thinking about what winning in your reboot looks like.

Define what your reboot looks like to you. What do you want it to feel like? What do you want to accomplish after you end your out-of-control behavior? Where do you hope to be in six months or a year? Start thinking about these things and use them to propel you forward. There’s an important caveat, though; you need to think about what winning looks like for you, not for anyone else. Don’t define it by what I think it should look like, or your wife, your pastor, or your friends. Define it for YOU.

Start taking small actions toward your goal.

You don’t need to take on the entire goal at one time. Break it down into smaller steps. Achieving small wins helps you build momentum so you can keep going once the excitement dies down. The action steps are what separate the people who are willing to work for success from those who only stick around for as long as desperation holds.

Schedule regular reminders to get inspired.

Not taking your reboot seriously is a primary way to kill your inspiration, but another way is to let go of your resolve. For example, say you’re going through an extremely challenging experience that takes a lot of effort to overcome, but you’re negative throughout it and resistant to the process. Sure, you might make it through the obstacle, but you didn’t take anything from it. Remember that every obstacle is an opportunity to grow, and sometimes you need to schedule reminders to keep your perspective in check.

Surround yourself with people on the same journey as you.

I’ll never miss an opportunity to stress the importance of community on your journey, especially the one we’re on. Accountability is a critical part of the reboot process. While your reboot is a very personal journey, none of us have to do it alone. It’s so much easier to commit to the process and keep moving forward when you’re surrounded by other people doing the same thing.

So the first two steps: decide and develop resolve. Both of these lay the groundwork for the third step that I’ll share with you in the next post.

The Second Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot Read More »

The Third Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By J.K Emezi

Over the last few days, I wrote about the first two steps to leveling up your porn addiction recovery reboot and progressing in life as a whole. First, I covered the importance of making a firm decision without comparing yourself to others. Second, I covered how crucial it is to develop resolve, mentally prepare yourself for inevitable obstacles, and turn those obstacles into opportunities.

Today I bring you the most important step in the process. Without this you’ll never make the progress you so desperately hope to achieve. The third step to leveling up in your reboot, brother, is taking action, and you must take this step quickly. Speed is critical.

You can’t say I’ll start tomorrow. You can’t say I’ll start once I install a filter on my device. You have to start NOW. Immediate action is vital because your limiting beliefs and habit patterns will keep you trapped in the same cycle you’ve been in for months or years. You cannot give those beliefs and behaviors a chance to pop up; they are powerful and will sabotage you every time. You have less than five seconds to act before your unconscious mind comes up with all sorts of reasons and excuses for slowing down.

I’ll use a simple example for this three-step process. Let’s say you decide you are going to start waking up early at 5:00 AM. Step one is done. Then you resolve to wake up despite any obstacles that arise, such as a late night with your kid, feeling very tired, your bed being too comfortable, whatever it is. This is a new opportunity for you to learn discipline and deal with resistance. Now you’ve done step two.

Step three is to take action. What do you do when the alarm clock goes off the next morning? Your eyes should open and you should immediately jump out of bed. But lots of guys hit the wall when they reach this point. They decide to hit snooze just once and lay in bed for a few more minutes to gather their thoughts.

Boom. They’re already done for. They set the pace for their day with that one small decision.

Immediate action is crucial, brother. You need to jump out of bed immediately when your alarm goes off. You have five seconds to make that decision, resolve yourself, and take action, or your habit patterns that are years in the making will take over every single time.

Procrastination is not part of the routine of any successful rebooter. Men who end their out-of-control behavior with porn and masturbation and successfully rewire their brains are men who take action. That isn’t to say it’s something that happens overnight; you spent years building up this behavior and it will take at least a few weeks to break it back down. But that means weeks of immediate contrary action in the face of instant gratification.

Maybe you’re asking yourself right now, “What if I don’t have enough time to take action right now?” Perhaps it’s a big project that requires some serious man-hours. But here’s the thing: I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. You’re overthinking it. There is always at least one small action you can take to push back against your ingrained habits and move forward. You just need to do something to get started.

For example, I always suggest new brothers in the group introduce themselves within the first 24 hours of joining. All it takes is a quick introduction to get yourself in the middle of the pack. But brothers who choose not to introduce themselves immediately are less likely to participate in the future.

Your mind must receive the message that the task you’re working towards is so important that you must do it immediately. And you can’t tell me you aren’t used to taking immediate action, you just do it in the wrong direction. You’re probably great at taking immediate action toward distracting yourself. I’m sure you’re quick to jump on YouTube or some other website or app that you enjoy when you’re feeling a bit unmotivated.

You apply these three steps but toward something that drags you backward. You decide to watch some videos or scroll on your phone. You resolve yourself to the idea that nothing will derail you from pursuing this relaxing distraction. And then you take immediate action.

See? You’re already using this three-step process. Now you need to use it to take action that will help you level up in your reboot, not down. Make a decision, resolve yourself, and take action. It’s that simple, brother. It takes time to develop this new habit but I’ve seen countless brothers do it, I know you’re more than capable of it, and the results that come from it will amaze you.

The Third Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot Read More »

Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever

Can Porn Addiction Be Cure: Myths and Realities

80-Hour Workweeks and Working Out

How to Stop Feeling Bad About Relapses

Opportunity-induced Pornography Addiction

Moderate Masturbation: Navigating Urges in Your Journey

Pornography is NOT the Problem

The First Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

First Step: Make a Decision

Mistake #1: Comparing Yourself to Others

Mistake #2: Comparing Stories

Strip Away the Excuses and Decide

How To Learn the Porn Reboot System Quicker

How To Learn the Porn Reboot System Quicker

1. Decide you’re going to focus on rebooting.

2. Set realistic expectations of what you can absorb at one time.

3. Get the right feedback.

4. Don’t compare yourself to other brothers.

5. Don’t compare yourself to an idealized version of yourself.

6. Know when to stop learning something and start applying it.

7. Avoid chasing clarity.

8. Recognize that you don’t need to know everything to succeed.

9. Understand how you learn best.

10. Employ the power of visualization.

The Second Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

The Third Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

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