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J.K Emezi

Using Your Morning Routine to Eliminate Negative Emotions

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By
Using Your Morning Routine to Eliminate Negative Emotions

What does a typical morning look like for you?

Do you get up on your first alarm or do you hit the snooze button a few times? Do you leave yourself time to settle into the day or do you hustle straight from bed to the car to the first thing on your schedule? Do you have a morning routine in place or is each morning a haphazard attempt to get your day started as quickly as possible?

Be honest.

If you’re like most men at the start of their reboot, you probably sleep as late as possible and rush out the door. You don’t use your mornings to set the pace for your day; you’re hardly even awake and intentional with them in the first place.

Morning routines may sound a bit played out at this point. It seems like everyone worth anything has at least some sort of morning routine in place. But perhaps that’s the case because there’s something to be said about morning routines.

I believe that starting your morning intentionally with a set routine is one of the most effective ways to have a good day. Over time I’ve found that they’re a powerful tool for a successful reboot, useful for improving mindfulness, eliminating negative emotions, and more. A reboot routine is specifically designed for you to control your day and get the most out of each one.

If you’re intentional about your mornings, you can start every day with a blank slate in your mind. It takes practice and consistency but it’s the most effective way to operate. Here are some tips to get you started as you start developing a morning routine.

No Electronics

I avoid my phone entirely when I first wake up. No texting, no emails, no social media, not even my calendar app. If you’re the type of guy who wakes up in the morning and scrolls through Instagram, Facebook, or the news first thing, you need to stop. All this does is transform your blank slate into an ever-expanding to-do list. Additionally, any negativity you consume in the morning can set the pace for the remainder of your day. Electronics are strictly off-limits for me for the first hour of the day.

Meditate in the Morning

Meditation is a crucial part of the reboot process for many men. One of the best tips I have to offer is to practice meditation in the morning before the day has a chance to get away from you. Consistent morning practice will contribute to that blank slate we’re hoping to achieve from the morning routine process. If you want to incorporate meditation into your day, I recommend you do it in the morning just like I do.

Start Your Days Quietly

Other than my alarm, I don’t listen to anything during the earliest part of my day. I don’t put on music or podcasts or even white noise. I allow myself to sit in the silence of the morning as I move through the first few aspects of my morning routine. It’s not until those things are completed that I take my phone out, and even then it’s only to put my headphones in and listen to affirmations. Those affirmations are the first thing I hear each morning before I head to the gym.

Recognize That Your Routine Is an Investment

How to stop porn addiction?

Martin Luther, a famous Protestant reformer, said something that I’ve always remembered: “I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours of the day in prayer.” I’m sure that sounds insane and counterproductive when you first hear it, but it’s true. The more time you set aside to get your mind right in the morning, the less time you’ll waste throughout the day. 

I find that to be true for my morning routine. Every minute I invest pays itself back as I move smoothly and successfully through my day. If you haven’t taken the time to establish and follow through on a morning routine, I highly recommend you try it. 

Take a few of these tips and find some practices that work for you. Make adjustments until you find a combination that sends you into the most effective day possible. There’s power in a morning routine, brother; harness it and use it to your advantage.

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Positive Aspects of Porn Addiction

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Positive Aspects of Porn Addiction

I know that probably sounds crazy, doesn’t it?

Positive aspects of porn addiction? How could something so detrimental to your life and the lives of your loved ones have anything positive to it? What could possibly be a benefit of porn addiction?

It’s not difficult to understand why porn addiction is a bad thing. I’m guessing you didn’t arrive at this channel because your life was going great. It doesn’t matter whether you’re addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, or pornography; addiction in any form is detrimental to your wellbeing.

Porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior have the power to destroy your life. They deteriorate your mind, shatter your relationships, break down your career, and more. You don’t have to look very far to see the negative effects of pornography. The same goes for any other addiction you may struggle with.

However, you can’t overcome porn addiction by only looking at the negative aspects. You must also recognize the positive aspects of porn addiction. I know this might sound a little nuts, especially coming from a guy who dedicated his life to helping men end their compulsive behavior with pornography. But stick with me for a bit.

Most men who struggle with porn usually started watching it when they were younger. By the time they reach their teenage years it’s a fully-established problem. That was my personal experience, too. I was first exposed to pornography when I was eight, and I was a full-blown porn addict by the time I was 13.

