Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever


How to Manage Your Reboot While Traveling

How to Manage Your Reboot While Traveling

I’ve got a question from one of our brothers in the Porn Reboot implementation group for you today. He asked:

“What do I do when I’m going on long vacations, when I’m traveling, or moving to a place for a long period of time? How do I manage my reboot under these circumstances?”

When answering this question I thought about it from the perspective of men who are either married or in committed relationships. These men make up an important segment of the group so I wanted to address this in regards to their situation specifically. So if you’re part of that group, this could be helpful for you. So how to stop porn addiction in this case?

Don’t Neglect Your Reboot

You may have spent months building up a solid routine while in the comfort of your everyday environment. As soon as you go out of town, though, it doesn’t often take long for those things to fall by the wayside. It’s easy to get caught up in your trip and distracted when you’re traveling for business or on vacation. But this is a fast track to a slip or relapse.

One of the primary principles of the Porn Reboot system is that everything in your life must revolve around your reboot during the beginning stages. Your reboot comes before everything: your business, your relationships, your friendships, and even your family. Your reboot must be your priority if you want to set a solid foundation to rebuild your life.

This includes going on vacation. It doesn’t matter whether it’s for business or pleasure; you must not neglect your reboot when traveling. If you want to remain porn-free your reboot must remain at the forefront of your mind.

Plan Ahead

Planning is crucial if you want to manage your reboot while traveling. Slips and relapses are more likely to happen when you aren’t prepared. Unexpected stressors can lead you back to compulsive sexual behavior or watching porn when you’re still early in your reboot. 

Planning includes making calls to men in the group and setting up times to check in with your accountability partners. Let your trusted friends know that you’ll be away for a few days and that you might need some additional on-call support. You can also set a curfew and ask someone to hold you to that time. Don’t neglect your morning routine and other reboot essentials, either.

Bring a Picture Of Your Spouse

This may sound a little cheesy but it’s something I still use because I find that it works: bring along a framed picture of your spouse and place it next to your bed. Keep it there so you can remember that you have someone important to you back home who is trusting in you to stay the course and continue with your reboot.

You may even want to print out a couple of photos to keep them on hand. And I mean it when I say print them – having a digital format on your phone doesn’t count. Having a physical photo of your significant other provides a tactile reminder of one of the important reasons you’re committed to rebooting.

Get On a Call With Your Coach or Therapist

Be sure to connect with your coach or therapist before you leave for your trip. This is especially important if it’s your first time traveling after starting your reboot. Use that time to unpack any underlying fears or hesitations that arise when you’re thinking about being away. Talking through these concerns with your therapist or coach will put you in the right headspace as you go out of town.

Don’t Fall Victim to Environmental Triggers

If you’re staying in a hotel, call the front desk and ask them to disconnect the cable in your room. You don’t need the added pressure of television offering an endless supply of risqué channels and pay-per-view videos for you to avoid. Ensuring the television is disconnected before you even arrive eliminates this potential trigger.

Be aware of other environmental triggers you may be exposed to. For example, if one of your old behaviors involved visiting massage parlors or hiring escorts, recognize that the temptation may come up. Make sure your plan involves alternative activities if these triggers or temptations arise.

Avoid Isolating Yourself

The best thing you can do to manage reboot while traveling is to avoid isolation. It’s easier to convince yourself that something is okay when you don’t run that idea by anyone else. If you’re connected with other men in the group and your accountability partners, though, it’s harder to rationalize things that aren’t aligned with your reboot.

No matter what you do, don’t isolate yourself entirely while traveling. Call your trusted brothers, check in with the Facebook group, and don’t spend too much time on your own. The more you’re surrounded by people with your best interests at heart, the more likely you are to make it through your travels unscathed.

10 Attributes You Need to Quit Pornography and Stay Quit

10 Attributes You Need to Quit Pornography and Stay Quit

I most often talk about rebooting in terms of rewiring your brain.

You have to rewire your brain if you want to be successful in your reboot. But pornography addiction affects far more than your brain chemistry and thought processes alone. Rebooting includes hitting the reset button on all the aspects of your life that your out-of-control sexual behavior affected.

Today I want to cover the ten attributes you need to be successful in your reboot. I’ve covered these things before but this list is a bit different than usual. I put it together because I often have a lot of men ask me how to determine whether they’re making progress in their reboot. They aren’t sure when they cross from early stages into later stages. They’re looking for changes to mark their progress by. So today I want to give that to you.

