They can be a helpful way to keep you off of and away from sites that you know will send you right back to relapsing. You can use them to block the websites you usually use to watch porn and are useful for some people.
On the other hand, porn filters are also easy to get around. There are so many sites that contain pornographic content that you couldn’t possibly filter all of them out. And I also see far too many men put the responsibility for their recovery on these filters. If the filter fails they blame it for their relapse instead of looking at their behavior.
Are porn filters reliable or are they a waste of time? Is placing that power into the hands of a computer program the right way to approach your reboot?
If you’re serious about ending your behavior with pornography, porn filters only act as a band-aid over the real problem. Most men in the Porn Reboot program are past the point where it’s about pornography; it’s about the rush of feel-good chemicals released by the entire process of their compulsive behavior.
Slapping a porn filter on your web browser isn’t a long-term solution. It may keep you away from porn for a few days or a few weeks but it’s not going to keep you away for months or years. Staying off of porn requires a shift in your entire mindset and lifestyle, not just a computer program that blocks you from “bad sites.”
If you truly want to control your out-of-control behavior, you’ll do the work it takes to overcome your problem. Things like NoFap and semen retention are the same type of approach. Sure, they solve the porn problem for a short period but they don’t address what your problem actually is. They won’t lead to any lasting change.
There’s nothing wrong with using a filter in the beginning stages of your reboot when you’re still learning to control your behavior. They can be a great tool to keep you away from those tempting sites. But they can’t be the first and last line of defense against your pornography addiction. If you have a serious porn problem then they will not make any long-term difference.
However, if you use them as part of a comprehensive approach to ending your behavior with porn and masturbation, then you’re using them for the right reasons. Porn filters aren’t a waste of time when you know they aren’t the true solution to your problem. If you’re going to install a porn filter and think that’s the end of things, then they’re not worth it for you.
Pornography is a difficult topic for people to discuss.
It’s an uncomfortable thing to talk about because it’s usually a private activity. Many people feel embarrassed about watching porn, even if it’s infrequent or they only watch “vanilla” videos. Some may even deny that they watch it to avoid judgment or misunderstanding.
But despite being a taboo topic, porn is an increasingly commonplace part of society. According to top website ranks, three separate porn sites are among the top 20 most-visited websites. Some even see more traffic than other popular sites like Amazon, Netflix, TikTok, and Reddit. About 2.4 million people access these top three sites every minute.1
High-speed internet porn has created an alarming problem in society. It’s difficult for researchers to collect exact data given the subject matter, but that doesn’t make it any less severe. Millions of people likely struggle with a secret porn addiction that seriously affects their lives. Just do a quick Google search and read the comments yourself.
How do you know when porn becomes a problem? Learning to recognize porn addiction symptoms is the first step. What are some of the symptoms of porn addiction that suggest your use may not be as casual as you think? And what can you do if you find that you’re experiencing some porn addiction signs?
Porn Addiction Problems
The term porn addiction is slightly misleading. It’s difficult to profile because use differs from person to person. Porn addiction problems aren’t as straightforward as someone who struggles with alcohol or drug addiction. It isn’t the same type of physical addiction as these substances. This leads to widespread misunderstanding and misconceptions about porn addiction.
Many people think it is something that can be easily controlled. After all, it seems pretty simple, right? Just don’t visit those sites and the problem is gone. But it’s not that easy for someone struggling with porn addiction. It’s just as challenging to overcome a compulsive porn addiction problem. Porn addiction symptoms make it clear that compulsive porn use isn’t as controllable as it seems.
