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Men Who Refuse to Seek Professional Help

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Men Who Refuse to Seek Professional Help

This year marks 10 years of professionally coaching men toward freedom from pornography. I’ve seen all kinds of things throughout this last decade and I have a good idea of what happens to men who don’t seek professional help. I see the same brothers hitting me up for tips year after year but then doing nothing to change their life.

These brothers have been asking for help for ten years now. Some were 22 when I first heard from them, and now they’re 32 with a life that looks the same, or worse. Others were about to turn 40 and I warned them that this was their last shot to get their lives together, get into a relationship, and start a family. Today they’re 50 years old and still pitifully addicted to pornography.

We’re in a difficult time right now. The last few years were filled with adversity. The men who chose to control their behavior from the first time they reached out fared well throughout the chaos and uncertainty. Those who were focused, disciplined, and mentally strong continued to thrive during these times.

However, men who used porn, sex, and masturbation as coping mechanisms may have survived, but they surely didn’t thrive. Relying on compulsive sexual behavior only resulted in a miserable struggling existence.

And if you’re in that latter group, today’s message is for you.

The stress reflects physically on your body. You found yourself soft, pudgy, and weak from stress eating. You’re fueled by sugar and caffeine. Your girlfriend or wife doesn’t want to have sex with you if you can’t achieve an erection. You can’t get hard or stay hard because you chose pornography over her. You’ve become boring. You chose a life of domesticity over adventure and learning. No one wants to sleep with the man they argue with over the dishes every night.

If you’re single, you may wonder why women won’t date you. You don’t bother to groom yourself. You dress comfortably, which is a nice way of saying you’re a grown man who dresses like a schoolboy. You’re overweight and your best features are obscured by the bloat from the fast food you shovel into yourself every day.

You feel entitled to women who are 10s because you watch them in porn while you’re barely a 5 on your best day. You lack ambition. You play video games all night. You smoke weed every day. You live to be entertained. If you ever manage to get a girlfriend, she’ll have to find a sugar daddy because you’re too busy seeking pleasure to be a provider.

You’ll likely have to settle for the lowest-hanging fruit when it comes to women. You’ll hang onto her because you know you won’t find better. And then you will spend the rest of your life secretly jerking off to women you truly find attractive online.

You’re weak. You’re stunted. You’re overwhelmed. You’re unable to prioritize. You’re mentally consumed by a constant diet of unfiltered garbage information that you allow into your head. The news, nonsense YouTube videos, pointless podcasts, endless Reddit threads, Wikipedia black holes, and perma-scrolling Twitter, of it, fill your head with useless information that makes you think you’re smart.

When was the last time you created something? What was the last original thought or idea you formulated? I’m not talking about repeating talking points that someone else gave you or buying into the hive mind of whatever group you’re a part of.

Your emotional capacity is next to nothing but you’re always emotionally charged. Your erratic emotional range consists of numbness, irritation, anger, depression, loneliness, excitement, and fear. Instead of experiencing the emotional capacity of a Boeing 747 that flies intercontinental, you’re a paper plane that can barely reach the back of the classroom and is destined for the trash.

You’re spiritually bankrupt, too, even if you believe yourself to be a Christian. Your religious affinity only pays lip service to the type of man you wish you were. But what would your congregation think if they saw your browser history, your secret apps, and your external hard drives? I bet they tell a different story.

Your behavior is a growing cancer of the soul. You’ve spent empty years lying, desperately trying to hold up your shining image while living a double life. This is no way to live, brother. You’re falling apart, relying on your limited social circle for validation while destroying yourself every day.

If you’re at all interested in rebuilding your life and thriving in the years to come, it’s time to seriously reconsider your life. You could have saved yourself this last decade of destruction had you only followed through on the help you initially sought.

Honestly ask yourself what holds you back from taking action to overcome your porn addiction problems. Maybe it’s shame. Maybe it’s pride. Maybe you just don’t care and you’re stuck in a cycle of apathy. You know you have a problem but you’re fooling yourself by thinking you can handle it alone if you’re stuck in the same place 10 years later.

I know I sound harsh today but I feel disheartened. It’s painful to look at an email thread I can follow back to 2012 with a man who has clearly done nothing to change his circumstances. It feels wrong and I can’t sit back without saying something, especially as a man who has been where you are.

I think men who struggle with porn addiction live on a slightly altered timeline. We don’t seem to realize how time flies. The years slip by but we’re so busy consumed by our porn addiction symptoms that we miss the signs. Instead of seeing ourselves as the problem, though, we blame other things for our wide range of shortcomings.

The description above is probably painful to read. It may not describe every aspect of your life but I’m sure there are at least a few attributes that describe you. And it might seem like there’s nothing you can do to change, but professional help will make a difference. I’ve watched hundreds of men change their lives throughout the last decade of the Porn Reboot program a form of porn addiction counseling only with a better and effective method proven for years.

Have you reached a point that you can’t handle anymore? Are you ready to take responsibility for your life? I would love to see you join us in the Porn Reboot group and get started. Even if you don’t participate in the intensive, getting involved in our free Facebook group is a great place to start. You can learn what the Porn Reboot program is about and start implementing the system in your life today.

Quit watching time pass you by, brother. Take control of your life. Today can be the day that shifts the trajectory and pulls you from the pit of hopelessness you’ve landed yourself in.