1. Values and Standards

Determining your values and standards is the first requirement for a successful reboot. You might think you have them already, but are they set in stone? Do you have them written down? Do you know what you’re willing to sacrifice for them? What are you willing to give up to adhere to your values and standards?

Think about it. When you experienced strong urges in the past, your values and standards would shift to accommodate whatever urges arose. They changed according to the circumstances that came up. The only values and standards you had up to this point were those that fulfilled your need for instant gratification. You need to have a solid understanding of your values and standards before you can ever be successful in your reboot.

2. Strong Boundaries

People often think about setting boundaries in terms of other people. They think it’s placing limits on who you spend time with or how you allow people to treat you. While this is an accurate understanding of boundaries, they also encompass more than that. You must set boundaries not only with the people you hang out with but with the places you go or activities you participate in. 

Let’s say you’re an individual who often relapses when you smoke weed or drink alcohol. There’s a very real possibility you may have to give up marijuana or alcohol if you want your reboot to be successful. But if you refuse to give these things up and set strong boundaries, you remain stuck in the reboot and relapse cycle until you’re ready.

3. Awareness

The next thing you need to be successful in your reboot is awareness. Not only self-awareness but a general awareness of both your emotions and feelings as well as the science behind this behavior. You should have emotional and intellectual awareness regarding your behavior with pornography. You also need a basic understanding of psychology, of things like trauma, unresolved issues, abandonment, and neglect.

This awareness allows you to simultaneously understand that your feelings and emotions are not only a result of things happening at the surface, but they’re also the result of neurochemical reactions in your brain. Having a deeper understanding and awareness of what’s going on in your brain makes it easier to deal with things as they arise.

4. Accountability

Accountability is a crucial part of every successful reboot. You can’t reboot in a vacuum; you need input from other men who have been where you are. Lots of men point to a lack of accountability when dissecting what happened before they relapsed. Avoid this pitfall by finding accountability partners early and stay in contact with them.

At the same time, you also need to be accountable to yourself. You’re a grown man. You shouldn’t have to rely on another grown man to remind you that your behavior is out of control. It’s good to have accountability partners to lean on when times are tough but at the end of the day, your ultimate goal is to be accountable to yourself.

5. Self-Discipline

I view self-discipline as having the ability to restrain and repress your instincts in favor of doing things that are beneficial to you in the long run. When you start your reboot, you’re going to have an extreme lack of self-discipline. You’ve operated on the principle of instant gratification for years. 

Your pornography use and compulsive sexual behavior damaged your prefrontal cortex. Over time you’re going to have to develop self-discipline. You don’t have to stress out about it, though. It will happen naturally as you follow the system and your brain rewires.

6. Patience

Patience doesn’t come easily to men who constantly succumb to instant gratification. If you want to be successful, though, you need to develop patience. You’re not going to feel a massive sudden shift. There are no quick fixes in learning how to stop porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. It takes time to reboot.

Sure, you can change some of your habits and lay a solid foundation in 90 days. But you won’t rewire your brain or change your entire lifestyle in that short period. It takes more than a year to create lasting change. You must be patient if you want to be successful in your reboot.

7. Open-Mindedness

Every man comes into the Porn Reboot program with preconceived notions. It doesn’t matter who you are or what your background is; everyone has a set of assumptions and ideas they need to break down. You have to be willing to let go of some of your false beliefs about what recovery should be.

There is no one path to recovery. As you go through your reboot, you’ll be exposed to things other than the Porn Reboot system. There are plenty of useful resources outside of our system that may help you along the way. Remain open-minded to alternatives while still understanding the need to stick to a system that works for you.

8. Truth

Porn addicts are liars. I don’t care who you are or how honest you believe yourself to be. Every porn addict is a liar. The act of hiding your behavior itself is a lie. Pornography addiction and compulsive behavior come with a lot of shame and guilt. So overcoming these behaviors means you must learn to be honest.

Even after you’ve gained control over your sexual behavior, you probably still have a tendency to lie. You must learn to tell the truth if you want to be successful in your reboot, not only to others but most importantly to yourself.

9. Love

There is nothing loving about pornography. Even the love involved in some of the fake storylines is empty. Pornography lacks intimacy and connection. Over time, consuming lots of porn, especially aggressive or violent porn, kills the love you have for your fellow human beings. How can you watch people being hurt then go tuck your kid into bed or tell your partner you love them?

Building up your capacity to love again is vital for a successful reboot. It won’t happen all at once. It needs to be worked on. It’s easier to work on when you come out of isolation, start speaking to others again, and connect with a community of people where love is already present, such as the Porn Reboot Facebook group.