Symptoms of Porn Addiction
It’s easy to find yourself trapped in the “I can quit when I want to” thought cycle. It’s a telling sign for anyone struggling with addiction of any kind. It may seem like you’re in control of your actions but in reality, you’re stuck in the vice grip of modern-day high-speed internet pornography.2 Some porn addiction symptoms include:
Porn becomes the central focus of your life; if you aren’t watching porn, you’re thinking about watching it
Avoiding or neglecting tasks and responsibilities at work, home, or school
Struggling to build healthy relationships with people (especially women)
Using porn to cope with negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, or depression
Engaging in risky behavior to watch porn (i.e. watching it at work)
Feeling shame, guilt, or frustration about watching porn but continuing to do it anyway
Watching increasingly extreme types of pornography to achieve stimulation
Trying to quit watching porn and finding yourself unable to
Understanding some of the porn addiction symptoms is only the first part of the solution. Knowledge without action does nothing. The problem will continue until you’re ready to move beyond knowing how to stop porn addiction and take the steps to change your life. And Porn Reboot can help.
Porn Addiction Effects
But clinicians and researchers are making moves to expand public understanding of porn addiction. Categorized as a behavioral addiction, porn addiction can be just as destructive as these other forms of physical dependence. It can lead to similar experiences, such as the destruction of relationships, loss of employment, financial ruin, and more.
One of the primary effects of compulsive porn use is porn addiction withdrawal. This includes things like porn-induced erectile dysfunction. It takes time to work through and overcome porn addiction effects, but the sooner you learn how to stop porn addiction, the sooner you’ll begin returning to normal.
How to Stop Porn Addiction
Thankfully, the statistics listed above are proof that porn addiction problems are more common than you may think. If you or a loved one struggle with porn addiction, you’re not alone. The condition leads to fear, shame, guilt, and isolation. Asking for help for porn addiction is not easy. But the first step in how to stop porn addiction is asking for help.
Thankfully, communities like Porn Reboot exist. Porn Reboot is a proven system to help you overcome your porn addiction problems and find freedom from out-of-control sexual behavior. Our system outlines a step-by-step solution to compulsive porn, sex, and masturbation. But we don’t stop there.
Our porn addiction recovery program which is the Porn Reboot system believes you are more than your porn addiction. Ending your behavior with porn is only the beginning. The Porn Reboot system helps you rebuild and re-engage with life in a way you never dreamed possible. If you’ve tried to quit porn before and haven’t been successful, stick around. We have plenty of resources available to help you get started.
I like to find or make funny memes and post them in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot Facebook group about once a week. Like a lot of others, I find that humor is a great way to cope with topics and experiences that can be difficult and painful at times. So our weekly memes are something that brothers in the group often look forward to.
A couple of weeks ago I made a meme that I thought was pretty funny. It was a picture of Mr. Clean, that bald white mascot for a cleaning company, wringing water out a sponge. The caption on the image said, “Your wife’s panties after hearing you decided to quit pornography and join Porn Reboot.”
It was pretty hilarious if I do say so myself, and lots of guys in the group thought it was great, too. We spent so many years more interested in porn than sex with our wives or partners. Lots of us struggled with porn-induced erectile dysfunction, too. No wonder our spouse is excited when we’re finally ready to quit porn. And any man with the same experience can relate.
But some brothers had some choice words in response.
“Bad. Just bad.”
“What little interest I had in joining your program is gone now.”
“Completely unprofessional.”
“Do you wanna be taken seriously?”
“You charge folks for porn reboot coaching and you post this crap?”
“Apologize to the group and take it down right now.”
I was astounded at how many people were offended by a simple joke. I didn’t think it would cause that much of a problem. But it also got me thinking about what being offended by things means at a deeper level.
It reminds me of when I was a confused Catholic guy in my 20s. During my freshman year of college, I remember watching drunk girls come home with a guy and judging them. Night after night I sat with my friends calling these women all sorts of names, but then went back to my dorm room and angrily jerked off at the same girls I judged.
I judged women I couldn’t be with. I judged comedians who made vulgar jokes on late-night television about different actresses and celebrities. And then I would masturbate while thinking of whatever woman made me angry earlier.
Over time I realized that I wasn’t actually angry at these women or those jokes.
I was really just angry at myself.
I was upset at my lack of sexual control and how quickly I betrayed my perceived values. Those things that I thought made me angry really just aroused shame, guilt, and jealousy. It wasn’t the world that had the problem, it was me. I was the one with a messed-up view of the world, looking at everything through the lens of my porn-addled brain.
