Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever


Men Who Refuse to Seek Professional Help

Men Who Refuse to Seek Professional Help

This year marks 10 years of professionally coaching men toward freedom from pornography. I’ve seen all kinds of things throughout this last decade and I have a good idea of what happens to men who don’t seek professional help. I see the same brothers hitting me up for tips year after year but then doing nothing to change their life.

These brothers have been asking for help for ten years now. Some were 22 when I first heard from them, and now they’re 32 with a life that looks the same, or worse. Others were about to turn 40 and I warned them that this was their last shot to get their lives together, get into a relationship, and start a family. Today they’re 50 years old and still pitifully addicted to pornography.

We’re in a difficult time right now. The last few years were filled with adversity. The men who chose to control their behavior from the first time they reached out fared well throughout the chaos and uncertainty. Those who were focused, disciplined, and mentally strong continued to thrive during these times. 

However, men who used porn, sex, and masturbation as coping mechanisms may have survived, but they surely didn’t thrive. Relying on compulsive sexual behavior only resulted in a miserable struggling existence. 

And if you’re in that latter group, today’s message is for you. 

The stress reflects physically on your body. You found yourself soft, pudgy, and weak from stress eating. You’re fueled by sugar and caffeine. Your girlfriend or wife doesn’t want to have sex with you if you can’t achieve an erection. You can’t get hard or stay hard because you chose pornography over her. You’ve become boring. You chose a life of domesticity over adventure and learning. No one wants to sleep with the man they argue with over the dishes every night.

If you’re single, you may wonder why women won’t date you. You don’t bother to groom yourself. You dress comfortably, which is a nice way of saying you’re a grown man who dresses like a schoolboy. You’re overweight and your best features are obscured by the bloat from the fast food you shovel into yourself every day.

You feel entitled to women who are 10s because you watch them in porn while you’re barely a 5 on your best day. You lack ambition. You play video games all night. You smoke weed every day. You live to be entertained. If you ever manage to get a girlfriend, she’ll have to find a sugar daddy because you’re too busy seeking pleasure to be a provider.

You’ll likely have to settle for the lowest-hanging fruit when it comes to women. You’ll hang onto her because you know you won’t find better. And then you will spend the rest of your life secretly jerking off to women you truly find attractive online.

You’re weak. You’re stunted. You’re overwhelmed. You’re unable to prioritize. You’re mentally consumed by a constant diet of unfiltered garbage information that you allow into your head. The news, nonsense YouTube videos, pointless podcasts, endless Reddit threads, Wikipedia black holes, and perma-scrolling Twitter, of it, fill your head with useless information that makes you think you’re smart.

When was the last time you created something? What was the last original thought or idea you formulated? I’m not talking about repeating talking points that someone else gave you or buying into the hive mind of whatever group you’re a part of.

Your emotional capacity is next to nothing but you’re always emotionally charged. Your erratic emotional range consists of numbness, irritation, anger, depression, loneliness, excitement, and fear. Instead of experiencing the emotional capacity of a Boeing 747 that flies intercontinental, you’re a paper plane that can barely reach the back of the classroom and is destined for the trash.

You’re spiritually bankrupt, too, even if you believe yourself to be a Christian. Your religious affinity only pays lip service to the type of man you wish you were. But what would your congregation think if they saw your browser history, your secret apps, and your external hard drives? I bet they tell a different story.

Your behavior is a growing cancer of the soul. You’ve spent empty years lying, desperately trying to hold up your shining image while living a double life. This is no way to live, brother. You’re falling apart, relying on your limited social circle for validation while destroying yourself every day.

If you’re at all interested in rebuilding your life and thriving in the years to come, it’s time to seriously reconsider your life. You could have saved yourself this last decade of destruction had you only followed through on the help you initially sought.

Honestly ask yourself what holds you back from taking action to overcome your porn addiction problems. Maybe it’s shame. Maybe it’s pride. Maybe you just don’t care and you’re stuck in a cycle of apathy. You know you have a problem but you’re fooling yourself by thinking you can handle it alone if you’re stuck in the same place 10 years later.

I know I sound harsh today but I feel disheartened. It’s painful to look at an email thread I can follow back to 2012 with a man who has clearly done nothing to change his circumstances. It feels wrong and I can’t sit back without saying something, especially as a man who has been where you are.

I think men who struggle with porn addiction live on a slightly altered timeline. We don’t seem to realize how time flies. The years slip by but we’re so busy consumed by our porn addiction symptoms that we miss the signs. Instead of seeing ourselves as the problem, though, we blame other things for our wide range of shortcomings.