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You Need the Lows

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

You Need the Lows

A few weeks ago I had a pretty rough experience. We had a lot going on at Elevated Recovery. We were hiring new team members and had a few projects simultaneously in the works. These crunch periods are always a time of ongoing work where I get by on four or five hours of sleep because I’m determined to accomplish our goals.

However, three weeks into the crunch period my body completely shut down. I had a full day of coaching the day before and when I woke up the following morning I was in full-blown panic mode. I have maybe one or two random panic attacks each year but this was the worst one I’ve had in a long time. I not only had anxiety and depressive thoughts but also horrible flu-like symptoms.

I couldn’t get out of bed so I texted my assistant, canceled all my appointments, and took the day off. I was so photosensitive that I could only look at my phone for as long as it took to contact my assistant. I did nothing but hydrate and slowly get through the day. I even experienced some occasional hallucinations throughout the feverish period. It was a brutal day.

Over the years I’ve learned that I can’t fight when these things happen. Instead, I become very present and observe myself. I settle into a state of mindfulness and watch what I experience both internally and externally. It was the only option I had during this day of panic because I couldn’t do much of anything else.

When I finally made it through the night and woke up the next morning, though, all the pressure I felt from the weeks of crunch time was gone. I had no fewer deadlines than I did the day before my panic attack. There were still hundreds of people who needed our support. I knew that taking the day off made the workday harder for some of my colleagues. But I still felt no pressure. In fact, I had absolute clarity on what steps to take next.

I reflected on those 24 hours of panic and physical incapability over the following days. I normally take Mondays off but realized I hadn’t taken one off in the three weeks of crunch leading up to the panic attack. I was going all out. I woke up and put on the positive, upbeat, go-getter persona, and took on the day. And eventually, it wore me out.

I bet you’ve had a few of these experiences, too. Everyone burns out eventually when they live and work with the pedal to the floor. You have to hit pause sometimes to avoid completely crashing and burning, but sometimes it takes the low points to remember this. That’s exactly what happened to me. I spent the weeks before the panic attack avoiding pausing and instead pushing to finish everything that we needed to do.

It’s essential that you set limits for yourself and establish boundaries around your schedule. You have to carve time out for yourself or life will find a way of carving it out for you. If you aren’t proactive about taking a break, your body will force you to take one eventually.

These lows aren’t an enjoyable experience but at the same time, they’re a great reminder and reset point. You can use the break to determine what’s most important and calibrate your focus to accomplish those tasks. You need the lows to remind you of why a break is such an important part of the process.

This is especially important for men in the Porn Addiction Counseling program. While everyone hits the wall at times, men with a porn addiction problem have more to lose. You’re more likely to act out and engage in your compulsive behavior when you reach one of these low points. You have to take breaks before your body demands one of you.

The Porn Reboot program equips you with the self-awareness and discipline to know when it’s time to hit pause. The low points are a necessary part of the Porn Reboot process but you get the chance to use them to your benefit today instead of letting them use you.

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The Top 22 Objections to the Porn Reboot Program: Part 1

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

The Top 22 Objections to the Porn Reboot Program: Part 1

I want to cover 22 of the main objections I hear from men when they want to start the Porn Reboot program. I can almost guarantee that you’ve thought at least a few of these things along the way to ending your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. There are solutions to every objection, though, and I want to review the first half of them today.

1. I can do this with willpower alone

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, brother, but statistics suggest that about 4% of men succeed and 96% of men fail by trying to use willpower alone. Sure, there is a slight chance you might be part of that 4% but there’s a much higher chance of you being part of the majority.

2. I can do this on my own

I see tons of men who believe they can learn to manage their out-of-control behavior on their own. They’re confident that their motivation will propel them to success. You’re far from alone if you’re thinking this, but how many times have you tried the isolated motivation approach before?

3. I’ll try SLAA or another 12-step program instead

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual-based 12-step approach to overcoming porn and sex addiction. However, like the willpower approach, studies show that SLAA fails 92 to 94% of people who try it.

4. I don’t really have that big of a porn problem

I hear this from so many men who show up to Porn Reboot and I have a hard time not chuckling. If you didn’t have a serious problem with porn, brother, then how did you reach this site in the first place? Why are you still reading this blog post?

5. I shouldn’t have to pay to quit watching porn

Sure, that’s an understandable way of thinking. I didn’t want to have to pay to end my out-of-control behavior, either. But if your alternatives leave you with a 4 to 8% success rate, wouldn’t you rather use a more effective approach? Investing in yourself could be the thing that finally helps you end this behavior.

6. I shouldn’t have to pay what your programs cost

No one is telling you that you have to pay for the Porn Reboot program. You’re more than welcome to use a cheaper alternative, but you’ll receive the results that the cheaper alternative offers. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a program that provides the same results at a lower price point.

7. I can spend my money on better things

I won’t argue with you about that. There are plenty of more entertaining ways to spend your money. However, you got yourself to a point where you can no longer control your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Could there really be anything better to spend your money on than learning to control the behaviors actively destroying your life?

8. My wife, friends, or church group can hold me accountable

Tony Robbins, the famous motivational coach, says that friends and spouses are the worst people to look to for accountability. Most of the time your friends and spouse allow you room to cut corners. Your porn problem is not something you can cut corners with, though, or it will only get worse.

