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Does Having a Hobby Help Your Reboot?

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By
Does Having a Hobby Help Your Reboot?

Today I’m bringing you another question from a brother in the group. He said:

“Hey, J.K., as I continue to improve for my reboot, I notice that I go about my days doing work, studying for certifications, and looking for entertainment options, but I realized that I don’t have a consistent, fulfilling hobby that I’m good at. 

Sometimes I think I’m not good at anything or that I can’t do anything special. I know you’ve talked about having a purpose as being a luxury, but what is your take on how to discover hobbies or interests? Is it better to focus on controlling my behavior and sticking with things that feel boring or mundane for the time being? Or do you recommend seeking out hobbies?”

If you’re struggling with an out-of-control sexual behavior or porn addiction, chances are some parts of your life are suffering. Maybe your marriage is failing, your career is backsliding, or your friendships are nonexistent. There are at least one or two things that drove you to finally address your compulsive behavior.

This means your reboot should consume most of your attention, time, and energy. Managing your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation must take the front seat if you truly want to change your life. You can’t address these difficulties in your life if you don’t dedicate yourself to fixing the thing that’s causing them.

At the same time, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have any fun, either. The Porn Reboot system is a structured approach to controlling your behavior but it doesn’t mean that you have to live a miserable life after learning how to stop porn addiction. If life were boring and unfulfilling without porn, men would never be able to leave their compulsive behaviors behind.

You can find endless amounts of excitement and fulfillment in a porn-free life. It’s not a dull, unbearable way to go through life. In fact, cutting porn out of your life allows you to reconnect and re-engage with life in a way you haven’t been able to for years.

I fully support you going out and finding hobbies you enjoy. Although your reboot always needs to come first, there is plenty of time in your day outside of your reboot routine and activities that you can fill with interests and hobbies.

I’m sure you have some things you enjoyed before you sunk into an ever-worsening cycle of porn addiction. You had hobbies as a teenager or young adult that you enjoyed. Start by getting back into some of these things. Join an adult sports league in your community or find a local meetup for outdoor activities you loved in the past.

If you can’t think of any past hobbies you enjoyed, use your spare time as an opportunity to explore all the possibilities available to you. Think of things you always considered trying but never found the time to get around to doing. Maybe you’ve wanted to run a Spartan race, try your hand at an open mic, or take cooking classes at a local community college. You have the freedom to try these things today – make use of it!

I believe having a hobby helps immensely during the reboot process. When you quit using porn and masturbating multiple times throughout the day you’ll find that there’s likely a lot of time to fill. Your addiction consumed much of your days, nights, weeks, and months; take that time back and use it to your advantage now.

If you need some ideas for hobbies to try out or to share your hobbies with some of the porn addiction recovery brothers, check out our free Facebook group. Let us know what you’ve been doing with all your spare time and find some brothers who share the same interests and hobbies. Or maybe you’ll find an activity you never thought of trying before. Come and join us today!

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Can I Quit Cigarettes, Weed, and Porn Altogether?

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Can I Quit Cigarettes, Weed, and Porn Altogether?

Today’s topic comes from a question a brother brought up. He says:

“Hey, J.K. I feel like I might be trying to do too much at one time and it’s making it hard to focus on my reboot. I’m trying to quit smoking cigarettes, quit smoking marijuana, and quit porn, all while trying to navigate my feelings about separating from my partner. 

“How can I navigate all of this and remain successful? Am I trying to do too much at once? How do you avoid falling into the trap of, ‘I’m not looking at porn so it’s okay to masturbate as long as I don’t use it’?”

Porn addiction problems are devastating for men to overcome. It leaves you consumed with shame and guilt for your behavior and separated from the people around you. When you struggle with more than one addiction, though, the problem becomes even harder. Plenty of men deal with other addictions alongside their porn problem. What is the best way to approach these issues? How to stop porn addiction along with other addictions?