The description above is probably painful to read. It may not describe every aspect of your life but I’m sure there are at least a few attributes that describe you. And it might seem like there’s nothing you can do to change, but professional help will make a difference. I’ve watched hundreds of men change their lives throughout the last decade of the Porn Reboot program a form of porn addiction counseling only with a better and effective method proven for years.

Have you reached a point that you can’t handle anymore? Are you ready to take responsibility for your life? I would love to see you join us in the Porn Reboot group and get started. Even if you don’t participate in the intensive, getting involved in our free Facebook group is a great place to start. You can learn what the Porn Reboot program is about and start implementing the system in your life today.

Quit watching time pass you by, brother. Take control of your life. Today can be the day that shifts the trajectory and pulls you from the pit of hopelessness you’ve landed yourself in.

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The Third Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

The Third Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is an imperative part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself. 

Over the last few days, I wrote about the first two steps to leveling up your porn addiction recovery reboot and progressing in life as a whole. First, I covered the importance of making a firm decision without comparing yourself to others. Second, I covered how crucial it is to develop resolve, mentally prepare yourself for inevitable obstacles, and turn those obstacles into opportunities.

Today I bring you the most important step in the process. Without this you’ll never make the progress you so desperately hope to achieve. The third step to leveling up in your reboot, brother, is taking action, and you must take this step quickly. Speed is critical. 

You can’t say I’ll start tomorrow. You can’t say I’ll start once I install a filter on my device. You have to start NOW. Immediate action is vital because your limiting beliefs and habit patterns will keep you trapped in the same cycle you’ve been in for months or years. You cannot give those beliefs and behaviors a chance to pop up; they are powerful and will sabotage you every time. You have less than five seconds to act before your unconscious mind comes up with all sorts of reasons and excuses for slowing down.

I’ll use a simple example for this three-step process. Let’s say you decide you are going to start waking up early at 5:00 AM. Step one is done. Then you resolve to wake up despite any obstacles that arise, such as a late night with your kid, feeling very tired, your bed being too comfortable, whatever it is. This is a new opportunity for you to learn discipline and deal with resistance. Now you’ve done step two. 

Step three is to take action. What do you do when the alarm clock goes off the next morning? Your eyes should open and you should immediately jump out of bed. But lots of guys hit the wall when they reach this point. They decide to hit snooze just once and lay in bed for a few more minutes to gather their thoughts.

Boom. They’re already done for. They set the pace for their day with that one small decision.

Immediate action is crucial, brother. You need to jump out of bed immediately when your alarm goes off. You have five seconds to make that decision, resolve yourself, and take action, or your habit patterns that are years in the making will take over every single time.

Procrastination is not part of the routine of any successful rebooter. Men who end their out-of-control behavior with porn and masturbation and successfully rewire their brains are men who take action. That isn’t to say it’s something that happens overnight; you spent years building up this behavior and it will take at least a few weeks to break it back down. But that means weeks of immediate contrary action in the face of instant gratification.

Maybe you’re asking yourself right now, “What if I don’t have enough time to take action right now?” Perhaps it’s a big project that requires some serious man-hours. But here’s the thing: I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. You’re overthinking it. There is always at least one small action you can take to push back against your ingrained habits and move forward. You just need to do something to get started. 

For example, I always suggest new brothers in the group introduce themselves within the first 24 hours of joining. All it takes is a quick introduction to get yourself in the middle of the pack. But brothers who choose not to introduce themselves immediately are less likely to participate in the future. 

Your mind must receive the message that the task you’re working towards is so important that you must do it immediately. And you can’t tell me you aren’t used to taking immediate action, you just do it in the wrong direction. You’re probably great at taking immediate action toward distracting yourself. I’m sure you’re quick to jump on YouTube or some other website or app that you enjoy when you’re feeling a bit unmotivated. 

You apply these three steps but toward something that drags you backward. You decide to watch some videos or scroll on your phone. You resolve yourself to the idea that nothing will derail you from pursuing this relaxing distraction. And then you take immediate action.

See? You’re already using this three-step process. Now you need to use it to take action that will help you level up in your reboot, not down. Make a decision, resolve yourself, and take action. It’s that simple, brother. It takes time to develop this new habit but I’ve seen countless brothers do it, I know you’re more than capable of it, and the results that come from it will amaze you.

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How to Measure Your Reboot Goals in 2022

Can you believe we’re already in the final week of 2021?

Winter holidays have come and gone and we’re only a few days away from New Year’s. If you haven’t already, now is the time to sit down and outline some goals for yourself during the upcoming year. Take a moment to reflect on 2021 and look forward to what you want to accomplish in 2022.

One critical aspect of setting effective goals is ensuring you can measure your progress. If your goal isn’t measurable, how will you know whether you’re on track to reach it or not? 