9. I fear people will find out that I’m doing this

That’s a reasonable fear, but everything in the Porn Reboot group is private and confidential. Our entire program is hidden from the general public; no one will know that you’re in the Porn Reboot program unless you tell them.

10. I’ll be embarrassed if people know I’m in a porn addiction program

I get it, brother. I felt embarrassed when I first shared that I had a porn addiction problem with others, too. One of the most important things we do in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot system is to teach members to be confident while powerfully owning and celebrating a porn-free lifestyle.

11. I worry I won’t really like the Porn Reboot community

If you’re like most men who struggle with compulsive behaviors with porn, sex, and masturbation, chances are you’ll enjoy the group. We share a lot of similar traits and tendencies. I’m selective about who I work with which means our community is fun, welcoming, educated, smart, and successful. It’s a fantastic group of men.

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Are You Struggling?

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Are You Struggling?

Do you find yourself struggling as you try to follow the Porn Reboot system? It doesn’t matter whether you are already a client in our program, or if you’re just someone who reads our blog, listens to the podcast, receives our newsletters, or watches our YouTube channel.

Do you often feel bored or cynical, demotivated, disappointed, and pessimistic about your reboot process? Do you constantly feel the need to be perfect? Do you often feel like you’re a failure? Do you blame outside circumstances for your problems? Do you lack the ambition to take the action needed to change your circumstances?

I’ve heard everything in the book.

“My schedule is too tight.”

“I don’t have time to dedicate to this.”

“I’m too busy at work.”

“I have too many responsibilities.”

“I can’t afford to seek help right now.”

“The kids wake up too early in the morning for a morning routine.”

You can tell me whatever you believe to be holding you back, but after over a decade of working with men in the Porn Reboot program, I’m almost positive of the true reason.

Here’s why brother: you are not understanding nor implement the program’s basics.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a casual reader of the blog or listener to the podcast, or fully engulfed in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot implementation program. I see it on both sides of enrollment. If you’re still struggling and making excuses, you still don’t quite understand what it is that we’re doing here.

The basics of the Porn Reboot program aren’t there for fun or to aimlessly fill your time. They are not random, optional self-improvement tasks. I didn’t come up with them on a whim and sent hundreds of brothers out to check off the various boxes for no reason.

The Porn Reboot program is an intentionally-outlined set of actions that, when implemented, lead to changed behavior. Each action serves a purpose. Everything is in place because it moves you forward in your reboot.

Some examples include developing a morning routine, recording your daily wins and feelings in a journal, expressing genuine gratitude, taking accountability for your actions, setting and maintaining boundaries, writing out your goals, and more. You rewire your brain by following through on these things day after day, week after week, month after month.

But when you do not follow the reboot basics, you lose motivation. You will feel pessimistic. You’ll experience boredom and cynicism. You’ll aim for perfection and berate yourself incessantly when you realize perfection is impossible. You will feel like a failure day after day.

On the other hand, when you follow the basics, you will experience optimism and motivation. You’ll feel confident about what you’re doing. You will experience the excitement. You’ll have ambition, not just to end your out-of-control behavior, but to build something with your life.

I see it all the time. Men are excited during their first few days and weeks of the program. They’re filled with excitement and motivation and happiness at the chance of changing their lives and eliminating their out-of-control behavior. But two months later they’re filled with cynicism.

I find it happens when men attach themselves to a sense of perfectionism. They believe they need to check every box off and do every activity perfectly or they aren’t going to be successful. They think that if they can’t meet every responsibility every day then it isn’t even worth trying. They believe that no matter how well they do, how motivated they are, how good they get at their reboot, or how many months they stay committed, they are still a failure.

I’m here to tell you something, brother: you won’t feel anything when you first start implementing the basics. I’m serious. Sure, you might have some short-term excitement but that quickly wears off. You won’t feel some massive, noticeable shift for a long time. Porn Reboot isn’t anything like pornography. There is no immediate positive reaction like you’re used to. There is no instant gratification. It might even feel monotonous. A voice in your head might tell you that it’s nonsense or that it’s a waste of time.

You may even do these things for a few weeks and still experience a slip. I often hear men say, “Oh, I did all the basics, but I still slipped.” That happens more often than you may think. I want to make something clear: the basics do not stop slips or relapses. This is especially important for men who aren’t members of the Intensive or Implementation Program; the small actions themselves do not stop a slip. That’s not what the Porn Reboot system is about.

These habits you build up over time rewire your brain. It isn’t the meditation or journaling or checking in with an accountability partner that keeps you from going back to porn; it’s the shift that comes as a result. Over time, these actions change your self-image. You change from an insecure, self-loathing introvert to a man who follows through on his word. You build character. You cultivate self-esteem. And these changes to your inner being are what keep you from wanting to view porn ever again.

You become a man who no longer views pornography or acts out in other sexual ways. You have no reason to view porn or depend on masturbation to feel good. Your mind rebels against anything that provides short-term pleasure in return for long-term pain. It begins to work with you once you have these small habits in place. This is how rewiring your brain becomes permanent.

That doesn’t mean your life becomes perfect. That’s far from the truth. Life still throws curveballs after your reboot. But when you establish a sense of self-esteem and your habits are firmly in place, you won’t turn back to porn to deal with them. You’ll face them head-on like the new man you are and handle them with strength and dignity.

