I’ve often used the word “recovery” when writing here on the blog, speaking in YouTube videos or podcasts, or other Porn Reboot spaces.
I use the term for ease of communication when I talk about overcoming your porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior.
It’s a familiar word that’s now commonly associated with the process of overcoming addictive behavior. This makes it easy for the largest number of people to understand what I’m talking about.
At the same time, I do believe it’s important to distinguish between what happens in traditional recovery approaches and what happens with the Porn Reboot system. What we do here is not the same thing you’ll find in the majority of other recovery modalities.
Recovery takes you back to what is familiar. You’re eliminating your addictions to regain the life you had before. Sure, some might take it further and build a better life than the one they had while using substances. But most people stick within the bounds of what society expects from them.
There’s nothing wrong with this approach. It still leads to a decent life. If you’re not interested in launching yourself to the next level then recovery is the best thing for you. You’re probably well-suited for a traditional rehab program, 12-step group, or religious group.
On the other hand, rebooting is exactly what it sounds like. It’s restarting your entire life. It’s refusing to settle for what you had before and crossing over into a new life. It’s also refusing to limit yourself to what society expects from you but pushing past those confines into what you want to make out of your life instead.
Men who are successful in the Porn Reboot system are men who fall into the second category. They want to step outside the bounds of the traditional. They tend to be high-performing men. These include guys who are artists, business owners, entrepreneurs, and more. They’re men who will not hold themselves back from everything possible.
The porn addiction recovery system requires a lot more from you than a traditional recovery approach does. When you come to the Porn Reboot program we ask you to change your entire life. You’re encouraged to build up areas that you may have never considered pursuing before. We want to trigger a transformation of your entire being, not just one aspect of you.
This means you’re going to have to say yes to the unknown. You must be willing to admit you know much less about yourself than you think you do. You need to be ready to have the truth about yourself revealed and to take action once you discover it.
One of these truths is the understanding that your recovery or your reboot is not part of your identity.
This is something that I see in traditional recovery communities all the time. People embody their recovery as an identity and find themselves wrapped up in something that never ends.
Once an addict, always an addict, right?
Sure, you have a problem with porn and compulsive sexual behavior. It’s a serious problem, too, otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. But you are not your porn addiction. You are not your out-of-control behavior. It’s a problem you deal with but it is not a part of you.
The Porn Reboot system will never ask you to embody your porn problem as part of yourself. We also see ourselves as a tool for you to use but not a crutch for you to rely on. After you reboot successfully, you do not need Porn Reboot anymore. You don’t need to keep coming back week after week to rehash old problems.
That’s the point of rebooting – you reboot and you move on, you don’t reboot and stick around forever. And that’s also what separates Porn Reboot from traditional approaches to recovery. We want to get you reconnected with life and back into the world, not sitting in rooms for the rest of your life talking about your identity as an addict.
You’re welcome to take whichever avenue seems most suitable for you. You might not want to do all the work that’s required for a successful reboot. But those who do decide their problem is severe enough and are willing to do the work will be rewarded with a life far greater than they ever imagined possible for themselves.
The 60s and 70s are notorious for the spread of psychedelics and the influence these drugs had on lots of the music and art during that period. They’re often touted as a way to get in touch with your spirituality and to increase your awareness of and feelings of oneness with the world.
Lots of brothers ask about the effects of psychedelics on their reboot. They wonder whether the spiritual awareness and awakening that comes from psychedelics have any benefit on their relationship to porn, sex, and masturbation. It comes up often enough that I feel it’s finally important to address here on the blog.
Full disclosure, I don’t have much experience with psychedelics. The only time I’ve used any psychedelic drug is when I microdosed psilocybin. Although it was an interesting experience it also wasn’t out of the ordinary. I’ve never gone on a full trip but I also don’t feel the need to have one, either. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to try different psychedelics but I’ve chosen to focus on other practices for my reboot instead.
I choose to lean into my meditation practice for the time being rather than test the waters of psychedelics. I’ve known many psychonauts who credit their psychedelic experiences for their insight. I may explore that avenue of consciousness and spirituality at some point and I hope it enhances my life as I’ve seen it do with others.