First of all, this is probably more common than you think. A lot of brothers feel ending their out-of-control behavior creates a great opportunity to turn a new leaf in life. While it is a great opportunity to make some changes, it’s not a good idea to end every single compulsive behavior you have at once.

I’m not saying it’s impossible but it does make it much more difficult. It’s not the most realistic way of approaching a successful porn addiction recovery. You run the risk of overwhelming yourself by doing everything at the same time. In my experience, men who tackle these problems one at a time rather than all at once are far more successful in the long run. 

You can still take on too much at once during your reboot even if you don’t struggle with other addictions. I see it all the time. Men in the Porn Reboot group are talking about doing 75 Hard, about reading a book a week, about losing weight, and about starting a business, all while trying manage their erectile dysfunction and end their out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

Unsurprisingly, the wheels fall off at some point and they end up in a bigger rut than before.

I’m all for becoming a stronger man and building a better life. But that doesn’t happen by sending yourself into a tailspin by trying to juggle multiple major changes simultaneously. Instead, I believe that taking on changes one at a time and committing them to your new lifestyle is a far more effective approach.

This brother also mentions that he’s trying to quit all of these behaviors while processing the feelings of a breakup. This adds another layer of difficulty to the problem because he’s removing every coping mechanism he’s built over the years. Eliminating all these ways of dealing with his emotions at once will only lead to a harder relapse.

Handling emotions is difficult for anyone in the Porn Reboot program. It’s not something that comes easily; it takes time, practice, and dedication. You may think that ripping the band aid off all at once is the best approach but you’re only making things harder on yourself.

Unless your substance use is putting you in dangerous situations or poses an immediate threat to your physical well-being, I recommend starting with your porn addiction. There’s a reason you’re here at the Porn Reboot program, after all. Start by implementing the Porn Reboot system in your life and fully embrace this approach to life.

Once you’ve gained control over your compulsive behavior, then you can shift your focus to other struggles. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to wellness. You must determine which approach is best for you. But taking them on all at once is the least effective approach, brother. I’ve seen it time and time again. Choose one, master it, and then move on to the next.

Can I Quit Cigarettes, Weed, and Porn Altogether? Read More »

Self-Image: The Final Step to Quitting Porn Addiction

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Self-Image: The Final Step to Quitting Porn Addiction

Over the years, I’ve done my best to simplify the Porn Reboot system as much as possible.

I find that the simpler a system is, the more effective it is. So I’ve done extensive work to ensure I eliminate unnecessary steps that distract from the core purpose of the Porn Reboot process: rewiring your brain to eliminate your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

The process starts with changing your habits. Habits are a great place to start but they won’t last unless you make them part of your lifestyle. That makes altering your lifestyle the second part of the process. Once you integrate positive habits into your lifestyle, you begin seeing changes in your health, relationships, and mood.

However, to ensure both your habit and lifestyle changes stick, you must address your self-image. If you continue viewing yourself as a man who uses (or used) pornography, you’ll continue struggling with the problem. Eliminating your identity as a man with a porn addiction problems is the crucial final step to the process.

How can you eliminate something that has been such a significant part of your life, though?

What is Self-Image?

Self-image is the way you view, perceive, and define yourself. It’s a generalization of your past experiences that informs how you move through the world. Your self-image influences every area of your life, such as your thinking, motivation, performance, learning abilities, and behaviors to name a few. 

There are five main components of your self-image: 

Value: the sense of your quality of life

Sexual: how you view and think about your body

Significance: how important you are to yourself, to others, and the world

Learning capabilities: understanding that you can learn anything you set your mind to

Influence: realizing you have the control to change your experience

What is your immediate response when I ask you, “Who are you?” Your answer is your self-image. Developing a positive, healthy self-image is crucial for your success in the Porn Reboot program.

Why is Self-Image Important?

Your self-image is important because it feeds your self-esteem. If you appreciate the way you see yourself then you’re going to have higher self-esteem. However, if you don’t like the way you see yourself then you’ll have lower self-esteem. Self-image also influences the choices you make, the ways you behave, and how you respond to certain situations.