10. Stoicism

All kinds of things will happen during your reboot. Life doesn’t take a pause because you decided to end your behavior with pornography. There will be ups and downs along the journey to controlling your behavior and rewiring your brain. You will have rough days, you’ll feel insulted, you’re going to reach breaking points at times. You must learn to get through these things without turning back to pornography.

Learning to be stoic is an incredible gift. It means you observe what’s happening in life without attaching to the events or assigning emotional meaning to them. You develop a calm within you as you face the world around you. I’m not suggesting that you have to become a perfect being of enlightenment but honing this quality will make you more successful in your reboot.

Determining Your Reboot Progress

How many of these attributes can you say you have? Maybe you’re successful with a few of them and are working your way toward the others. Write this list down and store it somewhere you can see it. It provides a good gauge for how you’re doing in your reboot and which areas you need to continue working on.

Rebooting is an ongoing process. There is no “end point”. A successful rebooter never ends his quest to better himself and the world around him. So where are you at in your reboot?

How to Interpret Strong Sexual Feelings

How to Interpret Strong Sexual Feelings

Feelings are the result of how you interpret events and circumstances in your life.

If you interpret certain experiences as beneficial, then your brain will generate positive emotions when those experiences come up again. Conversely, if you interpret an experience as negative, your brain generates negative emotions when you have a similar experience.

Let’s say you’re an independent consultant, made the mistake of taking on too many clients, and failed at delivering certain tasks. Some of your clients decided to terminate their agreements with you because you failed to deliver.

Later on, you again find yourself in a similar situation where you have too many clients and not enough time to complete the work. Your brain will still conclude that you’re going to end up with more terminated agreements, even if you haven’t lost the client or even failed to deliver yet.

These negative emotions aren’t necessarily bad because they let you assess your current situation. But the benefits of those emotions depend on how you choose to interpret them. If you give in to the negativity then you’ll inevitably lose your clients. If you instead let it push you to find alternative solutions, you may find yourself with a bigger business and increased income.

The same thing applies to your out-of-control sexual behavior. There are two main things you experience: the strong urge to watch porn or act out on your behavior, and the feeling of powerlessness over those urges. How you interpret these two feelings has everything to do with your success in your reboot.

When you experience strong urges to act out, you can either interpret it as a normal male desire or you can recognize that you’re different from other men. The first interpretation serves as an excuse to continue acting out on your compulsions. The second interpretation helps you realize that you can’t carry yourself the same way as most other men.

Realizing that you need to take a different approach to these urges keeps you from internalizing that urge. You understand that it has no bearing on your worth as a person. It doesn’t mean that you’re a terrible partner. It simply means that you have a predisposition to compulsive sexual behavior and you need to use tools to deal with those urges.

When it comes to feelings of powerlessness, you also have two choices. You can view yourself as hopelessly addicted to pornography with no choice in the matter, or you can view yourself as a man who has a porn addiction problems but who can make a decision for himself whether he’ll act on his impulses or not.

You don’t have to fall into self-pity or believe that you’re the victim of some unfair hand that life dealt you. You’re not powerless over your pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. It takes work to reach a place where you can interpret your strong sexual urges in a positive way rather than a negative one, but it’s very possible to get there.

The less you allow your sexual urges to control you, the more successful you will be with your reboot. It’ll be a difficult but rewarding experience because you know the freedom that awaits you on the other side of rebooting. You’re more than capable of controlling your urges, brother, and we’re here to help you along the way.

How to Handle Reboot Emotions as a High Performer

How to Handle Reboot Emotions as a High Performer

“Hey J.K. I feel much more emotionally aware and in-tune after drawing some of the exercises in the program and meditating for years.

“How can I balance being more in tune with my feelings and cultivating awareness while going hard at work and working out?

“I feel like what I’ve been doing is letting go of negative emotions like sadness and fear, but sometimes it feels like I’m not able to work as hard because I’m too in touch with my feelings. Now I’m trying to develop positive feelings around working and working out with positive visualizations.

“What are the proper ways to be a beast while still being in touch with and aware of my feelings?”

A lot of guys in our programs are relatively successful men but are unaware of their emotions. They’ve tuned out so many of their emotions over their years of  looking on how to stop porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. They have almost no remorse. They become more narcissistic. They’re increasingly unable to empathize with their partners.

These men cannot connect with these feelings because they have become so out of touch with their emotions. Helping men develop an awareness of their emotions and learn to reconnect with them is a vital part of the Porn Reboot process. It tends to be rather challenging but is well worth the work in the end.

Do you relate to this at all?