That being said, I have never seen anyone end their out-of-control sexual behavior with psychedelics.
Sure, men gain plenty of insight when using these substances. I’ve seen men become more empathetic, seen them uncover a deep-seated roadblock, seen them work through unresolved belief systems. It provides a way to get in touch with a lot of your suppressed emotions or develop a spirituality you felt incapable of cultivating before. Psychedelics offer an avenue for exploration and self-discovery that is unique to this experience alone.
However, they aren’t a requirement for you to successfully overcome your porn addiction. I know many men who stress the magic of psychedelics but still battle with their compulsive behavior. I also know many men who, like me, have never had a psychedelic experience yet live happy, fulfilling lives free from their behavior with porn and masturbation.
I’m not saying that psychedelics are an absolute no or that they don’t have their uses. But I am saying that they aren’t a necessity. You don’t need to trip to get in touch with your emotions. You don’t need to trip to develop reboot capital or develop a routine. You don’t need to trip to control your behavior.
At the same time, if you believe a psychedelic experience will offer you deeper insight into the work you’re already doing, then by all means go ahead. I’m not here to discourage or dissuade anyone from doing something they may find helpful for their porn addiction recovery. But I’m also not here to tell anyone they need to do something when it’s far from being a necessity.
Another thing to consider is the effects that psychedelics can have. People who are prone to depression or anxiety aren’t the best candidates for psychedelic experiences. From what I understand, trips can be difficult to control and if you panic at any point the experience can become very overwhelming very fast.
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question other than you do not have to take psychedelics to overcome your out-of-control behavior. The tools you learn in the Porn Reboot system are more than enough to help you gain control of your porn addiction and masturbation.
If you’re concerned that psychedelics may not be a good experience for you, there’s nothing wrong with not using them. However, if you’re doing the work to control your behavior and feel that psychedelics may enhance the process, you might find them to be a useful tool. Psychedelics work for some but not for all. Whatever decision you make, I promise you that rebooting is still possible.
I’ve got another question from a brother in our group today. He says:
“Hey brothers, I have to stay accountable and report to you. I’ve had multiple slips over the past two days, twice yesterday and once today. It started when I was tired from the gym and came home to no one else in the house. I now recognize that isolation and tiredness were two major vulnerabilities.
“I looked at some images first but it quickly progressed into watching pornography. Then this morning I laid around in bed for a while and ended up looking at images on my phone again. It didn’t take long for me to open up a few tabs of porn again.
“This has happened so many times, easily hundreds. It has left me feeling off and scared, scared that I’m not going to be successful and that I’ll spend the rest of my life a complete mess. I know it’s down to me to change it but what if I don’t have it in me?”
I always appreciate it when a brother comes to us and shares where he is at. Growth only comes when we’re willing to ask for help. I know that at face value this might sound like a great share. It seems like it’s full of authenticity and accountability. However, there are some things in here to be wary of.
First, he ends his post by saying he feels off and scared because it’s something that’s happened “hundreds” of times. He feels his life is a “complete mess.” These statements are full of heavily charged emotions.
He also explains he had multiple slips within 24 hours. Here’s the thing, though. If you slip up repeatedly in a day then you’re now in a relapse, not just a slip. He should just say that he relapsed and leave it at that. A relapse isn’t much worse than a slip; you still get the same result.
Second, he did a great job of identifying his mistakes but he did nothing to change the situation. It’s great to recognize where you’re going wrong but recognition does nothing if you don’t take action to change it. Recognition is the first step but action is where the true change occurs. He needs to take this awareness going forward and apply action next time temptation arises.
Third, there are quite a few issues he could have addressed to keep himself less vulnerable. He mentions feeling tired which arises from a problem with self-care. He also says he was looking at his phone which could have been avoided if he kept his phone out of his room. And he also said he came home to an empty house so he could have reached out to someone because he knew he was in a risky place.