Let’s say you see yourself as a man who “can’t help himself” when he sees beautiful women. Whenever you see an attractive girl, you can’t stop thinking about her and picturing her in a sexual manner. You follow this thinking down the rabbit hole and it creates an ongoing cycle.

Truth is, that’s only your self-image. It’s a story you’ve developed over the years and told yourself is true. In reality, you have the power to change this self-image and redirect your thoughts and actions to something else. Most men don’t realize this, though, so understanding the power of self-image is critical for men in the porn addiction recovery – Reboot Program.

How Can You Change Your Self-Image?

You’re not a prisoner to or a victim of your self-image. You can acknowledge and change it whenever you decide to. I have a small exercise you can use to begin shifting your self-image from something negative to something positive. You can implement this practice to help you change your thoughts, actions, and behaviors as a result.

First, I want you to write down how you feel about yourself. Get clear on the ways you think about yourself and write a clear description. Next, think about someone who cares deeply about you, such as your father, mother, brother, sister, nephew, or niece. Write how you think they see you. Imagine looking through their eyes and listening through their ears. What do they value about you and why do they care about you?

Consider the gaps between these two points of view. Your description is likely to be far more critical than your loved one’s description. Now I want you to work on bridging the gap between these two viewpoints. How can you embody the way your loved one sees you? What are some things you can do to break down the walls you’ve built and allow that positive self-image in?

This will help you recognize the importance of your existence. You’re worth far more than you tell yourself you are, and likely not for the reasons you believe. You are more than your job, your income, or your possessions. The people in your life who value you can see who and what you are capable of becoming and trust that you are heading in the right direction.

Again, you are in control of your self-image. You have the power to change your reality. You may have lost touch with it during your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation, but you can take it back whenever you choose to. And once you reclaim your power in regards to self-image, brother, you’ll be unstoppable.

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My Secret To Confidently Quitting Porn

How To Stop Porn Addiction / By
My Secret To Confidently Quitting Porn

I’m going to let you in on a secret today.

Over the years, many brothers asked me something to the effect of, “When you began this journey, J.K., how did you have the confidence to believe you would end your out-of-control behavior? How did you know? It feels like there are so many things standing in my way, like I’ve tried different things but made next to no progress.”

Brothers rattle off a long list of reasons they feel they can’t control their behavior. Lacking willpower. Not having time. Managing a busy career. Caring for a large family. Having no self-respect or self-esteem. Experiencing an insatiable sex drive. Never meeting someone who has successfully overcome their behavior.

I’ve heard just about every excuse in the books yet here I stand before you more than a decade free from my porn addiction. So, what is my secret?

I defined my reboot.

Once I was beaten down to a point I could no longer handle, I knew I was done with porn and masturbation. 

I outlined exactly what I wanted my life to look like. I didn’t consider the ifs, ands, or buts. I didn’t hang out or spend time with anyone who didn’t align with this new vision for my life. I fully dedicated myself to achieving this goal and did everything I could to reach it.

I find this is something that most men who come to the Porn Reboot program have trouble with. I ask them what they want and they can’t clearly define it. Sure, they know they want to overcome their compulsive behavior. They want peace of mind. They want to stop cheating on their partner. They want to live up to their potential. They want to be more focused. But they don’t have a clear definition of what life looks like after that.

That’s like going to the ticket counter at the airport and telling the person at the counter that you want a ticket. They ask where you want a ticket to and all you say is “somewhere warm.” What is that person supposed to do? How can they give you a plane ticket when you can’t define where you want to go?

The same applies to your reboot. You may know that you can’t handle your behavior anymore but you don’t know what life looks like without it. You can’t articulate the end goal. And that’s what separates my experience from yours.

