Maybe you can no longer perform the way you used to.
You’re with your wife, you want to be present, but your body just doesn’t respond and now you’re frustrated, she’s confused and deep down, you’re ASHAMED.
You tell yourself it’s stress or age but you know better. It’s porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED).
PIED isn’t just about overexposure to porn. It’s also caused by imbalances in your pelvic floor and the neurochemical chaos porn has created in your brain.
Years of overstimulation have desensitized your body to real intimacy.
In the Porn Reboot™ System, we fix that at the root.
By eliminating compulsive porn patterns and rebalancing your neurochemistry, many men report dramatic improvements in erection quality, libido, and connection with their partners.
We also teach specialized exercises to retrain your pelvic floor and restore healthy sexual function even if you’ve felt disconnected or numb for years.
And it doesn’t stop there. The program helps you build what I call Reboot Capital… sleep, fitness, and nutrition… because a man’s sexual health depends on his energy and recovery.
You’ll also rebuild emotional intimacy and trust, because real sex isn’t just physical, it’s about safety, connection, and being fully present again.
This isn’t medical treatment, brother. But for countless men, when the addiction ends and true intimacy begins, their bodies start to come back to life.
If you’re ready to perform again, not just in bed but as a husband and a man, watch the video to learn how men are restoring their natural sexual power and reconnecting deeply with their wives.
You’ve been fighting this for years (…ALONE for the most part)‹
You’ve read the books, joined groups, prayed, relapsed, promised your wife or yourself, and relapsed again.
At this point, you probably think you’re broken because you’ve tried everything, and nothing has worked, so why should this?
Let me tell you why.
Most programs miss the real issue. They focus on behavior, streaks, or willpower but porn addiction doesn’t live there.
It lives in your beliefs and your brain chemistry.
You’ve been trying to control your actions while your mind is running old, poisonous scripts like:
“I’m unworthy.”
“I can’t change.”
“The urge is too powerful.”
Those beliefs run deep, and until they’re challenged, nothing changes.
The Porn Reboot™ System works because it hits the roots, not the branches.
We use belief work to identify and rewrite those inner scripts.
We use neural reprogramming to correct the neurochemical imbalances that keep your brain trapped in the addiction loop.
And we combine that with accountability structures… a brotherhood that keeps you grounded, honest, and consistent while your new habits take hold.
You’ve failed before… not because you’re weak but because no one gave you the right tools to rewire what’s happening underneath.
This isn’t another “try harder” system. This is where men change at their core.
If you’re done fighting the same battle with the same broken weapons, watch the video to see how this system rewires your beliefs, your brain, and your habits so failure isn’t even an option.
You’ve sat across from the counselor, dug into your childhood, and left thinking, “I get it now.” But days later, you were right back at it.
Then you tried 12-step programs… you surrendered, confessed, called yourself an “addict,” went to meetings… and still relapsed.
So you’re wondering, what makes Porn Reboot™ any different?
Therapy gives you insight, and 12-step programs focus on surrender, but neither rebuilds you as a NEW man.
Recovery means getting back what was lost. But brother, let’s be honest, that old version of you is long gone. The best thing you can do now isn’t to recover, it’s to REBOOT… to hit the reset button and rebuild yourself from the ground up.
That’s what the Porn Reboot™ System does.
You develop new values, new standards, healthier beliefs, and an unbreakable self-image.
We start by changing your habits first (what therapists try to do). Then your lifestyle (what 12-step programs emphasize… but that lifestyle falls apart when you move, get married, or have a kid).
Finally, you undergo self-image transformation, that is becoming a man who no longer needs porn or compulsive sexual behavior in his life.
The program includes:
Action-oriented coaching: both one-on-one and in groups, with real tools, checklists, and worksheets.
Daily availability, not just weekly sessions, real-time support when you need it.
Principle-based guidance, not moral judgment… your slips are data, not sin.
Core belief work to rewrite the faulty thinking that keeps you stuck.
This blend of coaching, neuroscience, and real-world execution bridges the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it.
If you’re tired of “recovering” and ready to reboot, to rebuild your life from the ground up, then watch the video and I’ll show you why “rebooting” works when years of therapy, willpower, and confession didn’t.
If you interpret certain experiences as beneficial, then your brain will generate positive emotions when those experiences come up again. Conversely, if you interpret an experience as negative, your brain generates negative emotions when you have a similar experience.
Let’s say you’re an independent consultant, made the mistake of taking on too many clients, and failed at delivering certain tasks. Some of your clients decided to terminate their agreements with you because you failed to deliver.