Some goals are easy to measure and track. Things like financial numbers or business milestones are straightforward and measurable. You can see precisely how close you are to accomplishing what you’re working toward.

When it comes to your porn addiction recovery, though, setting measurable goals is a bit more difficult. Many brothers are tempted to measure their success by their porn-free time. Sure, counting days is the easiest way to measure but it’s the least effective way to track progress. I’ve always been very vocal about encouraging men in the Porn Reboot program to not count days. I believe that porn-free streaks don’t matter, nor do I believe they are a true measure of your progress.

Counting days means nothing. What is the point of not masturbating if you aren’t going to make any other changes? Why would you not bust a nut for months and months but remain the same cranky, irritable, emotional person you’ve always been? If you remain undisciplined, isolated, and lack determination, then who cares how long your streak is?

There are better ways to measure your reboot goals in 2022.

Measure your improvement by recognizing whether you’re still acting out in ways that lead to slips. Measure your improvement based on your emotions and behavior. Measure your improvement by tracking the coping skills you implement or reboot capital you gain. Measure your improvement using the strength of your relationships.

These are all far more useful indicators of success than the number of days since you last jerked off or watched porn.

The Porn Reboot program is not for men who only want to overcome their pornography addiction. It isn’t for men who are concerned with their porn use or masturbation but not the other areas of their lives that are falling apart. It’s not for men who aren’t willing to make drastic changes in their lives to leave their old ways behind.

Instead, the Porn Reboot program is for men ready to dedicate their time, attention, and energy to becoming the best version of themselves possible. It’s for men who are tired of living directionless, pathetic lives that center around watching porn and masturbating. The program is a pathway to help you not only overcome your compulsive sexual behavior but to enhance your entire life.

If you want an easy way to measure your porn addiction recovery goals in 2022, I encourage you to sign up for our free “Best Year Ever” training program. It’s my gift to you for being part of the Porn Reboot community. Whether you’re new to the blog or you’ve been reading for a while, I want to offer this free blueprint that will help you start the year strong as a way to thank you for joining us here.

Once you sign up, I invite you to join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group if you haven’t already. We’re a group of hardworking, high-performing men dedicated to helping every man who wants to overcome his behavior with porn and reframe his life. If that sounds like you, sign up for the free program, join the group, and let us know that you’re starting 2022 strong with us. 

Looking forward to seeing you, brother.

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You Do You

Crafting Self-Made Laws: Finding Purpose Beyond Addiction

I know. 

It sounds cliché.

“You do you!”

You see it on inspirational Instagram influencers’ pages, hear it in TedTalks, and read it in just about every self-help book you could ever pick up.

But it’s my thought for the day and it’s important so I need you to stick with me.

Sexually compulsive behavior erodes your value system over time. It deteriorates the values introduced to you and built up by your society, religion, family, culture, and so on. Many of us were exposed to pornography at a very young age so we learned feelings of shame and guilt early on. Those feelings carried into our teenage years and adulthood and have lingered ever since.

How do you put together a sturdy set of values when your perception is skewed? Where do you begin when you’re still filled with guilt and shame after losing control of one of your most basic instincts at a very young age? What do you do to establish a strong foundation and build up your values again?

A Quote From Sir Richard Francis Burton

Sir Richard Francis Burton was a British explorer who lived during the 19th century. He’s credited with discovering areas throughout Asia, Africa, and the Americas. Burton is also well-known for being a polyglot, meaning he spoke multiple languages fluently. His historical resume is impressive and did a lot of incredible things during his lifetime.

I read a biography about him one time and found a quote in the book that has stuck with me ever since:

“Do what thy manhood bids thee do, from no one but self expect applause. He noblest lives and noblest dies who makes and keeps his self-made laws.”

Now, bear in mind before you continue, Sir Richard Francis Burton was a racist. There’s no denying his awfully racist beliefs. Morally speaking, he’s nowhere close to being a role model, a mentor, or someone whose main ideas you should adhere to. But when it comes to courage, there’s a lot you can learn from him.

If you can learn to expect applause from no one but yourself, you become unstoppable. There’s no groveling for the attention or approval of others. You don’t need to look to anyone else for validation when you can validate yourself. This is the first step toward re-developing the self confidence and self-esteem that you lost long ago.

Admittedly, there are all kinds of definitions of noble. Again, it’s undeniable that Burton was a racist. His self-made laws included abhorrent beliefs about people of African descent. Still, he had a solid set of self-made laws he lived by unapologetically.

Create Your Own Laws

You have to make your own laws to live by. I don’t mean live a lawless life full of adultery and killing; those are not noble pursuits. What I mean is you need to set your own standards while you’re rebooting because you have a long way to go to get beyond average. 