An important part of Porn Reboot is to help you clearly define your reboot. It provides a path for you to control your behavior in 90 days so you can rewire your brain and be free from porn forever. But we don’t dictate how you live your life, we only provide the tools to overcome your behavior. What your life looks like as a rebooted man is up to you. 

So how can you get there if you aren’t sure what it looks like?

I want you to sit down and write out your goal. Define the ultimate goal for your reboot and then consider whether there’s something more. Go through several iterations of it until you outline a very clear definition of what life looks like when you’ve overcome your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

It’s that simple.

Clearly define your reboot, commit to the process, and don’t allow anyone to derail you once you’ve made your decision. Confidence will come from your faith and trust in yourself; you don’t need anyone else to provide it for you. Surround yourself with Porn Reboot brothers when you feel unsure and keep moving forward. It will be the best choice you ever make, brother, I guarantee it.

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How to Stop Being Needy While Dating

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How to Stop Being Needy While Dating

I’ve got another great question from a brother in our implementation program to share with you today. He says:

“Hi, J.K. I recently started casually dating again. There’s a girl I’ve been seeing once a month for about four months now. We’ve been physically intimate up to third base. On our last date, I made a move to go further, but she was visibly exhausted, said she wasn’t in the mood, and wanted to go home.

“I felt mentally flustered because I had fantasized about what would happen but it played out differently in reality. I noticed that I’ve been emotionally overinvested and needy of her time and companionship. I know it’s normal to care about someone you’re intimate with, but sometimes it becomes overbearing. 

“She’s also the only girl I’ve been intimate with so far but I’m working on meeting new women. I’m sure that has something to do with my attachment to her, too. How can I detach myself emotionally from these experiences?”

There are three traits that I know will help this brother with his struggles. If this is something you’re dealing with, too, adopting these three skills will make your dating experience smoother.

Outcome Independence

There is something called “outcome independence” that I believe is a very necessary skill. It’s important not only in your dating life but in every area of your life. It simply means that you aren’t overly invested in how any given situation turns out. Outcome independence is based on a stoic mindset but applies to everyone whether they adhere to stoicism or not.

On the other hand, outcome dependence means your entire emotional state depends on a very specific outcome that you expect to play out. This mindset is detrimental to your reboot because allowing your emotions to hinge on situations outside your control puts you at a greater risk of relapse.

In terms of dating, outcome independence looks like not caring whether you and the girl you’re dating have sex when she comes over. If she wants to, great. If she changes her mind and isn’t in the mood, it doesn’t make a difference to you.

This applies in marriages, too. Intimacy tends to slow down after spending a few years with your wife. Many men get upset when the sex becomes more infrequent and become frustrated or angry over it. When you’re outcome-independent, though, you choose to continue living your life despite your sex life with your wife. She’s much more likely to be interested in an independent man who continues living without groveling for her affection.

Abundance Mindset

This brother also mentioned that the girl is the only one he’s seeing at the moment. Brothers who are casually dating but only seeing one woman at a time tend to fall into the scarcity mindset trap. They view the girl they’re dating as their one and only option which increases their dependence on her. Your mindset heavily influences your attachment to her.

You need to also develop an abundance mindset in addition to outcome independence. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to have sex with a ton of women. However, you should probably talk with multiple women at a time who are open to being intimate with you. It is easier to see that this particular girl isn’t the only option you have.

Talking with multiple women also gives you a chance to reach out to someone else if the girl in question isn’t in the mood to be intimate. You know you have another girl or two who may be interested instead. Having an abundance mindset relieves those feelings of dependence and neediness that are common for men dating only one woman.

Define Casual Dating

The third thing you need to do is determine what casual dating means to you. Casual dating doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. It seems like it’s a set state but different people have different ideas of what casual dating consists of. 

Are you primarily interested in casual dating or just in casual sex? How often do you want to see her? What should your time together consist of? Get clear on what casual dating means to you and be upfront about what you want from it. If you don’t, you’ll find yourself feeling resentful and frustrated when your expectations aren’t met.

