Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever

porn

Rebooting For Entrepreneurs and Sales Pros

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

If you’re an entrepreneur, own your own business, or work in a top sales job, you know that your revenue and income depend entirely on your performance.

That’s it. If you’re clear-headed, energized, and motivated, you’ll do well. If you’re foggy, tired, and irritable, your performance deteriorates and so does your income.

When you’re an entrepreneur or sales pro who struggles with out-of-control sexual behavior or pornography addiction, you’re likely in the second category more often than you want to be. It’s exhausting to battle compulsive sexual behavior and porn addiction. These things consume most of your attention and time, leaving you with little time to do much else.

The dollar difference between these two states of mind can be anywhere from tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars for men in these high positions. Think about your situation. How much money do you lose out on because you leave it on the table working at a 6 out of 10 instead of a 9 out of 10?

This segment of men in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot program is important to me because it’s where I came from. I wasn’t a top performer at my sales job for the years I spent trapped in the cycle of porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. But my performance skyrocketed the moment I finally said no to pornography for good.

I became a top recruiter in the sales organization I worked at within a few months of ending my behavior. A few years later, my company promoted me to a director position. Even with that position, I was still out in the field, selling alongside my team, and making thousands in additional revenue from the commission.

I credit that mindset, the clarity and focus that allowed me to perform at that high level, to the porn-free life I finally found myself living. I wouldn’t have been able to remain focused and maintain the level of intensity and dedication I need to live my life at this level.

The problem with pornography addiction is the secretive nature of the problem. Men who battle alcohol or drug addiction have a harder time hiding their struggles. It’s easier for them to get help because family or friends tend to intervene after a certain point. But that’s not always the case with porn or compulsive sexual behavior.

At the same time, the impact of porn addiction is just as bad, if not worse, especially for high-performing professional men. It can destroy your life before you even realize what happened. I’ve seen it time and time again in men who join our program.

So I have some questions for you. Do you want to perform better? Do you want to skip years of struggle straight to the breakthrough? If you do, it’s time to remove pornography from your life. It’s holding you back from performing at the level you need to be at. You can’t fulfill your potential when you’re wrapped up in watching porn and jerking off. You need to make some changes.

You can start by reading a few more blog posts here or checking out our YouTube channel. We’ve also got a free Facebook group where you can join other men on the path to eliminating porn from their lives and controlling their behavior. You don’t have to deal with your problem alone – we’ve all been where you are and know what it takes to get out.

Ready to make a change? Join us today.

Rebooting For Entrepreneurs and Sales Pros Read More »

Does Your Husband Have a Porn Problem?

Porn Addiction Symptoms / By Automation Agency Concierge

Today’s blog post might come as a surprise.

The majority of my writing deals with men who are addicted to pornography or have out-of-control sexual behavior. At the same time, I know some women read these posts because they’re concerned about their husbands or long-term partners.

If you’re a woman in this situation, today I want to write to you. If you’re one of the brothers in the Porn Reboot system, though, this post will be helpful for you, too. You may learn a thing or two you never considered before.

I know women read this blog, watch our YouTube channel, and listen to our podcasts because these women reach out to me. They feel devastated, defeated, and betrayed when they discover their boyfriend or husband is addicted to porn. Their sense of certainty in the relationship feels shaken and shattered.

At the same time, these women also insist their partner is a good man and most other things about the relationship are fantastic.

Does this sound like you?

Signs of a Porn Problem

When you care for someone it’s natural to justify their behavior, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it. But it’s that justification that keeps you in a dysfunctional cycle and gets you hurt over and over again. Porn addiction symptoms, just like any other addiction, affects not only the porn addict but everyone else in his life.

Here’s the thing – no matter how great of a man your partner is, he’s still struggling with an addiction. And that addiction is destroying you, it’s destroying him, and it’s destroying your relationship together.

How can you determine whether pornography has become a problem for your husband?

Lack of Sex

How often do you and your partner have sex? If sex in your relationship has lost its quality or disappeared completely, there’s a problem. You may feel a lack of connection with him during sex or maybe he doesn’t feel present at all.

Your first instinct might be to look at yourself. Women often blame themselves for their partner’s lack of attention. They think they’re not attractive enough, they’re not adventurous enough, or they’re enthusiastic enough. The list goes on and on. In reality, he may have a problem with porn which has nothing to do with you at all.

Spends a Lot of Time Online

Do you notice that your partner spends a lot of time online? Men who struggle with pornography addiction often isolate themselves and spend a lot of time at the computer. When you go to bed he stays in his office or another room of the house browsing online.

Again, you might think it’s something you’ve done. You worry he’s upset or mad at you. He won’t come to bed when you do and it even becomes habitual over time. Eventually, it probably feels like he’s choosing the internet over you. But it’s difficult to pull away from the computer when you’ve got a problem with pornography.

Increasingly Judgmental

Watching a lot of pornography skews a man’s view of women. It portrays women in negative circumstances and removes all empathy from the sexual experience. Guys who are addicted to pornography tend to objectify their partners and become very critical about various aspects of their partner’s life.

For example, he might say negative things about your physique, your lifestyle, or other things he never gave any attention to before. His criticism leaves you feeling hurt, overlooked, and uncared for. No matter what you do, though, you’ll never be able to overcome these criticisms; they’re the result of a much bigger problem that has nothing to do with you.

Develops New Sexual Interests

As a man’s pornography addiction progresses, he starts watching different types of pornography. This tends to translate into the way he wants to have intercourse with you. Maybe he’s suddenly become rougher in bed or introduced the idea of new sexual acts he’s never seemed interested in before.