This brother’s question is a good one. As some men become aware of their emotions, they have trouble being productive while remaining connected with this awareness. Feelings like fear, sadness, guilt, shame, and empathy are new and they’re not sure what to do with them. They can be so overwhelming after blocking them out for so long that they interfere with productivity.

How can you begin to handle your emotions while still maintaining your high-performance capabilities?

Don’t Suppress Emotions

When you feel these new feelings come up your instinct is to push them back down. It’s your go-to way of coping after stuffing your feelings for years. Too many men suppress their emotions, though, and it’s a very unhealthy thing to do. Learning to change this, though, requires ongoing, dedicated practice.

It may feel difficult to sit with these emotions while remaining productive during the day but you’ll learn to do it over time. You must learn to be comfortable enough with any sort of emotion while still meeting your daily responsibilities.

Allow Yourself to Take Breaks

High-performing men who struggle with feeling their emotions tend to fire on all cylinders at all times. They work long hours week after week, leaving little time for themselves or their families. Doing this is a guaranteed way to continue the cycle of your compulsive sexual behavior.

Everyone needs time to rest and rejuvenate. If all you do is work yourself into the ground every day, pressure builds up and you need to find some sort of release. Until you learn to control your behavior, you tend to find that relief by acting out in your out-of-control behavior. 

Allow yourself to take breaks instead. Taking a break doesn’t mean you’re lazy and it doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your responsibilities. You need time to refresh and reset, and intentionally setting aside this time leaves you less likely to act out in your compulsive behavior.

Your Emotions Don’t Dictate Your Day

As you start to feel these emotions, you may feel tempted to lean into some of them. For example, maybe you wake up one day and feel an incredible amount of anxiety about your workload that day. Don’t allow these feelings to dictate your day, though. You can feel these emotions while still accomplishing the things you need to do.

As you go through your day and handle your responsibilities, you’ll likely realize that these feelings of anxiety tend to dissipate. Oftentimes taking action counters any negative feelings that arise. It’s not always easy to move forward while holding space for those difficult emotions but the more you practice the easier it becomes.

Talk it Out

Reaching out to another brother in the porn addiction recovery program is one of the best ways to handle emotions as a high performer. Most men in the group are hardworking successful men who understand the difficulties that come with balancing emotions and responsibilities. If you’re having a hard time with this right now, I know you’ll find someone in the group who would be more than willing to talk with you about it.

Stop by the free Porn Reboot Facebook group to find someone to talk with. You’re never alone in any struggle you experience; there’s always another man who knows exactly what you’re going through. Come join us today, brother, and you’ll learn the skills needed to live a full, successful, happy, porn-free life.

Normalize Being Porn-Free in 2023

Normalize Being Porn-Free in 2023

What does your “normal” relationship with porn look like?

For most men who arrive at the porn addiction recovery program, their normal relationship with porn looks like periods of “sobriety” followed by slips and relapses. These slips are accompanied by a loss of clarity and focus, as well as feelings of guilt, shame, and uncertainty. The repetitive process continues to drive self-esteem further into the ground.

However, many of the brothers who participate in the Porn Reboot program experience periods where they do not slip. They enjoy these times when there are no relapses back into watching porn or acting out sexually. These brothers notice something different about their quality of life, often feeling more at peace as they move smoothly through their days.

I want 2022 to be the year you shift what your normal relationship with porn looks like. I want you to move away from the cycle of sobriety and slips. I want your porn addiction problems to become a thing of the past. I want you to build a life that is so incredible you couldn’t ever imagine opening up another browser tab again.

Here are some ways you can normalize being porn-free in 2022.

Change Your Perspective

Men view moments when they aren’t engaging in problematic sexual behavior in one of two ways. The first way is looking at it with what I refer to as “big deal” energy. You make a massive deal out of the amount of time it’s been since you last viewed porn, masturbated, had sex, or whatever your preference is. It feels like an incredible feat that you haven’t acted out.

But here’s the thing: while it’s great you’ve stayed away from porn or learned how to stop porn addiction, your preferred behavior for a while, making a big deal out of it will only keep you from staying away from it. You make it harder to stick with your commitment when you make it too big of a deal.

Instead, I want you to shift from “big deal” energy into “of course” energy. You want to view your behavior-free time as the way things should be. Of course this is happening to you because it’s the way your life is supposed to be. This change in perspective comes naturally through the hard work and belief in yourself that develops during your reboot.

Sure, you’re going to experience surges of excitement when you realize your life is changing. There’s nothing wrong with recognizing this important change but you don’t need to hold onto this adrenaline rush. Experience it and then let it pass as you move forward with your progress.