Lots of the men in the Porn Reboot program grew up in households held together by Catholicism or Christianity. We weren’t taught that sexual jokes are okay. And then our closet porn addiction stunted our ability to relate with women, but we believed our lack of sexual experience was their problem.
I spent so much time placing blame on others that I never bothered to consider the common denominator every time I was offended: me. I was the one finding fault in everything when really I was the one at fault.
I imagine the brothers who lashed out at the simple, silly meme I posted are dealing with something similar. Many of us share similar experiences and they’re probably dealing with underlying self-loathing, shame, and guilt. They haven’t yet employed the tools we use in the Porn Reboot program to determine the source of these feelings.
Instead, they lash out at perceived offenses or injustices. They allow external circumstances to dictate their internal condition. And I know from experience because I did the same thing. Thankfully, I learned to respond to situations and circumstances, not react. It isn’t an overnight process but it’s possible.
If you’re struggling with finding offense in everything around you, then your reboot will help. Porn Reboot is about so much more than pornography. Sure, porn addiction is what gets you in the door but you’ll find more than that waiting for you once you commit to the process. Freeing yourself from the need to feel offended is one of the most important things you can do. Join us today and find out for yourself just how incredible that freedom can be.
Sometimes brothers in the Porn Reboot program ask about masturbating in moderation. Maybe they just got out of a relationship or are going through a divorce. They might be traveling or neck-deep in projects for work and have very little free time. These men want to know if it’s possible to start masturbating again as long as it’s in moderation.
After working with men to end their out-of-control behavior for over a decade, I know what that question usually means. Is this a form of porn addiction effect ? On the surface, it’s about masturbation, but if you look below the facade it’s often a way to avoid facing rejection. Men who want to masturbate in moderation are more often than not using it as a way to keep from being vulnerable and rejected.
Vulnerability puts you at risk for emotional or physical pain. Your ability to step past the fear and be vulnerable in the face of pain is courage. Courage is a very masculine and attractive trait, and it’s something you’ll develop as you work through the reboot process. You’ll learn to identify emotions and become more comfortable with being vulnerable.
This doesn’t mean you’ll spill your emotions to a woman to seek validation. Vulnerability does not mean groveling before a woman in search of attention. It simply means you’ll be able to express your wants and needs without any extreme attachment to the outcome.
Achieving sexual intimacy requires at least some level of vulnerability. You put yourself at risk of rejection whenever you make a move with a woman. This might be initiating sex with your spouse after a busy week or going in for the kiss with the woman sitting on your couch after a second date.
Ultimately, it’s your responsibility as the man to take the risk. The more you take these vulnerable risks, the more competence you gain. Over time you start to develop what I call “killer instinct,” or the knowledge of when it’s time to make a move and when it’s time to hold back. But that doesn’t come without a few mistakes and rejections along the way.
You might be scared to ask for sex, brother, and that’s okay. It’s nerve-wracking at first, especially when you’re just starting to put yourself out there again. The more you try it, though, the more comfortable you become.
As you gain confidence through the Porn Reboot system our exclusive porn addiction recovery system, you’ll realize there are plenty of other women with whom you build relationships. After a while, it won’t feel like a big deal when a woman rejects you. It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you, it simply means she isn’t interested and you can move on to the next.
Do you find yourself struggling as you try to follow the Porn Reboot system? It doesn’t matter whether you are already a client in our program, or if you’re just someone who reads our blog, listens to the podcast, receives our newsletters, or watches our YouTube channel.
Do you often feel bored or cynical, demotivated, disappointed, and pessimistic about your reboot process? Do you constantly feel the need to be perfect? Do you often feel like you’re a failure? Do you blame outside circumstances for your problems? Do you lack the ambition to take the action needed to change your circumstances?
I’ve heard everything in the book.
“My schedule is too tight.”
“I don’t have time to dedicate to this.”
“I’m too busy at work.”
“I have too many responsibilities.”