If you’re still struggling, brother, you haven’t embraced the point of this program. You’ll continue running headlong into the brick wall of obstinacy if you refuse to change your perspective. Once you accept these changes, though, you’ll find a new lease on life. The struggles will dissipate and you’ll find yourself equipped to enjoy all that life has to offer.

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Wealth Won’t Save You From Porn Addiction

Porn Addiction Effect / By J.K Emezi

Wealth Won’t Save You From Porn Addiction

Too many men come to the Porn Reboot program thinking their outside circumstances will save them from their porn addiction effects. This is especially true for men who meet the traditional definition of success. They’re doing well in their career. Their kids are well-behaved. They have a good relationship with their spouse, save for some strain caused by their out-of-control behavior. They’re doing well financially and have anything they could possibly want, but they still can’t seem to end their behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

Does this sound like you?

It’s easy to get caught in the trap of thinking that your “successful” exterior will somehow change your internal circumstances. Unfortunately, that’s not how this works. I know plenty of guys at the top of their fields in business, athletics, and even Hollywood who can’t control their compulsive sexual behavior. They’re successful by all standards yet still unhappy with where they are because they can’t overcome their porn addiction.

What these men fail to realize, and what you might be coming to terms with right now, is that the necessary transformation doesn’t come from your external achievements. It’s not found in the operations of your business. It doesn’t result from diversifying your product line. It has nothing to do with your finances, dropping expenses, or increasing cash flow.

Other times guys believe they can find their solution through a breathwork retreat, ayahuasca ceremony, or even a Tony Robbins seminar. They come back feeling like a changed man. They feel focused, recentered, and ready to take on the world. They might even have some temporary success in their career that gets them to the next level, but this is only a short-term fix. The excitement of the experience wears off and it doesn’t take long until they’re on a bigger bust than before.

The change you need to overcome porn addiction only happens internally. You can be the wealthiest man in the world, but it won’t give you the tools you need to end your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Your income and assets have no bearing on the internal work you must do. Financial success and quick fixes aren’t the way to a lasting solution. Wealth won’t save you from your porn addiction. You must build a strong foundation if you hope to achieve long-term freedom from compulsive sexual behavior.

If you choose to push through and continue building the outside without working on the inside, your sense of isolation and shame will continue to grow. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “It’s lonely at the top,” right? There’s some truth to that, brother. The further you progress in your business or career, the fewer people will understand the stresses you face every day. As your world becomes increasingly complex, you’ll find yourself feeling more and more alone.

How do you protect what you’ve built? How do you avoid being overtaxed? How do you deal with certain situations? How do you trust somebody with high-level decisions? How do you hire a CFO? Do you trust your operator? How can you find a property manager when you have 60 out-of-state units?

The more you grow in life, the greater your problems become. If you don’t have the internal resources to handle the pressure at this level, you’ll find yourself failing time and time again. Sure, you may last a few days, weeks, or even months, but ultimately you’re still trapped in the same porn addiction cycle.

Wouldn’t you rather escape it once and for all, brother? Isn’t a lasting solution to your struggles far more important than building an empire? And I’m here to tell you that your chances of building an empire are far greater once you have your behavior under control, anyways.

We see it all the time. Brothers join the program with plenty of money but a little bit too late. They came to Porn Reboot once their wife divorced them for their out-of-control behavior. She takes them to court and within a few months they’ve lost all their possessions, their wife takes their kids, they lose their house, and they have nothing left.

What then? Who are you once your wealth is stripped away? Your home? Your family? Your career? Can you still stay porn-free when everything you’ve built comes crashing down around you?

That’s what we’re doing here, brother. That’s why I stress the importance of building a foundation. It doesn’t matter what you build up externally when your internal well-being is still dictated by high-speed internet porn and jerking off all night long.

We’re here to help you build that foundation. It doesn’t matter whether you’re flat broke or a multimillionaire: the solution is the same. The answer to your porn addiction lies on the inside, not the outside. That means no matter who you are, where you came from, or what you’ve done, overcoming your out-of-control behavior is still possible. But you MUST let go of this idea that wealth should come before your reboot. Because so long as you maintain that mindset, brother, you’ll continue to flail and fail.

What will your choice be?

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Anxiety and Procrastination

Porn Addiction Effect / By J.K Emezi

Anxiety and Procrastination

Looking at my life and pulling positive data from it slowly became an ingrained habit.

Reframing anxiety.

I have plenty of experience struggling with anxiety and procrastination. Both of these things used to consume me and dictated every decision I made a day in and day out. I never made much progress because I worried about outcomes which left me putting off tasks I needed to complete to move forward in life.

Thankfully, over the years I’ve learned to control my anxiety and procrastination. They are no longer the same driving forces they used to be. Still, I sometimes find myself stuck in old ways of thinking to this day. For example, last week I procrastinated on some very important tasks and obligations but couldn’t bring myself to care.

I used to spend weeks in this state of mind but nowadays it’s rare that I stay there for more than a few hours. I was on day three of this feeling, though, and it started to get to me. As I sat in the gym on the morning of that third day, I started breaking down exactly what was going on. Why was I procrastinating so much?

I had so many things to do. There were clients to speak with, paperwork to sign and send off to my team, sessions to attend, individuals to keep accountable, and certifications to complete, but none of this was out of the ordinary. All of these tasks are ongoing things I deal with as a regular part of my work and life. Why did I feel so overwhelmed?