Express Gratitude for the Little Things

Porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior strip you of your ability to appreciate the small things in life. You’re so consumed by out-of-control behavior that you have no time to “stop and smell the roses,” if you will. Your whole world shrinks down and life becomes painfully small.

As you learn to control your behavior, life opens up again. You’re given another chance to experience and appreciate all that life has to offer. There are so many aspects of life that you spent years ignoring; take the time to recognize them now. Expressing gratitude for the things that seem small is an important part of normalizing being porn-free.

Additionally, expressing gratitude adds immense value to these seemingly small things. The more you work on your reboot, the more you realize how many things you took for granted. From your job to your family, your health to your housing, there are countless things that you may have overlooked in the past that you can now express gratitude for.

Gratitude also serves as a counter to “big deal” energy. You can feel grateful for the times you sit through difficult urges, for the strength you’re developing, for your refusal to give in to the struggles of the withdrawal process. Expressing gratitude keeps you humble and encourages you to continue doing the work it takes to achieve these new experiences.

Surround Yourself with Like-Minded Men

No man survives on an island. The same applies to your reboot. Trying to overcome your out-of-control behavior alone may work for a short period but it’s not a long-term strategy. Implementing changes that lead to lasting control of your behavior requires support from men who are working to overcome their behavior, too.

You must surround yourself with a community of men who also view their reboot with “of course” energy. You want to be around men who experience urges and overcome them. You want to be around men who are working on their coping strategies. You want to be around men who fully believe they have better things to do than sit around and watch porn.

Today I surround myself with  a community of men who operate with the same energy as I do. They’re dedicated to controlling their sexual behavior. They are top performers in their careers or run successful businesses. Most of these men no longer partake in drinking or drugs. It’s a group of strong, like-minded men who reinforce the “of course” energy I live by.

Commit to a System

Significant life changes don’t happen by accident. They aren’t the result of random occurrences. They happen when you take consistent, dedicated, intentional action. This usually means employing a system in your life. Committing to a system is the best way to maintain all of these changes and normalize being porn-free in 2022. 

You’re not going to control your behavior on a whim. It’s not going to happen randomly. You need something that will offer guaranteed results when you follow the outlined path. That’s why finding a system that works is so critical to your success.

I’ve talked about the importance of implementing a system before. A system is a set of actions that produce predictable, reliable, and accurate results time after time. That’s exactly what the Porn Reboot program is. It’s a predetermined path you can follow that leads to lasting changes in your behavior with pornography and masturbation.

Following the Porn Reboot system is a guaranteed way to develop “of course” energy, learn to express gratitude, and surround yourself with like-minded men. All of these aspects are ways you will normalize being porn-free in 2022. Give yourself the opportunity to change your life. Join us in the Porn Reboot Facebook group and get started today!

Are Porn Filters a Waste of Time?

Are Porn Filters a Waste of Time?

Lots of porn addiction recovery programs and coaches stress the importance of porn filters.

They can be a helpful way to keep you off of and away from sites that you know will send you right back to relapsing. You can use them to block the websites you usually use to watch porn and are useful for some people.

On the other hand, porn filters are also easy to get around. There are so many sites that contain pornographic content that you couldn’t possibly filter all of them out. And I also see far too many men put the responsibility for their recovery on these filters. If the filter fails they blame it for their relapse instead of looking at their behavior.

Are porn filters reliable or are they a waste of time? Is placing that power into the hands of a computer program the right way to approach your reboot?

If you’re serious about ending your behavior with pornography, porn filters only act as a band-aid over the real problem. Most men in the Porn Reboot program are past the point where it’s about pornography; it’s about the rush of feel-good chemicals released by the entire process of their compulsive behavior.

Slapping a porn filter on your web browser isn’t a long-term solution. It may keep you away from porn for a few days or a few weeks but it’s not going to keep you away for months or years. Staying off of porn requires a shift in your entire mindset and lifestyle, not just a computer program that blocks you from “bad sites.”

If you truly want to control your out-of-control behavior, you’ll do the work it takes to overcome your problem. Things like NoFap and semen retention are the same type of approach. Sure, they solve the porn problem for a short period but they don’t address what your problem actually is. They won’t lead to any lasting change.

There’s nothing wrong with using a filter in the beginning stages of your reboot when you’re still learning to control your behavior. They can be a great tool to keep you away from those tempting sites. But they can’t be the first and last line of defense against your pornography addiction. If you have a serious porn problem then they will not make any long-term difference.