Later on, you again find yourself in a similar situation where you have too many clients and not enough time to complete the work. Your brain will still conclude that you’re going to end up with more terminated agreements, even if you haven’t lost the client or even failed to deliver yet.
These negative emotions aren’t necessarily bad because they let you assess your current situation. But the benefits of those emotions depend on how you choose to interpret them. If you give in to the negativity then you’ll inevitably lose your clients. If you instead let it push you to find alternative solutions, you may find yourself with a bigger business and increased income.
The same thing applies to your out-of-control sexual behavior. There are two main things you experience: the strong urge to watch porn or act out on your behavior, and the feeling of powerlessness over those urges. How you interpret these two feelings has everything to do with your success in your reboot.
When you experience strong urges to act out, you can either interpret it as a normal male desire or you can recognize that you’re different from other men. The first interpretation serves as an excuse to continue acting out on your compulsions. The second interpretation helps you realize that you can’t carry yourself the same way as most other men.
Realizing that you need to take a different approach to these urges keeps you from internalizing that urge. You understand that it has no bearing on your worth as a person. It doesn’t mean that you’re a terrible partner. It simply means that you have a predisposition to compulsive sexual behavior and you need to use tools to deal with those urges.
When it comes to feelings of powerlessness, you also have two choices. You can view yourself as hopelessly addicted to pornography with no choice in the matter, or you can view yourself as a man who has aporn addiction problems but who can make a decision for himself whether he’ll act on his impulses or not.
You don’t have to fall into self-pity or believe that you’re the victim of some unfair hand that life dealt you. You’re not powerless over your pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. It takes work to reach a place where you can interpret your strong sexual urges in a positive way rather than a negative one, but it’s very possible to get there.
The less you allow your sexual urges to control you, the more successful you will be with your reboot. It’ll be a difficult but rewarding experience because you know the freedom that awaits you on the other side of rebooting. You’re more than capable of controlling your urges, brother, and we’re here to help you along the way.
Erectile dysfunction is a problem that lots of men deal with when they first arrive at the Porn Reboot program. Years of compulsive pornography use and masturbation can impact your ability to achieve a natural erection. Eventually, the problem often reaches a point where you have to watch porn if you want to get hard.
Left untreated, porn-induced erectile dysfunction can progress into ED that lasts even after you’ve controlled your sexual behavior. It can be very disheartening to learn that you still have erectile dysfunction after you’ve invested money, time, and energy to end your behavior. That’s why it is crucial for you to address your PIED as soon as possible.
I want to preface this by saying you may not find some of this information in academic journals or publications. That doesn’t make what I have to share on the matter any less significant, though. I’ve developed this understanding over my 10 years of working with men and helping them control their porn addiction problems and out-of-control sexual behavior.
So, what exactly is the root cause of erectile dysfunction?
Cialis and Viagra Are A Crutch
I want to address this before I get too far into the topic. Some guys think their ED is under control because they can always turn to Cialis or Viagra to get them going. Sure, it might work as a temporary solution but do you really want to rely on pills for the rest of your life? What happens if you reach a point where the pills don’t work, either?
Ultimately, Cialis and Viagra are only a crutch. They’re a temporary solution. They may work for now but they’re only making it harder for you to gain control over the problem and work through your erectile dysfunction. Three are too many guys who really believe in them but the truth is these pills only hold them back.
Cialis, Viagra, and other erectile dysfunction medications do nothing to solve the problem. They only put a bandaid over the issue and delay your seeking a true, lasting solution to your ED. If you put these pills to the side and focus on your reboot, you will more than likely regain your ability to achieve natural erections.
Mental Causes of ED
Achieving an erection is oftentimes a huge mental game. Your mindset often determines whether you’ll be able to get hard or not. There are plenty of mental things that can keep you stuck in a cycle of erectile dysfunction.
Fight or Flight Response
Human beings evolved to have a fight or flight response in situations where we feel anxious or threatened. Remember that survival ranks higher than sex in the hierarchy of human needs. This means if your nervous system is in a state of fight-or-flight, you’re not going to get or maintain an erection.
Let’s say you haven’t had sex in a while and you’re on a date. Everything is going well and it’s clear that the two of you are going to have sex later on. If you start freaking out because it’s been so long since you’ve been intimate with someone, you’re likely to send yourself into a state of fight or flight mode and keep yourself from getting hard.