These interests could be things you aren’t comfortable with or even have no interest in participating in. Some men pressure their partners to participate while others withdraw to their online world where they can fulfill their newfound fantasies.

Becomes More Private or Secretive

Once men realize their problem has progressed they start making attempts to cover their tracks. He doesn’t want you to see his browser history, his text messages, or other things on his phone. Your partner puts a password on his device or refuses to leave it around you. You notice inconsistencies in the stories he tells you.

If you point out these shifts in his behavior, though, he becomes irritated and refuses to talk. He’s overly defensive when you express your concerns and might insist that you’re overreacting or making a big deal out of nothing.

Increasingly Detached and Cold

Over time you probably noticed that your partner is a lot more distant than he used to be. The connection feels like it isn’t there anymore. It’s difficult to recognize, though, because he won’t acknowledge it or he’ll blame something else for his being emotionally unavailable.

When you reach out to him and ask what’s going on, he’ll flip it on you and accuse you of being needy, overly emotional, or something along these lines. Don’t allow him to make you question yourself, though; you know who your partner is and you know when something’s wrong.

The Endless Cycle

Porn addiction tends to follow a familiar cycle for most men and their partners. First, you find out that he’s keeping secrets from you about his porn use. When you confront him, though, he reacts by blaming either you or something else. He’s defensive, angry, and sees something else as the cause of the problem rather than taking responsibility.

What happens next is usually one of two things. He’ll either apologize for his behavior and tell you he wants to quit, or he shuts down and refuses to communicate. You can work with the first reaction but there’s nothing you can do about the second. Men who shut down typically try to manipulate you afterward, too, either by keeping you around or pushing you away.

After the confrontation, he may try to reel it back in for some time. Your relationship seems to return to normal again. He’s in what we refer to as the “dormant stage” of his addiction style. He might even quit for some time which gets him reengaged with you and the relationship. It feels like things are turning around and you’re on the way back to a good place.

But then he relapses. He watches porn or acts out on his behavior again. Then everything goes back to square one and the cycle starts over.

Does This Sound Like Your Partner?

I’m going to assume that women still reading right now answered yes to at least a few of the behaviors above. If you notice these behaviors in your partner, he likely has a problem with pornography or another compulsive sexual behavior. So what do you do next?

There’s good news and bad news.

The bad news is you cannot make anyone “just stop” or “overcome” their addiction. You also run the risk of trying to help him and failing over and over again. I see women doing this regularly and all that happens is your relationship becomes an unhealthy, codependent mess. You are not your man’s mother. Controlling his behavior is not your responsibility.

The good news is that nothing is wrong with you. The problem lies with your partner, not you. His pornography addiction is not a result of the way you look, of something you did, or of any other excuse your mind comes up with. It is his problem that he needs to work out for himself.

What Can You Do?

I’ve watched couples go through this cycle dozens of times. It leaves women like you feeling emotionally exhausted, traumatized, and devastated by the repeated betrayals. If this sounds familiar to you, there may still be hope for your partner. Sit down with your partner and try to identify the cycle with him. Bring his behaviors to light and discuss how this cycle is destroying your relationship.

More importantly, though, it’s time to focus on yourself. You might have spent the last few months or even years invested in his porn addiction cycle. It’s worn you down over time and you’re still left with nothing to show. So you need to shift your focus to yourself and begin building your self-esteem and confidence back up.

Again, it’s ultimately up to your partner to change his behavior. No amount of pressure from you will force him to change. You don’t need to be his accountability partner, you don’t need to treat him like a child, and you don’t need to police him.

Instead, spend more time with your friends, join some classes, and read uplifting material that you enjoy. Try to remove stress from your life and strengthen yourself along the way. If you reach a point where the pain is too much, reach out to a professional. You can even reach out to us. While we don’t work with partners yet, we can connect you with a great therapist or group.

Once you shift your focus to yourself, your partner’s behavior becomes secondary. As you strengthen your mind, you put yourself in a position to better determine how to move forward. It’s not your responsibility to save your partner and if he refuses to make a change, it might be time for you to move forward without him.

Does Your Husband Have a Porn Problem? Read More »

4 Barriers to Rebooting For The Wealthy Porn Addict

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By Automation Agency Concierge

I’ve worked with my fair share of wealthy men during my years as a porn addiction recovery coach.

Something I’ve noticed during that time, though, is how frequently affluent men avoid seeking help for their porn addiction. Whether their wealth is familial or earned on their own and regardless of their age, their fortunes seem to serve as a barrier to rebooting.

You might think that affluent men have an easier time overcoming their problems. They have all the resources they could ever need at their disposal. How could their wealth get in the way of how to stop porn addiction? In reality, their money is the thing that holds them back. These are the 4 most common barriers that cause trouble for affluent men in their reboot.

1. Denial

Denial is the biggest barrier to rebooting for any man but especially for affluent men. In some cases, the process of coming to terms with their pornography addiction can have serious financial or legal consequences. These men have large things to lose so they want to do all they can to avoid jail time or large fines.

Compulsive sexual behavior can be an expensive habit when you’re hiring escorts or signing up for premium content online. Men with average financial means often hit a financial threshold where they’re no longer able to fund their behavior. But a man with extreme wealth can fund his behavior which allows him to remain in denial for much longer.

2. Stigma

Many affluent men are in the business of appearances. These men fear falling from the social pedestal they live on. Coming clean about pornography addiction or compulsive sexual behavior is unthinkable because of the negative stigma associated with it. The idea of losing their status because of their porn addiction is a terrifying thing.