However, if you use them as part of a comprehensive approach to ending your behavior with porn and masturbation, then you’re using them for the right reasons. Porn filters aren’t a waste of time when you know they aren’t the true solution to your problem. If you’re going to install a porn filter and think that’s the end of things, then they’re not worth it for you.

“OMG It’s So F*cking Hard to Quit Porn!”

OMG It’s So F*cking Hard to Quit Porn!

I hear it all the time.

“Oh my God, J.K., it’s so hard to quit. The urges are overwhelming and won’t go away. The withdrawals are unbearable and it’s been like this for days.”

Here’s what I have to say to that, brother.

So what?

Yeah, it’s hard. I’m not going to make light of it. It’s not easy to quit porn. You’ve spent your entire life giving in to the urges every time they come up because you can’t handle sitting with the pain and discomfort it takes to overcome them.

It’s not just that way for you, brother. It’s difficult for everyone who struggles with porn addiction problems. The truth is, no one can make it any less hard. You can complain all you’d like but you’re only going to make it more difficult for yourself.

You can’t go through life without pain. It’s impossible. Difficult experiences are an inevitable part of the human condition. You can’t avoid them no matter what you do.

When you’re in the beginning stages of your reboot, the truth of this is impossible to hide from. You’re finally starting to realize that you’ve spent your entire life medicating with porn and masturbation. You don’t know how to handle challenges when they arise. You can’t sit with these feelings because you’ve never had the strength to do so before.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn.

That’s what the Porn Reboot system is here to do. It’s here to equip you with the tools you need to work through the discomfort. You become part of a group that understands exactly what you’re going through. We’re here to prop you up when you need it and support you during the tough times. But none of the support we offer can match the inner strength you’ll build using the system.

If you only focus on the difficulty you’re making things much harder than they need to be. Instead, focus on developing the skills that will help you overcome your porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. You’re going to build up the different areas of your life you’ve spent months and years neglecting.

Sure, it’s not an easy process. You may even slip up from time to time in the beginning. But instead of slipping and giving up, you’re surrounded by people who will encourage you to get right back on the path. You’ll feel encouraged by the brotherhood instead of beaten down by your behavior for the first time in your life.

When you throw yourself fully into rebooting, you stop thinking so much about how hard it is to quit porn. You have a new goal to focus on now. You’ll continue applying the right strategies, making changes to your environment, and learning how to manage your emotions. You begin to notice areas that are lacking and work on them without any external influence. And this will happen before you even realize it.

Again, I know it isn’t easy, brother. I never promised you it would be easy. Rebooting is a long, difficult process. The thing I can promise you, though, is that it’s worth it. Every difficult day, each challenge that comes up, all the things you get through, they’re going to be worth it in the end. When you look back and realize you overcame your porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior, the arduous journey will be worth every step it took.

“Help! I’m Attracted To Other Women While Married!”

One of our brothers brought a great question to the group recently.

“Part of my desire to look at porn has to do with the fact that I still want to have sex with other women even though I’m in a relationship. I act out to give me that experience without ‘cheating.’ How do I reframe this mindset to have the right perspective about having a healthy porn-free sex life?”

First of all, wanting to have sex with multiple women is natural. Whether that’s a “good” or “bad” thing depends on you, your values, and what you were raised to do. Plenty of men enjoy a fun, hookup-filled youth. They slept with many different women and made the most of it during the times they could. 

Having these sexual experiences is crucial early on, before choosing to settle down with a partner. I think that we can all agree that being in a committed relationship does mean that having multiple partners is out of the question. 

Some men choose to get married early and never have a hookup phase. They found a woman they love and care about but sacrificed the opportunity to have a range of sexual experiences. After a decade or two, though, I find that some of these men regret never giving themselves that chance.

This brother admits that part of the reason he views porn addiction problems is to keep him loyal to his partner. He suppresses the biological urge to sleep with a variety of women by watching things play out on a screen. While I think that’s an important realization to come to, it doesn’t work for men who deal with compulsive sexual behavior.

Committed relationships make our lives easier as civilized human beings. It relieves us of the time-consuming biological aspect of jealousy. This frees you up to focus on other important aspects of your life such as caring for your family and performing well at work. It also increases the vital sense of intimacy between you and your partner.

Pornography robs you of your ability to be intimate with your partner. Sure, you may have sex. You might even have a lot of sex. But sex doesn’t necessarily equate to intimacy. Watching hours and hours of porn caters to your most primal desires and strips away all intimacy, one of the most important aspects of human relationships.

Although it’s natural to want to sleep with many different women, you’ve decided to commit to the woman you’re in a relationship with. Millions of men over the years have found a way to be in committed relationships and remain monogamous which means you can do the same.