Don’t Neglect Other Areas of Your Life

When you start dating, don’t cut back on other parts of your life. You need to maintain your existing hobbies and activities while finding spare time to spend with any women you choose to date. If you neglect these other areas and pour yourself completely into dating, you won’t have anything else to fall back on if a date doesn’t work out.

You need to maintain what works for you, such as a gym routine, time with your buddies, and your independent hobbies while you’re dating. No woman should take over your life completely; you still need things that interest you apart from her.

Reach Out For Support

Leaning on your brothers in the porn addiction recovery reboot program for support is crucial when you first start dating. There are hundreds of men who understand what you’re going through and likely have suggestions to handle situations as they arise.

The more men you have around to support you, the easier it will be to avoid those feelings of neediness. Every man in the Free Porn Reboot group has their own porn addiction problems and knows what it’s like to lean too heavily on a woman at the beginning. Through sharing your experience and hearing the experiences of others, you’ll learn that there’s no reason to feel too needy.

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Developing Reboot Capital for Lasting Change

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Developing Reboot Capital for Lasting Change

If you’ve been around the Porn Reboot program for some time you’ve probably seen me write about reboot capital before.

However, I’ve never dedicated a post to explaining what reboot capital is. It’s a foundational part of the porn addiction recovery – reboot system so I want to help you understand what it is and the role it plays.

Reboot capital is the way I look at building up your life so you can stay off pornography and masturbation. These parts of life are what allow you to wake up each morning and face the day, feeling full of joy and purpose. The five areas of life where you need to build reboot capital are:

  • Mental
  • Social
  • Spiritual
  • Physical
  • Emotional

Disconnection from any one of these five areas leads you back to a slip in your out-of-control behavior. Reconnection is not only the path back to these areas of your life, but also the antidote to letting them go. The pain you experience exists when you’re out of sync in one or more of these areas. The stronger you build up these five areas of your life, the more fulfilled you’ll feel and the less likely you are to return to pornography. 

Reboot capital is the concept I use to keep all of them in check. Just as a person needs capital when they start a business, a man needs capital to stay afloat when ending his behavior with porn and masturbation. 

When you deplete capital in any of these five areas, you begin a subtle but sure spiral toward a slip. But when all five areas are working together, you experience contentment, fulfillment, and balance in your life.

Ending your out-of-control behavior doesn’t mean life becomes amazing forever. You must always monitor and ensure each area has sufficient capital flowing into it to keep you moving forward when times get tough. And times will inevitably get tough, brother, because that’s the way life happens. 

Over the next few days I’m going to take a deep dive into how to build reboot capital in these five areas. To stay off pornography for life and rewire your brain without fear of returning to your behavior, you must heal, nurture, and develop each of them. Learning how to stop porn addiction and check back in a few days to read more about the building mental reboot capital.

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How to Stop Edging and Overcome Porn Addiction

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How to Stop Edging and Overcome Porn Addiction

I recently made a video talking about why edging is worse for your brain than masturbating. It led to a lot of dialogue in the Porn Reboot groups as brothers shared their experiences on how to stop porn addiction. Some understood my point while others seemed to miss it. One brother asked: 

“If I find myself edging, would it be beneficial to add a time limit so I can prevent the brain damage it causes? At what point can I reverse course or am I already past the point of no return? Is it a good thing if my slip is of a lesser duration? Thanks for your thoughts.”

Unfortunately, this brother didn’t seem to understand what I was getting at with that video. I don’t believe that slips and edging are “bad things”. I’ve talked about this many times before. Viewing them as “bad” only attaches emotion to an event. They are neither good nor bad. Instead, I believe you should simply view these experiences as data.

When you don’t treat slips or edging as data you begin treating them as an obstacle instead. But what happens when you come up against an obstacle? You must stop it. And how do you stop internal obstacles? You deploy willpower.