Lack of Sexual Arousal
If you’ve never had sex before or it’s been a while since you’ve had sex, the only recent experiences you have are through porn. I want to remind you, brother, that sex in real life is much different than what you see on the screen. Things may not look, sound, or smell the way you’ve imagined they would and could keep you from feeling aroused.
One solution to this problem is to notice attractive things about the woman you’re with from the beginning. If you have trouble feeling aroused when you start to get intimate, think about whatever it is you find attractive about her and focus on it. Bring that thing front and center in your mind so you can maintain your arousal throughout the experience.
Not Being Present
It’s almost impossible to achieve an erection when you can’t be present in the moment. If you’re nervous and thinking about different things it’s going to make it much more difficult to get hard. Maybe you’re thinking about the next move you’re going to try, maybe you’re worried about the size of your penis, or maybe you’re concerned about your ED.
Obsessing over these things pulls you out of the moment and will make it impossible to get an erection. You must work on staying present in the moment if you want to overcome your erectile dysfunction.
Physical Causes of ED
Achieving an erection isn’t only a mental game, it’s a physical one, too. There are various physical aspects that affect your ability to get hard. You have to address these physical causes, too, before you can overcome your PIED.
Low Testosterone Levels
Low testosterone levels are at the center of a lot of problems for men. Decreased energy, lack of focus, and reduction in sex drive are only part of the equation. Low testosterone levels are also oftentimes responsible for erectile dysfunction.
If you’re struggling with ED or PIED, you need to go to your doctor and get your testosterone levels checked. I recommend it for every man who comes to the porn addiction recovery – Reboot program. Getting your testosterone levels right will make a massive difference not only for your ED but for your overall quality of life.
Weak Pelvic Floor
Having a weak pelvic floor will make it difficult for you to get an erection. You spent more time viewing pornography, edging, and masturbating than you did having actual sex. This resulted in weakened pelvic floor muscles after years of you misusing them.
You can strengthen your pelvic floor muscles with an exercise called Kegels. You may have heard of them as an exercise for females but Kegels work for men, too, and they’ll result in a more enjoyable sexual experience for you.
Low Nitric Oxide
Nitric oxide is responsible for relaxing your blood vessels, resulting in relaxed penile muscle tissue. If your blood vessels are too constricted, there won’t be enough blood flow for you to achieve an erection.
While you can use ED pills like Viagra or Cialis to solve low nitric oxide levels, there are better ways of fixing the problem. Proper diet and supplementation are two vital ways to restore your nitric oxide levels instead of relying on temporary fixes from pills.
Poor Lifestyle Choices
You have two main arteries in your penile region and not caring for your physical health can cause a plaque buildup in them. Making poor choices such as living a sedentary lifestyle, drinking too much alcohol, or smoking can create difficulties when it comes to achieving an erection.
Changing your choices can have a massive impact on your erectile dysfunction. There are different things you can do to improve your physical health that will carry over into your sexual health. This is crucial if you’re struggling with erectile dysfunction.
Addressing the Causes of Erectile Dysfunction
Now that you understand the causes of erectile dysfunction and porn-induced erectile dysfunction, you need to know how to address them. I’m going to turn this blog post into a series so I can get more in-depth with these solutions. ED and PIED are serious problems for many men in the program and I want to dedicate the proper time and attention to the solution.
In the meantime, why don’t you join us in the Porn Reboot Facebook group? If you’re having a hard time with erectile dysfunction, you’ll find many men who are in the same boat as you. Let us know who you are and get into the middle of the group and you’ll find many guys ready and waiting to support you along the way.
“Oh my God, J.K., it’s so hard to quit. The urges are overwhelming and won’t go away. The withdrawals are unbearable and it’s been like this for days.”
Here’s what I have to say to that, brother.
So what?
Yeah, it’s hard. I’m not going to make light of it. It’s not easy to quit porn. You’ve spent your entire life giving in to the urges every time they come up because you can’t handle sitting with the pain and discomfort it takes to overcome them.
It’s not just that way for you, brother. It’s difficult for everyone who struggles with porn addiction problems. The truth is, no one can make it any less hard. You can complain all you’d like but you’re only going to make it more difficult for yourself.
You can’t go through life without pain. It’s impossible. Difficult experiences are an inevitable part of the human condition. You can’t avoid them no matter what you do.
When you’re in the beginning stages of your reboot, the truth of this is impossible to hide from. You’re finally starting to realize that you’ve spent your entire life medicating with porn and masturbation. You don’t know how to handle challenges when they arise. You can’t sit with these feelings because you’ve never had the strength to do so before.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn.