“I can’t afford to seek help right now.”
“The kids wake up too early in the morning for a morning routine.”
You can tell me whatever you believe to be holding you back, but after over a decade of working with men in the Porn Reboot program, I’m almost positive of the true reason.
Here’s why brother: you are not understanding nor implement the program’s basics.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a casual reader of the blog or listener to the podcast, or fully engulfed in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot implementation program. I see it on both sides of enrollment. If you’re still struggling and making excuses, you still don’t quite understand what it is that we’re doing here.
The basics of the Porn Reboot program aren’t there for fun or to aimlessly fill your time. They are not random, optional self-improvement tasks. I didn’t come up with them on a whim and sent hundreds of brothers out to check off the various boxes for no reason.
The Porn Reboot program is an intentionally-outlined set of actions that, when implemented, lead to changed behavior. Each action serves a purpose. Everything is in place because it moves you forward in your reboot.
Some examples include developing a morning routine, recording your daily wins and feelings in a journal, expressing genuine gratitude, taking accountability for your actions, setting and maintaining boundaries, writing out your goals, and more. You rewire your brain by following through on these things day after day, week after week, month after month.
But when you do not follow the reboot basics, you lose motivation. You will feel pessimistic. You’ll experience boredom and cynicism. You’ll aim for perfection and berate yourself incessantly when you realize perfection is impossible. You will feel like a failure day after day.
On the other hand, when you follow the basics, you will experience optimism and motivation. You’ll feel confident about what you’re doing. You will experience the excitement. You’ll have ambition, not just to end your out-of-control behavior, but to build something with your life.
I see it all the time. Men are excited during their first few days and weeks of the program. They’re filled with excitement and motivation and happiness at the chance of changing their lives and eliminating their out-of-control behavior. But two months later they’re filled with cynicism.
I find it happens when men attach themselves to a sense of perfectionism. They believe they need to check every box off and do every activity perfectly or they aren’t going to be successful. They think that if they can’t meet every responsibility every day then it isn’t even worth trying. They believe that no matter how well they do, how motivated they are, how good they get at their reboot, or how many months they stay committed, they are still a failure.
I’m here to tell you something, brother: you won’t feel anything when you first start implementing the basics. I’m serious. Sure, you might have some short-term excitement but that quickly wears off. You won’t feel some massive, noticeable shift for a long time. Porn Reboot isn’t anything like pornography. There is no immediate positive reaction like you’re used to. There is no instant gratification. It might even feel monotonous. A voice in your head might tell you that it’s nonsense or that it’s a waste of time.
You may even do these things for a few weeks and still experience a slip. I often hear men say, “Oh, I did all the basics, but I still slipped.” That happens more often than you may think. I want to make something clear: the basics do not stop slips or relapses. This is especially important for men who aren’t members of the Intensive or Implementation Program; the small actions themselves do not stop a slip. That’s not what the Porn Reboot system is about.
These habits you build up over time rewire your brain. It isn’t the meditation or journaling or checking in with an accountability partner that keeps you from going back to porn; it’s the shift that comes as a result. Over time, these actions change your self-image. You change from an insecure, self-loathing introvert to a man who follows through on his word. You build character. You cultivate self-esteem. And these changes to your inner being are what keep you from wanting to view porn ever again.
You become a man who no longer views pornography or acts out in other sexual ways. You have no reason to view porn or depend on masturbation to feel good. Your mind rebels against anything that provides short-term pleasure in return for long-term pain. It begins to work with you once you have these small habits in place. This is how rewiring your brain becomes permanent.
That doesn’t mean your life becomes perfect. That’s far from the truth. Life still throws curveballs after your reboot. But when you establish a sense of self-esteem and your habits are firmly in place, you won’t turn back to porn to deal with them. You’ll face them head-on like the new man you are and handle them with strength and dignity.
If you’re still struggling, brother, you haven’t embraced the point of this program. You’ll continue running headlong into the brick wall of obstinacy if you refuse to change your perspective. Once you accept these changes, though, you’ll find a new lease on life. The struggles will dissipate and you’ll find yourself equipped to enjoy all that life has to offer.