Although I don’t recommend that young men begin watching porn, I now see the positive aspects that porn had when I was young. There were some beneficial parts of my porn use, despite the long-term destruction it caused.

Porn became my go-to coping strategy for dealing with the difficult emotions of being a teenager. It helped me handle stress and provided me with comfort when things felt out of control. Porn also taught me about sex and helped me understand what it was. It allowed me to learn about myself sexually during those formative adolescent years.

After I crossed a certain point, though, I wore out the positives of my porn use. While it was useful to a certain extent, it wasn’t helpful in the long run. From then on my porn use became more and more habitual, harmful, and destructive. 

When you only view porn as a horrible, awful, negative thing, it further instills feelings of guilt and shame that keep you trapped in the porn addiction effect cycle. You can’t force yourself to overcome your behavior by fighting it with willpower. Your brain doesn’t work that way.

Instead, recognizing the positive parts of your porn use and realizing why you started using it in the first place will help you. You’ll see that while it started innocently enough, it grew to become something much more detrimental than you ever intended it to be.

You’re not a bad person because of your out-of-control behavior, but you do need to take responsibility for it and make a change. Take this reframed understanding and use it to your advantage. This small perspective shift may be the key to helping you move forward in your porn addiction recovery. 

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S.Y.S.T.E.M.: Building Lasting Change

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
S.Y.S.T.E.M.: Building Lasting Change

Systems are one of my favorite things to talk about.

Whether it’s on our YouTube channel, the podcast, during calls, or here on the blog, the importance of a system is something I can never stress enough. I firmly believe that all lasting change begins and ends with a system.

There is a great acronym that I use when talking about systems. A system is:

  • Something
  • You
  • Stick 
  • To 
  • Emphatically (and)
  • Methodically

Every system is based on a primary goal: you want predictable and improved results. Developing a system, or the same actions repeated over and over again, is the most efficient route to those predictable and improved results.

Many men confuse the end goal, thinking that the repeated actions will provide the same results over and over again. But the key phrase here is predictable and improved. It outlines something you’re working towards that you’ve never experienced. Sure, you have an idea of where you will end up but you don’t know what exactly that looks like.

A system lays out the most efficient path for you to take on the way to a result. While you may know what that result should be, chances are you might end up with something better. And if you continue adhering to that system, those results will continue to improve over time.

When you find something you stick to emphatically and methodically, the results will be unimaginable. You’re going to unlock new possibilities, opportunities, and experiences. You’ll find that you’re capable of more than you ever thought possible.

However, when you first arrive at the Porn Reboot Program, sticking to a system may feel impossible. You’ve spent years doing what you want to do when you want to do it. Developing the discipline necessary to stick to something emphatically and methodically takes practice and time.

You’ll probably find that implementing the entirety of the porn addiction recovery program – The Porn Reboot system is too big a challenge at the beginning. Instead, I recommend starting with one non-negotiable. Pick one part of the system that you will adhere to without fail. Maybe it’s reading in the morning, writing in the evening, or going to the gym. 

Decide which aspect you can best stick to and do it every day for two weeks. Make sure it’s non-negotiable, and that no one can talk you out of it. This means your wife or girlfriend, your friends, your kids, or your job. You must ensure that it doesn’t impede your time in these areas; you cannot neglect these things for the sake of your non-negotiable. It must be something you add to your existing responsibilities, not something that takes away from them.

Once you pick that first something you stick to emphatically and methodically, choose another thing. As you stick with that thing, find another thing. You’ll find that implementing more aspects of the system becomes easier over time. You develop the necessary discipline without realizing it, and the results you receive make you more willing to further implement that system.

The Porn Addiction Counseling Reboot system is outlined specifically to help you not only overcome your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation but to help you rebuild your entire life. We want you to grow in all areas of your life, not just end your porn addiction. The system we offer outlines a clear path to progress as long as you’re willing to stick to it. 

You’ll never stick perfectly to a system, but as long as you try you’ll find that your results are predictable and improved every time. After you recognize the benefits of a system, brother, you’re never going to search for another path to progress again!