That’s what the Porn Reboot system is here to do. It’s here to equip you with the tools you need to work through the discomfort. You become part of a group that understands exactly what you’re going through. We’re here to prop you up when you need it and support you during the tough times. But none of the support we offer can match the inner strength you’ll build using the system.
If you only focus on the difficulty you’re making things much harder than they need to be. Instead, focus on developing the skills that will help you overcome your porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. You’re going to build up the different areas of your life you’ve spent months and years neglecting.
Sure, it’s not an easy process. You may even slip up from time to time in the beginning. But instead of slipping and giving up, you’re surrounded by people who will encourage you to get right back on the path. You’ll feel encouraged by the brotherhood instead of beaten down by your behavior for the first time in your life.
When you throw yourself fully into rebooting, you stop thinking so much about how hard it is to quit porn. You have a new goal to focus on now. You’ll continue applying the right strategies, making changes to your environment, and learning how to manage your emotions. You begin to notice areas that are lacking and work on them without any external influence. And this will happen before you even realize it.
Again, I know it isn’t easy, brother. I never promised you it would be easy. Rebooting is a long, difficult process. The thing I can promise you, though, is that it’s worth it. Every difficult day, each challenge that comes up, all the things you get through, they’re going to be worth it in the end. When you look back and realize you overcame your porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior, the arduous journey will be worth every step it took.
Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the level of consciousness that created it.”
This quote resonates so deeply with me because it applies directly to compulsive behavior with porn and masturbation. You must evolve your consciousness to free yourself from the shackles of your sexual behavior. You have to move beyond where you are currently to become an expert at yourself if you want to change.
I recently discovered just how effective meditation is for letting go of my deepest attachments, beliefs, and fears. Right now I’m meditating two hours a day to harness the power of that clarity so I can seek relief. I’m not exaggerating, either – I literally sit down for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening to go deep within myself.
Meditation is the practice that helps me remove barriers standing in my way of becoming an expert at myself. It’s how I cultivate the self-awareness necessary to continue moving upward in life. This in turn gives me the tools to teach you and the rest of the brothers in the program how to remove barriers standing in your way, too.
The problem with most men is that they don’t want to become self-aware. They’re too attached to their current life to evolve. They still want to do things like binge-watch YouTube, scroll Facebook endlessly, or listen to mindless podcasts. They’re not interested in the work and dedication it takes to create deep, lasting change.
This may be the case for you, too. Maybe you’re getting little dopamine hits from Reddit and Twitter. You might prefer going to bed late and eating junk food all the time. Perhaps you consume too much mainstream news and find yourself stuck in a cynical mindset throughout the day.
This also means you’re attached to doubts, irrational beliefs in your willpower, pride, fear of being judged, and ultimately your weakness. Yet you take the easy route time and time, wondering why you’re stuck in this rut of negativity and unable to make any lasting changes.
Freedom from this behavior isn’t gained by visiting a therapist’s office for an hour each week. It’s not found by posting in a Facebook group or Reddit thread. You can’t discover it by sharing with a 12-step group week after week or escaping through fitness or nutrition.
The only way to find freedom from these inner beliefs is through cultivating self-awareness. Self-awareness is the key to your escape from limiting beliefs and, ultimately, your porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior.
So what’ll it be, brother? Are you going to do the work to become self-aware and obtain porn addiction recovery or remain in your prison of mindlessness?
What do you think of when you hear the word forgiveness?
It may call to mind the religion of your childhood. Maybe you think of a resentment you’re trying to let go of and working on forgiving someone in your life. Or you might think of the need for forgiveness in your own life from people who were harmed by your behavior.
I believe forgiveness is a forgotten skill. It empowers you to overcome some of the things that hold you back most in your reboot. Hanging onto anger keeps you a prisoner of your emotions. Learning to forgive provides the freedom you’ve looked for in many different avenues up to this point.
Are you harboring a grudge over certain things that were said or done in the past? It’s difficult to reach the later stages of your porn addiction recovery if you won’t let go of past harms done. However, you likely aren’t sure how to get to a point where you can release them. That’s why I consider forgiveness to be a forgotten skill.
Take a moment to recall some of the worst times of your life with your out-of-control sexual behavior. You’re probably like me in that I said and did many things that caused lots of harm to others. My words and actions resulted in physical, emotional, financial, and psychological damage. I destroyed lots of relationships because porn addiction problems and masturbation were more important than anything else. Sometimes today I still cringe at the terrible things I did in my past and the hurt I caused others.