Today I want to cover the importance of boundaries. The topic came to mind when a brother in the program brought up a fantastic question. He said:
“Hey, J.K. I’m trying to change my attitude towards boundaries. I’ve made decent progress, like understanding that boundaries are an investment in myself. I would like to hear your view on boundaries and what questions I could ask myself to get more perspective on their importance, not just for rebooting but life in general.”
The simplest definition of boundaries is the point where something ends and another thing begins. They are something you establish to keep yourself from acting out or engaging in behaviors that are not aligned with your values. We have boundaries in our reboot because they protect us from detrimental consequences.
For example, many men have an issue with slipping or relapsing when they go to bed at night. To avoid slipping before falling asleep, these men set a boundary of not having their phones in their bedrooms. They leave it charging in the living room, kitchen, or some other room where they cannot access it while they’re in bed.
While I do see where this brother is coming from when he says boundaries are an investment in himself, I still see them more as protection. Boundaries require humility. They require vulnerability and a willingness to admit there are things outside of your control. Any man who constantly violates his boundaries is a man who hasn’t fully admitted his lack of control over his behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.
Another important thing to recognize about boundaries is that they are not set in stone. You should adapt your boundaries to your circumstances as you grow in your reboot. You’re not going to adhere to the same set of rules and guidelines when you have a year or more in the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program that you did when you first arrived.
Single men in the group often set a boundary of no dating during the first few weeks or months of ending their out-of-control behavior. If they kept this boundary for the rest of their lives, though, it would be a miserable existence. It’s a crucial part of the early stages for men who struggle with their sexual behavior, but eventually, they need to get back out there and start learning to establish intimacy with a woman again. Their boundaries shift as they make progress and grow.
If these men had no boundaries around dating during their first few stages, they could very easily find themselves in more trouble than when they started. They might end up on a merry-go-round of quitting and relapsing without making any significant progress. But once they admit their lack of control and then set and stick to a boundary, they can make notable steps forward in their reboot. Once they’ve mastered the first few stages, then they can adjust their boundaries accordingly.
Another great example of adapting boundaries over time is social media. There is so much soft-core pornography on social media that it can feel impossible to avoid at times. Despite Instagram’s strict policies, there are plenty of pictures, videos, and accounts that leave almost nothing to the imagination. Setting a hard no-social media boundary is crucial for almost every man when he first shows up to the Porn Reboot program.
However, it’s also almost impossible to live life without some sort of social media engagement. Even joining the Porn Reboot Facebook group requires a Facebook account, after all. There are dozens of benefits to social media but we often misuse the tool when we’re deep in our addiction. As we progress through the process of rewiring our brains, though, we can learn to engage in a healthy way.
Social media helps you stay in touch with friends who move away and family members who aren’t close by. It empowers you to build businesses and promote products. You shouldn’t bar yourself from these benefits once you’ve started to control your out-of-control behavior. Your boundaries surrounding social media can shift as you rewire your brain.
However, it’s easy to take my point and apply it to pornography. You might think that after you’ve gone a certain length of time without engaging in out-of-control behavior you can do so in moderation. Maybe you tell yourself you can watch porn once a week, but soon enough you’re back in the throes of your addiction and often worse off than you were before. I see it happen with brothers all the time.
Some boundaries can change with time. Others should remain regardless of where you’re at in your reboot. This isn’t an area where you want to operate in isolation, though. Talking with accountability partners is a great way to determine when it’s time to reconsider an existing boundary or whether it’s one you should hold onto for a bit longer.
It’s incredible to think I have a YouTube channel today when I know for a fact that I would have slipped on YouTube in the past. I was the sort of person who went to bars, clubs, and lounges and relapsed when I came home unsuccessful and alone, but today I can enter these places and come home without a thought in my mind. Rarely do I go somewhere like that, but I know I can if I need to.