All of these things are valid porn addiction problems during your early reboot. If you don’t have much experience applying the reboot system to your life, they’re likely to arise at some point. The system outlines clear actions to take which can help you avoid these things but many of them are inevitable in the beginning.
Learning from other brothers in the group is a great way to recognize areas where you may eventually fall short or need some help. Take his view of his life as a complete mess, for example. How many times have you thought the same thing? How often have you felt like you’re never going to control your behavior?
Most of these experiences are common for all of us. They’re things we struggle with at various points during our reboot. But they don’t have to be things that take us down for the long run. Every man who arrives with porn addiction problems at the Porn Reboot program has a chance to change his life. None of us are hopeless or beyond recall. We all have the opportunity to become better men.
These emotionally-charged statements will hold you back from recognizing your ability to change, though. If you cannot take control of your emotions you’ll find they will drive your decisions over and over again. The sooner you learn to control your emotions the better. And implementing the Pornography Addiction Counseling which is the Porn Reboot into your life is the best place to start.
Making your partner feel loved and cared for requires more time, work, and attention when they live hours away from you. Maintaining a long-distance relationship while struggling with out-of-control sexual behavior is even more challenging.
One of the brothers in our Porn Reboot group recently asked about maintaining a long-distance relationship while in the middle of his reboot. His question focused on two main concerns: phone and video sex, and general reboot management while in a long-distance relationship.
When it comes to phone sex during your reboot, I believe the answer should always be no. This is especially true for video call sex on FaceTime or Skype. Even though it’s your partner on the other side of the screen, the experience is almost no different than other virtual forms of erotic stimulation.
Your brain can’t tell the difference between your partner and any other pornstar on the screen. Sure, at face value you know that it’s the person you’re committed to. But at the same time, it’s a false sense of intimacy and connection. Engaging in video call sex, even with someone you’re in a committed relationship with, places you at risk of a porn addiction relapse.
An important part of the porn addiction recovery process is gearing your brain away from the preference for high-speed internet pornography and toward physical intimacy in real life. It’s difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship without a frequent sexual component. However, if you want to be successful in your reboot, you must avoid engaging in sexual stimulation through the phone.
That brings us to the general concern of maintaining a long-distance relationship while rebooting. Truthfully, I’m not the biggest supporter of long-distance relationships that last for years. I believe that they can be a serious threat to your reboot because they keep you from building the intimacy necessary to have a healthy relationship.
Long-distance relationships are challenging for people who don’t already have problems with porn addiction effects, sex, and masturbation. Men who can jerk off and go on with their day are better suited for these types of relationships. But brothers in the Porn Addiction Counseling are not able to have that luxury.
Learning to be physically intimate with a partner is an important part of the reboot process. Being in a relationship with someone who lives miles, hours, or even states away makes that harder to do. You cannot work on your physical intimacy when you only see your partner every so often. When you find yourself physically unsatisfied, you’re far more likely to turn to your out-of-control behavior for relief.
I believe that men who are rebooting should seek out relationships with women who live nearby. You shouldn’t have to drive more than an hour to meet up with the women you’re dating. There are so many hundreds of women in the world that limiting yourself to a long-distance relationship only adds unnecessary stress.
Today I want to write directly to my peak performers, the highly ambitious men who look for every way possible to accomplish their goals. I received a question from a brother in the group who has an important thing I know a lot of you struggle with. He said,
“J.K, a few months ago you mentioned conditioning your brain to achieve the maximum amount of REM sleep on around four hours of sleep per night. I want to achieve a similar sleep cycle at some point in my life, too. You brought it up in an old podcast episode. How did you achieve this? Does age play a role in your ability to do it? Do you have any resources you recommend?”
Fantastic question. Many of us high performers want to know what we can do to maximize our results on a minimal amount of sleep. Before getting to the answer, though, I want to ask you what your purpose is for cutting down those hours. Why do you want to get so little sleep? Is your schedule so tight that you truly need to sacrifice your rest? Or are you using it to compensate for another area where you’re slacking off?
Why do you want to cut back on sleep?