This is true for men who come from dignified families in particular. Men from families like these have a certain reputation to uphold. If someone discovered the truth about their problem, they could face serious consequences not only for themselves but for their families as well. The shame and guilt that result from the porn addiction stigma hold men back from getting help.

3. Rock Bottom

Men won’t reach out for help with their porn addiction problem until they hit rock bottom. Every man has an individual definition of what rock bottom means to them. For example, maybe it’s when their wife leaves and takes the kids, when the bank accounts are empty and the credit cards are maxed out, or when they’re caught watching porn at work.

Reaching rock bottom is a humiliating and humbling experience that’s important for recognizing that you finally need help. But affluent men with significant financial means oftentimes take far longer to hit this point than those with a more average income. Their monetary resources keep them from sinking to a place where they have to ask for help.

4. Distraction

Wealthy men are oftentimes the kings of distraction. They can fund whatever interest comes to mind no matter how short-term it may be. Even when they fear they might need help, these men can finance all sorts of distractions that avoid looking at the real problem: their porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior.

Affluent men may take some classes or attend a long-term reset retreat in another exotic country. They might seek out a specialist or a therapist to help them with their relationship struggles. These men hire elite personal trainers and business coaches to work out problems in these areas. But the entire time they’re distracting themselves from the pornography addiction which is the true cause of the issue.

Overcoming These Barriers

Don’t get me wrong – these barriers don’t imply that affluent men can’t overcome their pornography addiction and out-of-control behavior. Their accumulated wealth and even some of their lifestyles don’t make them any different from other men trying to control their behavior and take back their lives.

If you’re part of the wealthy segment of men who are addicted to pornography, there’s still hope for you, too. It may take some additional work, some hard boundaries, and some space from your current friend group, but you can do it, too. If you’re a man who truly wants to overcome his behavior you’ll find a way to do it.

You can start here by reading some blog posts or watch a few of the videos on our YouTube channel. We also have a podcast available wherever you listen to podcasts and a free Facebook group for men working to control their behavior with porn and masturbation. No matter where you are in your reboot process, you can find support and understanding if you join us there!

4 Barriers to Rebooting For The Wealthy Porn Addict Read More »

Handling Emotional Needs While Dating In Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Most men who are working to overcome pornography addiction and out-of-control sexual behavior are unaware of the role of emotional needs.

They don’t understand that these are the baseline of all successful relationships; they’re too preoccupied with using porn, masturbation, and sex to distract from their negative emotions.

However, emotional needs are an integral part of every romantic relationship, whether you realize it or not. If you want a fulfilling relationship, you must make sure both your and your partner’s emotional needs are met. Problems arise when these needs are neglected because it leaves both parties feeling like the other isn’t interested in or appreciative of them.

You might meet someone who would be a great fit for you in a relationship, but because you’re so caught up in your out-of-control behavior, you’re not going to meet her emotional needs. You’ll miss the opportunity because you lack emotional intelligence when you’re active in your behaviors.

As you start rebooting, though, it’s time to learn about emotional needs. Understanding the roles these needs play and the way they interact is vital if you want to have a successful relationship.

Three Main Emotional Needs

There are three main emotional needs when it comes to dating: connection, status, and security. Every person values these three needs to varying degrees. It’s important to understand what each need consists of and how important each is to you and your potential partner.

Connection refers to the need to feel understood and appreciated, to share values, and to share experiences. Status refers to the need to feel important, superior, or even challenged.

Finally, security refers to the need to feel safe and secure within a trusting relationship.

A person’s willingness to become intimate with someone depends on their needs, how these needs are prioritized, and how the other individual fulfills those needs. For example, if a woman prioritizes security, you must find ways to make sure she feels the relationship is solid.

Keeping Emotional Needs Balanced

Though everyone has emotional needs, it’s also important to keep these needs in check. These needs can either be healthy or unhealthy depending on how well a person maintains a balance with them. It’s easy for needs to expand beyond a reasonable point and become something toxic. Sometimes unchecked emotional needs can cause as many problems as unmet emotional needs.

The need for connection can progress to the point of neglecting spending time with friends or having quality alone time. The need for security can evolve into extreme jealousy or possessiveness. The need for status can reach a point where the person becomes egocentric or self-absorbed.

Unchecked emotional needs are no longer about building a strong relationship. They’re superficial ways to soothe unhealed inner wounds. Left unchecked, these surface-level demands lead to depression and loneliness, not fulfillment and contentment. And when you struggle with porn addiction or compulsive sexual behavior, it’ll only drive you deeper into that.

Needs Change Over Time

Another thing to understand is the way that emotional needs change over time. Things that were important to you in your 20s don’t seem as pressing in your 40s. Priorities in your 50s were the furthest thing from your mind in your 30s.

Major life events like getting married or having kids can also alter your emotional needs. They shift your understanding of what’s important in life and create a change in the way you prioritize each need.

If you’ve been with the same person for a long time, both of your needs will shift as time goes on. It’s good to know what those changes are so you can communicate them with your partner and continue building a relationship that withstands the test of time.

If you’re single, it’s still good to know when your needs change. Recognizing the emotional needs you bring to the table helps you build more solid relationships from the beginning. But how do you know which needs have the highest priority in your life?

Recognizing Your Needs

As you learn to control your behavior with pornography, you’ll start to recognize your emotional needs. Acknowledging the needs that motivate you is an important part of your reboot. But you won’t develop sudden clarity on the things that are important to you; it takes some work to decipher how you prioritize your emotional needs.