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Your Porn Addiction and Self-Esteem

Porn Addiction Effect / By
Your Porn Addiction and Self-Esteem

High self-esteem is a vital part of a successful reboot, but men typically aren’t feeling esteem able when they first become a member of the Porn Reboot system.

Porn addiction problems cause a serious lack of self-esteem. Today I want to help you understand the importance of self-esteem and its role in the Porn Reboot process. 

I often speak about self-esteem here on the blog, in videos on our YouTube channel, and during podcasts. As men who struggle with a compulsive problem with porn, sex, or masturbation, our self-esteem tends to be low when we decide to quit. We hate ourselves, we’re filled with guilt and shame, we believe we’re weak, and we tell ourselves that we’re pathetic.

Unless you rebuild your self-esteem, you’ll always find yourself struggling to maintain your reboot. You’ll never see yourself as a man who can live free of your compulsive sexual behavior if you don’t address your self-image. What can you do to work on your troubles with self-esteem?

The Basics of Self-Esteem

First, you must understand what self-esteem is. Self-esteem is basically the way you feel about yourself. It’s based on your self-image and how you view yourself. For example, if you see yourself as a pathetic, porn-addicted man who can’t overcome his behavior, it contributes to a low sense of self-esteem.

However, if you recognize that everyone makes mistakes, that you have the power to overcome them, and that you’re working to become a better man, this gives you a stronger sense of self-esteem. Additionally, your self-esteem consists of a few different aspects: identity, competence, and self-confidence.

Identity

Human beings naturally feel the desire to belong to something. Your identity is made up of two parts: your identity within a group and your identity within yourself. At a group level, your identity is defined by the people you surround yourself with. This includes your family, friends, colleagues, and community. At the individual level, identity involves all of your characteristics, both positive and negative. To improve your self-esteem, you must accept yourself as you are or work to change the aspects that hold you back.

Competence

Competence means trusting your abilities to do or not do something. It involves an understanding of your capabilities, limitations, and desire to learn new things. You won’t feel very great if you don’t believe that you’re capable of anything. On the other hand, if you believe in your abilities then you’ll have a deeper sense of self-esteem.

Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is the primary fuel for your self-esteem. Your sense of security, both personally and with those around you, contributes to how you feel about yourself. Confident men also have high self-esteem. Building up your self-esteem relies primarily on building up your self-confidence.

Self-Esteem in Extremes

Not all self-esteem is equal. You should strive for balance rather than leaning too heavily to one side or another. Going to extremes on either end, whether you have too much or too little self-esteem, isn’t a healthy place to be.

For example, some men have very high self-esteem but don’t realize that it isn’t grounded in anything. They have an overly-inflated sense of self that exists solely within their perception. They lack concrete evidence to feel as confident as they do. They may believe they’re strong, wonderful, capable people but don’t truly have a reason to.

Then you have men with very low self-esteem who tend to tear themselves down every chance they get. These men also carry a similarly unrealistic view of themselves but are at the other end of the spectrum. They believe they can’t do anything right no matter what they try and are vocal about their negative self-image.

Healthy Self-Esteem

A place of healthy self-esteem exists somewhere in the middle. You don’t want too much or too little self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem means you are grounded in your sense of self. You know exactly who you are, where you want to be, and what you want to do. 

It empowers you to make better choices in every area of your life. It informs the direction you need to take so that you can arrive at your intended destination efficiently and enjoyably. You learn to make smarter decisions about who you spend your time with and which activities you participate in. When you operate from a place of healthy self-esteem, you naturally surround yourself with people who understand you and do things you enjoy doing.

Healthy self-esteem is also important because you’re more willing to try new things, meet challenges, address your insecurities, and face your fears. It increases your sense of resilience so that judgment or rejection from others does not concern you.

As you work on your porn addiction problems, your sense of self-esteem will grow. The Porn Reboot program is a porn addiction recovery method that is designed to help you rebuild your self-image, gain self-confidence, and create a life worth living that keeps you from returning to your compulsive behaviors. 

 

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Top 10 Porn Addiction Symptoms: Depression

Porn Addiction Symptoms / By
Top 10 Porn Addiction Symptoms: Depression

Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.

Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction symptoms I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:

  • Loss of concentration
  • Depression
  • Lack of romance
  • Lack of achievement
  • Low energy
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Premature ejaculation
  • Unusual porn fetishes
  • No attraction to real-life partners
  • Loss of ability to orgasm during sex

Depression is another common porn addiction symptom. It is a pressing problem for men when they first arrive at the Porn Reboot program. Months, years, or decades of porn addiction have a detrimental effect on your mindset and self-image. However, you’re likely so used to these unexplained and lasting drops in mood that you don’t realize they aren’t normal.

Well-adjusted people don’t experience frequent bouts of depression. They don’t feel tired or lethargic all the time. They don’t hate themselves or think they’re worthless. These feelings are not normal; they are signs of depression, which may be a sign of a problem with porn addiction.

It’s easy to attribute your depression to other aspects of your life, such as lack of success with women, below-average performance at work or school, or something that happened during childhood. But if you struggle with your pornography use, porn might be the true culprit.

It isn’t until you end your behavior with porn, sex, or masturbation that you can determine whether your depression is porn-induced or a true mental illness. If you’re like me, my depression was fueled by my out-of-control behavior. Still, even if your depression is naturally-occurring, eliminating pornography will make it easier to treat.

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What Are Some Porn Addiction Symptoms?

Porn Addiction Symptoms / By
What Are Some Porn Addiction Symptoms?

Pornography is a difficult topic for people to discuss.

It’s an uncomfortable thing to talk about because it’s usually a private activity. Many people feel embarrassed about watching porn, even if it’s infrequent or they only watch “vanilla” videos. Some may even deny that they watch it to avoid judgment or misunderstanding.

But despite being a taboo topic, porn is an increasingly commonplace part of society. According to top website ranks, three separate porn sites are among the top 20 most-visited websites. Some even see more traffic than other popular sites like Amazon, Netflix, TikTok, and Reddit. About 2.4 million people access these top three sites every minute.1

High-speed internet porn has created an alarming problem in society. It’s difficult for researchers to collect exact data given the subject matter, but that doesn’t make it any less severe. Millions of people likely struggle with a secret porn addiction that seriously affects their lives. Just do a quick Google search and read the comments yourself.

How do you know when porn becomes a problem? Learning to recognize porn addiction symptoms is the first step. What are some of the symptoms of porn addiction that suggest your use may not be as casual as you think? And what can you do if you find that you’re experiencing some porn addiction signs?

Porn Addiction Problems

The term porn addiction is slightly misleading. It’s difficult to profile because use differs from person to person. Porn addiction problems aren’t as straightforward as someone who struggles with alcohol or drug addiction. It isn’t the same type of physical addiction as these substances. This leads to widespread misunderstanding and misconceptions about porn addiction. 

Many people think it is something that can be easily controlled. After all, it seems pretty simple, right? Just don’t visit those sites and the problem is gone. But it’s not that easy for someone struggling with porn addiction. It’s just as challenging to overcome a compulsive porn addiction problem. Porn addiction symptoms make it clear that compulsive porn use isn’t as controllable as it seems.

Symptoms of Porn Addiction

It’s easy to find yourself trapped in the “I can quit when I want to” thought cycle. It’s a telling sign for anyone struggling with addiction of any kind. It may seem like you’re in control of your actions but in reality, you’re stuck in the vice grip of modern-day high-speed internet pornography.2 Some porn addiction symptoms include:

  • Porn becomes the central focus of your life; if you aren’t watching porn, you’re thinking about watching it
  • Avoiding or neglecting tasks and responsibilities at work, home, or school
  • Struggling to build healthy relationships with people (especially women)
  • Using porn to cope with negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, or depression
  • Engaging in risky behavior to watch porn (i.e. watching it at work)
  • Feeling shame, guilt, or frustration about watching porn but continuing to do it anyway
  • Experiencing porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED)
  • Watching increasingly extreme types of pornography to achieve stimulation
  • Trying to quit watching porn and finding yourself unable to

Understanding some of the porn addiction symptoms is only the first part of the solution. Knowledge without action does nothing. The problem will continue until you’re ready to move beyond knowing how to stop porn addiction and take the steps to change your life. And Porn Reboot can help.

Porn Addiction Effects

But clinicians and researchers are making moves to expand public understanding of porn addiction. Categorized as a behavioral addiction, porn addiction can be just as destructive as these other forms of physical dependence. It can lead to similar experiences, such as the destruction of relationships, loss of employment, financial ruin, and more.