Men who develop pornography addiction early on fall behind as they grow up. Trying to measure yourself by the success and standards of your peers will leave you feeling less than and not good enough. And you need to move beyond the status quo, anyways. You have a lot to make up for after squandering the gift of life you’ve been given.

Men also have different ideas of what happiness and success look like. For some, having a wife and kids is the pinnacle of a well-lived life. For others, building a successful business and creating jobs is the ultimate goal to work toward. Don’t look externally for a set of standards to live by; determine them for yourself and start working toward them.

Be Wary of What Testosterone Bids You To Do

The first part of that quote is shaky ground for men who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior. You can never fight against your biology but you must be wary of what testosterone would have you do. The standards and values you develop should be far from the things that led you down the path of pornography addiction.

Run your urges through your filters and talk them over with an accountability partner. While you always need to follow your self-made laws at the end of the day, you should also be cautious when it comes to laws about your sexual behavior.

Take Honest Stock Of Your Life

Where are you at in life right now? How are you doing? Take a moment to consider this and answer honestly. If you look around and realize you’re not living a good life, it’s time to make some changes. You might be poor, lazy, or weak. Maybe you don’t feel masculine or you’re constantly envious of other men.

So ask yourself, what does your manhood bid you do?

For me, my manhood bids me work hard so I can live the life I want to and not be broke. My manhood bids me take care of my aging parents and my family. My manhood bids me work hard in the gym so I can stay strong, in shape, and have a good physique. My manhood bids me continue building a strong relationship with my long-term partner.

My manhood also bids me help men like you in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot program who are trying to overcome their out-of-control sexual behavior. My self-made laws center around helping other men out of the same predicament I found myself in all those years ago. 

When I base my life around these self-made laws, I feel like I’m on the right path and heading in the right direction. I never question the way I’m going because I’ve made and am now keeping my self-made laws.

Now it’s your turn. What are your self-made laws and how do you plan to keep them? It’s time to get to work, brother. We’re in pursuit of a noble life.

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Is Sex Success?

Rethinking Success: Beyond the Myth of Sex

Sex is not the most important thing in the world.

Is that hard for you to believe? If so, you aren’t alone. A brother in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group heard it on another YouTube channel and brought it to our group. He was having trouble wrapping his head around the idea that sex isn’t necessarily the thing to strive for. The way he sees it, men strive to work and generate wealth so they can attract women into their lives.

I notice this a lot with men who are still early on in their reboot. If you’re thinking this way you’re not the only one, but it also indicates where you’re at in your reboot. When men first start their reboot, they believe they need to experience a lot of novelty relationships with different women in order to feel satisfied.

Now don’t get me wrong – you’re biologically wired to think this way. At the same time, your pornography addiction destroyed your natural biological functioning over the years and left you thinking that sex is the end goal. It creates the false idea that your whole purpose as a man is to have sex with women. This seems to be especially true if you are a man who isn’t particularly successful with women to begin with.

I want to make it clear that I don’t believe having sex with a variety of beautiful women is a bad thing. In fact, I think it’s a wonderful thing and it’s something that I experienced and enjoyed before my committed relationship. If you don’t have any cultural or religious beliefs holding you back from that, go ahead and explore that aspect of life as a man if you would like to.

At the same time, don’t think that simply generating wealth and becoming a high-value man will automatically give you opportunities to have sex. There are plenty of men with little to no capital who can still pull women because they’re high-value in their own way. You don’t have to be a wealthy man to sleep with women.

As you progress in your reboot, you’ll start realizing that sex for the sake of sex isn’t necessarily success. Porn wants you to think that sex is the greatest thing you can get but there are far more important things to work for. But once you’re free from your porn addiction symptoms you can create your own definition of what success is.

Instead of building wealth to pull women, why don’t you build wealth to pursue freedom? Wealth provides you with freedom to live where you want, freedom of time, freedom from depending on others, freedom to pursue things you’re truly interested in, and more. 

Success doesn’t necessarily mean wealth, either. Plenty of men define success by the quality of the family they have, by keeping their relationship strong, and by raising confident, independent children. Others view success through the lens of their spiritual or religious pursuits and draw a great sense of joy and purpose from them.

Another great definition of success is giving back and being of service. I’m one of those people who finds deep fulfillment in helping others. Now that I’ve overcome my compulsive sexual behavior, there are plenty of times I’m interested in being of service than I am in having sex.

Sure, sex will come as a byproduct of your success and there’s nothing wrong with that. But pursuing sex as the end goal or the definition of success will leave you feeling empty and hollow. Sex for the sake of sex is a biological need but it’s far from fulfilling when it’s the only pursuit in your life. Pursue things that interest you instead and you’ll find much more contentment in life. After that, sex will simply be an added bonus.