I’ve got a quick assignment for you today. I want you to write out how you prioritize your emotional needs in life right now. If you’re in a relationship, look at that relationship and figure out which needs are important in it. If you’re single and looking for a relationship, find out which needs are important for your potential partner to meet. If you’re single and not looking for a relationship, analyze your past relationships and look for patterns in your needs.

Once you’re finished writing, I want you to share your findings with the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot Facebook group. There are hundreds of guys, some in the Porn Reboot intensive and some who stick with the free group, who share their findings from the assignments. I think it’s an important way to connect with other men and to follow through on actions in your reboot.

If you aren’t part of the free Facebook group yet, you can join us here. It’s a private group so none of your friends or family will know you joined. It’s a great way to stay accountable, to find support, and to get you through any lulls you may experience. Come join us today and let us know where you’re at in the ways you prioritize emotional needs in your relationships!

Handling Emotional Needs While Dating In Your Reboot Read More »

4 Self-Destructive Behaviors That Hold You Back

Porn Addiction Symptoms / By Automation Agency Concierge

You need to experience a significant neurochemical change in your brain and body to end your out-of-control behavior with pornography and masturbation.

There needs to be a paradigm shift that affects your entire lifestyle.

Porn addiction changes your brain. There’s no denying the severe effects that consuming hundreds of hours of pornography has on your mind. It alters your neurochemical makeup which affects your emotional processing and becomes a hindrance to your growth as a man.

I want to cover a few self-destructive behaviors that I’ve noticed in men over the years. These are things that lead to consistent relapses and loss of self-esteem. Men who don’t address these behaviors eventually end up in a place where they feel stuck with no motivation to keep going. I want to keep you from ending up here.

These are some of the self-destructive behaviors that you need to avoid if you want to be successful in your reboot.

Porn Addiction

It may seem silly or self-explanatory to include porn addiction but it’s the most important behavior to avoid. Again, pornography addiction alters your brain. Quitting isn’t as simple as making a few changes, setting some boundaries, and checking in with an accountability partner. If you’re here, you most likely have a full-blown addiction to pornography.

You might think you’re immune to developing an addiction problem. Maybe you come from a good family or you live in a nice area. You might have a great career and plenty of money in the bank. But if you can’t not only stop watching porn but stay stopped, then you have a serious problem on your hands.

Eliminating your pornography use is the first thing you need to do before any other measures can help.

Ignorance

Ignorance is the next self-destructive behavior that’s holding you back in your reboot. Most men who try to end their behavior with pornography relapse within the first year. Okay, I’ll admit that’s not an official statistic. But I will say it seems pretty accurate according to the hundreds of emails I receive every week.

There’s a great quote that I appreciate: “In the age of information, ignorance is a choice.” Men who refuse to recognize porn addiction symptoms is a serious problem, who remain willingly ignorant to the reality of their situation, will never overcome their addiction.

I have plenty of information available on my channels alone. Between this blog, my YouTube channel, my podcast, and my free Facebook group, there is so much you can learn. But if you choose to ignore the information available to you and remain ignorant about the truth of pornography addiction, you’ll continue to relapse.

Emotional Dependence

Emotional dependence is another severe self-destructive behavior that affects your reboot. Another word for this is emotional neediness. Needy men never take responsibility for their place in life and are unable to stand on their own two feet. You should never depend on other people to provide you with respect, security, or prestige.

I’ll give you a quick, simple test to determine whether you’re emotionally dependent. Ask yourself these two questions:

Are your feelings hurt easily in relationships?
Do you consider yourself to be a highly sensitive person?

If you answer yes to either of these, you have some work to do in the emotional dependence department. You allow others to define your reality and your worth when you’re emotionally dependent. You become highly reactive in relationships because you’ve placed the other person on a pedestal and given them power over you. Overcoming your emotional dependence is crucial before you can be successful in your reboot.

Self-Loathing

Self-loathing is one of the most insidious of these self-destructive behaviors. It holds you back not only in your reboot but in every area of your life. Self-loathing keeps you from accomplishing everything that you’re capable of. And whether you realize it or not, you’re capable of a lot.

Most of us have an idealized image of ourselves that we built up over the years. We believe we should have certain levels of achievement in life by now. There are things we should accomplish by a particular period. And we double down on these expectations as we scroll through social media and see others meeting these milestones.

When you struggle with porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior, though, you usually fall short of these ideals. Your expectations and your reality are two different things. As the divide between these grows wider, you begin to question your self-worth. You do not like who you’ve become and the sense of self-loathing sets in.

These assumptions of who you “should” be are false, though. You don’t have to hold yourself to any particular standard. Even if you’re overcoming pornography addiction, it’s not a moral failure on your part. It’s simply the situation that’s developed over time that you now have to work through and overcome.

Seeking Support Along the Way

It’s difficult to overcome these self-destructive behaviors. Looking at these less-than-helpful parts of ourselves is a painful reality check. Other times it’s difficult to even recognize your self-destructive behaviors in the first place. That’s why it’s important that you don’t try to approach your reboot on your own.

This is the exact reason I created the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. I want every man trying to overcome his porn addiction and compulsive sexual behaviors to have a place where he can find support. If you haven’t joined us already, come check it out. There are no requirements to join other than a drive to leave your behaviors behind.

If you’re looking for some help, come join us today!

4 Self-Destructive Behaviors That Hold You Back Read More »

5 Stages of Change in Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Effect / By Automation Agency Concierge

Change doesn’t happen overnight.