However, willpower does not work when it comes to the reboot process. Trying to exert willpower against your out-of-control behavior only works against your biology. But if you continue labeling things as “bad”, you’ll continue struggling with a willpower-based approach to rebooting. 

Here’s the thing, brother. If you find yourself edging as a way to avoid actually masturbating, there’s something else going on. There’s no point in just edging without finishing. If you’re already edging then you should just complete the job. There is no “reversing course”. The slip happens once you start the process.

Porn addiction, sex, and masturbation addiction is a behavioral addiction. You’re more addicted to the process of the experience than the orgasm itself. When you’re edging you’re still participating in part of the process. Looking for any other way around it is just looking for a way to justify your slip.

Instead of making excuses for your behavior, look at what caused it instead. Why did you get to a place where you felt the need to edge? Which area of your reboot capital is lacking? Are you bored? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you carrying out your morning reboot routine? Where are you going astray?

Once you understand where things are wrong, take action to fix them. Employ some of your tools and skills to strengthen the area that you’re struggling with. You’ll never stop edging if you don’t have the discipline and take the time to develop an awareness of your patterns and get to the bottom of the behavior. 

Hold yourself accountable to your accountability partner or the group and get back on track. You don’t need to attach emotional words to objective experiences. The longer you continue that, the longer it will take to overcome your behavior. 

If you’re still having trouble eliminating your behavior and don’t have an accountability partner yet, join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. Hundreds of men in the group understand the struggle and have experiences to learn from. You don’t need to deal with your compulsive behavior alone – there’s an entire brotherhood here to help.

 

 

 

 

 

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How to Stop Porn Addiction: Overcoming Compulsive Use

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How to Stop Porn Addiction: Overcoming Compulsive Use

Pornography is a touchy topic to talk about.

It’s something that you engage with during private times. Millions of people view porn to varying degrees, with tens of thousands accessing porn sites every second. Not everyone believes watching porn is problematic, but problems do arise for some people who view it.

Porn addiction is a serious problem for an estimated 3 to 6% of the population in the United States.1 Exact numbers are difficult to come by because high-speed internet pornography took off faster than researchers could keep up. People are also hesitant to talk about porn addiction problems because of the stigma surrounding them.

But you’ll never learn how to stop porn addiction if you aren’t able to ask for help. Still, the guilt and shame that people feel about their porn use make it almost impossible to reach out. Is there hope for people with pornography addiction? It may feel like compulsive porn use and masturbation will never go away, but there are tools you can use to overcome porn addiction.

What is Pornography Addiction?

Plenty of people view porn occasionally and the wide range of internet browsing data available backs that up. Use has skyrocketed over the last few decades, spurred by a few factors. Public opinion regarding porn has relaxed significantly. Additionally, the evolution of the internet has placed high-speed internet porn into the hands of anyone with a smartphone.

While not everyone who uses porn develops a problem, some become dependent on the images and videos they consume. Pornography addiction is the compulsive and uncontrolled use of pornography. Porn addiction has become a serious problem alongside the skyrocketing rates of pornography use among the population.

Some clinicians suggest that porn addiction problems are not a “real diagnosis.” They misunderstand the impact that porn has on men, especially as it has evolved over the last few years. Porn addiction causes difficulties in relationships, careers, families, and society as a whole.

How Porn Addiction Starts

Porn addiction problems are serious and often progressive. It typically begins during adolescence, often as an accidental exposure. With the incredible amount of pornography available on even the most common of sites, it’s difficult for children to avoid it entirely.

Young boys often seek out porn to learn more about sex or to explore themselves sexually.2 The sudden rush of dopamine from porn and masturbation becomes appealing to some of these young men and they continue engaging with it.

Most don’t realize they have a porn addiction problem until it’s too late. Oftentimes it starts during adolescence and progresses during their teenage years. When most or all sexual experiences occur on a screen, though, it severely affects sexual development. This lack of experience carries into adulthood and becomes a serious and ever-increasing problem.