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How to Be Compassionate with Yourself

If you’re anything like me, brother, you’re probably pretty hard on yourself.

I’ve noticed that a lot of us are pretty hard on ourselves even after we start gaining a hold on our out-of-control behavior. We spent so many months and years consumed by pornography and compulsive sexual behavior that it’s difficult to look at how our lives panned out.

I remember I hated myself when I was still struggling with my behavior. I was very hard on myself because I’d become the type of guy who said I’d do something but never followed through. I was also the type of guy who could see that I was doing something that was hurting me but I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

I can’t tell you how many times I promised myself that this would be the last time, that it wasn’t going to happen again. Then I would relapse and end up back where I started, or in an even worse place, over and over again. Eventually, I lost trust in myself because I continued doing this week after week, month after month, year after year.

Imagine depending on someone who tells you they’re going to do something, but whenever the time comes they have an excuse. Every single time you need them they let you down. This person you depend on has some reason or another to let you down each time you look to them to follow through.

It’s pretty hard to love this sort of person especially when the things they mess up are important to you. But that’s exactly the type of person that many of us believe ourselves to be. We’ve let ourselves down time and time again so we’ve lost faith in ourselves over the years.

You have to build that faith and trust back up if you want to be successful in your reboot. It’s not easy at the beginning when you have little reason to believe that this time will be different, though. One tool you can use to get yourself through these lulls in belief is self-compassion.

The idea of being compassionate with yourself might sound silly or even impossible. You might think it’s cheesy or woo-woo science. But today I ask that you leave behind whatever preconceived notions you have about self-compassion.

I started using a very specific technique to practice self-compassion in my life. Think about the way your grandmother views you. If you don’t have a grandmother around, consider the typical ways grandparents treat their grandchildren. 

More often than not, grandparents don’t carry the burden of raising their grandchildren so there’s some space between them and that responsibility. This is why you see the stereotype of grandparents who spoil their grandchildren; they love endlessly and often lack the weight that comes with raising you themselves.

Think of the compassion your grandmother or grandfather holds in their heart for you. They have so much love, compassion, and forgiveness. They want what’s best for you and want to see you do well. No matter the mistakes you make, your grandparents will continue loving you through it.

I still struggle with the self-compassion aspect of my reboot to this day. It’s not easy to cut myself some slack or give myself a break. I expect myself to be a high performer at all times. So I adopted this practice of viewing myself as my grandparents would in the last few weeks. I’ve been working on it as a way to allow myself to be more compassionate toward myself.

When I look at myself as a grandparent would, I feel endlessly loving and forgiving. I feel like I wouldn’t give up on myself. I would be patient with myself. No matter what happens, I would always find love for myself despite the circumstances.

I’d love for you to try this out and let me know what you think. If self-compassion is difficult for you to achieve like it is for me, this practice may be useful for you, too. After trying it for a few days, hop over into our Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot Facebook group and let us know about your experience!

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Let Go Of Old Habits

“I’m struggling not to relapse right now. I need some help.” 

“I’m tempted to masturbate right now but reaching out to stay accountable.”

“I find this so difficult and challenging. The urges are overwhelming.”

The comments and messages I receive most frequently on our YouTube channel or in our groups are along these lines. If you’re one of those brothers who can relate to these types of statements, your old habit pattern is to struggle. It’s to use willpower to keep your behavior under control.

But these are exactly the types of old habit patterns you need to let go of to successfully reboot. I want you to ask yourself, what exactly is the struggle? I even use the phrase in my send-off on our podcasts, referring to myself as your brother in this struggle. So what is the struggle?

From what I’ve seen over the years, the struggle is your fight on how to stop porn addiction by relying on willpower. It’s finding an accountability partner and leaning hard into them instead of taking responsibility for your behaviors and your life. It’s the way you battle your biology while trying to reboot instead of working with your brain. These bare minimum approaches will keep you trapped forever.

The Porn Reboot system is just that, a system. It’s set up to keep you from relying on your willpower. It’s a system that teaches you to overcome your addiction by working on yourself instead. It removes the emotional toll that a struggle implies and instead offers you a clear, direct path to a life free from porn and compulsive sexual behavior.

For example, I see men who come in and put a lot of weight into their slips or relapses. They get all worked up and consumed by what relapse means in their mind. But the Porn Reboot system doesn’t turn them into emotional experiences; slips are data, plain and simple.

The longer you hold onto this habit of a struggle mindset, the longer you’re going to struggle. Viewing your reboot as something excruciating and impossible will keep it that way so long as that’s the way you view it.

I suggest that you shift your perspective on your journey toward a porn-free life. Your process doesn’t need to be a struggle. Applying the Porn Reboot system to your life is a straightforward way to leave your compulsive behaviors behind. 