One of the primary effects of compulsive porn use is porn addiction withdrawal. This includes things like porn-induced erectile dysfunction. It takes time to work through and overcome porn addiction effects, but the sooner you learn how to stop porn addiction, the sooner you’ll begin returning to normal.

How to Stop Porn Addiction

Thankfully, the statistics listed above are proof that porn addiction problems are more common than you may think. If you or a loved one struggle with porn addiction, you’re not alone. The condition leads to fear, shame, guilt, and isolation. Asking for help for porn addiction is not easy. But the first step in how to stop porn addiction is asking for help.

Thankfully, communities like Porn Reboot exist. Porn Reboot is a proven system to help you overcome your porn addiction problems and find freedom from out-of-control sexual behavior. Our system outlines a step-by-step solution to compulsive porn, sex, and masturbation. But we don’t stop there.

Our porn addiction recovery program which is the Porn Reboot system believes you are more than your porn addiction. Ending your behavior with porn is only the beginning. The Porn Reboot system helps you rebuild and re-engage with life in a way you never dreamed possible. If you’ve tried to quit porn before and haven’t been successful, stick around. We have plenty of resources available to help you get started.

References

  1. Similarweb. (2022). Top Websites Ranking.
  2. Medical News Today. (2021). What to know about porn addiction.

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Impatience is Not a Virtue: Embracing Patience in Recovery

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Impatience is Not a Virtue: Embracing Patience in Recovery

Two of my biggest problems early in my porn addiction recovery were my lack of intolerance and my impatience.

I’ve noticed the same problems in many of the clients I work with, especially when they begin their reboot. It’s not a good thing when you want everything right now and when you need it to go your way.

Oftentimes this extends to wanting people to behave the same way you do. This creates a lot of frustration because people will never act exactly how you want them to. People are usually predictable to a certain extent, but you can never fully know what someone is going to do.

Intolerance and impatience are two of the most detrimental roadblocks to a successful reboot. I know this from experience because my impatience caused me to lose at least a few big opportunities in the past. I had to learn to let things play out the way they’re supposed to instead of the way that I believe they should.

Life doesn’t operate on your timeline; it operates on a timeline independent of your thoughts and feelings about it. Fighting against life only leads to frustration and disappointment. You must learn to detach yourself from expectations of all kinds.

Learning patience is a necessary skill in this type of porn addiction counseling. You’ll find that you don’t get everything you want the moment that you want it. This applies to work, to relationships, to developing skills, to success in your hobbies, and more. 

You can’t go out and expect things to change the moment you decide to do something. It takes time for change to take place. This means you likely won’t overcome your out-of-control behavior right away, which I make sure to emphasize in the Porn Reboot program.

It also means that the first woman you date during your reboot likely isn’t “the one” you’ve been waiting for. It means that you won’t bench press three places during your first few weeks in the gym. It means that you’re probably not going to be the star player in your rec league when you start playing.

But if you learn to be patient and stick with things, you’ll find that the results become more incredible as time passes. The more patience you have with the process, the more you’ll grow. If you develop the ability to carry out consistent actions you’ll be shocked at the things that will happen.

The old adage is right: patience is truly a virtue. It’s not easy to be patient at first but learning the skill will make a massive difference in your life. This is true for anything you set your mind to, from your reboot to your relationships to your career to your gym routine. No matter what you do in life, learning to be patient with the process will make all the difference.

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The Power of Forgiveness in Recovery

Porn Addiction Recovery / By
The Power of Forgiveness in Recovery

What comes to mind when you hear the word “forgiveness”?

Perhaps you recall the religion of your childhood. Maybe you think of a resentment you’re trying to let go of. You might even think of someone you’re hoping will forgive you for something you’ve done.

I believe that forgiveness is a forgotten skill. It empowers you to overcome some of the things that hold you back most in your porn addiction recovery. Holding onto anger keeps you a prisoner of your emotions. But learning to forgive provides the freedom you’ve looked for in many different avenues up to this point.

Are you harboring any grudges over things said or done to you in the past? It’s difficult to reach the later stages of your reboot if you don’t let go of those past harms. However, I understand that it’s challenging to release these things which is why I believe that forgiveness is a skill.