Porn Addiction Symptoms

How do you know when porn addiction becomes a problem? There are some porn addiction symptoms you can look for to determine whether your use has crossed the line. Symptoms of pornography addiction include things like:

  • Losing interest in sex
  • Using porn to manage or cope with difficult emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues
  • Experiencing relationship problems with your spouse or partner because of your pornography use
  • Watching porn in risky situations, such as at work, in your car, or another public place
  • Ignoring responsibilities to watch porn
  • Having trouble focusing on tasks and activities because of preoccupation with thinking about porn
  • Viewing progressively more intense or extreme genres of porn to feel the same sense of arousal
  • Feeling ashamed, guilty, or frustrated for watching porn but continuing to watch it
  • Spending lots of time either watching porn, thinking about porn, or feeling tired from watching it for long periods
  • Spending lots of money on pornography, chat sites, or cam sites, even at the expense of necessities
  • Watching illegal genres of pornography after “vanilla” porn is no longer engaging
  • Progressing to real-life enactments of taboo or illegal acts seen in preferred genres of porn
  • Wanting to stop using porn but finding yourself unable to

If you notice any of the signs above, you may want to reconsider your relationship with pornography. It’s easy to convince yourself that you don’t have a problem. If you aren’t able to control your use, though, and it continues to get worse, it’s time to reach out for help.

How to Stop Porn Addiction

Learning how to stop porn addiction starts with asking for help. The Porn Reboot system offers a simple, straightforward solution to your problem with porn addiction. We understand that porn is not a moral problem and it doesn’t mean you’re worthless. There is a biological explanation for your preference for porn but it’s long surpassed its usefulness.

Instead, the Porn Reboot program equips you with the tools and skills necessary to overcome porn addiction. It starts right here with you. Make the decision to reach out today and begin your journey to freedom from the grips of porn addiction.

References

  1. Journal of Clinical Medicine. (2019). Online Porn Addiction: What We Know and What We Don’t.
  2. Enough is Enough. (2021). Pornography.

 

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Using Your Morning Routine to Eliminate Negative Emotions

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Using Your Morning Routine to Eliminate Negative Emotions

What does a typical morning look like for you?

Do you get up on your first alarm or do you hit the snooze button a few times? Do you leave yourself time to settle into the day or do you hustle straight from bed to the car to the first thing on your schedule? Do you have a morning routine in place or is each morning a haphazard attempt to get your day started as quickly as possible?

Be honest.

If you’re like most men at the start of their reboot, you probably sleep as late as possible and rush out the door. You don’t use your mornings to set the pace for your day; you’re hardly even awake and intentional with them in the first place.

Morning routines may sound a bit played out at this point. It seems like everyone worth anything has at least some sort of morning routine in place. But perhaps that’s the case because there’s something to be said about morning routines.

I believe that starting your morning intentionally with a set routine is one of the most effective ways to have a good day. Over time I’ve found that they’re a powerful tool for a successful reboot, useful for improving mindfulness, eliminating negative emotions, and more. A reboot routine is specifically designed for you to control your day and get the most out of each one.

If you’re intentional about your mornings, you can start every day with a blank slate in your mind. It takes practice and consistency but it’s the most effective way to operate. Here are some tips to get you started as you start developing a morning routine.

No Electronics

I avoid my phone entirely when I first wake up. No texting, no emails, no social media, not even my calendar app. If you’re the type of guy who wakes up in the morning and scrolls through Instagram, Facebook, or the news first thing, you need to stop. All this does is transform your blank slate into an ever-expanding to-do list. Additionally, any negativity you consume in the morning can set the pace for the remainder of your day. Electronics are strictly off-limits for me for the first hour of the day.

Meditate in the Morning

Meditation is a crucial part of the reboot process for many men. One of the best tips I have to offer is to practice meditation in the morning before the day has a chance to get away from you. Consistent morning practice will contribute to that blank slate we’re hoping to achieve from the morning routine process. If you want to incorporate meditation into your day, I recommend you do it in the morning just like I do.