Here’s the way I see it, brother. You are worthy of love. You are capable of giving love. You are not worthless. You are not hopeless. You are not incapable of rebooting. You don’t have to struggle because you’ve stumbled upon a way to overcome your behavior in a way that works with your mind.

Now that you’re here, brother, why don’t you stay?

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5 Tips For Dating During Your Reboot

At some point during the reboot process, single brothers in the Porn Reboot program are going to begin dating.

Some methods for overcoming porn addiction have you holding your seed and abstaining from intimacy for long periods. I disagree with that, though. I believe that having an outlet for your romantic and intimate needs is a very normal, healthy progression. 

It’s not good for you to hold yourself back from intimacy or connection with the women around you. That’s a one-way ticket to sexual repression which is another serious problem. Learning to date in a healthy way during your reboot is a vital part of the process. You need to begin working on building relationships with women in a positive way.

Now if you’re a single man who’s been focused strictly on his reboot for months, getting into the dating game probably makes you feel a bit nervous. Dating in today’s world does come with its challenges and you might find yourself in a tough situation. If you’re early in your reboot, you might have no idea how to have a normal conversation with the opposite sex.

Don’t worry, no matter how extreme your out-of-control behavior is, you’re never too far gone. You can rebuild an amazing and active sex and dating life regardless of how far your behavior progressed. It will take some work but that’s what the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot system is here to do. So, how can you get back to dating during your reboot?

1. Figure out whether you’re ready to date

In my experience, I recommend that a man has his behavior under control for at least 6 to 12 months before beginning to date. During that time you should be actively working on bettering yourself, not just using willpower to keep your behavior at bay

You should have different areas of your reboot capital built up, should be aware of your triggers, and should have strong boundaries in place. These are things that take a few months to set up, not a few weeks. If these things aren’t in place, you aren’t ready to date.

2. Put together a dating plan

Once you decide that you’re ready to date, you should approach dating like you do other major life changes during your reboot: with a plan. Of course, different men’s plans will vary according to their lifestyle and what they want. But having a plan in place for your particular situation, lifestyle, and wants will help you out.

Where will you find your potential dates? How often should you see them before having sex? What will you do to reflect on your dates and determine whether this person is someone you actually want to continue seeing? And who will be your accountability partner or partners during the dating process?

3. Date without expectations

Building up expectations for your dates puts you on the fast track to disappointment and letdown. That’s not to say every date you go on will be miserable, but it’s also a reminder that not every date will be something you’re interested in. Keeping a hold of your emotional balance is critical and dating without expectations is an important way to do that.

Take time to get to know the women you’re dating. Having sex with women you aren’t in a committed relationship with will always put your reboot at risk. Slow things down and take the weeks or months needed to determine whether this woman is someone you’re actually interested in.

4. The dating process is not about sex, nor strictly about finding a partner

I know this might sound counterintuitive but trust me on this one. Early in your reboot, the main point of dating is to go out and literally practice meeting people. If you’ve struggled with porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior for years, you’re going to need that practice.

Go out and have a good time with some different women. Observe how you react emotionally during the process. Be honest with yourself when reflecting on the experience after you get home. You might even find out that you’re not quite ready for dating yet. You’re simply on a fact-finding mission at this point.

5. Have some standards

In the past, you probably would have slept with anyone who gave you the time of day. You weren’t very concerned about the types of women you were with, you only cared about whether you could score at the end of the night. Now that you’re rebooting, though, it’s a different story.

Today you need to have standards, brother. Once you drop your focus on sex, you begin to notice how uninteresting many of the women you saw before were. You’re much less interested in interacting with toxic women. You can begin to determine how you’d like to be treated and find a woman who meets those needs. 

Get Some Support Along the Way

One of the most important things to keep in mind is you shouldn’t head into dating alone. Trying to manage your dating life during your reboot without any support is a disaster waiting to happen. Get yourself in the middle of a group of men, like we have in the Porn Reboot Facebook group, who know exactly what you’re going through. 

The more you surround yourself with support, the better your experience will be. You’ll have men who you can talk to when you’re having a difficult time with dating or you feel like you’re at risk of slipping. Dating during your reboot doesn’t have to be an impossible feat, brother. It’s a natural part of life and you can do it with the right support and approach!

5 Tips For Dating During Your Reboot Read More »

Rebooting For Entrepreneurs and Sales Pros

If you’re an entrepreneur, own your own business, or work in a top sales job, you know that your revenue and income depend entirely on your performance.

That’s it. If you’re clear-headed, energized, and motivated, you’ll do well. If you’re foggy, tired, and irritable, your performance deteriorates and so does your income.