You don’t decide to quit using porn or acting out on your compulsive behavior and then stop completely the next day. Most of the time it takes a while for you to recognize that there’s a serious problem in the first place. The recovery process is just that: a process.

The five stages of change (sometimes called the five stages of recovery) describe the process of changing a compulsive behavior. You’re probably familiar with it by now if you’ve spent time in any recovery circles or read much on the topic. It’s a helpful outline for understanding how change happens when you struggle with compulsive behavior or addiction. These stages are:

Precontemplation
Contemplation
Planning
Action
Maintenance

Although quite a few men are aware of the five stages of recovery already, I’ve also noticed that plenty have yet to hear of them. I want to give you a quick outline of each stage to help you determine where you’re at in your process.

Precontemplation

Precontemplation is the initial stage where you don’t recognize that you have a problem. Your world hasn’t caught on fire yet. Porn Addiction Effect hasn’t had a significant impact on your life yet. You might feel some residual discomfort or experience a few consequences but it hasn’t gotten out of control.

Maybe you’re making justifications for your actions. You truly believe you could stop if you wanted to. If your partner confronts you about your porn use, you’re convinced that they’re overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing. All of your buddies watch porn and jerk off, what’s wrong with you doing it, too?

But the difference between you and your buddies is that your behavior is compulsive. You’re not simply watching porn, you’re using it as an unhealthy coping mechanism. Your porn use and compulsive behavior have been getting progressively worse over time. The problem is actively escalating but you still haven’t noticed that there’s an issue.

Contemplation

Contemplation is the stage where you start to experience and recognize some of the negative effects porn has on your life. Sometimes it’s the amount of time you spend watching it or how distracted you feel when you aren’t. Perhaps it started affecting your sex life. Maybe you notice that you can’t have sex without watching porn first, or you fantasize about scenes during intercourse.

The contemplation stage is when you begin thinking this might be a real problem. The cons start to outweigh the pros. You start thinking about making some changes. You might consider trying to masturbate or watch porn in moderation. For example, instead of jerking off every day, you might cut it back to once a week.

Once you try cutting back, though, is when you realize how trapped you are. You may be able to stay off of it for a few days or weeks or months, but you inevitably find yourself back where you started. Maybe you find yourself in an even worse situation than before. So you’re back to the idea that it might be time to do something about this problem.

Planning

Once you’re ready to commit to making some changes, you’ve reached the planning stage. It doesn’t mean you’ve fully committed yet but you’re starting to look for solutions. You’re searching online for resources, watching videos, listening to podcasts, and reading blog posts like this one.

But the planning stage is the stage where the distinction between two types of men becomes clear: Type A and Type B. I’ve talked about the differences between Type A and Type B men before. One type will move through the planning phase and into the next phase. One will get stuck in the planning phase and spin his wheels endlessly.

Type B men are ready to make changes. They do a ton of research but aren’t ready to do anything about it. These men consume tons of content online but never implement it in their lives. They might even reach out and email us about their problem, but they never follow through on their request.

Type A men are also ready to make changes. They do the same sort of research that Type B men do but they decide on a plan of action. These men don’t just read, watch, and listen to things online; they take the content they consume and determine how they’re going to apply it to their lives. Then they move into the next stage of change.

Action

If you’re reading this blog post right now, you’re most likely in the action stage. Men in the action stage have identified that there’s a problem, researched how to address it, outlined a plan of action, and are now in the process of following through on their plan.

A ton of work occurs during the action stage. This is the time when you need to establish your routine and commit to it. At some point, the initial alarm and fear that led you to seek a solution will wear off. The action stage is when you build your new behaviors into lasting habits so you can persist through these lulls in motivation.

The action stage can take quite a while. You begin to make different choices than you would have before. Sure, you might experience a slip or two during the action phase but you continue moving forward. But you use these slips to understand your triggers, learn to manage your urges, and build up new coping skills. Over time, these slowly become your new way of doing things.

Maintenance

When your routine and habits are set in place, you’ve reached the maintenance stage. This stage is exactly what it sounds like: you continue maintaining the progress that you’ve built from the beginning.

Your self-image begins to change during the maintenance stage as you recognize how far you’ve come. You’ve built up many areas of your reboot capital, from your spiritual life to your social life, your finances to your health. The maintenance stage is when you finally begin to feel like you’re on the right track, that you’ve overcome your compulsive behavior.

And you will, brother. You’ll no longer be the man you used to be. By the time you reach the maintenance stage, you’ve built an entirely different life than you had before, one that’s worth living. So long as you continue taking action and moving through the five stages of change, a life free from pornography can be your reality, too.

5 Stages of Change in Your Reboot Read More »

Monogamy for Recovered Sex Addicts

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

You’ll often hear that a long-term, monogamous relationship can’t compete with the novelty and dopamine-inducing effects of having sex with a new person.

This is a widespread opinion.

And as a result, many people decide not to even try to be monogamous – they think they’ll never make it. This applies to pornography addicts as well.

Now, I’m not going to lie and say that there isn’t a small element of truth to this opinion. But it doesn’t take into account one factor:

There are many men who had a lot of casual sex. But that was before they got married and stayed committed for the rest of their lives.

These individuals have an advantage over others because they’ve had their fill of sexual experiences on purpose.

But what about men who recover from sex addiction and get married?

Well, that doesn’t mean they’re actually ready for marriage. Most of the time, that goal’s been set for them and conditioned by society.

These men then feel like monogamy is the only way to go. So, they end up in relationships and just play along because they feel like that’s what they’re supposed to do.