Sleep is one of the most important aspects of your overall health. An endless sea of research proves this to us, brother. It impacts your physical, mental, social, and emotional well-being. Not getting enough sleep leads to poor work performance, limited focus, decreased emotional resilience, and more. It should never be the first thing on the chopping block, especially for men early in their reboot who are still susceptible to emotional dysregulation.
I suggest you start by looking for areas where you can trim the fat during your waking hours instead. I guarantee you can find at least a few ways you’re wasting time throughout the day. Even though I suggest cutting most extraneous media from your life, I see many brothers still use social media or watch TV when they complete their tasks for the day. Do you scroll a little too far through Instagram or Twitter, or watch an extra episode of television here and there?
Maybe you’re not as efficient as you could be with your work or at the gym. Be honest with yourself. Neglecting sleep because you can’t control yourself during the day is not a good enough reason to try sleeping four hours per night. Step up and be responsible enough to limit your distractions and that should leave you with more time for sleep at night.
If you’re still determined to sleep four hours a night, I also want you to consider what you’re doing with that extra time. Are you squandering it by spreading yourself thin between too many different activities? When I trained myself to get good rest on four hours of sleep, I did it because I was laser-focused on a single task. I had a project I was passionate about at the time. It consumed so much of my focus and I wanted to spend all my waking hours working on it. I used my extra time to dive deeper into this one particular project.
Too often I see men who want to limit their sleep so they can divide their passion between their work, a writing project, a side hustle, a hobby, and time with their family. But by trying to funnel their energy into so many different areas, they ended up wasting that extra time they got when cutting back on rest instead of making good use of it. It wasn’t worth all of the negative effects that so little sleep had on them.
Types of men who can successfully cut back on sleep
I’m not trying to say that it’s impossible, brother. As our brother mentioned when he asked his question, I’ve done it successfully myself multiple times over the years. But it isn’t a beneficial practice for everyone and it’s not the best long-term solution, either. There are certain types of people who can function optimally on only a few hours of sleep. These include:
People with a specific genetic disposition
People in certain professions (e.g., military or first responders)
People who want to focus on one particular area
People with some mental illnesses
Specific genetic dispositions
Through my research, I’ve found that some people have a genetic predisposition to functioning well on little sleep. I like to refer to it as the “short sleep” gene. It’s called the D.C. 2 mutation and it allows people who have it to feel very well rested to four hours of sleep. They feel as fine as others do with the 8 or 9 hours we’re all supposed to get. It has no negative effects on their heart, organs, or mental performance, either.
There’s also another naturally-occurring genetic predisposition called the A.D.R.B. 1 gene that has similar effects. A few examples of some people who may have the short sleep gene include Donald Trump and Martha Stuart. Both have a lifelong history of short sleep from an early age yet still have tremendous success in their lives.
Certain professions
People in certain professions, such as military soldiers, first responders, or surgeons, also learn to function optimally on limited or interrupted sleep. They train themselves to sleep less over the years because it’s necessary for success in their career. Their lives are on the line without finely tuning the need for fewer hours of sleep.
This is especially true of units like the Navy Seals or the Army Green Berets who are on missions that affect their lives and the lives of others. They train professionally through the U.S. military, a highly effective organization with hundreds of years of experience implementing this practice. Look up Jocko Willick and David Goggins, two great examples of men who learned to function optimally on little sleep.
Precise, determined focus
The third type of people who can function well on less sleep is those who want to get more done. They aren’t mindlessly filling their time with more things, though; they stay up because of a precise, determined focus on one thing. There is one thing they want to accomplish that is worth losing sleep over. They have one big goal they’re focused on that enables them to maintain an obsessive level of self-belief, self-discipline, and intense drive despite losing sleep.
I’m not talking about the guys who use their limited number of sleep hours as a marketing tool. I know you have at least one or two people who come to mind that constantly try to prove what hard workers they are by bragging about their lack of sleep. These men are not included in this section; it’s not a badge of honor to sacrifice sleep. It’s only useful when you’re truly disciplined and focused in your areas of expertise, like Tony Robbins or Cameron Haynes, a practiced bow hunter and ultra-marathon runner.