Take a moment to recall some of the worst times of your life. Think of some of the worst things you said and did during your porn addiction. If you’re anything like me, I said and did many things that caused a lot of harm to other people. My words and actions resulted in much emotional, physical, psychological, and financial damage.

I also found that I was holding onto a lot of grudges. I was so angry at others for the way they treated me despite the awful things I did. I was angry at women who rejected me and friends who said things behind my back. It didn’t matter that I’d hurt them, too; I was still furious.

It’s safe to say I had a lot of baggage when I finally decided to end my out-of-control behavior. I had to release some of the weight I was carrying if I wanted to reboot because I was at a point where it was too painful to carry on. While forgiveness was the last thing on my mind, it wasn’t until later that I realized letting go of these things meant I was beginning that process.

Forgiveness begins with you, brother. It starts with forgiving yourself for the harmful behavior you’ve engaged in for so many years. Learning to do this frees you from the heavy load of guilt and shame you’ve carried for so long. As you truly embrace forgiveness for yourself, you’ll find a lightness in the world that you never imagined possible.

Once you forgive yourself, it’s time to start extending that forgiveness to others. Think about all the people you’re carrying grudges against or felt resentment toward. Call each grudge and resentment to mind one at a time. Consider whether it’s worth it to continue carrying it or if it’s time to forgive, let go, and move forward.

Oftentimes people believe that forgiveness is for the other person’s sake. I’m here to tell you, brother, that forgiveness is for you. It’s a process that frees you from the mental strain of carrying all this frustration, rage, and resentment. These things take much more energy to sustain than you may think.

At the same time, this doesn’t absolve you of responsibility for the harm you’ve caused. You must still acknowledge your wrongdoings and make restitution to those you hurt. A simple “sorry” is often not enough; it’s time to make genuine amends.

But this won’t come until you learn to forgive others, which starts with forgiving yourself. It takes time to develop this skill but it’s necessary if you want to be successful in your Porn Addiction Counseling or Porn Reboot Program. You will never overcome your out-of-control behavior if you don’t learn the art of forgiveness. But as you continue working on yourself, your ability to forgive will develop and grow.

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Porn Reboot Needs vs. Wants: Unveiling Key Priorities

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Porn Reboot Needs vs. Wants: Unveiling Key Priorities

Today I want to discuss needs versus wants as they relate to different areas of your reboot capital.

For those who don’t remember, reboot capital refers to the different areas of life in which you need to build up capital to help you end your out-of-control behavior. This includes your physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual capital.

I had a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday that made me want to write about this. We’re pretty frugal people for the most part. Each of us picked up these thoughts and behaviors from our parents who are also frugal. It’s a tough mindset to break most of the time.

For example, I’ll go to the store for something like body lotion and see a few options. As I look at both the name-brand body lotion and the generic version, I have a decision to make. If I’m not thinking consciously, I default to my frugal mind and opt for the generic version because it’s cheaper.

I did the same thing for years with my car as well. I’ve owned a 2005 Toyota Camry for many years. It has almost 300,000 miles on it. It’s been with me through both my worst times and my best times. It has been a reliable vehicle that I haven’t wanted to get rid of since it has run for so long. However, even though it was time for an upgrade, I still hesitated to spend the money.

Lots of men come to our program with similar frugal mindsets. Oftentimes they’re a result of driving themselves into financial ruin because of their behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Other times it’s because they spent lavishly trying to compensate for the crippling guilt and shame they felt. 

Living within your means is an important skill to acquire. It’s a necessary part of achieving and maintaining financial stability. It’s never a good idea to rely on consumer debt to fund your lifestyle. Taking out loans or purchasing things on credit is a fast track to possible ruin if you find yourself in an emergency.

There’s a line between these two extremes of extravagance and frugality. Neither is useful when it comes to rebooting. You don’t want to spend above your means and continue unhealthy financial habits. At the same time, you don’t want to become so cheap that you avoid spending time with friends or treating your family to enjoyable experiences.

Part of the Porn Addiction Counseling – The Reboot process is developing a healthy relationship with your finances. Freedom from your out-of-control behavior makes you a more engaged and hardworking employee or business owner. You’ll soon find yourself able to escape any troublesome financial situations you found yourself in when you first arrived.