But in doing so, they most likely won’t become a happy, fulfilled person. It’s because whatever issues they had with women and sex won’t just go away because they’ve become monogamous.

Now, you might wonder why don’t more coaches and therapists talk about this.

Well, apart from myself, I have yet to meet a non-religious counselor, coach, or mentor who wasn’t a sex addict and had an active and healthy sexual life involving multiple women.

While some therapists have recovered from their addictions, none of them put themselves through a structured method regarding women.

But that’s what I did. Porn Addiction Recovery is our hope

I had a structured plan of meeting women, developing authentic relationships, and having healthy sex with them.

The point of this method is that when you repeat the process dozens of times, it becomes a part of your nature.

And then you can leave it behind and move on to a monogamous relationship.

Monogamy for Recovered Sex Addicts Read More »

Getting Out There

Porn Addiction Problems / By Automation Agency Concierge

I often get asked by men about what’s likely to happen to their sex life during recovery.

This question comes as no surprise.

There’s a popular opinion that trying to have sex while struggling with porn addiction can lead you to sex addiction. Those guys who ask me about it are likely worried about their condition getting worse.

Well, I can say with confidence that this opinion isn’t true.

You won’t make your addiction worse or get addicted to sex if you have sexual relationships with women during recovery.

In fact, having sex could save you from your porn addiction problems.

How do I know?

It’s because I proved it myself.

You see, during my recovery, I simultaneously worked on improving my sexual life.

I also dedicated two whole years to working on my anxiety issues with women.

In doing so, I spent that time approaching and talking to women who I found attractive. I also had sexual relationships with some of them.

Now, I didn’t pick up that idea out of nowhere. It came from a book by Albert Ellis, the founder of rational behavior therapy.

Ellis was a psychologist who had an issue with anxiety. To overcome it, he spent the entire summer going out to a park and talking to hundreds of women.

Granted, that approach was a bit extreme, but it worked for him.

A similar approach worked for me, too. In fact, I can say with certainty that doing so can bring your deepest issues to the surface.

During those two years that I spent meeting and approaching women, I came face to face with my darkest demons. I also became aware of how deep my porn addiction was.

The key thing in all of it was exposure.

By putting myself out there, I got into a situation where I could no longer run from my issues. I had to shed some of the limiting beliefs I had about women and sex, learn how to connect with women authentically, and endure plenty of rejection.

As a result, I overcame my social and sexual anxiety.

I know that this exposure helped my recovery immensely.

And I know it can do the same for you, even if it sounds scary right now.

So, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.

Getting Out There Read More »

How Pastors and Influential Men Keep Their Addiction Hidden

Porn Addiction Effect / By Automation Agency Concierge

It might come as a surprise to you but I’ve worked with a lot of pastors over the years. These men are charismatic and influential figures within their congregation. They’re looked up to as father figures, as mentors, as guides, as coaches. They managed to succeed despite their struggles with pornography that went on behind the scenes.

This wasn’t the case for me. When I was in the midst of my pornography addiction I was certainly not charismatic. I didn’t know how to communicate, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t even study. I had a hard time in college because the anxiety was so overwhelming and speaking up in front of people was out of the question.

It’s interesting that many pastors I work with hide their pornography addiction for years, but still find a way to succeed in spite of it. How do these pastors, or men in other similar influential positions, stay successful while battling their out-of-control behaviors? What qualities do they have that empower them to maintain a positive public image while struggling behind closed doors?

Influential Men Share Some Common Traits

I’ve found that these influential men have several traits in common. They share a set of characteristics that let them keep up appearances while clamoring with their demons in their personal time. The following are a few of these traits I’ve noticed over time.

Narcissistic

Most of these outwardly influential men I work with share a narcissistic trait. They believe in themselves to the point of delusion. These men believe they’re here for a specific purpose that they’re uniquely designed and qualified to fill. Sometimes this masquerades as their calling. They believe they’re fulfilling a calling that they’re destined to follow.

Obsessive-Compulsive

I also notice these men display obsessive and sometimes even compulsive tendencies. They’re obsessed with specific tasks and will not step back from or let go of them until they’re completed to perfection.

Exaggerated

Influential men tend to err on the side of dramatics, theatricality, and general exaggeration. They’re expressive when communicating and are especially capable of drawing people in with their message. Placed in the right environment, these exuberant communicators have a knack for becoming successful.

Covering the Pain of the Past

Many of these influential men I work with come from a history of trauma. They experienced some form of abandonment, neglect, or abuse that caused a deep psychological wound. Pornography or other out-of-control behaviors offered some distraction and relief from the pain of their past.

As they grow up and take on an influential role, like those who become pastors, they start to gain some form of status and power. People look up to them and appreciate their contributions to the world.

Members of their congregation thank them for the sermon they gave. Couples appreciate the guidance and support they receive during marriage counseling. Their inbox is filled with messages from people who respect and look up to them, who are grateful for their message.

These men gain a sense of positive validation from their growing prestige. It instills a belief that they’re still okay, even if they’re struggling behind closed doors. They cover their feelings of shame with the positive feedback they receive from their parishioners.

But How Do They Hide?

How do these influential individuals keep their behaviors hidden, though? What is it that keeps them getting away with it for so long? I’ve noticed two things in particular over my years of working with dozens of men in this position.

Trust

Influential men build trust with their congregation or their followers over time. People assume pastors, priests, and other religious leaders prescribe to the precepts of their religion. They’re seen as a direct conduit to God, someone who communicates directly with a deity. Parishioners trust their minister because of the religious beliefs that they assume their minister adheres to.