When you’re an entrepreneur or sales pro who struggles with out-of-control sexual behavior or pornography addiction, you’re likely in the second category more often than you want to be. It’s exhausting to battle compulsive sexual behavior and porn addiction. These things consume most of your attention and time, leaving you with little time to do much else.

The dollar difference between these two states of mind can be anywhere from tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars for men in these high positions. Think about your situation. How much money do you lose out on because you leave it on the table working at a 6 out of 10 instead of a 9 out of 10?

This segment of men in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot program is important to me because it’s where I came from. I wasn’t a top performer at my sales job for the years I spent trapped in the cycle of porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. But my performance skyrocketed the moment I finally said no to pornography for good.

I became a top recruiter in the sales organization I worked at within a few months of ending my behavior. A few years later, my company promoted me to a director position. Even with that position, I was still out in the field, selling alongside my team, and making thousands in additional revenue from the commission.

I credit that mindset, the clarity and focus that allowed me to perform at that high level, to the porn-free life I finally found myself living. I wouldn’t have been able to remain focused and maintain the level of intensity and dedication I need to live my life at this level.

The problem with pornography addiction is the secretive nature of the problem. Men who battle alcohol or drug addiction have a harder time hiding their struggles. It’s easier for them to get help because family or friends tend to intervene after a certain point. But that’s not always the case with porn or compulsive sexual behavior.

At the same time, the impact of porn addiction is just as bad, if not worse, especially for high-performing professional men. It can destroy your life before you even realize what happened. I’ve seen it time and time again in men who join our program.

So I have some questions for you. Do you want to perform better? Do you want to skip years of struggle straight to the breakthrough? If you do, it’s time to remove pornography from your life. It’s holding you back from performing at the level you need to be at. You can’t fulfill your potential when you’re wrapped up in watching porn and jerking off. You need to make some changes.

You can start by reading a few more blog posts here or checking out our YouTube channel. We’ve also got a free Facebook group where you can join other men on the path to eliminating porn from their lives and controlling their behavior. You don’t have to deal with your problem alone – we’ve all been where you are and know what it takes to get out.

Ready to make a change? Join us today.

Rebooting For Entrepreneurs and Sales Pros Read More »

Does Your Husband Have a Porn Problem?

Today’s blog post might come as a surprise.

The majority of my writing deals with men who are addicted to pornography or have out-of-control sexual behavior. At the same time, I know some women read these posts because they’re concerned about their husbands or long-term partners.

If you’re a woman in this situation, today I want to write to you. If you’re one of the brothers in the Porn Reboot system, though, this post will be helpful for you, too. You may learn a thing or two you never considered before.

I know women read this blog, watch our YouTube channel, and listen to our podcasts because these women reach out to me. They feel devastated, defeated, and betrayed when they discover their boyfriend or husband is addicted to porn. Their sense of certainty in the relationship feels shaken and shattered.

At the same time, these women also insist their partner is a good man and most other things about the relationship are fantastic. 

Does this sound like you?

Signs of a Porn Problem

When you care for someone it’s natural to justify their behavior, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it. But it’s that justification that keeps you in a dysfunctional cycle and gets you hurt over and over again. Porn addiction symptoms, just like any other addiction, affects not only the porn addict but everyone else in his life.

Here’s the thing – no matter how great of a man your partner is, he’s still struggling with an addiction. And that addiction is destroying you, it’s destroying him, and it’s destroying your relationship together. 

How can you determine whether pornography has become a problem for your husband?

Lack of Sex

How often do you and your partner have sex? If sex in your relationship has lost its quality or disappeared completely, there’s a problem. You may feel a lack of connection with him during sex or maybe he doesn’t feel present at all.

Your first instinct might be to look at yourself. Women often blame themselves for their partner’s lack of attention. They think they’re not attractive enough, they’re not adventurous enough, or they’re enthusiastic enough. The list goes on and on. In reality, he may have a problem with porn which has nothing to do with you at all.

Spends a Lot of Time Online

Do you notice that your partner spends a lot of time online? Men who struggle with pornography addiction often isolate themselves and spend a lot of time at the computer. When you go to bed he stays in his office or another room of the house browsing online.

Again, you might think it’s something you’ve done. You worry he’s upset or mad at you. He won’t come to bed when you do and it even becomes habitual over time. Eventually, it probably feels like he’s choosing the internet over you. But it’s difficult to pull away from the computer when you’ve got a problem with pornography.

Increasingly Judgmental

Watching a lot of pornography skews a man’s view of women. It portrays women in negative circumstances and removes all empathy from the sexual experience. Guys who are addicted to pornography tend to objectify their partners and become very critical about various aspects of their partner’s life. 