Mental illness
People with some types of mental illness are another example of getting by on limited hours of sleep. I don’t want to dive too deeply into this area because it’s not directly related to our brother’s question, but it’s worth mentioning. So get porn addiction recovery program
People with bipolar disorder tend to have difficulties with sleeping brought about by their mental illness. During their manic or hypomanic episodes, they are often unusually productive while sleeping only three or four hours at a time. However, they struggle when their mood shifts to depressive episodes, and oftentimes they backtrack on the progress they made in their manic state.
Is sacrificing sleep worth it for you?
Still, getting limited sleep for long periods is detrimental to your health for most normal individuals. Research shows that poor sleep leads to lasting health effects that impact you long after you return to a normal sleep schedule. People who train themselves specifically for the practice may still experience some delayed health effects; only time will tell there.
The brother who asked the question mentioned he wants to do more things, including gardening, working out, spending time with his family, working on some writing projects, and a few other personal projects. He would fall into the third category, same as me, save for one crucial detail: he doesn’t have an unwavering focus on a single area. He’s trying to do too many things at once. Unless he chooses to eliminate all but one of those things, his lack of sleep will likely only be a detriment to his performance.
Men often operate on the illusion of balance. They believe that they’ll always be able to have a balanced life. I think that’s what drives my high performers to want to get by on limited sleep. But here’s the thing, brother: balance is an illusion. You’ll never achieve a perfectly-balanced life.
Instead, there are different seasons for different things. There is a season for building your life back up, such as improving your social skills and developing your physique. There is a season for dating or for strengthening your existing relationship. There is a season for building wealth, a season for advancing your career, and a season for launching your side hustle.
None of this happens without a system, though. You need a proven path to achieve your goals, or to even establish them in the first place. You’ve spent months, years, or decades aimlessly spinning around trying to latch onto whatever shiny object passes your way. And if you’re still doing that, you’re going to struggle when trying to cut back on your sleep.
If you’re a regular guy with a regular life, even if you’re one of my highest performers, I want you to think for a while and be rigorously honest with yourself before deciding to limit your rest. What are you doing it for and are there other ways to find more time in your day? If you can’t provide good answers for either question, it might not be time for you to sacrifice sleep just yet. Continue with your reboot process and reconsider the option later down the line instead.
Are you absolutely confused about where you are in the process of ending your behavior with pornography? Are you perhaps a little bit jaded or angry at pornography, at your therapist, at the world, or maybe even at me because you seem to be stuck with this thing? Perhaps you feel like you’ve tried so many things yet nothing has worked; your behavior is still not under control.
I have guys who read this blog, watch our YouTube videos, or listen to the podcast and still find themselves at a loss. Some have even been around the Porn Reboot for months yet can’t manage to make progress at ending their out-of-control behavior. They feel frustrated, dejected, and broken down, left wondering whether they’ll ever find their way out.
I was thinking about this recently because I care deeply about these brothers. I care about them because that was a position I spent years in myself before developing the Porn Reboot system. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t get my behavior under control despite wanting it more than anything in the world. It was the most important thing to me yet I relapsed time after time, feeling worse about myself with each slip.
Firstly, brother, I want you to remember you’re a human being. Many men who participate in the early phases of the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program are focused on tactics. They take notes while reading blogs or listening to podcasts and outline different ways they should be tackling their problem head-on. But remember, you’re a human being, not a human doing.
Piling on too many tactics or approaches too quickly leaves you feeling overwhelmed. I’m not saying that the tools and strategies implemented in the Porn Reboot system aren’t important. I’m saying that you can’t take on all of them at once during your first week or two in the program.
It’s sort of like the old saying, “Jack of all trades, master of none.” Stretching your focus across too many directions leaves you unable to develop strength in one particular area. But it would be best if you had that single pillar of strength to lean on before you can build another. You’ll find yourself relapsing over and over if you aren’t willing to narrow your focus to one thing at a time.