While sitting in the gym between sets I finally realized what was different: at some point, I attached a negative outcome to these things which contributed to my growing anxiety. I spend the majority of my time assigning positive effects to situations but occasionally I still slip, and that’s where I found myself on day three of my procrastination stint.

I know I’m not alone in this experience. I’ve spoken with hundreds of brothers over the years that find themselves wracked by an unshakable bout of procrastination, and we can often trace it back to the outcomes we assign to circumstances. Do you deal with this porn addiction effects sometimes, too? Do you find yourself anticipating negative outcomes and feeling your anxiety increase as a result?

All anxiety does is waste energy on a future outcome, one that isn’t guaranteed. You have no idea what the true outcome will be but that doesn’t stop you from expending precious energy worrying about what may happen. That buildup of negative energy typically manifests itself as procrastination as you work yourself into a ball of stress over outcomes that have yet to arrive.

The outcome I attached to my situation was the primary difference between those three days and the thousands of other days where I had all the same responsibilities. Nothing about my external circumstances had changed, only the way I looked at those circumstances.

As I sat there I also thought back to the week before. A few days prior I sat in the same gym but with a much different mindset. I received a message from my CPA asking my CFO and me to review my tax returns for approval, and attached to those tax returns was a high six-figure number I wasn’t at all anticipating. It was so much higher than I expected, and not only was I not prepared for that figure but I was not expecting my response, either.

You would probably assume that I felt anxious, nervous, or angry, but I only sat there and felt delighted. Delight. Can you believe that? I found out I owe Uncle Sam far more than I thought I did and yet I was overcome with excitement. Why? Because owing that much means I’m making financial progress in my business endeavors.

I wasn’t worried about how to pay for it – I knew I would be able to. I didn’t shift straight into business mode and start handling it, either. I simply sat with the feeling of joy and gratitude at my circumstances, then I sent a screenshot of the message from my CPA to my mom. What person in their right mind receives that news and feels thrilled?

Honestly – that’s what a person in their right mind should do. And it proved that my mindset was to blame for my three-day procrastination stint. Nothing changed from last week to this week aside from how I chose to look at the situation. When I received the news about the taxes I owed, I viewed it in a positive light because it meant I achieved more this year than last year. But now under the same set of circumstances, I found myself not giving a damn and putting off some of the simplest tasks on my list.

It’s easy to discredit how powerful our minds are. Anxiety and procrastination are closely connected. If you’re struggling with one, chances are you’re probably dealing with the other to some extent, too. But anxiety isn’t necessarily a bad thing. While talking with one of the brothers in the Porn Reboot program, he shared something with me that he heard from another mentor of his: “Anxiety is the emotion of growth.”

I love that reframe because it couldn’t be more accurate. Anxiety is simply an emotion encouraging us to take action, but too often we pathologize it and turn it into something more than it is. We often hear that anxiety is out of our control, that it’s a part of us rather than something we experience. But that is false. Anxiety reveals an opportunity for growth, and I guarantee you that taking action instead of procrastinating will provide a positive outcome, not a negative one.

We don’t grow when we give in to anxiety. Instead, we feed those negative outcomes that we anticipate. However, when we choose to use anxiety as fuel for action, we shift the negative assumptions into positive results and place another brick in the foundation of our new life.

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Sleeping 4 Hours a Night While Rebooting

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Sleeping 4 Hours a Night While Rebooting

Today I want to write directly to my peak performers, the highly ambitious men who look for every way possible to accomplish their goals. I received a question from a brother in the group who has an important thing I know a lot of you struggle with. He said,

“J.K, a few months ago you mentioned conditioning your brain to achieve the maximum amount of REM sleep on around four hours of sleep per night. I want to achieve a similar sleep cycle at some point in my life, too. You brought it up in an old podcast episode. How did you achieve this? Does age play a role in your ability to do it? Do you have any resources you recommend?”

Fantastic question. Many of us high performers want to know what we can do to maximize our results on a minimal amount of sleep. Before getting to the answer, though, I want to ask you what your purpose is for cutting down those hours. Why do you want to get so little sleep? Is your schedule so tight that you truly need to sacrifice your rest? Or are you using it to compensate for another area where you’re slacking off?

Why do you want to cut back on sleep?

Sleep is one of the most important aspects of your overall health. An endless sea of research proves this to us, brother. It impacts your physical, mental, social, and emotional well-being. Not getting enough sleep leads to poor work performance, limited focus, decreased emotional resilience, and more. It should never be the first thing on the chopping block, especially for men early in their reboot who are still susceptible to emotional dysregulation.

I suggest you start by looking for areas where you can trim the fat during your waking hours instead. I guarantee you can find at least a few ways you’re wasting time throughout the day. Even though I suggest cutting most extraneous media from your life, I see many brothers still use social media or watch TV when they complete their tasks for the day. Do you scroll a little too far through Instagram or Twitter, or watch an extra episode of television here and there?

Maybe you’re not as efficient as you could be with your work or at the gym. Be honest with yourself. Neglecting sleep because you can’t control yourself during the day is not a good enough reason to try sleeping four hours per night. Step up and be responsible enough to limit your distractions and that should leave you with more time for sleep at night.