For example, he might say negative things about your physique, your lifestyle, or other things he never gave any attention to before. His criticism leaves you feeling hurt, overlooked, and uncared for. No matter what you do, though, you’ll never be able to overcome these criticisms; they’re the result of a much bigger problem that has nothing to do with you.

Develops New Sexual Interests

As a man’s pornography addiction progresses, he starts watching different types of pornography. This tends to translate into the way he wants to have intercourse with you. Maybe he’s suddenly become rougher in bed or introduced the idea of new sexual acts he’s never seemed interested in before.

These interests could be things you aren’t comfortable with or even have no interest in participating in. Some men pressure their partners to participate while others withdraw to their online world where they can fulfill their newfound fantasies.

Becomes More Private or Secretive

Once men realize their problem has progressed they start making attempts to cover their tracks. He doesn’t want you to see his browser history, his text messages, or other things on his phone. Your partner puts a password on his device or refuses to leave it around you. You notice inconsistencies in the stories he tells you.

If you point out these shifts in his behavior, though, he becomes irritated and refuses to talk. He’s overly defensive when you express your concerns and might insist that you’re overreacting or making a big deal out of nothing.

Increasingly Detached and Cold

Over time you probably noticed that your partner is a lot more distant than he used to be. The connection feels like it isn’t there anymore. It’s difficult to recognize, though, because he won’t acknowledge it or he’ll blame something else for his being emotionally unavailable.

When you reach out to him and ask what’s going on, he’ll flip it on you and accuse you of being needy, overly emotional, or something along these lines. Don’t allow him to make you question yourself, though; you know who your partner is and you know when something’s wrong.

The Endless Cycle

Porn addiction tends to follow a familiar cycle for most men and their partners. First, you find out that he’s keeping secrets from you about his porn use. When you confront him, though, he reacts by blaming either you or something else. He’s defensive, angry, and sees something else as the cause of the problem rather than taking responsibility.

What happens next is usually one of two things. He’ll either apologize for his behavior and tell you he wants to quit, or he shuts down and refuses to communicate. You can work with the first reaction but there’s nothing you can do about the second. Men who shut down typically try to manipulate you afterward, too, either by keeping you around or pushing you away.

After the confrontation, he may try to reel it back in for some time. Your relationship seems to return to normal again. He’s in what we refer to as the “dormant stage” of his addiction style. He might even quit for some time which gets him reengaged with you and the relationship. It feels like things are turning around and you’re on the way back to a good place.

But then he relapses. He watches porn or acts out on his behavior again. Then everything goes back to square one and the cycle starts over.

Does This Sound Like Your Partner?

I’m going to assume that women still reading right now answered yes to at least a few of the behaviors above. If you notice these behaviors in your partner, he likely has a problem with pornography or another compulsive sexual behavior. So what do you do next?

There’s good news and bad news.

The bad news is you cannot make anyone “just stop” or “overcome” their addiction. You also run the risk of trying to help him and failing over and over again. I see women doing this regularly and all that happens is your relationship becomes an unhealthy, codependent mess. You are not your man’s mother. Controlling his behavior is not your responsibility. 

The good news is that nothing is wrong with you. The problem lies with your partner, not you. His pornography addiction is not a result of the way you look, of something you did, or of any other excuse your mind comes up with. It is his problem that he needs to work out for himself.

What Can You Do?

I’ve watched couples go through this cycle dozens of times. It leaves women like you feeling emotionally exhausted, traumatized, and devastated by the repeated betrayals. If this sounds familiar to you, there may still be hope for your partner. Sit down with your partner and try to identify the cycle with him. Bring his behaviors to light and discuss how this cycle is destroying your relationship.

More importantly, though, it’s time to focus on yourself. You might have spent the last few months or even years invested in his porn addiction cycle. It’s worn you down over time and you’re still left with nothing to show. So you need to shift your focus to yourself and begin building your self-esteem and confidence back up.

Again, it’s ultimately up to your partner to change his behavior. No amount of pressure from you will force him to change. You don’t need to be his accountability partner, you don’t need to treat him like a child, and you don’t need to police him. 

Instead, spend more time with your friends, join some classes, and read uplifting material that you enjoy. Try to remove stress from your life and strengthen yourself along the way. If you reach a point where the pain is too much, reach out to a professional. You can even reach out to us. While we don’t work with partners yet, we can connect you with a great therapist or group.

Once you shift your focus to yourself, your partner’s behavior becomes secondary. As you strengthen your mind, you put yourself in a position to better determine how to move forward. It’s not your responsibility to save your partner and if he refuses to make a change, it might be time for you to move forward without him.

Does Your Husband Have a Porn Problem? Read More »

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