Even then, anyone can learn tactics. Anyone can pick up a book off the shelf or watch a YouTube video and learn some tips for developing control over their behavior. You could speak to a therapist or a coach who will also outline plenty of tactics for you to employ that could potentially help you end your out-of-control behavior. And chances are you’ve probably done some of these things, too, yet you still find yourself trapped in a slipped cycle.
Why? Why do you continue to struggle?
Principles, brother. Tactics and strategies without principles are null and void. You must understand why you are rebooting before your reboot can be successful. However, at the same time, your “why” can’t be for anyone but yourself. You can’t end your out-of-control behavior for your wife, your kids, your church, your family, or your career.
You must end your out-of-control behavior for yourself and yourself alone.
You have to want this so badly that nothing will distract or derail you from your reboot. At the beginning of the process, your reboot must come before everything else in your life; you will lose whatever you put ahead of it. After all, you’ve spent years neglecting the things you insist are important; if you truly want them back then you need to focus on building yourself back up first.
The Porn Reboot system offers some simple, universal principles that help with the reboot process. For example, one of the principles of the program is that we view slips and relapses as data. We do not attach emotions to them, we simply acknowledge the fact that they happened and use them to ensure they’re less likely to happen again.
Another example is accepting the truth that all sexual urges pass. It doesn’t matter how intense or pressing the urge feels, it will not last forever. I know this from experience and you’ll learn it with time in the program. No matter how strong or overwhelming, no matter how many hours or days it seems to last, the urge will eventually go away. It may come back another time but it will end then, too. All urges eventually go away.
Principles contain patterns and patterns allow for the predictability. Establishing as much predictability as possible is an important part of a reboot. Slips and relapses lie in the unknown; developing consistency and predictability helps ensure your success in the beginning. This means there is power in predictability, something you probably feel you’ve lost over the years. Developing power over your out-of-control behavior is the ultimate goal of the Porn Reboot program.
But again, you must define why you are rebooting. You have to have a reason or every attempt at regaining control will eventually fail. How are you going to reboot? What is it going to look like? Why are you doing it? Without solid answers to these questions, you’ll find yourself spinning in circles week after week, month after month, and year after year.
Get serious about your reboot, brother, because your quality of life is on the line. You have everything to lose and nothing to gain by continuing down the path you’re on. On the other hand, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by learning more about the Porn Reboot system and applying it to your life. What are you waiting for?
If you’re an entrepreneur, own your own business, or work in a top sales job, you know that your revenue and income depend entirely on your performance.
That’s it. If you’re clear-headed, energized, and motivated, you’ll do well. If you’re foggy, tired, and irritable, your performance deteriorates and so does your income.
When you’re an entrepreneur or sales pro who struggles with out-of-control sexual behavior or pornography addiction, you’re likely in the second category more often than you want to be. It’s exhausting to battle compulsive sexual behavior and porn addiction. These things consume most of your attention and time, leaving you with little time to do much else.
The dollar difference between these two states of mind can be anywhere from tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars for men in these high positions. Think about your situation. How much money do you lose out on because you leave it on the table working at a 6 out of 10 instead of a 9 out of 10?
This segment of men in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot program is important to me because it’s where I came from. I wasn’t a top performer at my sales job for the years I spent trapped in the cycle of porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. But my performance skyrocketed the moment I finally said no to pornography for good.
I became a top recruiter in the sales organization I worked at within a few months of ending my behavior. A few years later, my company promoted me to a director position. Even with that position, I was still out in the field, selling alongside my team, and making thousands in additional revenue from the commission.
I credit that mindset, the clarity and focus that allowed me to perform at that high level, to the porn-free life I finally found myself living. I wouldn’t have been able to remain focused and maintain the level of intensity and dedication I need to live my life at this level.
The problem with pornography addiction is the secretive nature of the problem. Men who battle alcohol or drug addiction have a harder time hiding their struggles. It’s easier for them to get help because family or friends tend to intervene after a certain point. But that’s not always the case with porn or compulsive sexual behavior.
At the same time, the impact of porn addiction is just as bad, if not worse, especially for high-performing professional men. It can destroy your life before you even realize what happened. I’ve seen it time and time again in men who join our program.