If you’re still determined to sleep four hours a night, I also want you to consider what you’re doing with that extra time. Are you squandering it by spreading yourself thin between too many different activities? When I trained myself to get good rest on four hours of sleep, I did it because I was laser-focused on a single task. I had a project I was passionate about at the time. It consumed so much of my focus and I wanted to spend all my waking hours working on it. I used my extra time to dive deeper into this one particular project.

Too often I see men who want to limit their sleep so they can divide their passion between their work, a writing project, a side hustle, a hobby, and time with their family. But by trying to funnel their energy into so many different areas, they ended up wasting that extra time they got when cutting back on rest instead of making good use of it. It wasn’t worth all of the negative effects that so little sleep had on them.

Types of men who can successfully cut back on sleep

I’m not trying to say that it’s impossible, brother. As our brother mentioned when he asked his question, I’ve done it successfully myself multiple times over the years. But it isn’t a beneficial practice for everyone and it’s not the best long-term solution, either. There are certain types of people who can function optimally on only a few hours of sleep. These include:

People with a specific genetic disposition
People in certain professions (e.g., military or first responders)
People who want to focus on one particular area
People with some mental illnesses

Specific genetic dispositions

Through my research, I’ve found that some people have a genetic predisposition to functioning well on little sleep. I like to refer to it as the “short sleep” gene. It’s called the D.C. 2 mutation and it allows people who have it to feel very well rested to four hours of sleep. They feel as fine as others do with the 8 or 9 hours we’re all supposed to get. It has no negative effects on their heart, organs, or mental performance, either.

There’s also another naturally-occurring genetic predisposition called the A.D.R.B. 1 gene that has similar effects. A few examples of some people who may have the short sleep gene include Donald Trump and Martha Stuart. Both have a lifelong history of short sleep from an early age yet still have tremendous success in their lives.

Certain professions

People in certain professions, such as military soldiers, first responders, or surgeons, also learn to function optimally on limited or interrupted sleep. They train themselves to sleep less over the years because it’s necessary for success in their career. Their lives are on the line without finely tuning the need for fewer hours of sleep.

This is especially true of units like the Navy Seals or the Army Green Berets who are on missions that affect their lives and the lives of others. They train professionally through the U.S. military, a highly effective organization with hundreds of years of experience implementing this practice. Look up Jocko Willick and David Goggins, two great examples of men who learned to function optimally on little sleep.

Precise, determined focus

The third type of people who can function well on less sleep is those who want to get more done. They aren’t mindlessly filling their time with more things, though; they stay up because of a precise, determined focus on one thing. There is one thing they want to accomplish that is worth losing sleep over. They have one big goal they’re focused on that enables them to maintain an obsessive level of self-belief, self-discipline, and intense drive despite losing sleep.

I’m not talking about the guys who use their limited number of sleep hours as a marketing tool. I know you have at least one or two people who come to mind that constantly try to prove what hard workers they are by bragging about their lack of sleep. These men are not included in this section; it’s not a badge of honor to sacrifice sleep. It’s only useful when you’re truly disciplined and focused in your areas of expertise, like Tony Robbins or Cameron Haynes, a practiced bow hunter and ultra-marathon runner.

Mental illness

People with some types of mental illness are another example of getting by on limited hours of sleep. I don’t want to dive too deeply into this area because it’s not directly related to our brother’s question, but it’s worth mentioning. So get porn addiction recovery program

People with bipolar disorder tend to have difficulties with sleeping brought about by their mental illness. During their manic or hypomanic episodes, they are often unusually productive while sleeping only three or four hours at a time. However, they struggle when their mood shifts to depressive episodes, and oftentimes they backtrack on the progress they made in their manic state.

Is sacrificing sleep worth it for you?

Still, getting limited sleep for long periods is detrimental to your health for most normal individuals. Research shows that poor sleep leads to lasting health effects that impact you long after you return to a normal sleep schedule. People who train themselves specifically for the practice may still experience some delayed health effects; only time will tell there.

The brother who asked the question mentioned he wants to do more things, including gardening, working out, spending time with his family, working on some writing projects, and a few other personal projects. He would fall into the third category, same as me, save for one crucial detail: he doesn’t have an unwavering focus on a single area. He’s trying to do too many things at once. Unless he chooses to eliminate all but one of those things, his lack of sleep will likely only be a detriment to his performance.

Men often operate on the illusion of balance. They believe that they’ll always be able to have a balanced life. I think that’s what drives my high performers to want to get by on limited sleep. But here’s the thing, brother: balance is an illusion. You’ll never achieve a perfectly-balanced life.

Instead, there are different seasons for different things. There is a season for building your life back up, such as improving your social skills and developing your physique. There is a season for dating or for strengthening your existing relationship. There is a season for building wealth, a season for advancing your career, and a season for launching your side hustle.

None of this happens without a system, though. You need a proven path to achieve your goals, or to even establish them in the first place. You’ve spent months, years, or decades aimlessly spinning around trying to latch onto whatever shiny object passes your way. And if you’re still doing that, you’re going to struggle when trying to cut back on your sleep.

If you’re a regular guy with a regular life, even if you’re one of my highest performers, I want you to think for a while and be rigorously honest with yourself before deciding to limit your rest. What are you doing it for and are there other ways to find more time in your day? If you can’t provide good answers for either question, it might not be time for you to sacrifice sleep just yet. Continue with your reboot process and reconsider the option later down the line instead.