Start Your Days Quietly

Other than my alarm, I don’t listen to anything during the earliest part of my day. I don’t put on music or podcasts or even white noise. I allow myself to sit in the silence of the morning as I move through the first few aspects of my morning routine. It’s not until those things are completed that I take my phone out, and even then it’s only to put my headphones in and listen to affirmations. Those affirmations are the first thing I hear each morning before I head to the gym.

Recognize That Your Routine Is an Investment

How to stop porn addiction?

Martin Luther, a famous Protestant reformer, said something that I’ve always remembered: “I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours of the day in prayer.” I’m sure that sounds insane and counterproductive when you first hear it, but it’s true. The more time you set aside to get your mind right in the morning, the less time you’ll waste throughout the day. 

I find that to be true for my morning routine. Every minute I invest pays itself back as I move smoothly and successfully through my day. If you haven’t taken the time to establish and follow through on a morning routine, I highly recommend you try it. 

Take a few of these tips and find some practices that work for you. Make adjustments until you find a combination that sends you into the most effective day possible. There’s power in a morning routine, brother; harness it and use it to your advantage.

Using Your Morning Routine to Eliminate Negative Emotions Read More »

Managing Your Weekends As a Porn Addict

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Managing Your Weekends As a Porn Addict

Weekends are a tricky time for men in the porn addiction counseling or our Porn Reboot program.

It’s easier to get through the week because your time is likely scheduled already. You have your full-time job, your gym routine, and other things you need to handle throughout the week. There isn’t much time left for you to act out because much of your week is already set up.

However, weekends can feel like a free-for-all. You don’t have 8 hours of the day accounted for by your job. Your kids aren’t in school. Many men keep their gym days to weekdays so they can use the weekends to rest. Having all this free time is a recipe for disaster for men who struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior.

If you find that weekends are especially difficult for you, you may need to adjust how you rest on the weekends. You set yourself up for failure when you work yourself ragged Monday through Friday and completely let go on the weekends. You’re more likely to slip when you’re exhausted, which is inevitable after a full week.

I find that too much free time isn’t a good thing for me, though, weekends included. I schedule every day of my life because I find it’s a more effective approach for me. At the start of my porn addiction recovery , the idea of leaving a day completely open was appealing to me, especially after a long week. But porn inevitably found its way into that lazy day so I had to do something different.

Most men do not have a schedule during the weekends. I see that a lot when I talk to men who are new to the system. I’ve found that creating a schedule on Saturdays and Sundays, just like I do Monday through Friday, is the best way for me to manage my weekends.

I’m not saying that you need to be busy all of Saturday and Sunday, too. You can still rest on the weekends without letting them go completely. I find that men in the Porn Reboot program need to adjust the way they rest. Rest doesn’t have to mean lying on the couch watching football all Sunday. I find that active rest is the best way for me to use my time on the weekends.

Active rest involves some form of mental or physical stimulation that doesn’t break your body down. This could include things like going for a walk, taking a hike, reading a book, or playing board games with friends. You can even schedule dates during your weekend afternoons or evenings if you’re at that stage of your reboot.

There are plenty of ways to fill your weekend without being busy for the sake of being busy, and without lazing around all day. Both of these extremes are harmful because they aren’t sustainable. But the best approach is to find enjoyable activities to fill your weekends with. These should be things that are fun to do that don’t leave you feeling exhausted on Sunday night.

It will take some time to get used to active rest on the weekends but it’s the best way to manage them during your reboot. The best way to start this process is to outline your plan with your accountability partner. Let them know what your schedule is for the weekend and ask that they hold you accountable for it. 

If you don’t already have an accountability partner, come join us in the Free Porn Reboot Facebook group. You can connect with men working on various stages of their reboot and find some who will help keep you accountable. The two of you can support one another in your reboot process and ensure you both stay on track!

Managing Your Weekends As a Porn Addict Read More »

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