So I have some questions for you. Do you want to perform better? Do you want to skip years of struggle straight to the breakthrough? If you do, it’s time to remove pornography from your life. It’s holding you back from performing at the level you need to be at. You can’t fulfill your potential when you’re wrapped up in watching porn and jerking off. You need to make some changes.
You can start by reading a few more blog posts here or checking out our YouTube channel. We’ve also got a free Facebook group where you can join other men on the path to eliminating porn from their lives and controlling their behavior. You don’t have to deal with your problem alone – we’ve all been where you are and know what it takes to get out.
I’ve worked with my fair share of wealthy men during my years as a porn addiction recovery coach.
Something I’ve noticed during that time, though, is how frequently affluent men avoid seeking help for their porn addiction. Whether their wealth is familial or earned on their own and regardless of their age, their fortunes seem to serve as a barrier to rebooting.
You might think that affluent men have an easier time overcoming their problems. They have all the resources they could ever need at their disposal. How could their wealth get in the way of how to stop porn addiction? In reality, their money is the thing that holds them back. These are the 4 most common barriers that cause trouble for affluent men in their reboot.
1. Denial
Denial is the biggest barrier to rebooting for any man but especially for affluent men. In some cases, the process of coming to terms with their pornography addiction can have serious financial or legal consequences. These men have large things to lose so they want to do all they can to avoid jail time or large fines.
Compulsive sexual behavior can be an expensive habit when you’re hiring escorts or signing up for premium content online. Men with average financial means often hit a financial threshold where they’re no longer able to fund their behavior. But a man with extreme wealth can fund his behavior which allows him to remain in denial for much longer.
2. Stigma
Many affluent men are in the business of appearances. These men fear falling from the social pedestal they live on. Coming clean about pornography addiction or compulsive sexual behavior is unthinkable because of the negative stigma associated with it. The idea of losing their status because of their porn addiction is a terrifying thing.
This is true for men who come from dignified families in particular. Men from families like these have a certain reputation to uphold. If someone discovered the truth about their problem, they could face serious consequences not only for themselves but for their families as well. The shame and guilt that result from the porn addiction stigma hold men back from getting help.
3. Rock Bottom
Men won’t reach out for help with their porn addiction problem until they hit rock bottom. Every man has an individual definition of what rock bottom means to them. For example, maybe it’s when their wife leaves and takes the kids, when the bank accounts are empty and the credit cards are maxed out, or when they’re caught watching porn at work.
Reaching rock bottom is a humiliating and humbling experience that’s important for recognizing that you finally need help. But affluent men with significant financial means oftentimes take far longer to hit this point than those with a more average income. Their monetary resources keep them from sinking to a place where they have to ask for help.
4. Distraction
Wealthy men are oftentimes the kings of distraction. They can fund whatever interest comes to mind no matter how short-term it may be. Even when they fear they might need help, these men can finance all sorts of distractions that avoid looking at the real problem: their porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior.
Affluent men may take some classes or attend a long-term reset retreat in another exotic country. They might seek out a specialist or a therapist to help them with their relationship struggles. These men hire elite personal trainers and business coaches to work out problems in these areas. But the entire time they’re distracting themselves from the pornography addiction which is the true cause of the issue.
Overcoming These Barriers
Don’t get me wrong – these barriers don’t imply that affluent men can’t overcome their pornography addiction and out-of-control behavior. Their accumulated wealth and even some of their lifestyles don’t make them any different from other men trying to control their behavior and take back their lives.
If you’re part of the wealthy segment of men who are addicted to pornography, there’s still hope for you, too. It may take some additional work, some hard boundaries, and some space from your current friend group, but you can do it, too. If you’re a man who truly wants to overcome his behavior you’ll find a way to do it.
You can start here by reading some blog posts or watch a few of the videos on our YouTube channel. We also have a podcast available wherever you listen to podcasts and a free Facebook group for men working to control their behavior with porn and masturbation. No matter where you are in your reboot process, you can find support and understanding if you join us there!