Feeling attraction for other women isn’t a reason to act out on your compulsive behavior. It’s not ran excuse to continue watching porn. You can’t justify the detrimental effects that your behavior has by saying it keeps you from stepping out on the relationship. There are plenty of more fulfilling ways to live your life that don’t involve cheating on your partner.

If this is something you’re actively struggling with, I invite you to join us in the FREE Porn Reboot Facebook group. There are tons of men in there who understand exactly what you’re going through and can likely share a story or two about their own experience. You’re anything but alone in this experience, brother. All you have to do is reach out for help.

Understanding Beliefs: Empowerment and Growth

Understanding Beliefs: Empowerment and Growth

I’ve spoken and written extensively about the importance of recognizing your limiting beliefs.

These are the things you tell yourself and that you fully believe, things like, “I am hopeless,” “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not worthy of love,” or “I’m never going to be able to fully recover from my porn addiction.”

A belief is a small idea that either enables you to do something or holds you back from doing something. They are the inner model you use to interact with the world around you. Your beliefs are the framework within which you operate.

Your beliefs determine where you go, the direction you move, and the pace at which you progress. They affect who you are, who you become, and how you bridge the gap between these spaces. If you want to progress in the world you need to continuously recognize, assess, and adjust these beliefs you carry.

What Limiting Beliefs Look Like

Three of the most common limiting beliefs I see in the men I work with are hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. These three beliefs are key reasons why men hold themselves back when they are trying to reboot. 

Hopelessness is the belief that you cannot achieve whatever goal it is you have in mind. You don’t believe in yourself enough to trust that what you want to do is possible for you. On the other hand, when you believe in your skills and resources and trust that you’re capable of achieving your goals, you feel hopeful.

Helplessness is the idea that while you know something may be possible for someone else, you don’t believe it’s possible for you. You don’t trust that you have the skills or knowledge to accomplish what it is you want to do. But when you trust yourself and your abilities, you feel empowered.

Worthlessness is based on the idea that you aren’t good enough for or don’t deserve the things you want in life. If you believe you are worthless then you will not take the action necessary to make drastic changes. However, when you recognize your inherent worth as a person, you’ll find yourself willing to do what it takes to change your life.

How Beliefs Work

Think of your belief system as a massive filter for your attention. The beliefs you hold are the filter for everything that happens in your life. Your brain needs an easy way to interpret all the things going on around you and your belief system makes it easier to process.  

Your mind always interprets any incoming information or feedback in a way that supports your existing beliefs. If you have limiting beliefs, your mind will pick up on things that further instill this negative view of yourself. But if you have empowering beliefs, your mind will find evidence that supports this more positive, useful frame of mind.

When you operate with limiting beliefs you’re going to overlook any evidence that suggests you’re a good person with positive traits. It’s easier to toss out feedback or information that doesn’t support your view of yourself as hopeless, helpless, worthless, or whatever other limiting beliefs you may have.

When you’re filled with empowering beliefs about yourself, you’re equipped with a much more effective filter. You not only accept the evidence that you’re a good person worthy of good things, but you’re also willing to recognize where you fall short and work on bettering yourself in those areas.

Limiting Beliefs in My Life

I have plenty of experience with limiting beliefs, especially before I learned to control my behavior with porn addiction problems and masturbation. For example, I would see someone doing well financially and it ran through my negative belief filtering system. I’d tell myself I couldn’t get where they were because I wasn’t as smart and couldn’t focus as well as they could.

This limiting belief held me back for years because I thought I didn’t have what it took to accomplish what these men had accomplished. I didn’t recognize my strengths because these negative beliefs kept me trapped. They left me incapable of taking the necessary steps to help myself and move forward.

It wasn’t until I began working with mentors who pointed out this negative filtration system I operated with. I remember one specific turning point when one of my mentors called me out and said:

“Hey, the reason you can’t accomplish what you want to do isn’t that you’re incapable, J.K., it’s because you have this inaccurate, harmful filter that everything passes through. When it comes to money, when it comes to willpower, when it comes to discipline, all these things pass through that filter that tells you you can’t do it. We need to get rid of it.”

It felt like someone finally handed me the keys to freedom that I spent years searching for. While I didn’t overcome all of my limiting beliefs at once, it set me on the right path that helped me work through them over time.

Why Beliefs Matter in Your Reboot

So why are beliefs important to men like you specifically? What makes it urgent and important to pay attention to your beliefs as you start the porn addiction recovery process?