I also found that I was holding a lot of grudges when I first ended my behavior with porn and masturbation. I was so angry at other people for the way they treated me, despite the awful things I had done as well. That didn’t stop me from feeling angry for being mistreated and taken advantage of in different situations.
Safe to say I had a lot of baggage when I finally decided to control my out-of-control behavior. Forgiveness was the last thing on my mind. But I had to release some of the weight of all I was carrying because it was too painful to carry on. It wasn’t until later that I realized letting go of some of that weight was the first step to forgiveness.
Religious leaders will have you believing that forgiveness begins with others. You need to turn the other cheek and not hold grudges for what was done to you. While these are useful skills to develop, they’re likely to feel impossible when you first begin the reboot process. You can commence at a simpler level when learning to forgive.
Forgiveness begins with you. It starts with forgiving yourself for the harmful behavior you’ve engaged in for so many years. Learning to forgive yourself frees you from the heavy load of guilt and shame that you’ve carried around for so long. As you truly embrace forgiveness for yourself, you’ll find lightness in the world that you never imagined possible.
Once you’re able to forgive yourself you can then extend forgiveness to others. Consider those you carried grudges against or felt resentment towards. Call each grudge or resentment to mind and consider whether it’s worth continuing to carry or if it’s time to forgive and move forward.
Something many people mistake about forgiveness is that it’s for the other person. They believe they need to forgive someone for that person’s sake. But forgiveness is for you, not for others. Forgiveness is a process that frees you from the mental strain and burden caused by carrying all that anger, frustration, and bitterness around.
Once you forgive someone you no longer allow them or their behavior to weigh you down. Those resentments you’ve carried for years play a significant role in what holds you back from success and happiness.
At the same time, this doesn’t absolve you of responsibility for the harm you caused. While forgiveness is for the person doing the forgiving, it doesn’t mean you get away with doing what you did. You still must acknowledge your wrongdoings and make restitution where you can. A simple “sorry” will not do, either. You’ve made apologies for years. It’s time to make genuine amends for the ways you’ve harmed others.
Once you can forgive yourself, though, facing the people you hurt becomes more tolerable. You know that you’re no longer the same person and can stand firm in your newfound convictions. As you continue to work on yourself, forgiveness will remain a constant and important part of maintaining emotional balance and wellbeing in your reboot.
However, it came up during a discussion in the Porn Reboot group and I think it’s important to cover it here, too.
One of our brothers said:
“I need some advice. I offended my wife by saying that it’s possible for other women to turn me on. She now thinks that I’m turned on by every woman I see. She says that she would never feel turned on by another man so the fact that I could be by another woman means I’m not committed to the relationship. How would you respond? Am I in the wrong and not committed to the relationship?”
Two things got our brother in trouble here, aside from having that discussion in the first place. First is his out-of-control behavior. Second is the language he used to describe how he feels about the other women.
Saying “turned on” means sexually aroused. And while most men feel sexually aroused by many different women outside of their relationship, overtly explaining that isn’t the best course to take. This is especially true when you struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior. You can find yourself turned on by other women you know nothing about because of the porn you watch.
Your partner probably doesn’t find herself sexually aroused by random men, though. The fact that you’re sexually aroused by random women is threatening to her. Whether it’s true or not, she likely feels like she isn’t good enough for you when she hears this.
A better way to approach the conversation (if it needs to be approached at all) is to use more intentional language. Using the phrase “attracted to” is a much more tame and acceptable way to discuss other people outside your relationship if it comes up. Everyone finds people outside their relationship attractive. After all, haven’t you ever heard of the term “hall pass”?
And even if you do find yourself turned on by other women, while it is a natural thing, it’s something you must learn to control. You can’t walk around a slave to your broken biological functioning. You destroyed your normal sexual functioning and rewired your brain to feel sexually aroused by a whole range of different women. Developing sexual control is crucial not only if you want to have a successful relationship but in every other area of your life.
You must learn to interact with women without sexualizing them. This is difficult to do after months or years of compulsive porn addiction problems use but you have to develop the skill. Porn addiction effects teaches you to view women as sexual objects but that’s not how the real world works, brother. You can’t walk around turned on by every single woman you see.
Finding yourself immediately sexually aroused whenever you see an attractive woman is not what normal, civilized adult men do. Well-adapted men can maintain their composure around women. They don’t break down into mindless, sex-addled animals. You need to develop sexual control if you want to have a successful reboot.