The same applies to you, too. As you progress in your reboot you’ll be amazed at the things you become capable of doing without slipping or relapsing. You have an entire life ahead of you, brother, and setting and respecting your boundaries are an important part of the process.
This is for the men who struggle with their self-worth, and who feel worthless despite putting forth their best effort. This post is for you if you’ve put in the work: reading books, listening to podcasts, watching videos, working with therapists, and so on. However, no matter what you do, it feels like the moment you’re hit with an urge you fold almost instantly.
Maybe you feel like there’s a level of complexity to rebooting that’s beyond you but you can’t seem to figure out what it is. It seems like you’ve tried it all yet you can’t come out on top. You’ve done everything within your power but nothing seems to work. You can’t find the wins because it doesn’t feel like you’ve experienced any, even all these years later.
Brother, I want to tell you that your intention matters. You are a good person. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t continue trying to end your behavior. You would give up, throw in the towel, cut your losses, and lean into the easier, darker path. But you’re still here.
A lot of men believe they are bad people if they don’t overcome their out-of-control sexual behavior, but I disagree. You must be a good person if you continue to try to end your behavior. I’ve spoken with thousands of brothers struggling with their compulsive behavior in over a decade of doing this work. Never once have I spoken with a man who wanted to end his problem with porn, sex, and masturbation so he could become a worse man.
I don’t care where you come from. I don’t care whether society brands you as an outcast. I don’t care that your family thinks you’re a monster. I don’t even care that society may have accused you of doing something criminal. I don’t care what you’ve done in your past. If you’re still here standing up after being knocked down time and time again, you’re a good human being.
I get emotional every time I speak or write about this because it affects me so personally. I didn’t think I was a good person. I thought I was a bad person. I thought I was a hypocrite. I thought I was terrible. I thought that if people knew the things I watched and the things I saw, they would never want to speak to me again and that ate me up inside.
It is worse when you get caught. It is worse when you have a record. It’s worse when people who love you, whether it’s your wife, kids, family, colleagues, or people from your church, cast you aside. And it’s the worst when you cast yourself aside because of your self-deprecation and negative self-beliefs.
But you’re wrong, brother.
I have a tremendous amount of respect for every man who continues to put up a fight against his behavior. You may have done some things you don’t want to talk about, but those things don’t define you as a person. You can still make changes in your life. You’re never too far gone to come back from the dark depths of your porn addiction.
I don’t know your future but I want you to know that if you feel like you’re wasting your time, you’re not. Every attempt to quit is another opportunity to stick with it. So long as you hold onto your intention, you still have a fighting chance. Because without intention, you don’t have a damn thing. You have nothing, absolutely nothing.
But men who hang onto that intent, you’re in a better place than those who succumbed to the darkness. Hundreds of thousands of men know they have a problem but have no intention of ending it. They don’t see the issue or they see it and choose to continue acting out. You aren’t that man, though; you’re here reading this right now and you still have a chance.
Intent also lays the groundwork for improving every other aspect of your life. That was the case for me when I started my reboot journey 15 years ago, and it’s the same case today. It’s why I started working out. It’s why I started fixing my finances. I started going to meditation retreats and looking deep within to understand what was happening.
Perhaps that’s where your changed behavior begins. You could be like some of the brothers who joined us by starting in the biochemistry reboot challenge we hosted a few months ago. They focused on their fitness and that propelled them into making the necessary changes to overcome their behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation, too.
It all starts with intent, brother, and if you have that intent then you ARE a good man. It doesn’t matter what the people around you say; trust that I believe in your ultimate good nature, and so does every other brother in the Porn Reboot program. But what you do from now on is up to you. What is your next step?
We’re here if you’re ready to make a lasting change in your life. Porn Addiction Counseling Reboot is far more than anything you’ve tried before. Our system is unlike other programs. You’ll rewire your brain and rebuild your entire life in the process. Every person on our team leads with compassion. It’s at the center of who we are and what we do. The results of that are evident in the hundreds of brothers we work with each month, and we’d love to have you join us, too.