Oftentimes men in the Porn Reboot system come in with limiting beliefs they’ve carried around for years. They never take time to question them, though. Instead, they push forward and drive themselves further into the ruts their negative belief system lands them in.

You’re going to have a hard time moving forward and making progress in your reboot if you never take time to recognize your limiting beliefs. You have heard the idea that beliefs can move mountains, right? The power of beliefs runs deep and you’ll be amazed at the things you can accomplish when you overcome your limiting beliefs.

When you come in with feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness, ending your out-of-control behavior will feel impossible. After trying and failing to control your behavior for years, these beliefs will be deeply ingrained in your mind. Until you challenge this negative filtration system, you’ll remain stuck in your prison of limiting beliefs.

Thankfully, the Porn Reboot program offers a solution to your limiting beliefs. We help you understand the precise thoughts holding you back and take action to overcome them. The Porn Reboot Facebook group is filled with men who were once held back by their limiting beliefs. These men now live beautiful, fulfilling, enriching lives free from the control of their porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior.

Still not sure whether you’re capable of overcoming your problem with porn and masturbation? Reach out in the group today – I guarantee you’ll find yourself surrounded by understanding, support, and guidance to get you out of your way.

How to Have High Energy During Your Reboot

How to Have High Energy During Your Reboot

Maintaining a high level of energy is an important thing for men who are high performers.

You need consistent energy levels to accomplish everything you need to do during the day. When you’re new to your reboot, though, you might notice that you feel exhausted at times. Or maybe you’ve been more tired than usual since you started working on overcoming your porn  addiction.

Over time, your compulsive sexual behavior robbed you of your ability to recover energy. So much of your mental capacity is consumed either by actively engaging with your behavior or by thinking about it. You eliminate any healthy tools you can use to recharge and instead rely only on the mediocre sleep you get each night.

Human beings aren’t designed to only expend energy and sleep. You’re supposed to have other things you use to recharge your system aside from sleep. But when you destroy your mind and body’s natural functions with compulsive sexual behavior, you often eliminate those techniques from your life.

Having high energy is a requirement for men who want to perform well. What are some ways you can start working on your energy levels during your reboot?

Increase Your Energy Capacity

Recharging your energy levels doesn’t happen only by sleeping 9 hours per night or taking a long vacation every few months. These are helpful ways to ensure you don’t crash in the long run but they’re far from being the only effective tools for increasing energy. 

Increasing your energy capacity is one way to have high energy during your reboot. Energy levels are a lot like a muscle – they’ll atrophy if you don’t work on or make use of them for a long time. If you want to have high energy levels, you need to build your energy capacity.

Think about the way the gym works. You don’t start out benching three plates on your first day; you start by using the barbell alone and then increasing the weight week after week. The same goes for increasing your energy levels during your reboot. You need to put in the same level of effort that’s required at the gym.

Energy Levels and Reboot Capital

You’ve likely read about reboot capital here on the blog or heard me talk about it in videos or on the podcast before. Building reboot capital in different areas of your life is crucial if you want to quit porn and be successful. This helps you increase your energy levels, too. 

The three main areas of reboot capital that help you raise your energy levels are mental, emotional, and spiritual capital. You need to work on each of these three areas if you want to increase your energy capacity during your reboot.

To increase your mental capital, you need to push yourself mentally every day. This could mean you study or work for an extra 30 minutes than you originally planned to. You might read another chapter of the book you’re reading instead of playing on your phone before bed. 

To increase your emotional capital, you need to put yourself in situations that usually make you uncomfortable. Perhaps you have a vulnerable conversation with your spouse that you might have been opposed to in the past. Maybe that means you report a slip or relapse to the Porn  Addiction Counseling – Reboot group instead of keeping it to yourself.

To increase your spiritual capital, you need to incorporate some new mindfulness practices into your life. You could start meditating for five minutes each day for a week and then increase the time with each successive week. You may want to return to the church you grew up in or find a new faith practice that works for you in the present day.

Building Your Energy Over Time

Each of these small mental changes encourages a shift and increase in your energy levels over time. The more you care for your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, the more you can tolerate throughout the days, weeks, months, and years. 

Before your reboot, it may have felt almost impossible to function after having a poor night of sleep. As you increase your energy capacity, though, you’ll find it easier to function under less than ideal conditions.

Ultimately, brothers, you must be willing to endure short-term discomfort in your mental, emotional, and spiritual life if you want to build the strength you need to succeed. Success doesn’t come without hard work. But every temporary moment of pain that you sit through makes you stronger in the long run and gives you the energy required to perform well.

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