After you get yourself out of any possible debt and back on track financially, the question of needs versus wants becomes very apparent. If you’re anything like me, you’ll likely carry the same fearful and frugal mindset moving forward. It’s not an easy filter to break down and separate from. 

Another part of the Porn Reboot process is learning to enjoy life. You spent so much time hiding from the world, trapped in a deepening spiral of compulsive sexual behavior. Now that you’re free from it, you need to fully engage with the world. This involves some level of spending, whether it’s on some new clothes, a trip for your family, or even some hobbies that you enjoy.

Spending money is simply a part of living a fulfilling life. Money is not something to be loathed or feared, whatever you may have learned when you were young or adopted as you grew older. It’s a useful tool that will help you build a life worth living. There are times when it’s okay to spend a bit outside your means with the understanding that it’s not an every day or all the time thing. 

So long as your needs are taken care of, you’re allowed to fulfill your wants, too. A life filled with only your needs isn’t as enjoyable as it could be. Once you’re in a position where you can afford to splurge now and then, learn to treat yourself, your family, your friends, and even the world around you. You’ll find life to be a much more enjoyable experience when you do.

 

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Sharing Fetishes with Accountability Partners

Porn Addiction Counseling / By
Sharing Fetishes with Accountability Partners

Today’s post comes from a great question our brother brought to the group recently. He asked:

“I’ve been struggling with relapsing lately and notice that I get triggered in my day-to-day public life due to my fetishes. I’ve been mostly open with my accountability partners about where I am. A week ago, I broke out of relapse by being open and speaking about feeling overwhelmed with urges and negative thinking. 

“So far I’ve not felt comfortable sharing details about my fetishes and what triggers me because it leaves me with deep feelings of shame. Is it important to be explicit about my fetishes or behaviors with my accountability partners? Is this the same as being vulnerable? What is your advice regarding details I should or shouldn’t share?”

This is a great question. I know that all of us are familiar with the feeling of shame. We spent months, years, or decades consumed by overwhelming amounts of shame. It’s difficult to end your out-of-control behavior and still feel some level of that shame about your normal, natural sexual behavior.

Personally, I don’t believe that fetishes are a bad thing. Unless it’s a porn-induced fetish that you aren’t truly aroused by, fetishes are a normal part of sexuality. In all my years of talking to men about their out-of-control behavior, I haven’t once heard of one that made me think a brother is weird or disturbed. Human sexuality is a fascinating thing and fetishes are a natural part of it.

However, I also don’t believe that you need to share your fetishes with everyone. They are a private part of your personal life that not everyone gets to know about. You must build trust first before sharing more intimate details about yourself and your life. You don’t have to tell everyone about everything; that’s not honesty or vulnerability, that’s oversharing caused by a lack of boundaries.

Vulnerability means courage. It involves doing or talking about something that you aren’t completely comfortable with. Not everyone deserves your vulnerability right off the bat, though. You want to strongly consider the people who you choose to share deeper things like this with.

I think this brother needs to share about his fetishes with his accountability partners especially if they put him at risk of relapsing. It’s good to have a few people you can turn to and talk with about these parts of your life. However, just like it takes time to develop trust with anyone in your life, it takes time to develop trust with your accountability partners. 

Shame is a powerful feeling that keeps many of us living in mental or emotional isolation. Thinking on how to stop porn addiction and Breaking through that shame barrier takes time but I guarantee that your accountability partners have things they want to share, too. If you reach a place where you feel comfortable sharing, I bet your accountability partner will share a thing or two himself.

I think it’s important to have a small group of trusted men whom you can be vulnerable with. This includes sharing your fetishes with these brothers once you’ve built enough trust in one another. Having a primary group keeps you from feeling like you have to move through the world by yourself, or like you can’t relate to or connect with anyone. 

If you don’t have any accountability partners yet, I invite you to join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. The group is filled with hundreds of men who understand the struggles of living with an out-of-control sexual behavior as well as the feeling of finding freedom from it. Plenty of guys are willing to talk with you and step up as accountability partners.

One of the best things about the Porn Reboot program is that you never need to feel alone again. The moment you join us and get in the middle, you’ll find yourself surrounded by a brotherhood of incredible men. I look forward to seeing you in the group!

 

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