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Don’t Kill Yourself Over a Relapse

Porn Addiction Counseling / By J.K Emezi

Don’t Kill Yourself Over a Relapse

Brothers, it hurts me to even have to say this but relapse to pornography is no reason to consider suicide.

I’m sharing this because I’ve spoken with brothers who considered it as a result of their sexual behavior during their reboot. Maybe you visited an escort while married or had sex with a man. Perhaps you’re struggling with your sexuality because you find yourself attracted to transgender individuals and aren’t sure where that places you.

I know these experiences are confusing and sometimes painful. It’s hard to understand the ways that porn addiction alters your sexual palate and makes you question your sexuality. Sometimes you may feel so lost and hopeless that suicide seems like the only way out. But I promise you that is far from the truth.

I found myself feeling the same way when I was at the lowest points of my porn addiction. I couldn’t see any way out and wasn’t sure how else to get the thoughts and behaviors to stop. However, knowing what I know now, I would rather be a porn addict for my entire life than commit suicide. Even if I hadn’t ended my behavior, choosing not to end my life gives me time to still find a solution.

Life is far too vast and too much of a magical gift to give up on because you can’t stop touching your dick. I’ve worked with CEOs of billion-dollar companies, megachurch pastors, politicians, athletes, trust fund babies, broke college students, and men in third-world countries. Porn addiction doesn’t care what your background is. No one is immune.

Many of these men have also considered suicide at some point. Porn addiction leaves men with health issues, financial issues, and broken relationships, but it’s the only coping mechanism that we have. This creates such an overwhelming sense of hopelessness that it may seem like ending your life is the one option left.

But you’re here on the Porn Addiction Recovery blog. You recognize that you might still have a chance. Even if everything is falling apart around you, you still have the time to read this blog post. That means you still have time to change your life and end your out-of-control behavior, thus ending your suicidal thoughts.

I don’t want to lose any brothers to the grips of porn addiction problems. I know what a difficult thing it is to live with. And I also know that it’s possible to escape. I am living proof, and so are the hundreds of other men in the Porn Reboot program building beautiful lives for themselves and their loved ones.

All you have to do is reach out for help. I don’t care how bad you think life is, it’s never bad enough that suicide is your only option. If your contemplations are serious enough, please reach out to an emergency service line first and seek out more intensive care.

If you’re not an immediate risk to yourself, consider talking with some brothers in the group. I guarantee you’ll find someone who understands exactly what you’re going through and who can offer help and hope. They serve as genuine proof that you can escape the chains of porn addiction, too.

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Overcoming Unwanted Fantasies

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Overcoming Unwanted Fantasies

This series is for men who are still struggling with their pornography addiction. It’s for men who haven’t made much progress and feel like they can’t stop the cycle. If you’re still slipping here and there, or if you’ve been stuck in a relapse, this series is for you.

Overcoming unwanted fantasies is a vital part of your reboot. You’re not going to make much progress in your reboot until you let go of these fetishes. I’m going to cover two techniques you can use to overcome your unwanted fantasies and move forward with your reboot.

What counts as an unwanted fantasy? When you’re done with your orgasm, an unwanted fantasy leaves you feeling:

Disgusted with yourself
Like you’re not a normal person
Self-loathing for having this fantasy
Like the fetish or fantasy is a deviant behavior

I want to stress that you’re not alone if you’re still stuck watching these unwanted fantasies. Men who struggle with pornography addiction usually find themselves watching different types of porn over time. What aroused you when you first started watching pornography likely isn’t as exciting as it was before.

Eventually, you might find yourself watching things you wouldn’t have even thought of at first. If your fetishes or fantasies leave you feeling uncomfortable after you’ve orgasmed, you’re at the point of unwanted fantasies. Most of us progress through various fetishes until we’re watching things we would have never imagined ourselves watching before.

So how can you overcome them? That’s what this series is about.

The first technique you can use to overcome unwanted fantasies is masturbation.

Yep. You read that right. You can use masturbation to destroy your unwanted fantasies.

Again, this technique isn’t for everyone. If you’re making progress in your reboot this post isn’t for you. It’s not an excuse to slip. You can’t use this as a cop-out to go deeper into your fantasy. This is for men still stuck at the beginning of their reboot. But how can you use masturbation to overcome your unwanted fantasies?

How to Use Masturbation to Overcome Unwanted Fantasies

First, you need to accept that this particular fantasy is unwanted. Sit down and spend some time thinking about the fantasy you want to let go of. For example, maybe you’re a straight man who watches gay pornography but you’re not actually gay. This is one of many different examples I could use.

Once again, this technique is only for men who are still struggling to stop their behaviors. It assumes you’re in the middle of a slip because you can only carry out the second step the next time you’re masturbating to your unwanted fantasy.

The second step happens in two parts.

First, once you’re masturbating to an unwanted type of pornography, switch your focus right before orgasm. Shift your focus to a fantasy that you’re okay with when you’re about to climax. This can be anything you find acceptable. For example, think about sex with your current partner or someone you’ve had sex with in the past and finish with this in mind.

At this moment you might normally feel disgusted with yourself. Since you’ve switched your focus, though, you should hopefully feel more comfortable. It might not be the best orgasm you could have had but it was better than finishing yourself off to the unwanted fantasy.

This next part is key. As soon as you’re limp I want you to immediately begin the unwanted fantasy again. This means if you were watching pornography with that unwanted fetish, I want you to go back to whatever you were looking at.