Once they’re in this position, they feel they have a responsibility to their congregation. They’ve built a sense of trust that they don’t want to break. They love what they do and want to maintain the work they’ve done, but don’t know how to stop their behaviors.

Isolation

Many of these men spend a good portion of time alone. You’ve probably heard that saying, “It’s lonely at the top.” Leaders have things they alone are responsible for. They’re in a position that places a tremendous amount of pressure on them. They feel they need to be a perfect person, one who can overcome it all.

This pressure increases their feelings of isolation. It feels like no one understands what they’re dealing with, especially when they’re balancing a pornography addiction. This forces them to push the secret of their addiction further and further into hiding.

Facing Fear and Rebooting

It seems easier for these men to look at the appreciation and trust of their congregation and use it as a reason to keep their addiction hidden. They don’t want to disappoint their congregation, their families, or themselves. When they’ve spent years building their identity, success, and livelihood around their image in the church, it’s terrifying to confront the truth. It’s terrifying to finally acknowledge the reality of the situation they’re in.

I do want to be clear: the pastors I work with are not bad men. They’re not intentionally harming the people who trust and believe in them. That’s what makes pornography addiction such a difficult battle to fight. These men aren’t inherently bad but they have developed a harmful behavior they must overcome.

There is a ton of fear that comes with overcoming pornography addiction as a pastor. But pastors who want to overcome their behaviors must eventually accept the devastating situation they’re in. They must face the reality of their position if they want to reboot successfully. And I’m here to assure you that pastors can have a successful reboot, too.

Pastors and other influential men can reboot just like everyone else in the Porn Reboot group. As long as they commit to changing and apply the system in their life, they can leave their pornography addiction and out-of-control behaviors behind. The Porn Reboot system works for any man willing to take responsibility for his behaviors and make changes in his life!

https://youtu.be/ewXMJTM04L0

How Pastors and Influential Men Keep Their Addiction Hidden Read More »

3 Enemies of Recovery From Porn Addiction

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

I have clients who don’t recover from their porn addiction.

That’s the reality.

6 years of recovery mentoring and a few hundred clients in, I’ve seen men in their mid to late twenties who choose to keep on watching porn enter their thirties and totally f**k their lives up.

While, as a professional, my clients do have the highest porn addiction recovery rate out of all the options out there, I still fret and stay up late trying to figure out how and why some clients don’t recover. Not everyone can be saved and this frustrates the hell out of me sometimes.

Not to sound all “zen” and deep- but today, during my morning meditation, I figured out a few reasons why. (this also means that my meditation session sucked, lol)

Don’t get me wrong, though. This process took about 5 years and today was the day I experienced my “revelation”.

The first thing to understand is that YOUR BRAIN DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE.

The older you get, the tougher it is to recover. If you are over the age of 26, your brain has made enough sense of life and society that it doesn’t really need to change that much. You’ve created mental models for most things in life and complacency sets in. The human brain naturally resists rewiring of any sorts and prefers comfort and familiarity.

This process is called homeostasis.

This is one reason why recovery from porn addiction is not as easy as “staying away from porn for 90 Days”.

There are MANY things that our brain doesn’t want to change- not just watching porn and masturbating to it. I’ve compiled them into three main things which I call the three enemies of recovery.

Enemy #1: Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias is the way your brain goes through information and discards anything which doesn’t fit the way you see the world. Remember- the brain resists change. Confirmation bias keeps us comfortable and prevents us from rewiring our brains neural pathways.

You can see confirmation bias demonstrated online where different people have polar opposite reactions to a video or article.
Another example is religion or some sort of ideology. Your ideology comes from two things: your beliefs and emotions.

Your beliefs are formed from a neural pathway in your brain being used over and over again- for years. Your emotions are neuro-chemical reactions. When combined, you get an ideology- like a religious conviction, political belief, radical feminism, socialism, radical veganism (this is apparently a thing), and so on.

The problem is that confirmation bias makes it difficult to analyze anything which is different from your belief or emotions. This is why many men cannot accept the fact that they are “porn addicts”. Your idea of an addict is not linked to pornography. Your beliefs about quitting porn hold you back.

Here’s an example you can probably relate to:

When you are experiencing a streak of not watching porn and masturbation, you begin to believe and tell yourself that “I’ve got this under control”- then you start getting sloppy with the things that kept your off porn in the first place and next thing you know, you are relapsing to something like a very light sex scene in a movie.

This happens OVER and OVER again…but you never change. You never change and keep thinking you have it under control because you haven’t changed your belief to something more realistic such as: “I don’t have this under control until my brain rewires itself AND it takes more than a few months to recover from porn addiction.”

Enemy #2: Technology

Many men- especially millennial men, use technology irresponsibly and there is a price to pay for that. The cost is damage to their ability to synthesize information and to think independently.

My research into my clients revealed a few things:

The more you watch T.V, the less likely you are to recover from your porn addiction. Men who watch T.V, Netflix, and Youtube as entertainment for more than 10 hours a week have a HIGH relapse rate.

Men who are most likely to relapse consume information via technology without discipline. They look up anything they don’t know on their phones before thinking for themselves. They would rather watch a video than read a book about recovery.

See, the majority of modern humans cannot deal with boredom or lack of satisfaction in their lives simply because every time they feel bored, they tune into T.V, Social Media or….porn.

We have not trained ourselves to sit and think in silence. As a result, many men cannot sit still and evaluate their emotional state- a necessary step in recovery.

They don’t THINK enough and as a result are not only prone to relapse but are prone to being unfulfilled and unsuccessful.