Are you absolutely confused about where you are in the process of ending your behavior with pornography? Are you perhaps a little bit jaded or angry at pornography, at your therapist, at the world, or maybe even at me because you seem to be stuck with this thing? Perhaps you feel like you’ve tried so many things yet nothing has worked; your behavior is still not under control.
I have guys who read this blog, watch our YouTube videos, or listen to the podcast and still find themselves at a loss. Some have even been around the Porn Reboot for months yet can’t manage to make progress at ending their out-of-control behavior. They feel frustrated, dejected, and broken down, left wondering whether they’ll ever find their way out.
I was thinking about this recently because I care deeply about these brothers. I care about them because that was a position I spent years in myself before developing the Porn Reboot system. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t get my behavior under control despite wanting it more than anything in the world. It was the most important thing to me yet I relapsed time after time, feeling worse about myself with each slip.
Firstly, brother, I want you to remember you’re a human being. Many men who participate in the early phases of the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program are focused on tactics. They take notes while reading blogs or listening to podcasts and outline different ways they should be tackling their problem head-on. But remember, you’re a human being, not a human doing.
Piling on too many tactics or approaches too quickly leaves you feeling overwhelmed. I’m not saying that the tools and strategies implemented in the Porn Reboot system aren’t important. I’m saying that you can’t take on all of them at once during your first week or two in the program.
It’s sort of like the old saying, “Jack of all trades, master of none.” Stretching your focus across too many directions leaves you unable to develop strength in one particular area. But it would be best if you had that single pillar of strength to lean on before you can build another. You’ll find yourself relapsing over and over if you aren’t willing to narrow your focus to one thing at a time.
Even then, anyone can learn tactics. Anyone can pick up a book off the shelf or watch a YouTube video and learn some tips for developing control over their behavior. You could speak to a therapist or a coach who will also outline plenty of tactics for you to employ that could potentially help you end your out-of-control behavior. And chances are you’ve probably done some of these things, too, yet you still find yourself trapped in a slipped cycle.
Why? Why do you continue to struggle?
Principles, brother. Tactics and strategies without principles are null and void. You must understand why you are rebooting before your reboot can be successful. However, at the same time, your “why” can’t be for anyone but yourself. You can’t end your out-of-control behavior for your wife, your kids, your church, your family, or your career.
You must end your out-of-control behavior for yourself and yourself alone.
You have to want this so badly that nothing will distract or derail you from your reboot. At the beginning of the process, your reboot must come before everything else in your life; you will lose whatever you put ahead of it. After all, you’ve spent years neglecting the things you insist are important; if you truly want them back then you need to focus on building yourself back up first.
The Porn Reboot system offers some simple, universal principles that help with the reboot process. For example, one of the principles of the program is that we view slips and relapses as data. We do not attach emotions to them, we simply acknowledge the fact that they happened and use them to ensure they’re less likely to happen again.
Another example is accepting the truth that all sexual urges pass. It doesn’t matter how intense or pressing the urge feels, it will not last forever. I know this from experience and you’ll learn it with time in the program. No matter how strong or overwhelming, no matter how many hours or days it seems to last, the urge will eventually go away. It may come back another time but it will end then, too. All urges eventually go away.
Principles contain patterns and patterns allow for the predictability. Establishing as much predictability as possible is an important part of a reboot. Slips and relapses lie in the unknown; developing consistency and predictability helps ensure your success in the beginning. This means there is power in predictability, something you probably feel you’ve lost over the years. Developing power over your out-of-control behavior is the ultimate goal of the Porn Reboot program.
But again, you must define why you are rebooting. You have to have a reason or every attempt at regaining control will eventually fail. How are you going to reboot? What is it going to look like? Why are you doing it? Without solid answers to these questions, you’ll find yourself spinning in circles week after week, month after month, and year after year.
Get serious about your reboot, brother, because your quality of life is on the line. You have everything to lose and nothing to gain by continuing down the path you’re on. On the other hand, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by learning more about the Porn Reboot system and applying it to your life. What are you waiting for?