Now I want you to watch it again for about 10 minutes and don’t change it to anything else, regardless of how uncomfortable you feel. It doesn’t matter what your thoughts are or how awkward you might feel. I just want

you to watch it while you’re in the limp state.

Each time you find yourself slipping or relapsing to an unwanted fantasy I want you to do the same thing. Switch your focus from the unwanted fantasy to one you’re comfortable with right before you finish. Then go back and watch it over again after you’re limp.

After you try this for a while, you’re going to notice that your unwanted fantasies become less preferable. You’re going to lean more toward your desirable fantasy and away from the uncomfortable, unwanted one.

If you find this strategy isn’t helpful for you, though, there’s another approach you can try. There is a way out of the pornography cycle, brothers, I promise you that. You don’t have to feel controlled by your unwanted fantasies any longer. Stay here with the Porn Reboot group and you’ll uncover the parts of the system that work for you.

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Two Biggest Reboot Mistakes

Porn Addiction Recovery / By J.K Emezi

Two Biggest Reboot Mistakes

When you look back over the last year, do you feel like you aren’t where you thought you would be? Perhaps you set a few goals last year and imagined yourself in a far different place in your career, your relationship, or your reboot than you’re in right now. If this applies to you, maybe there’s some frustration or anger about your lack of progress. Maybe you’re wondering where you went wrong. Maybe you feel like even though you did the best you could, you’re still far off from where you should be. If you feel that way, I’m writing this for you today. I want to cover two common mistakes I see a lot of professional brothers make in their reboot.

You Mistake Your Ideals for Goals

An ideal is something that exists only in your imagination. It is something that is perfect or desirable but is not likely to become a reality. Let’s say that your dream life involves being in full control of your sexual behavior, having a powerful focus, and having freedom from experiencing shame, guilt, and uncertainty.

You want to have mind-blowing orgasms with your dream woman, a beautiful partner who brings you so much joy that you thank the heavens for blessing you with such a goddess. You plan to make $600 to $700,000 after taxes every year, have a seven- or eight-figure net worth, and contribute to causes that you believe in. Finally, you also want to have a fit, healthy body and become a master of your chosen field as you head into middle age.

Doesn’t that sound like the perfect life?

Sure it does, because it’s ideal. That life won’t be a reality for the majority of people. That’s the first biggest reboot mistake I see: mistaking your ideals for goals. There’s nothing wrong with setting some big goals for yourself but attaching to an ideal is where many men fall short.

Ideals are grandiose, imaginary scenarios. Goals are real-life milestones you establish in pursuit of those ideals. Unfortunately, I often work with men who think they’re chasing after their ideals but they don’t have a single goal in place. You must use your ideals to inform your goals, and as you achieve your goals you’ll find yourself closer to your ideals.

You Mistake Belief for Commitment

There’s nothing wrong with believing in your goals. In fact, you should be your biggest supporter in life. No one understands you quite as you do and no one can show up for you better than you can show up for yourself. Believing in yourself and your goals is a critical component of success.

Committing to your goals is the next step. Commitment means making a decision with an unwavering determination to execute the plans you set in place. You can’t follow through on your goals if you don’t commit to them. If you only make a half-hearted effort to meet your goals then you’ll never fully accomplish what you set out to achieve.

However, the second biggest reboot mistake I see is men who mistake belief for commitment. You can also believe in the alluring pull of lavish ideals, but you cannot commit to them. You can only commit to well-established goals. But even then you can believe in yourself and believe in your goals but that doesn’t mean you’ve committed to them, either.

Mistaking belief for commitment looks like a lot of exuberance and energy on the front end with little to no persistence or perseverance on the back end. It looks like setting some massive goals and feeling excited about them at first but losing steam once that excitement wears off.

There’s nothing wrong with believing in yourself but that belief only does something when you commit and execute. Too often I see men thrilled about their new pursuit of a porn-free life but when their reboot tasks become monotonous and the desperation wears off, they realize they were operating on belief rather than commitment.

Becoming Successful in Your Reboot

So, how do you avoid these mistakes and become successful in your reboot? First, you must define what your reboot looks like. Some guys are confused by this notion when I first bring it up. You might feel that way, too, and find yourself wondering, “Wait, J.K., isn’t that what I’m here for? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for me?”

No, brother. No one can define your ideals except for you. Maybe the ideal life outlined above doesn’t even sound appealing to you. Perhaps you have a different outcome than you hoped for. That’s why you’re the only person who can define your ideals. Don’t set your ideals based on anyone’s expectations or standards but your own. It’s not up to your parents, your partner, your friends, or the gurus you follow online to tell you what your ideals are. It’s up to you alone.

Once you define your ideals, then you can set specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals to achieve them. You can commit to your goals and begin pursuing your ideals.

Then you can share those goals with the group and receive support on your way to achieving your dream life. While each of our ideals and goals may differ slightly, the persistence and dedication required to achieve them are the same for all of us. Lean into the group because we can offer guidance based on our experience pursuing our specific goals and ideals.

Although some aspects of your reboot are highly individualized, that doesn’t mean you have to work on them alone. That’s what the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot group is for. We exist to surround one another and bring each other up on our individual journeys. You can easily avoid these two big reboot mistakes by getting in the middle of the group as you progress through your reboot.

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