Again, most women in monogamous relationships are aroused by their partner alone. Sure, they may find other men attractive. But they don’t often find themselves interested in being sexually intimate with anyone other than you, their partner.
While you might find yourself aroused by women outside your relationship, there’s no need to express this to your wife. You may be turned on by any even slightly attractive woman but it’s not an effective way to navigate life.
Instead, you should also take time to develop sexual control and keep yourself from losing your composure around every woman you see. Being successful in our porn addiction recovery program which is the Porn Reboot is about so much more than simply quitting porn. And learning sexual control is a critical component of the process.
I came across something on social media the other day that hit me: the topic of suffering.
When I first got into a relationship as a rebooting porn addict with serious porn addiction problems, I was scared. So scared. In fact, I had a mental breakdown at one point. I met a genuinely good woman, innocent, well-raised, feminine, beautiful, caring, and so out of my league that I was convinced God was playing a cruel trick on me.
Would I hurt her with my behavior? Could I keep my commitments? Could I, a filthy-minded porn addict who had acted out in the most disgusting ways, deserve such happiness? What if she found out about my past, the drunken weed- and porn-filled nights that I woke up from? Should I tell her? How much? And what if I lost her?
These thoughts hurdled through my mind with such intensity that I was rendered useless for weeks. While driving to work one morning I randomly and inexplicably burst into tears. I remember pulling over to a gas station, bewildered and confused, and calling my mother. I was sobbing uncontrollably out of nowhere and didn’t understand what was going on.
That relationship did a number on me. My heart literally hurt whenever I was with her during our first year together. The pressure of my shame and low self-worth crushed me from within. I went through the motions of daily life like a zombie with dread in my heart and a seemingly permanent lump in my throat.
I couldn’t handle intimacy.
I couldn’t handle someone loving me.
I wasn’t worthy.
A part of me craved intimacy while another part was terrified by its potential. I was scared of the long, four-hour calls at night. I feared cuddles and long hugs. Hand-holding was so alien to me. I remember hearing the words “I love you” on the phone for the first time and they elicited this internal reaction akin to an addict living in secrecy for years.
When sex is exclusively used for pleasure and escape from your irresponsible reality, intimacy in any form is a threat to your existence. Eventually, I became convinced that if I did not take drastic measures I was going to lose my mind.
I went on a long silent meditation retreat and what followed were the most painful days of my life. No access to the internet, no phone, no books. Just 11 days of silence and 10 hours of meditation per day.
My urges, which I thought were under control at that point, rose with a vengeance. I had wet dreams almost nightly. I woke up with panic attacks and fear so severe that I wet the bed on two occasions. All I could do was whisper to myself, “Please, God, make it stop.”
When the sun rose each morning it was a sweet relief from my agonizing, lonely nights. But after a few hours, the sleep deprivation sunk in and all my fears gathered like a dark storm. They enveloped me almost the entire time I spent at that retreat.
Have you ever experienced a mental pain so intense that you would have one of your limbs sawed off in exchange for relief? That’s what it felt like. That’s how painful it was during the last few days of the retreat. I slowly realized the pain was not going away, either. Not any time soon.
There was no way I could continue living with this insanity but I had to accept that it might never truly leave me. It was my hell on earth, the price I had to pay for my years of compulsive sexual behavior and running from the pain.
Something peculiar happened when I returned from the retreat, though. As I slowly accepted the insanity and suffering, I stopped resenting it. As I saw with it, it became slightly more bearable. But the moment I tried to run from it, it became intense again.
I realized that if I stopped struggling, stopped wishing it would go away, then I could manage it. It was still painful but it was bearable moment to moment. I finally experienced some relief.
The sense of relief has grown throughout the almost 15 years that I’ve been porn-free now achieving porn addiction recovery completely. I still experience some unwelcome visits from time to time. Occasionally I have nightmares and wake up with feelings of pure terror and panic. But those are fewer and further between the more time goes by.
I know I’m not the only man who goes through this. Many men are forced through that experience of their self-made hell. I want you to know that if you’ve experienced this, or you’re in the middle of it right now, it’s okay. You don’t have to walk alone. You’ll have to do the work on your own and come to your conclusions in solitude, but I’m here to walk by your side.
I will keep you company through that landscape of irrationality, fear, dread, depression, and temporary madness. I’ll be there until you arrive at your destination of understanding. The understanding that I had to come to myself. The realization that while pain is a requirement of the human condition, suffering is only optional.