In our current world, success is not determined by how much manual labor you can do, or how hard you can work. It’s predicted by your ability to think and be creative.

Enemy #3: Lazy Thinking and Beliefs

Lazy Beliefs are basically beliefs which you formed to make life easier for you and make you feel better when you don’t achieve your goal.

Easy thinking makes you soft and fragile because it often puts the responsibility of your situation on someone else.

Here are a few examples:

a) “This time will be different because____________ will happen!”

This is the belief that something positive will happen in the future that will change your life without any effort on your part. For instance:

“I’ll stop watching porn and masturbating when I have sex /get a girlfriend/to get married to the right woman .”

“I’ll become more attractive/ stop being stressed when I get a good job/ become very successful ___years from now.”

“I won’t slip or relapse this time because I got a therapist/ recovery coach/ joined a group.”

b)”I’m ___________ therefore ____event probably won’t happen to me.”

This happens when you believe you are exempt from something happening to you because you are “special”.

Let’s start with my favorite:

“I watched 70 videos about not fapping on Youtube and I am a Level 5 Black Belt with 500 Days of not fapping. so I’m going to recover for sure!”

Reality: You can remain in the early stages of recovery from porn addiction with no relapses for months and even YEARS only to relapse 2 years later because you still haven’t rewired your brain or dealt with the underlying issues that made you addicted to porn in the first place.

The ugly truth is that many men who claim to have recovered from porn addiction have not. They simply regressed to a stage of their addiction where they can go months without watching porn or masturbating- but they eventually slip and binge for a few days, then get back on the horse. This pattern will likely continue throughout their lives.

“I’m a strong Christian/Religious person- my faith and belief in Jesus Christ/ religious deity will pull me through”

Reality: God helps those who help themselves. Faith is an amazing thing to have in your arsenal against addiction, but Faith without a realistic goal, faith without doing the necessary recovery work, heck, even faith without a filter installed on your devices will NOT work.

” I won’t be unemployed and lonely in my thirties because I’m in college now and I have some friends.”

(Actual quote by a twenty-something-year-old porn addict who is an “introvert”, has no close friends, is failing his sophomore year in college and is broke because of his severe addiction to live cam sites).

Reality: As I mentioned earlier, I have followed the lives of dozens of my clients over the years. If you don’t fix your porn addiction and any other unhealthy behaviors in your twenties, it only gets tougher as you get older.

It is heartbreaking to speak to men in their 40’s who literally watched all their dreams slip away because of their effects of pornography on their lives:lack of focus, complacency with their career, lack of friends and an encouraging network, never attaining any form of financial independence, never being in a fulfilling long term relationship, or choosing porn over their one relationship.

“I can’t wake up early because I need at least 9 hours of sleep to function”

Reality: Sleep is important, so sleep as much as you need, but if you consistently go to bed at 2 am because you’re up watching Youtube videos, catching up on TV series, edging to porn or juggling 5 dead-end conversations on Tinder, you are only fooling yourself. Try going to bed at 9:30 PM if you can and see how many hours you really need. Some of you will literally solve 90% of your problems by being in bed by 10 PM every night.

“I would be more successful/ have more money if not for the____(blame someone else) who keeps me down!”

Reality: Who is the scapegoat in your life? Your parents? Your wife or girlfriend? Trump? The porn industry? Take 100% responsibility for your life.

Here’s what I mean by 100% responsibility: If my car gets rear-ended while I’m rushing to an important meeting and I am late as a result, its MY responsibility, not the idiot behind me who was texting and driving. If I wasn’t rushing and had left 30 minutes earlier, I would not be the victim in the accident.

If I am in a bar with friends and some drunk pick a fight with me and I get knocked out, it’s 100% MY RESPONSIBILITY because I could have

1) Not reacting in a way that resulted in a fight

2) Not been as easy to knock out (taken my martial arts training more seriously)

3) Not been drinking in a bar

One last one since I’m on a roll (this will probably lose me some subscribers- but whatever): if you are in a relationship and your girl cheats on you, its 100% YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

1) There were probably warning signs that she was not long term material, but you ignored them because “she was the One”.

2) You got comfortable in your relationship and didn’t give her what she needed, so another guy swooped in.

3) Your relationship game wasn’t great/you weren’t experienced enough and some other guy who was better suited to her seduced her. In which case, she wasn’t long term material in the first place and most likely not the right woman for you.

The point is- take full responsibility for your life and trust me- you’ll be a much happier man.

There you have it- the three enemies of recovery.

It is my hope that bringing these to your awareness will prevent you from falling into this trap.

Your brother in this struggle,

J.K

3 Enemies of Recovery From Porn Addiction Read More »

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRIVACY POLICY | TERMS AND CONDITIONS

CUSTOM CRAFTED BY QUANTUM

Copyright © 2024 Contrarian Solutions, LLC. Disclaimer Of Health Care Related Services: J.K Emezi/Contrarian Solutions, Llc Encourages You/His Client To Continue To Visit And To Be Treated By His/Her Healthcare Professionals, Including, Without Limitation, A Physician Or Therapist. Understand That J.K Emezi Is Not Acting In The Capacity Of A Doctor, Licensed Therapist, Counselor, Psychologist Or Other Licensed Or Registered Professional. Accordingly, You Understand That J.K Emezi Is Not Providing Health Care, Medical Or Mental Health Care Or Therapy Services And Will Not Diagnose, Treat Or Cure In Any Manner Whatsoever Any Disease, Condition Or Other Physical Or Mental Ailment Of The Human Mind And Body.